HELP!! My 3 YO driving me nuts!!
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive January 2004:
HELP!! My 3 YO driving me nuts!!
My DD, who is 3.5 is really pushing my buttons. I also have a 7 you DD and a 5mth DS. So the 3yo really likes to push it, She will be rough around the baby, I mean around, but if she fell or tripped she would hurt DS. i.e. she walks on my bed while baby and I are on it, I tell her to crawl and she doesn't. When it is time for bed, she goes then gets up 52 million times for DH. I tell him NOT to go in and he does anyway. DD knows she can get her way eventually and keeps it up and up an up. I can handle it for about 20-30 minutes, but really that is getting aggravating.
I have tried time outs and she keeps yelling, "can I get out?". I say no no no no no, then she ends up there for 1/2 hr, which is far to long.
I have swatted her hinny, ONCE. That did not work for me or her....
I have taken toys away that does not work.
The only thing that seems to work is to withhold food from her, her joy in life.. I would rather do anything than make a child go hungry. I have lived that and it hurts..
She needs to take more consideration for others and I know she still is adjusting to DS as well. She needs to listen and she won't. I work hard all day to "train" her and DH comes home and spoiles it, cuz he was not around all day and thinks I am being mean.......AAUUGGGHHH until he looses it putting her to bed with the 52 times DADDY DADDY DADDY......
Thank goodness she is at preschool now I can have some quite time...
With Timmy at that age I would tell him during the time out that the time does not start until he is quiet and he must be quiet for 10 minutes straight or it starts all over again. We did sometimes hit 30 minutes but he learned and was quiet for the 10 minutes and could go back to playing.
Take toys away and don't give them back. Buy a container to put htem in and keep them for a few days and the more out of contro lshe is the more you take and don't give them back when she has nothing in her room but a be dshe will get the point. On good behavior moments give something back.
Have you also tried sitting your DH down and really explaining to him how he is making things harder for you when he does what he does?
Can you include her more into what you do for the baby?
Also with the bed thing don't let her on your bed and that will solve the problem. When she walks on it make her lay on hte floor with a pillow and blanket tell her when she can listen she can again lay with you on the bed but until then she has to stay on her pallet on the floor.
Erin, we should trade children for a while lol!
We have a dd 11, dd8 and dd3 (she's the handful)! Somedays it is all I can do to make it through the day.
I've done the same, time outs, no snacks, no playing with toys, cats or dogs. Smacking would never work so what is the use. I have now started to tell her to go to her room until I tell her to come out. It has started to work. It gives us both a break, and she comes out with a better attitude. She is starting to understand mommy does get really angry.
However, she is not babied in any manner. I should note, this is the most helpful child at that age and the child that is quickest to pick up any concept (at that age). She loves to do house work with me, isn't that a kick! She loves to do laundry, dust, do dishes, mop. I just let her help, I used to be very frustrated but she loves doing it so I threw all the rules of kid's not doing it right out the window, because she has the best attitude about any household chores. It just takes a little longer.
Isn't three a blast??? My ds who is also three decided to power struggle at lunch today. He wanted grilled cheese. My answer - Ok. He wanted it cut into four little squares. My answer - Ok. When I set his plate in front of him he didn't like it because two of the squares weren't perfectly square due to the curve of the crust and he demanded a new sandwich cut to his specifications. My answer - Nope. Well, that's when the major meltdown began. He decided that he was going to be in charge and he set out to prove it. So I made him get down from the table and go to his room and shut the door until he was ready to stop screaming and eat. Twenty minutes later he was sitting quietly at the table eating his cold, not so perfectly square grilled cheese. My ds is very hard headed so I have to be even more hard headed to deal with him and it takes lots of patience sometimes. I have found that standing him in the corner for five minutes works pretty well (time doesn't start until he stands there quietly and he did spend a few 30 min+ episodes before he caught on to that rule) or I send him to his room and shut the door. There is no time limit when I send him to his room. He is simply not allowed back out until he can behave properly and/or I say so. I usually send him to his room when he is just out of control and needs some time to change his attitude. The corner is usually for blatant disobedience, being rude, or not listening.
Hang in there. A lot of times three can be a really great age. They say and do the cutest things and just watching them sleep puts a smile on your face because they look so sweet and innocent. Other times, well, you are experiencing that now. She probably does feel a little jealous of the time you spend with the baby so if it is possible, try to spend some time with her each day without the baby. Maybe bath and bed time can be just you and her and let dh take care of the baby at that time. Good luck to you. It will get better!
My DD is almost 3. Boy, they are strong willed, no doubt!
I agree with Stacy about sending her to her room. Be really calm and try not to yell. Just say "Looks like a little bedroom time" and pick her up or walk her by the hand and bring her to her room. The key is to do it right away. Don't give warnings and keep asking her over and over again. I tell my DD "As soon as you can be sweet, you can come out." If you keep doing this over and over again, she'll know you mean business. Now I even start to say something to my DD and she says "I'll be sweet! I'll be sweet!" and she generally stops. It depends on how well I have been doing at enforcing all the bedroom time. LOL!
Sometimes I will take my DD's tv away. She has a small one in her room that we use for the car. She doesn't always watch it, but she never wants to part with it. I just say "Aggh man! What a bummer! Looks like the tv has to go until you can be sweet!" Then, I take it away until she earns it back, by doing chores and being well behaved.
The best advice I can give you, is just follow through, follow through! My DD is smart. As soon as I get lazy about following though, she knows it and acts on it! Also, when DD is in her room. I don't talk through the door to her. When she is calm, she can come out and we greet her with an "Hi there! It's so nice to see you so sweet! I love you." and we don't mention the behavior. We let our actions speak for us.
Blah, blah, blah! LOL! Sorry, I hope I helped some. Keep at it though! I hope it gets better soon!
okay she is in her room supposed to be taking a nap or I will take her Leap Pad away-her favorite toy.
We had a long talk after preschool and I laid down the LAW. She knows what I am talking about now and promises to be good. LOL, cute but LOL...
I told her if she can not crawl on the bed with DS there then she will be on the floor. She was crawling the 42 times she came up.
She sat and ate lunch all up and even cleared her plate! She really loves her leap pad..
THANK YOU!!!!
p.s. At least I am not he only one who has had 3 YO problems. My other DD had this from 18mths till 3 yo, but she was much easier to handle....guilt works for her....
Wow. I don't really remember what mine were like when they were three! I think I don't want to go back that far! We have different attitude problems at 14 and 11.
Could she be a little jealous of the time your spending with the baby? Mine are around the same age difference and it was hard to have 3 that little and give them each what they need. Good luck.
It could be an attention issue.
DD sat at dinner, ate it all up! she cleaned up her room and is the best little girl ever...
BTW the oldest just got home. Maybe it is not the baby, it is oldest-she really knows how to get our attention cuz she has had it the longest.?!
It was so easy just to take time and explain it to her, we will see what tomorrow brings....
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