My dh still doesn't understand..
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive January 2004:
My dh still doesn't understand..
The last couple of days I've been moody and irritable. I just miss talking to my mom.
He doesn't understand because of his family's background. I can't physically or mentally explain it to him because he never had that type of relationship with his parents or even an older adult.
Anyway, it seems like at times I can physically feel her hugging me. I feel it right now as I type. I also can tell you the last time she was physically hugging me while she was still able to stand. I really miss her.
Dh is my best friend, but mom was my female best friend. And I have to say there was a difference for me. Mom and I could talk about anything. It's just not the same with dh. Case in point, dh won't even go there to talk about periods or female problems and moodiness,lol!
It's just been one of those weeks when I miss her and I really miss my grandfather also. This time of year we would go ice skating on a lake close to his house and he would always come down and make sure the ice was thick enough. He would make me and my friend sit on the banks and he would go out 6-8' and start chipping away, I would often yell out "what if you fall in?" He would always say "better me than you cuz you can run faster (for help)."
Anyway, feeling blue and not having anyone physically to talk to, I received a surprise phone call from my nephew. He works full time, goes to college full time, and plays in a band. So I rarely get to speak to him or see him. He had the day off and he called. He is the only one who truly knows how much I miss mom, because he misses her just as much.
Anyway, that phone call was a God sent, he made me laugh and we both decided we need to move to a warmer climate.
Oh Marge, I know exactly how you feel! I lost my mom 16 years ago now and it hurts somedays just as much as the day it happened. I never realized even at that time how much I would still want and need her in my adult life.
I am going through some issues with a so called friend right now and wish so much that I could talk to her about it. Dh tries his best to listen to stuff like this, but it isn't the same as a mom!
So anyway, I have no idea what words to say to you to help because I could use them myself! Just please know that your not alone in how you feel because I have the same feelings.
((((Vicki))))
I have met so many women on this board that have lost their moms at a young age. Mom passed away when she was 62 and I had just turned 36. I never thought mom would pass away at such a young age.
I loved her very much and she taught me a lot in life.
Sometimes I just need to write it and that's why I posted.
Dh's mom had a bad temper, high blood pressure, etc. She had several strokes and went into a coma when dh was in the 7th grade. She passed away in '86. So what relationship he did have with his mom, disappeared because of being in a coma for over 7 years .
(((Marg))) I'd bet your mom whispered in your nephew's ear to give you a call. 
I know all about missing someone, especially a parent. I miss my mom everyday and will for the rest of my life.
My mom was only 40 when she died and I was 19. It was 4 months before I got married. I do have mostly good days, but there are times like now that I really miss her! It never goes away.
Marg...another motherless daughter here. I lost my mom when i was pg with my 3rd at age 26, she was 52. I so understand those days. My dad remarried and that helped, not quite the same, being that she never had children, but still an older female friend. However, she just passed away too She was 57. ugh! Hugs!
((((HUGS))))
I feel so sorry for all of you who have lost your mom's. I lost my dad when i was 14 and he was only 52. I miss him all the time. Sometimes i am as hurt and as sad as the day he passed.
My mom is 63 and I don't know what i would do without her. ((HUGS)) to you all.
((((Marg))))
You know I'm right there with you!
I was 21 when I lost my mom. Preggo w/DD #2. It will be 5 years on Valentines day. It still seems so fresh on my mind.
We are all here for you....feel free to vent anytime
(((Marg))) I can't say I know what you are going through, because Thank God I still have both of my parents. I am lucky I guess I am 40 and mom and dad are both 69. And can't imagine life without them. I am an only child and they are a VERY important part of my life.
Know that I feel for you and all the others who have lost their parents.
DH lost both his parents with in a year, and he is still having a tough time with it. Then when he lost his son last month, can't imagine.
Hang in there and know that we are all here for you!
Marg, your situation sounds similar to mine in many ways. My mother died unexpectedly at age sixty-three. She had appeared to be in excellent health. I was forty-three at the time of her death. My dad had been in poor health for many years, and I had thought that we would probably lose him first. He died about four years ago, nine years after my mother. For the first five years or so after Mom's death, a day never went by without my thinking about her. I could be driving to or from work, start thinking about her, and the tears would come like a flood. She was the dearest person I've ever known. I've never known someone to be so kind and totally unselfish. She exemplified the true meaning of love. Even now just typing this, the tears are starting to fall. My husband loved her too, and he was very caring and supportive of me for a while after her death. After what he considered to be a sufficient period of time, though, he expected me to "get on with my life" and not become emotional when I spoke of her. I just think men as a whole have a difficult time dealing with emotional issues and would rather not dwell on them. It wasn't just my husband either. Most of the rest of the family avoided any discussion of her too. The only exceptions were my younger son and my older nephew. They, like me, wanted to talk about her even if it meant the three of us all ended up crying. We would sit for long periods of time and discuss many of the wonderful experiences we had had with her over the years. Sometimes we laughed, and sometimes we cried. It made me feel good to know that she had had such a wonderful influence on the two of them. They are both exceptional young men, and I know that my mom contributed to that. I am a better person too for having had her as a mother. Oh, well, I didn't mean to get carried away; but it is a catharsis for me just to talk about her. Talk to us about your mom anytime you want to, Marge. We understand.
Every time I would read a post, it would bring tears to my eyes.
I'm so sorry, I know most of you have gone through the same thing.
I know we all have our moments.
It's been almost 2 years in May and sometimes, I don't even know how to explain it and maybe you ladies can tell me if you feel the same.
Sometimes, I feel as if she is such a big part of me, I hear her when I say certain things.
My mom's neighbors built a house and for a couple of weeks she wanted me to come visit. My mom was a second mom to this woman (this woman is 43). She is not a Christian (I will be blunt at this point) and she always held my mom in the utmost respect especially with her points of view. Mom would be patient with her but most all the time would set a mental time limit with this neighbor (this neighbor would have left my mom live with them).
Anyway, I'm one of those people that have to practice what I'm going to say or I'll back out or down. The 2 mile drive I kept saying to myself "I only can stay a little while because at 3 I have to pick up the children." Saying this, I sounded just like my mom.
It used to didn't happen often but now it is happening more and more. Maybe I just miss her a lot, I don't know.
Marg, I haven't lost my parents yet, but I feel for you. I don't know how I'm going to handle it when the day comes. My DH just lost his father a few weeks ago. He's insisted that his mother stay with us for most of that time, because now he's so worried about losing her too.
My mother has heart problems and my dad has some serious medical problems too. They're both 73, so I know it's just a matter of time, and I'm dreading it. For me, it's my dad that I am the closest to, talk to all the time and rely on for his wise advice, and honestly I get a lump in my throat just *thinking* about losing him.
So (((HUGS))) to you, Marg, and feel free to talk about your mom here as much as you need to. I'd love to see a pic of your mom and hear some stories about special moments you two shared.
I know how you feel. I lost my mom 3 months after I got married. She was only 53 years old. I lost my dad when my ds was a year. He was only 63. I was closer to my dad than I was my mom, particularly after my mom passed away. My dad and I talked on the phone EVERY night. We lived at opposite ends of the country. I so miss being able to call him and tell him about my day.
I miss being able to talk about parenting and being a mom with my mom. We never had the chance to do that.
|
Members
