Hi Ladies!! I need some opinions!

My DD will be 2 in March and I am starting to think about the party. We are having it at a local pizza place and the party will have an Elmo theme, with Elmo coming!!! Now... being an older first time mom, all my friends have kids in their teens! The only children around my daughter's age are my cousin's two (5 and 3) and one friend does have a 3 year old. My DD is in daycare 4 days a week and those children are her friends (she's been with them every day since she was 6 months old), so I would like to invite them! I really don't know any of the parents, though! I was going to bring the invitations to the daycare and have them given to the parents when they pick up their children! Is that alright or is it kind of cold?

The other thing is, since none of the parents really know each other, should I put inside the invitation that "gifts aren't necessary"! I would rather have the children at the party than their parents not bringing them just because they don't want to bring a gift!

OK... what do you guys think? Am I overthinking this?

TIA

By Mommmie on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 01:10 pm:

When my son was in daycare usually the entire class was invited. The moms got to know each other through the parties. There are some kids who don't go to any parties though for whatever reason. Even though we didn't always know each other there was never a No Gifts thing.

The parties really started when the kids turned 3. I don't know if that's true for your daycare or not.

To distribute the invites, the teacher taped them on the door frame so the parents could pick them up. If you mail them, sometimes the recipient has no idea who its from since it's a daycare kid and it's hard to know what all of their names are. We went to a party once where my then 4-year-old had no clue who it was from - who the birthday kid was, just based on his name. Even when he saw the kid at the party, he said he didn't know him! (He said it to the kid as well as to me! So embarrassing.) The next daycare day I asked the director if this kid was enrolled. She said yes in the 3 year old class. His mom just needed to ask more kids to the party to meet the party place's requirement of having at least 10 kids there! (She had to pay for at least 10.) 20+ showed up! The whole thing was weird and we started to not attend parties of just any daycare kid anymore after that.

The director of the daycare told me she hated the birthday parties bec the moms just sat around and complained about the daycare. I told her compliments were thrown around more than complaints, but when I heard complaints I told the director so she could fix it.

Also get ready for a lot of non-response. RSVPing is a rare thing.

By Texannie on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 01:12 pm:

What a nice way to get to meet the other moms! If your daycare doesn't have a policy against it AND you are inviting ALL the children in her class, then I don't see any problem with asking the teachers to hand them out. If not, ask for a mailing list and mail them. I wouldn't put the no gifts thing. I would plan on having extra drinks and snacks for the adults.

By Mommyathome on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 01:12 pm:

I would deliver the invites to the kids houses personally. That way you could take a minute to talk to the moms (not sure how well you know the moms?) and help them feel comfortable with bringing their kids to the party. That is what we did for my oldest DD's party last year. It was her first party where she got to invite friends from preschool and dance. We went to each house and hand delivered the invites and told them we hoped they could make it.
My girls bring home party invites in their backpacks about once a week. If I don't know the child and/or parent, we don't go. I just think it's impersonal to pass out invitations to the whole class. My DD said one time that she wasn't even friends with one of the little girls that was having the party.
I don't think the gift thing is a big deal. Most parents don't mind getting a gift. I don't think that "having to get a gift" would hold anyone away from the party that would come anyway.
Sounds like a fun party!!!

By Angellew on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 01:56 pm:

Thanks for the advice!!!

My DD is in a home daycare situation, with only 9 other children. So, thankfully, we won't have the "I don't know this person" thing happening!!! And, yes, I think this would be a great place for the parents to really meet (other than just passing each other during the drop-off and pick-up!!)

Thanks again!

By Mommmie on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 02:05 pm:

Wow, mommyathome, delivering the invites. Never heard of that! Course, maybe it's different where I live. Doing that here would be considered stalking, I'm afraid. I live in a big, big city and the daycare kids come from all over, close by and far away (for the commuting parents who want their kids close to their work instead of their home). It's a different world!

By Angellew on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 03:06 pm:

Laura, LOL!!!! I thought of that when I read "deliver the invitations"!!! Coming from a big city myself, it never occurred to me to ask for peoples addresses! I would never just go to a strangers house to deliver an invitation, nor would I, more than likely, talk to someone who showed up on my doorstep for the same purpose! (I got a mental picture of me, peering out of a crack in the door with all the locks and asking for the person's license to prove who they were!!!)

Don't get me wrong, I wish I lived in a place where that would be the norm!!! I'd love it. But, that's just not here!!!

By Melanie on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 03:20 pm:

LOL Laura and Angela! I read Robin's suggestion and thought that was a perfectly logical thing to do. It's funny how different things are between a small town and a large city!

By Mrse on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 05:34 pm:

I would go to the day care and when the parents show up to get their kids , give the invitations to the parents then. I would not say anything about not bringing presents, that is what a birthday party is all about, not sure why someone would want to show up without a birthday gift anyway. Make sure you ask them to call you, and confirm. We had three parties for my 3 daughters birthdays are super close together, and it turned out to be a bad year, as no one showed up for any of the parties, and we had so much food, and decorations everywhere it was so sad. I only had family parties after that. But in my case, they did confirm, but canceled or had lame excuses when we called to find out if they were coming. Now we just have bbq with family and maybe 1 or 2 really close friends, and that is it.

By Feona on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 05:44 pm:

It seems the rsvping is a thing of the past. Get ready to call all the moms as the party approaches to see who is coming.

By Bobbie on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 10:15 pm:

I think inviting the kids from the day care is a great idea. My suggestion would be personalize the invite. Put something in the invite about hoping the parents will attend so that you can get to know each other. And I would also invite the day care provider(s). They are a big part of your DD's life and they can break the ice while handing out the invites to the guest. So and so is having a B day party for her DD she would like to invite all off us to attend so you can get to meet each other and put names with faces etc... Blah blah. And if you don't want them to feel they have to give a gift or not come tell them that you are requesting no gifts just their company. I think it would be a great time for all of you to get to know each other and these kids truly are her friends so who better to invite. Hope it goes well.

By Angellew on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 - 09:20 am:

Thank you everyone!!! Your advice is truly valued!!!

By Conni on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 - 09:45 am:

My ds goes to a preschool program 2 days a week. He ALWAYS has birthday invites in his cubby when I pick him up. He does spend time with the children and so I try to take him to the parties if we can make it. I have gotten to know some of the other mom's this way. Its been fun to see how he intracts at the parties with his friends. I have found out that my very outgoing boy at home is VERY shy around his friends. LOL We have been to some pretty creative parties lately. LAst Saturday we attended a party on a train car! The birthday boy was the honorary conductor.

I say put the invites in their cubbies and put a date to RSVP by~ about 2-3 days before the party. I've noticed moms doing this lately.

By Conni on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 - 09:47 am:

BTW~ They put their Thank you notes in his cubby too instead of mailing. I think it is fine in this situation!!