This made me SO Mad today, maybe it's just my mood today, but my dd has a friend who is a great kid, nice parents, dd goes there and the friend comes here, I would say it is equal about who has who over. The friend called today asking dd if she could come over the conversation went like this, Dh had the other phone not hung up yet.
Friend "Hi can you come over to my house today?
her Dad in background, "No sarah that's not what I said, you can go there" So of course Lexi asks and Dh says no as we are in the middle of getting carpeting installed. So that was the end of that. I just think that is SO rude I would never let my kid do that. This isn't the first time either, sometimes I say fine as the kid is great but it's just RUDE!!!

By Annie2 on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 07:50 pm:

Well, maybe it was rude in the way it was stated or maybe the tone of voice that was used, but there have been times when my kids' go to their friend's house and I tell them as they are leaving out the door
"no one is playing here today". Sometimes I don't let friends in the house. My kids have to play outside with them.
At other times, day after day, I have my 4 and ALL of their friends. In and out, snacks, drinks, games, toys, movies, etc....
As long as you think there is equal house sharing time and that your are not being taken advantage of then I wouldn't let it bother me.
Maybe your dd's friend was bugging the dad to play with your dd but he was in the middle of doing something, too.

By Mommmie on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 08:18 pm:

Course, inviting oneself anywhere is rude. You're right about that. Parents should train their kids not to do that and when the parents are telling them to DO that, I think it sets a bad example. I think Dads do this WAY more than moms, at least around here. I have had this happen to me a lot!! And I have overheard it on the phone, just like you. And I have had the kids just tell me their parents needed a break and they told the kid to come over here.

No advice, just BTDT.

By Mommyathome on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 08:36 pm:

Hmmm, I can't decide which side of the fence to be on for this one LOL

I have to say that sometimes before DD goes to preschool I tell her *very* clearly that no one is coming over to play today. I have 3 of my own kids, and some days I don't feel like adding more to the commotion.

That said, I wouldn't ever have one of my kids call someone else and ask if they could go over there to play.

Looking at the phone call that you related, it seems it could be a misunderstanding maybe. Not sure how old the girl is, but maybe she was confused with the situation. Maybe she thought that her dad *did* say that she could have your DD over. That's the first thing she asked...was if your DD could go over there. Then, the dad probably overheard and corrected her saying that wasn't what he meant.

I agree with the post above....as long as there is playing at *both* houses going on...I wouldn't worry too much about it. If it becomes a habit that the kids are always at your house, then maybe I would think twice about it.

By Kate on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 09:45 pm:

No, I don't think it's rude. The little girl probably just wanted to play with Lexi and was told she could play IF the playdate was at your house. The other family obviously didn't want company for some reason, which is fine. So in my opinion the little girl called up to see if Lexi could play with her, but at your house! Doesn't seem like a big deal to me as all Lexi had to do was say, 'Mom, can 'Susie' come over?' and then you say yes or no. Sometimes kids want to play together and neither set of parents feel like dealing with a playdate. That's frustrating to kids, of course, and they have so little control over it. I really don't view it as her inviting herself over. More as wondering if she could play with your daughter.

By Bobbie on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 11:22 pm:

I agree with Kate. Not rude, just not an very prepared child. And I have done the same thing to my kids. Caught them saying something on the phone after we had gone over something and over it before the call and I have said harshly (I am sure) "NO that is not what I said"... DD got on the phone once and was like "My mom said you aren't aloud to come over." as in period.. I had actually said, "call her back and tell her that we need to run to town real quick and she can come over when we get back." She in her childs mind only heard half of what I said and relayed that to her friend. I wouldn't get up set just let it go.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, January 3, 2004 - 12:09 am:

I am somewhat on the fence also. I think adults should not invite themselves into someone else's house. But I do think it is OK for kids to say "Ask your mom/dad if I can come over and play/visit with you?", and even teens. I think there are different "rule" for people who are not yet adults. And as they grow up, kids need to know the adult rules, but I don't think all adult rules apply to children and I don't think this one applies to children.

From what you say, the sharing is fairly equal, so it's not as if the parents were usually trying to take advantage of you. If it were very one-sided, I might feel differently - but even then, you say this is a great kid.

I wonder, are you peeved with the child, or with the parent in the background, who should have known better. IMO, the father should have gotten on the phone and said that his dd wants to play with your dd but because of (whatever reason) the girls can't play at their house so could they play at yours.

By Kaye on Saturday, January 3, 2004 - 12:42 am:

Hmmm this is an interesting thread. When I first read this I thought well of course, you never invite yourself over somewhere. Then I read a bit, and thought, hmmm, okay. Then I read Ginny's response, sounds good. BUT then i thought about my world. I have one or two really good friends. You know I would never think twice about calling either of them right now and saying, whatcha doing? wanna play? Can I come over. So if you think of your best friend right now, what type of relationship do you have? is it one that you have to follow all the rules and be proper or is it one that you can just be yourself and say what you are thinking? And then think back to when you were a child, pretty much anyone they play with at that age is there very best friend. Yes it was probably handled poorly, but well intentioned. Personally I am not sure what age I think kids should be to actually make those phone calls. My almost 10 year old just doesn't really use the phone, if she did, I guess that would be okay. I wouldn't want someone showing up on the doorstep without my knowledge, but if she let me know ahead of time it is probably fine. So i guess in my opinion, the rude thing here was letting a young child make that kind of phone call!

By Melissa on Saturday, January 3, 2004 - 04:22 am:

Well it is interesting to see other points of view on this, who ever said maybe the kid isn't well prepared is right! They are very scattered about everything! And they are only 6. I guess I see a playdate as work for me since they are young I have to pay more attention and do more than I would if they were 10. So I see this almost as babysitting, it might not bug me so much if they were older. I'm still not going to let my kid do it, but you all have some good points.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, January 3, 2004 - 07:09 am:

Kaye raises a really good point about what age children should be allowed to use the telephone, and I am inclined to agree that six is too young unless the child has (a) been trained on what to say first when using the phone and (b) mom/dad stands by to make sure it is being done right.

I would add to that the problem of young children answering the telephone. As a legal secretary I have to call clients at their homes, and all to often a child answers and either won't fetch mommy/daddy or, even worse, says mommy is not at home. I often wonder what is going on with a young child answering the phone and mommy is "not home".

By Karen~moderator on Saturday, January 3, 2004 - 08:56 am:

I want to say I agree with Ginny and Kaye on this one, but I also want to add to Ginny's last post:

I often wonder what is going on with a young hild answering the phone and mommy is "not home".

There's a strong possibility that *mom* or *dad* has told the child to answer the phone and say that. I've seen it. And among a whole other host of *problems*, it's teaching that child to lie, hide from people, run from problems, not deal with things, etc. JMO

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, January 3, 2004 - 09:44 am:

I agree, Karen, which is why I told my sons to say "Mommy can't come to the phone right now." If I wasn't home it was the truth, and didn't give the message that kids are home alone; if I was home and just unavailable, it was still the truth.

By Melissa on Saturday, January 3, 2004 - 08:11 pm:

Well she is persistant. They both ski on Sat. mornings and so I had already told Lexi this was not a good day for any visits after skiing. When it was over the little girl said to Lexi "maybe I can come over to your house on Sunday" I heard it but since it wasn't addressed to me I just ignored it til Lexi said mom She is asking something, I said "no sorry we have a babyshower to go to."
Then next thing I know the kid is like "well maybe today I'll go ask my dad" and she goes running off to ask dad who gets off his cell phone all excitedly and comes right over "Oh is Sarah going with you?" "No I say I have no idea what you are talking about I'm not going to be home this afternoon, sorry. I know you girls are anxious to have a play date but the next few days are bad for me, we will try to do it as soon as we can." And then I went home.