My story regarding my mil is so long I don't even have the energy to type it all but I am wondering, How many people here get along with their mil? If you don't get along with your mil, how do you find a way to co-exist? I can't stand mine so much that I get sick in my stomach at the mention of her name but I need to find peace of mind.

By Colette on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 08:50 am:

I live next door to mine and get along pretty well.

What has she done that has upset you so much?

By Fionadeassis on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 09:13 am:

I have the best mother-in-law ever! She lives in Brazil so we have never met; and she yells at my husband on the phone to treat me like gold! When I was really sick with morning sickness, Guto phoned his mom and was complaining about how hard it was to deal with me-and she gave him absolute Hell! However,if we lived in the same city and saw a lot of eachother, I might not feel the same way!

Fiona

By Marg on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 09:27 am:

My mil passed away shortly after we were married. She was in a coma for a long time.

Dh said if she was still living we wouldn't be married (she had a bad temper and was a very (how do I put this nicely) bossy person.

However, I would go see her when she was in a coma in the hospital, I was always told people in comas can hear you, but they can not respond and some can not comprehend.

I took in our wedding invitation and told her I was marrying her son and I would take care of him. She passed away 3 months after we were married.

By Yjja123 on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 09:36 am:

My vote:
No
My mother in law can be CRUEL
She has never liked me. She even tried to talk my husband out of marrying me because I am not Catholic. Funny thing now her daughter is marrying a methodist (which I am) and it is OK.
We try to get along. I think I try harder than she does. I want my children to have grandparents so I bite my tongue A LOT!
We only see them about 6 times a year so that helps.

By Sunny on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 09:37 am:

My MIL and I have had our rough patches, but overall, we get along fine.

I'm curious, too, what has she done to upset you?

By Newbabysarah on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 09:49 am:

Let's just say that my mil doesn't care about my dd ( I don't know why) and that has caused big problems. Her house is disgusting so I don't like going over there and don't want to bring my dd there. She is phony and will never tell you what she thinks but she will wait until you are not around and then tell other people what she really thinks about you. She is completely self absorbed and very negative. You can't offer her help on anything because she'll give you a million reasons why it's not a good idea. I could go on but I get really mad about it. I don't know how to continue and have my dd have a relationship with someone who doesn't care about her. What should I do?

By Marcia on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 09:53 am:

I get along perfectly with mine, and Stephen gets along well with my mom. I guess we both lucked out.

By Melanie on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 09:59 am:

I have a wonderful MIL. Until a couple of weeks ago they lived just a few minutes away from us, and it was great.

By Dananivyboo1 on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 10:18 am:

MIL is easy to get along with, but I have a major problem with the fact that she does not call us to see how her grandson is doing. I dont know if its because my family is so highly close and we talk just about every day. Just the other day she called and was yelling at me on the phone and saying why havent you called and let me know when I can see my grandson or at least let me know how I'm doing. My dh was avoiding her calls for this reason (not calling) and I had taken this call. I'm not one to let anyone just yell at me for no reason. So I told her no disrespect, but she had no right to call my house and talk to me that way and for no reason since she hadnt even phoned us for an entired month (well last time we saw or heard was xmas eve).

So I can say we get along just to get by for family sake. She also gets upset that my son wont call her G'ma but he hardly ever sees her so what does she expect!!!

By Colette on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 10:25 am:

If I were you, I'd not bring my dd around her. If she wants to see her, she'll make the effort. How does your dh feel about this?

By Kittycat_26 on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 10:32 am:

Let's just say she is tolerable at best.

By Mommyathome on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 10:35 am:

Colette, I think Tracie actually lives with her, so it's kind of hard to keep a distance.

My vote in the poll is yes/no. For the first few years of our marriage I did NOT get along w/my MIL AT ALL. It was awful. Now, we get along better. I've just come to realize that we have some MAJOR differences in opinion and that if we are going to be civil, that I just have to let things slide. I just vent to my DH about it LOL
We can actually spend a day together now and everything goes smoothly. We've both just put those first few years behind us.

By Newbabysarah on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 10:55 am:

No I don't live with her. I live with my fil. There's no way in hell that i would live with her. My dh is upset about this mostly due to her lack of interest in dd. Last week I wrote her a letter telling her all of my feelings and now she refuses to talk with me, she doesn't want to see me and she only wants to see my dh. I told him that from now on, I am done trying to repair the relationship. I don't want my dd to ask me why grandma doesn't love her. I told my dh if that ever happens, there will be hell to pay.

By Mrse on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 11:03 am:

My mil and I get along really good now, but I did not really like the way she was when our kids were little . We almost felt like she did not want our dd around all the attention was put on dh other 2 brothers kids. After many many years we finally found out that the one brothers wife was really a nut case threating suicide and my mil feared for her grandchildren so that is why she was always looking after them. She has now explained that we had the most secure marriage, and our kids were stable, and the other 2 bil's family's were always on unstable ground. and my side of the family was really supportive, and my mil figured that we were ok, even though i resented her almost ignoring our dd's. Now I can understand just wish she would have said something years ago, as I was really upset with her and though she just did not love our kids. The only thing that I do not like about her is , is that she control's people with the carrot, if she has something she knows you need, she kind of bribes you to get you to do it her way. But other than that little flaw, I love her very much, and I have forgiven her for the years that have gone by.

Advice for Dananivyboo1
She is jealous, and is wanting you and your dh to come to her, maybe when she had her family they were not as close , and now you came into the picture, and she is seeing how close your family with dh, and especially the closeness you have with your side of the family. I think she is lashing out, because her feelings are hurt. Maybe your dh can take her out for lunch or supper and try to get her to open up, I would be postive she just feels upset and thinks that you guys, and your kids love your parents more. People can react differently, and she just happened to get you on the phone, I know not a good excuse. YOur dh should be able to have a heart to heart talk with her.The only way I would totally give up on her , is if she was being totally irrational. Make her feel special, I know you would rather throttle her, but to make piece, I am sure from the sounds of what you are saying that she is jealous.I know you were not looking for advice, but hope it helps anyway.

By Mrse on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 11:04 am:

My mil and I get along really good now, but I did not really like the way she was when our kids were little . We almost felt like she did not want our dd around all the attention was put on dh other 2 brothers kids. After many many years we finally found out that the one brothers wife was really a nut case threating suicide and my mil feared for her grandchildren so that is why she was always looking after them. She has now explained that we had the most secure marriage, and our kids were stable, and the other 2 bil's family's were always on unstable ground. and my side of the family was really supportive, and my mil figured that we were ok, even though i resented her almost ignoring our dd's. Now I can understand just wish she would have said something years ago, as I was really upset with her and though she just did not love our kids. The only thing that I do not like about her is , is that she control's people with the carrot, if she has something she knows you need, she kind of bribes you to get you to do it her way. But other than that little flaw, I love her very much, and I have forgiven her for the years that have gone by.

Advice for Dananivyboo1
She is jealous, and is wanting you and your dh to come to her, maybe when she had her family they were not as close , and now you came into the picture, and she is seeing how close your family with dh, and especially the closeness you have with your side of the family. I think she is lashing out, because her feelings are hurt. Maybe your dh can take her out for lunch or supper and try to get her to open up, I would be postive she just feels upset and thinks that you guys, and your kids love your parents more. People can react differently, and she just happened to get you on the phone, I know not a good excuse. YOur dh should be able to have a heart to heart talk with her.The only way I would totally give up on her , is if she was being totally irrational. Make her feel special, I know you would rather throttle her, but to make piece, I am sure from the sounds of what you are saying that she is jealous.I know you were not looking for advice, but hope it helps anyway.

By Carolk on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 11:51 am:

I have a great relationship with my mil.

A lot of the problems that Tracie has with her mil, I have with my mother. I know it's strange, but my mom is a big complainer and can be meddlesome a lot of the time. At least from my point of view. Naturally she doesn't think she is. I guess I find her to be very critical and feel like she's telling me that I don't know what's best for my kids. I also can't stand how she'll say "well, I just won't say anything anymore" but she does. It's like she says that just to get out off the hook so to speak and then she goes right back to her old ways.

By Mommyathome on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 11:55 am:

Tracie, sorry for the mix-up! I was confused (which isn't uncommon LOL). It sounds like things are not going well with your MIL at all. Since you can, I would just keep your distance. I would also let your DH tell your MIL that it is either all of you or none of you. That is what we had to do here. Finally MIL chose all of us. But, only after she discovered that it was all or nothing.
((((hugs)))))

By Karen~moderator on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 12:14 pm:

I truly love my MIL, as well as my FIL. We get along great, and the fact that she likes me a lot too helps. LOL

By Newbabysarah on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 12:18 pm:

Robin, you are right. I am going to tell my dh that tonight. She will only be making things worse for herself if she doesn't change. Otherwise, she won't be invited to the baptism and we won't ever visit her for any holidays. (I would personally be fine with that). Wish I could have another mil...

By Cat on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 12:22 pm:

My mil and fil are both great. They have their problems, just like everyone, but they've never been anything but kind and respectful to me. I even drove 5 1/2 hours (each way) to visit them for spring break (1 week) 4 years ago when dh was in Saudi. When I called them to ask if we could come they were thrilled. Dh's family jokes all the time that while dh and his sisters are "kin", myself and dh's sister's husbands are "family". We don't get to see them very often because we live in Colorado and they live in NC. They visited for a few days last summer, but we usually only see them about every 2-3 years. I'd love to see them more. Now my sils on the other hand, well, we won't go there.

By Jackie on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 12:32 pm:

My husbands mother died of cancer 4 months after we got married. I had only met her one time before this. I never really got to know her. My husband was very close with his mother. I think if she were still alive, we would get along good as he always spoke so highly of her.

By Fraggle on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 01:14 pm:

After reading some of your stories, my MIL is not too bad. No, we do not really get along great-probably more my fault than hers. I have a hard time letting things go. She lives over five hours away from us and she hates to drive here. We have to stay at a hotel when we visit her (which can get very expensive) because she converted the guest room into an office and the smoke smell in the house I could barely tolerate (she smokes outside but the house still reeks). So we don't visit there very often anymore which is fine with both me and DH. I do feel bad for my daughters though because she doesn't spend much time with them even when we have visits.

Tracie-My DH wrote a letter to his uncles about an issue he was having over his mother taking care of his grandmother-that whole side of the family stopped talking to Tom's mother and the rest of their family-so I can understand what you are going through now. Hopefully you and DH can work things out with his mother.

One thing I do feel very lucky about is my daughters have a very strong relationship with my mother. If you can, accentuate the good relationships in her life and try to stay away from conversations about your MIL around her.

Hope everything works out for you .

By Debbie on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 01:16 pm:

I get along great with my MIL and FIL. They do have a different relationship with my ds's then my parents, but I am okay with that. They are not real hands on with the boys. They love to hear about them and visit, but they don't do the things that my parents do with them. They definitely wouldn't keep them overnight like my parents do. But then again, I wouldn't leave them with them. My MIL raised dh and his 4 brothers and sisters pretty much by herself since FIL worked out of town when they were growing up. Then my SIL got pregnant in high school, so she helped raise my neice. She just doesn't get into doing the day to day stuff like bathing, feeding them etc. But I completely understand and just realize that they will have a different relationship with my dks. Now, like Cat, I could go on and on about dh's siblings. They all drive me nuts.

By Babysitbarb on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 01:54 pm:

Me and my MIL, Im not sure who hates each other more. My husband doesn't even talk to her anymore.He only goes to her house on christmas with my DD's and that's just to be with his siblings. There's just to much to tell to let everyone know what my MIL has done. She's a drunk, she lies,she is a trouble maker. You would think she would do everything in her power to make her childrens(6) lives happy but, she does everything she can to make them unhappy. Iv always said since she's not happy she doesn't want anyone else happy.She has tried to break up at least 5 out of the 6 kids marriages. She just made a big scene at my 2 year old neices birthday party last month. She got drunk and was talking about everybody to everybody else and making her comments out loud and bugging different ones until two of them had, had it and they litterly drug her out of there and took her home.The two that did this was the two who still put up with her crap. My DH use to ignore her but, when his Dad was on his death bed from suffering cancer for 14 years he got tired of how she treat his dad and cut his ties from her.She has absolutley nothing to do with our girls either. My girls don't even refer to her as Grandma. Im not going to say what they call her but, it rhymes with witch.

By Kay on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 02:11 pm:

My DH and I are extremely lucky to have found each other and each other's families. When my dad passed away a few years ago, my in-laws hosted the after-service meal at their own home. They invited all of my extended family and friends to be there.

I just finished co-hosting a 50th anniversary party weekend for them with another SIL. I'm exhausted, but the weekend festivities meant so much to them (and to my DH). I guess it was my way of saying 'thank you for everything' to them.

By Tonya on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 02:24 pm:

I will never know Rich's mom she passed away 4 months beofre we started dating back in 95. I have been told by many that we would have gotten along great because of my personality and hers but I will never know. I wish I could have met her it might have helped me to understand her son a little more.

By Bellajoe on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 03:01 pm:

Colette, I thought i was the only crazy person that lived next door to their mil!

My mil is great! Like i said, she lives right next door. We get along fine, we don't have a very close relationship...because she has a very thick italian accent and it is hard to understand her. But we do get along well. She loves our kids to death and would do anything for her family. Same with my fil!

By Trisa on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 03:38 pm:

I get along with mine.
But have had a few times I thought she needed
to but out. Just small things like when my son was 3 he was not potty trained yet and she
told me it was my fault and I needed to spank him for it. Just little stupid stuff, but all in all I love her very much we get along. We live 5 hours from her.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 08:04 pm:

I never met my MIL, since she passed away a year before I met DH, from complications of breast cancer. I got along fine with my FIL. He never rattled any cages. He passed away this past August.

SIL's are great. I get along nicely with both of them. One is DH's sister and one is DH's brother's wife.

By Mommyathome on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 08:07 pm:

I just seen on TV that Dr. Phil on Friday is all about MIL's and the problems they sometimes create. Looks like it will be really good, with some good advice as well. Just thought I'd mention it!

By Boxzgrl on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 08:09 pm:

How ya doing Tracie?? Still thinking about you.....

By Dananivyboo1 on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 09:15 pm:

Thanks MRSE, We actually confronted her some time around my sons 1st B-day. She has yet to give my son any gifts either, which I really dont care about if she would at least spend some quality time!!!

Newbabysarah, we could go together and go purchase another MIL..j/k. How can they just be like that even after seeing their precious small faces. I think focusing on my family now it best for us. We try to keep our problems to ourselves as well as keep others problems out. If people want to be ignorant so be it. We only want happiness and DO NOT need misery, jealousy or whatever their problems are in our lives.

By Cicco68 on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 09:19 pm:

I tolerate my mil, and sometimes it is a pretty difficult thing to do!! She is a mean person that you literally have to tip toe around when she is in one of her moods and that is more often than not. She and I clash over many things, I do so silently because no one verbally confronts the "godfather". Most of the time anything that I suggest or have an opinion of she will disagree. I don't fit in in her opinion. She has two children, my husband and his brother, we, dh and I have three children, two boys and a girl. For years she picked on my dd when we would go to visit, (we are former military) one year in particular was really bad, we had come home from germany for a visit and my dd aged 5 at the time wanted me to read bedtime stories to her, she told me that she was "too old" for bedtime stories and that I shouldn't "have" to read to her anymore. She would call my daughter Sara Bernhart, some old time actress that I guess was whiny and overly dramatic what she was claiming my five year old was like. My eldest son she ignored when he was an infant, but that's another story don't want to overwhelm anyone. My bil has indentical twin sons and they can do no wrong and are mil's favorites. My youngest a 7 yr old ds she likes and nowadays she likes my dd, but lets me know now that dd "fits in" with the twin grandsons and my 7 yr old. My eldest is 18 and doesn't have much to do with her. She would treat her best friend's granddaughters better than she would my kids. I could write a book about my mil.

By Pamt on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 09:58 pm:

Love my MIL! I lucked out in the in-law department and they are great grandparents too.

By Bobbie on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 10:11 pm:

Sounds like my own mother. I am one of those with the not so good mother in my life. If it isn't about her or what she wants then forget about it and that is the way she was my whole life. My kids have little to nothing to do with her and I prefer it that way. And I usually only have phone contact and she lives five minutes from me. She just drives me nuts and my kids can't hardly tollerate her. To be honest my children do not have any grandparents in there lives. Dad remarried a women with no children. She wants no children period... And he goes along. DH's dad remarried and her family comes first. They married and moved to be closer to her kids 5 hours away. And they have no regard for DH or our children. My MIL lives 9 hours away. I talk to her every two weeks and we "try" to make it down to see her atleast once a year. She is a really good woman and treats me with respect for my place in the family. I don't know how it would be if she was closer and I will never know. But I too think it is sad that my children are growing up with out grandparents in their lives but what is a person to honestly do? We can't make them anyone than who they are. My girls (the twins) have adoptive grandparents. A older couple with no children (DH has MS and his mother had MS before him and they didn't want to have a child to suffer through it too) have taken my girls in. They have the relationship with them that they should have with their grandparents. But it still makes me sad.. And I so pray my kids will marry people that I can welcome into my home and love inspite of their differences and short comings.

By Paulas on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 10:40 pm:

I do not get along with mine.

How do I cope? She lives on the other side of the country!

By Insaneusmcwife on Monday, February 2, 2004 - 11:27 pm:

I have 2 of them and at the moment, I am very angry with one of them. It has been over a month since we visited with them and ds left his gameboy and all his games there by accident and dd's shoes and she can't be bothered to stick them in a priority mail box and mail them. For goodness sake it would only cost $5.00 postage and I told her I would pay for it. Its not like they don't have the $$$$. They aren't rich but they are doing a lot better off then we are. Sorry to hear that you don't get along with your mil. Sometimes you just have to let them come to you. I would still send the invite, this way she can never throw it up in your face that she wasn't invited and she can't tell your dd that you are the reason she didn't go. I would make it her decision not to go. CYA.