Men and their lack of a "planning gene"

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive December 2007: Men and their lack of a "planning gene"

Sunday night, I noticed a small piece of paper that said "Tim", sitting next to Scott's wallet. I asked, "What's this? Can I throw it away?" He replied..."We're doing a secret elf thing at work and I need to get him a gift."
hhmmm...ok. ("I" meaning "we" meaning HEIDI.)
THIS WEEK...Monday night he says, "I didn't read the email close enough. I need to get him a gift each day this week and I didn't have one for today. So, I bought this whiskey on the way home and that should set him for the week for gifts." (Mind you, I asked him if there is a set budget for this and he said "no".) Great. The blind leading the blind.

He didn't get anything for him yesterday (Wed). Today, I'm on my way in to bring baked goodies for everyone that he manages and a few peers. Bags of cookies and cards so he can write them a note, etc. I also brought in cupcakes to give to the surrounding people who are in the same "cubical" area but not under his direct supervision.
What does my DH do??? He gives the cupcakes (all 12 of them) to Tim.

**WHERE IS THE MAN'S PLANNING GENE??**

I feel like asking his corporation to include me in all the corporate emails that require family participation. I was not notified of the Christmas party a few weeks ago, "pie" day where they were supposed to bring in a pie, or another family event in the fall...

**WHY DO I HAVE TO BE A MOTHER TO MY HUSBAND??**

ok i feel better...

By Tink on Thursday, December 20, 2007 - 06:44 pm:

I feel you. I found out today that my dh hasn't even bought my presents for Christmas, much less any for his side of the family that he told me to leave for him. In fact, I found out when he asked me to go out and pick up gift cards for 6 of them, all at different stores. You've got to be kidding me! *sigh* It drives me nuts!

By Vicki on Thursday, December 20, 2007 - 06:47 pm:

Well, not all men lack the planning gene. LOL Dh does have his own "man" issues, but he is pretty good about things like that. Knowing my dh, he wouldn't have participated in something like that unless he had to, but if he did sign up, he would have gotten all the gifts for all the days and likely did it himself. He is a good gift giver! LOL

Was he embarrassed that he didnt' have the gifts for each day? Did he get a gift everyday?

By Mrsheidi on Thursday, December 20, 2007 - 06:55 pm:

Tink, I would be livid about that too!!!

He's been receiving gifts every day and I don't think it's embarrassing for him, but rather "secondary" in his thinking. His job keeps him *very* busy, but at the same time, he takes the time to write for an online journalism site for fantasy football every Monday evening before he comes home.

I just emailed him and he replied, "It's all part of my MASTER PLAN!!! Tim gave them out to everyone in the area, so I killed 2 birds with one stone!"

Ahem...master plan??? He didn't even know I was bringing cupcakes until 9pm last night. (I threw those in at the last minute, in addition to the cookie bags that I did have planned.) Nor did he tell me he was going to give them to Tim until I asked him, in an email, if his constituents enjoyed the cookies and cupcakes.

I'd like to see what his "master plan" is for his final gift tomorrow???

By Happynerdmom on Thursday, December 20, 2007 - 07:11 pm:

LOL. My dh is like Vicki's...He wouldn't do it unless he had to, but if he did it, he would do it right. I sometimes think my dh has a bigger "planning gene" than mine!

By Vicki on Thursday, December 20, 2007 - 07:25 pm:

Michele, if I recall, our husbands have the same profession. Maybe that is why they are such planners? LOL Dh will plan things to death! I leave him in charge of all the planning for vacations etc. He will also research the crap out of everything. Drives me nuts!

By Reds9298 on Thursday, December 20, 2007 - 09:04 pm:

True, not all men lack the 'planning gene', but I think many do! My DH definitely has it - sounds a lot like Vicki's, wouldn't have participated unless he absolutely had to, but if he did, would have been completely on top of it. He's also a great gift giver because everything is so well planned. It's nice because he'll remember what I forget.

By Imamommyx4 on Thursday, December 20, 2007 - 10:20 pm:

I think stuff like that is like hearing to my dh. It's selective. If it interests him, he'll plan it to death or listen to every word, etc. If it is forced on him or he's not interested, it'll be fly by his pants.

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, December 20, 2007 - 11:56 pm:

This year, there is already a wrapped gift for me, under the tree. Some years he has gone shopping on Christmas Eve! LOL! The year we moved into our house, though, we had a friend who could paint pictures onto ornaments and she would get really busy with requests. That year, he gave her a picture of our house, as soon as became officially ours, around June-ish. That year I got a painted ornament for Christmas. I knew he had planned ahead, because he would have HAD to. That ornament is priceless, too, since a few years ago, the artist died of colon cancer, so I can never get another one exactly like it! Thankfully he bought a nice case for it to live in, so it can't get jostled in normal life. If we ever move, that one is getting LOTS of tissue paper! It has remained unharmed since 1996!

By Tsa on Friday, December 21, 2007 - 12:49 am:

I know my husband. There's no way he would remember to the secret santa thing--it's not important to him. However, he is an excellent planner and VERY organized. He also knows that if he did do a secret santa that I would have bought everything and sent it with him on Monday with detailed instructions.

By Karen~admin on Friday, December 21, 2007 - 12:21 pm:

My DH's office is having a pizza party today (yes, *that* is their Christmas lunch/party/whatever.....) and they were all supposed to bring a gift - they do that gift swapping thing where you can steal the gift from someone.... Anyway, he found out about this when we got back from vacation - not that it's a big surprise, they do it every year! He *could* have gotten something last weekend when we were out. I even reminded him. He didn't.

I asked him Wednesday if he'd done anything about it. No. So last night I noticed a bag with some candy looking stuff in it, in his car when I was moving the cars around. I figured this was his sneaky *car* snacks, since he's FINALLY stopped smoking. This morning on the way in, I called to ask him if he'd forgotten to get a gift for his party. He told me, *No, I picked up some candy at the Hallmark store*.

?!?

If all he was going to get was candy, why the heck did he spend money at the HALLMARK store for it?!?

No planning............whatsoever............and he does this EVERY year.........and *I* do not intend to do this FOR him...........

By Yjja123 on Friday, December 21, 2007 - 12:28 pm:

My hubby would tell me about a party/gift obligations BUT it would be me that did the planning/buying.
I buy all the gifts.
I make over 50 gifts for his coworkers/employees. This year I made candles, fused glass ornaments and wrapped Hershey bars with personal labels.
I like doing it so there is no problem there.
He is a great planner in other aspects. It is just "gifts" that he is not good at.

By Mrsheidi on Friday, December 21, 2007 - 04:50 pm:

Yvonne...you are so good at that stuff!!! And, Dawn, that is so precious.
Karen, I put my foot down every so often but it gets annoying because with family stuff, I'd like to join if he'd *just tell me*!!!

I honestly don't know why he signed up for it. He's a nice, great guy but can't plan for stuff like that. It amazes me that he is in charge of billion dollar contracts at work...boggles me...!!!

By Karen~admin on Friday, December 21, 2007 - 07:04 pm:

Heidi, my response to my DH, whenever he mentions these things is *Then you better get shopping.* LOL

He HAS, on occasion, pulled the *we're having a ______(fill in blank) at the office, and I'm supposed to make/bring (some type of food).* Which, as we all know, translates into *I need you to make such and such for me to bring*. UGH! I've told him that I need more than 3 day's notice for that, or he's going empty handed. :-)

By Imamommyx4 on Friday, December 21, 2007 - 09:05 pm:

Dh usually just forwards work e-mails about parties and such straight on to me.

By Mrsheidi on Friday, December 21, 2007 - 10:02 pm:

Karen, I can *totally* relate! Ugh.

Imamommyx4, I wish he would even READ those emails he gets from his corporate office. Drives me nuts. I know he's busy, but if he could just forward them, I could read them. I just think he doesn't care of the whole corporate thing, you know?

Oh, by the way, I asked him what he did today for his final gift and he replied, "I planned on getting him a big bottle of beer at a local store but I didn't have time. But, the guy said he didn't mind."

Yeah, next year, I'm stocking up.

By Paulas on Friday, December 21, 2007 - 10:20 pm:

I understand your pain! My dh did the packing for our move since I had already left. I'm finding bathroom stuff with kitchen stuff...if I can find it at all. I'm missing a tub of Christmas stuff and a violin!

By Luvn29 on Saturday, December 22, 2007 - 08:37 am:

I think when I found out about it, I would have gotten the gifts and made sure dh followed through simply because of the unfairness to the recipient. More than likely that guy gave a gift every day and gave a nice gift for the last day. Kind of disappointing when you sign up for something and don't get anything in return.

My husband isn't a great planner, but I accomodate for that since he is an excellent house cleaner and laundry doer! LOL!

Oh man, Paula. I certainly feel your pain with him packing. I was very sick when we moved several years ago, so I couldn't do any of the packing. There was no organization. NONE. He just went through and shoved everything in boxes, papers and all! But he was doing it alone, and we were in a rush, so I couldn't complain!

This year when we move, things will be done very differently!

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, December 22, 2007 - 10:55 am:

Okay, maybe I'm glad DH doesn't do a gift exchange at work! LOL!

This year, some of the lunchladies I work with, handed out little trinkets. I didn't reciprocate, because I didn't have time. I would have had to buy about 9 little things. I just didn't want to spend the money. If people want to do gifts, I would almost rather pick names and we all buy one thing for each other, than have to buy 9 cheapie little things. One gall just handed out a sweet story that she'd printed out. That was nice, too.

Giving candy or cookies would be easy, but one gal is diabetic, so I really didn't want to go that way.

Although, one thing I could do, is pick up some little trinkets, after Christmas and save them for next year.