Have I lost my best friend ??
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Have I lost my best friend ??
My best friend is a guy. We tried to date and he was crazy about me. Somehow things were not meant to go any further and the date your best friend thing wasn't really working out for me.We 've remained best friends going on 15 years now. I've been married 13 years and DH has known the truth all along. I mean my friend is like family after all these years and even our extended families know the whole history behind this friendship.
This was weird. From the time my friend found out I was trying to get pregnant he stopped visiting our house except on major holidays maybe. Then he would fight with me every other month when I was pregnant and I swear I saw resentment in his eyes or maybe it was envy when he came to visit me in the hospital after my emergency C-section.He was no help at all after I got home, not even with minor errands.
He later confessed he had been so depressed that he had blurted out intimate details of our long forgotten relationship to the wife of his good friend at work !! I mean DETAILS. How crazy he was about me, what we did together , how sexy I was and how sexy I dressed etc.I was appalled but when he begged forgiveness I forgave him.
Later when I met this woman at a get together , she was totally way out of line in her attitude towars me. I mean the conversation was disgustingly filled with innuendo about my best friend and me. She made it sound like we'd had an extramarital affair and I had left the poor sucker high and dry after he was way head over heels or something and DH was livid!! I mean there were comments about married women dressing too sexy etc etc !She even appeared to be questioning the paternity of my DS at one point "the father of the baby , er-- your husband??!!er , er --- " !!!LOL!LOL!
My best friend was in Seattle and was unable to make this party. I told him the whole thing and he asked me to forget about it and he wouldn't be talking about me to this woman anymore . He spoke to this woman and she insists I misunderstood !!!! Please ! DH was right there and were both very upset.
My best friend is single . He works with this woman's husband and this woman cooks for him whenever my friend wants.
This has been a very bad experience for me. I keep worrying that my personal family problems/details/issues might end up with this woman again. My best friend is privy to a lot of stuff going on within the family including my extended family just like I'm privy to his stuff.
I just don't want to be verbally attacked again. In fact If I don't see this woman ever again I would be very happy.
My best friend refuses to give up his friendship with this woman even after I explained my uneasiness. I have a DS who is getting older and wiser. I don't want him to catch any nasty comments about his mom at a party or something. I told my best friend to stay away from this woman or stay away from my family.He told me I'm being silly and so far we haven't spoken going on 2 months. I'm devastated !! I never ever thought my friend would let me down.
Have I lost my best friend?
Sounds like your "best friend" has a lot of women "best friends." Not judging, just think about it.
I had a best friend in high school that was a guy, even while I was dating dh. Dh liked the guy and didn't mind. But one of my girlfriends did, she wanted this guy, so she lied to him about me. She lied to people about our relationship.
I gave up and decided it was best if I didn't have a guy best friend, dh is my best friend.
Please be careful, I'm not sure if I believe in male/female best friends due to situations just like this. I know I don't know the whole situation, but it's easier for me to stay out of it then to put up with it. Anything that makes you feel bad, you should really exam to see if it is worth the work.
I'm not getting good vibes about this guy. A "best friend" would NOT share such intimate details with other people. He obviously has much more than friendly feelings for you. He has broken the trust of friendship and I personally wouldn't be able to trust him again. Bad news! Is his friendship, if that's what you call it, worth jeapordizing your marriage and relationships with family and friends?
I agree, a friend would not share intimate details. He sounds two-faced to me. As much as it would hurt you to realize he is really not the person you thought he was, it sounds like that's the case here. I think it's probably a good idea to cool this friendship off. And if I were you, I'd inform my family they are not to discuss you, your DH or your family with him. It's really hard to be *best friends* with a member of the opposite sex. I had a male *best friend*. I knew him as long as I knew my X. After my X and I split up, I made the mistake of getting romantically involved with the guy. It was a long, ugly story in the end, and all I'm going to say now is the friendship was gone after that. As painful as it will be, I think you have to accept that he is no longer your best friend, and try to move on from there.
I agree with everyone else. He broke your confidence and by doing this could have effected your marriage and your family. Sounds like he has stronger feelings then just friendship. It also sounds like he is jealous of your family and what you have.
Before I met dh, I too was best friends with a guy. Unfortunately, we let things go further and it ended in disaster. We didn't speak for a year and then mended things. He gets along great with dh and even attended our wedding. However, we are far from best friends anymore. In fact, we have only spoken a few times in the last couple of years. I think it is so hard to have male/female friendships once you get married and have a family. It is a shame, but just the way it is.
I am so sorry you are hurting so much. However, it looks like you may need to re-evaluate your friendship with this person.
i agree with what has already been said.i think there is a time in our life when it is ok to have a best friend in the opposite sex,but i think once we marry ,our spouse should by all means take that position in our life and be our best friend.i couldn't handle it if i thought another woman was my husbands best friend,and not me.i don't care HOW long they had known each other.i think you have reached a mile stone in your life,and it's time to let this relationship go,and move on .and this is usually painful,but well worth it in the end.GOOD LUCK.
Ditto everyone. Doesn't sound like a *best friend* to me either.
I owuldn't want to be around someone like that. Maybe he's just decided that you two are going in two different directions in life and that the friendship just can't hold up.
I'm sure you feel bad, but eventually you'll be able to move on. (((hugs)))
Sounds to me like he is definitely jealous of your relationship with your dh, jealous that you had kids with your dh. He needs to get on with his life and find a woman who is not married. I think it's time to let go of this *best friend* relationship. ((HUGS))
Hi, Jodie, well I am in the boat with the other post here. I think that you are obsessing a little bit about your "best friend" Let him go, and consentrate on your dh, Your dh must feel like he is taking a back seat to your "best friend" At one time it may have been a healthy relationship you had with your friend, but he crossed the line, and disrepected you, and your dh, by talking the way he did. He is not over you, and thier may be a part of you that likes that extra attention. One day you may lose your dh if you let this continue.
I agree with the other posters. This guy sounds like real trouble (more than he already caused) waiting to happen. He sounds more than a bit obsessed about you - it's been 15 years, and a reasonable, stable, adult person would have gotten over it by now and would never be so emotionally involved as to feel the things he is still feeling and say the things he said to this other woman. (This kind of obsession can lead to stalking and other potentially dangerous things - do be careful.)
And, I wonder why this other woman felt it necessary to tell you - in front of your dh - about the guy's comments to her, especially in such detail. Seems to me she had motives other than simply alerting you to a potential problem, or she would have found a way to tell you privately. I think you are right to be concerned about what she may be saying about you in other settings and the potential for harm to your family relationships. (If you want to take protective measures, tell a few other "best friends" about what happened and how upset you are by this violation of trust and of what you thought was a harmless, platonic, "best friend" relationship.)
This guy really does sound like trouble to me - if it were me I'd drop him immediately (which you have apparently done). If you feel you must explain to him, given the 15 year relationship, you can repeat what you already told him - that his violation of your trust and what you believed was a friendly relationship has caused pain to you and your dh and you do not want to risk such events in the future. And, it is definitely a risk to your relationship with your dh - I would bet your dh would be very relieved if you ended the "friendship" and told your dh you are doing so.
I think sometimes men and women can be friends and can even be "best friends", but I'm not sure it can happen if there is a love/sexual relationship history. And certainly not if one of the people involved is unwilling/unable to accept that the other person has moved on - which is what seems to be what has happened here.
You guys, a sincere thankyou from the bottom of my heart !! You all took the time to read my lengthy post and I truly appreciate that. All of you are right . I know I'm doing the right thing for my family. It's just that it's so hard to give up such an old and dear friend . I mean we've been there for each other all these years and it's terrible this had to happen. But DH and DS come first.
And Ginny you're right about telling a few other close friends about this and I already have . MOst of my close friends already know the real deal.
Violation of trust is a serious issue and I will not back down on this. I feel strenghtened by the fact all of you basically feel the same. Thanks ever so much.
I know it is painful to lose a relationship of such long standing and so close. And it really hurts to have someone you thought you knew so well turn out to be someone you can't trust.
I think people change and it might be that he is just not the person he was all those years ago. Big hugs to ya, Jodie it is hard loosing a friend but I agree it might be for the best.
Not more I can add that hasn't already been said. I read your post on the original day, but just wasn't myself that day. I never replied.
I have lost the friendship of 3 friends unexpectedly, and all three times it really took a toll. 2 were girl friends and one, like you, was a friend that I had had for YEARS (he and I met in college)! It was quite a blow. But once I let go, it was much easier for me. Truthfully, I still think about our friendship and wonder "does he recall the good times, as I do?" It really was a happy time in my life. When you remanin good friends with someone, of course they remember the good times. But when the friendship ends, it is not as clear.
I still mourn over the loss of one of the girlfriends I lost. DH was there when it all came down. It is a true saddness to loose a friend. To loose a boyfriend (dating type) is temporary, but a FRIEND is something you always miss.
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