Dd (6) is having a hard time this week going back to school. Extremely homesick. She asked me if we would be in heaven at the same time....OUCH...there goes my heart. Thankfully she has a very understanding teacher.

By Marg on Wednesday, January 7, 2004 - 08:45 pm:

I know how you feel!

I love when my daughters are off school, it gets lonely in the house.

I love Christmas vacation, but when they go back to school they have that look Brings tears to my eyes....

By Colette on Wednesday, January 7, 2004 - 09:56 pm:

argh...still having trouble sleeping. She is obsessed w/death. Just asked me if we could be buried in the same grave.

By Kay on Wednesday, January 7, 2004 - 10:15 pm:

What precipitated this obsession of death in your dd? I know that all kids go through various fixations in different phases of their lives, but I hadn't gone through this particular one with mine.

By Bobbie on Wednesday, January 7, 2004 - 10:25 pm:

Did she watch a tv program/movie or did she have someone pass recently? Something has her worked up that is for sure. I haven't been through this personally but I have a friend that has. Her SIL was killed last November in a car accident and her son 6 at the time took it very hard. He started sleeping in their bed again and having nightmares about death. He would be up under her feet and would throw fits if she tried to leave him (school, sitter, anywhere). Only thing she could do was reassure him and be patient. He adventually slacked up and he is back to normal now. She never thought it would end though. Big hugs to you both. My first thought would be to try to figure out why she is fixating on this subject and try to calm her fears.

By Colette on Thursday, January 8, 2004 - 07:12 am:

I remembered last night that when dh and I went away for a long weekend last year, she had a really hard time being seperated from me. Also, I have been working 4 days a week at school since November - covering for someone on Maternity leave- so she was used to seeing me around the building. The teacher is back from leave so I am back to just 2 days a week and not in the bldg. as much. I am sure she'll be fine after a few days but it still makes me feel so sad to know that she is missing me.

By Colette on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 10:29 am:

I think I am going to have to talk to the ped or the school psych about this. Last night, she asked me who was going to rub her back when I die. She said she doesnt ever want to be without me. It's driving me crazy and breaking my heart because I cannot pinpoint what started this and I don't know what more I can do to reassure her.

By Trina~moderator on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 11:25 am:

Colette, we're dealing with similiar issues with my 7 yr. old DS. He has been having difficulty sleeping. Claims, "I can't sleep because I have too much on my mind." We couldn't get him to tell us anything more specific than that. Very frustrating. After talking with his teacher last week I had a light bulb moment as to what's going on. Earlier this month we had an ice storm and DH had a hairy, 3.5 hr. ride home from work one evening. Apparently DS has brought up this topic at school several times and written about it in his journal. My best friend is going through a bitter divorce. DS is also aware of Amy & Mike's fire. That would explain his recent questions about divorce, how much DH and I love each other, and his awareness of fire safety. His little mind is buzzing with all this information and worrying about losing his parents, etc.. Since chatting about all these things he seems more at ease and has been sleeping better. Still not out of the woods yet.

This article has been helpful to us.

Easing your grade-schooler's fears

By Colette on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 11:30 am:

Thanks Trina! It's so hard to hear her say the things she's been saying.

By Texannie on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 11:52 am:

My dd became obsessed with death at that age too, but she eventually grew out of it.

By Colette on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 12:29 pm:

Was she obsessed with her own death or yours? How did you handle it?

By Texannie on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 12:47 pm:

She seemed obsessed with everyone's death! All she ever talked about was who was dead, when would someone die. Her conversations were always about death. Even in the most random sort of way. We are baseball season ticket holders. That year they were honoring Jackie Robinson. She fixated on how he was dead. We would just say "yes, he is" when she would talk about him. When she asked about our deaths or others, we would say something along the lines of "everyone must die, but we don't plan to for a long time". It did just eventually stop. My mother died very unexpectedly a year ago, and she did ask all the questions, but it didn't bring back the fixation, it was more grief.

By Kaye on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 01:11 pm:

Colette, by default this year I have become sort of an expert in death. We have had three close family deaths in the past 3 months. On top of that one of teh deaths was my dad's second wife (my step mom), who he had only been married to 5 years, which occured after my own mother died of cancer just before. My kids are 10, 8 and 6. Boy have we had questions, concerns, fears etc! My only advice is to talk about it. We are Christian and I think that helps. We are very honest and open. I tell them I am not scared that I might die, but I do know the reality is that no one knows when God plans to call us home. But what we must do until that time is live on this earth to the fullest. There are also several books, some very simple, some more complex. I was really okay to talk about death, because simply I don't believe this is the end, just the beginning of a new and greater experience. What I was not prepared for were the details of the death process, like what is the coffin made of, why do we use a vault etec. I knew those answers but really didn't want to be graphic. From my experince last time ( my daughter was four) this phase lasted about 3-6 months. As long as I reassured her she eventually quit asking. The harsh reality is we don't know, and really don't want know (at least I don't).

By Luvn29 on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 05:55 pm:

Oh my! I am going through this exact same thing with my seven year old DD. Only, I have tons of medical problems and that is what started all of this with her. None of them are life threatening, but they do require me to go out of town every couple of months to my dr. and for tests and treatments.

She has asked me the very same question about being buried in the same grave. It just kills you, doesn't it.

She has a very difficult time at school, especially if they have a long weekend or a holiday. She doesn't care a bit to go up to her grandparents house who live next to us, and stay all night, but she gets very upset about going back to school on Mondays.

She visits the school nurse almost everyday with a stomach ache or something and uses her as almost a counselor, which the nurse has allowed her to do. I'm just glad she has someone at the school that she is comfortable speaking with.

My heart goes out to you as I know exactly how you are feeling. All I know is just answer the questions as best you can without going "over the line" and keep reassuring her. I don't think they are ready to hear "no one knows when they will die." at that age. I feel that they just need to be reassured that mommy will be there for them.

I hope everything works out for you and your daughter.