I need help. I do not know what to do for my parents 50th wedding anniversary. I do have 5 other siblings, 4living, 2 married and 2 not married. 2 have money at least a little to give in and the other 2 have none-at all....

I need to do something. My parents are too old to send away anywhere. MY mom has to do her breathing treatments 4 times a day just to stay alive, thanks to smoking. My dad is rather large and does not have the patience to sit on a plane. My mom has mentioned she wants to go on a cruise-that would be really expensive. I know they will probably re-do their vows at church, but there has to be more.

What about an hour' derve party? Is that tacky? I have no idea who to invite as I have not been in their social circle in many many years.

I would like to do most of the cooking myself to save money. How about having guests chip in for the cruise, would that be bad??? They would be bringing presents anyway right?

To be honest, it gets worse...I do think this is my Mothers last year, I just feel it. I hope I am wrong. She is tired of all the medicine she is on and everyweek has to go to the doctor. She has had a partial thyroidectomy, bladder cancer, lump on her breast. She needs to have leg surgery to better her circulation but will not do it, we have been telling her for 5 years to get it done. Ahhh the stubborn Irish! My dad is taking care of her very well I might add. For someone who worked his butt off while we were kids and never lifted a finger around the house, at least we now know he does care for her.

They live on SS checks which is barely enough to pay for their medicine that they get from Canada. If they got it here they would be in an apartment not the house they bought 38 years ago in IL.

I need help. I have 3 kids indcluding a 5mth old and do not have alot of time to think for myself. I am sure you understand that! I need tips and advice. Please help.

By Bea on Thursday, January 1, 2004 - 11:57 pm:

I'm sorry. I know I'll be the odd man out here, but I think asking guests to chip in for a cruise is in very poor taste. If you and your siblings contribute time and effort, you could give a lovely party for your parents. The theme could be a cruise. That way you could give them what they've indicated they would like.

Now, from what you've said, their health isn't great. Would they do well on a cruise? How will they get to a port if your Dad won't fly? Have you priced cruises? The prices are very cheap these days. For instance......

By Marcia on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 12:18 am:

I agree with Bea. I wouldn't get the guests to chip in. Most people just bring a little token to an anniversary party, and asking them to pay a certain amount would put them on the spot.

Do you know any of your parents' friends? I'm sure one of them would be able to help you with a guest list.

You could make the party an afternoon drop in, and just serve munchies/finger foods. I don't think there's anything tacky about that.

By Trina~moderator on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 09:18 am:

Ditto Bea and Marcia. I know lots of people ask for $ towards a trip, but that's actually considered poor ettiquette.

Do your parents send out Christmas cards? Getting their Christmas card list would be a good source concerning guests to invite.

By Mrsclark on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 09:26 am:

Well, now I'm the odd one out... :-) Depending on who the "guests" may be. If you are unsure about them as not being in their "social circle" why not find at least one good friend of theirs and ask them for help or what to do? They may have ideas, too. My folks had theirs and my dh and I flew them from California to where we lived and my sister drove out and we just had a party. We gave nice gifts, but...I know, the airfare was high, so that's understandable if you can't do that. People do bring gifts, so again, depending on the way it is done, I would see no reason you could not include in the invitation, no gifts, but there will be a money tree. I have no idea how to word it properly, however, I have seen that many times in my life and it is a very good idea. That way they also don't get things they don't need and if, unfortunately, your mother is not doing so well, then isn't that better than gifts she may not use for years to come? Just a thought. I've seen and been involved with giving money versus gifts. You can have it in your invitation what the money will be used for and absolutely any amount is fine -- Enjoy whatever you do!!!

By Mrsclark on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 09:28 am:

P.S. They can give money without their name! Then there's no problem about how much they give. There has to be a way to word it... Ask a friend or an older person you personally know well for advice! I take it they do not have siblings, either?

By Yjja123 on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 09:33 am:

Where do you live?
I ask because a lot of cities have dinner cruises.
We have been on a dinner cruise in Chicago and even renewed our wedding vows on a dinner cruise on the St. Johns river (in Florida).
Most dinner cruises are $20-$30 a person and that covers food and entertainment.

By Yjja123 on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 09:35 am:

I just read your bio that says you are in Illinois? We went on a great dinner cruise in downtown Chicago. I cannot remember the name of it but I am sure you can find it in the yellow pages.

By Mommyathome on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 10:33 am:

I'm agreeing with those that said not to ask for money from guests. Usually, on 50th wedding anniversary invitations, it says "please no gifts"....or "please no gifts, only your presence (sp??)" So, most of the time it's just a nice card that is given.

The dinner cruise sounds nice. What about putting them up in a fancy hotel for the weekend? You could have something special set up in their room. (candle light dinner...rose petals...pictures from throughout their life). I would go for 2 days at a hotel rather than one. That way, when you wake up in the morning, you don't have to worry about packing up and checking out...you have the whole day to relax and enjoy yourself!

Congrats of them making it to 50 years! That is a major accomplishment.

If all else fails, you could maybe rent a section of a restaurant and just have you and your siblings there. Maybe each one could write down some special memories to share, and you could do a slide show of a bunch of your parents pictures. Kind of a "through the years" type thing.
Also, (on our computer) you can scan pictures in, add them to music along with some special effects and burn them on to a CD which can be played in a DVD player. So, maybe you could just invite everyone to your house and surprise your parents with a nice dinner and the DVD.

Good luck!! Let us know what you end up doing and how it goes

By Bellajoe on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 12:47 pm:

I was just about to suggest the same thing as Robin. Maybe rent a section of a restaurant for a nice lunch or dinner. I like the "through the years' idea, with pictures of them when they were just dating, to their wedding day, to the day their kids were born and so on... If they like that kind of mushy sentimental stuff. (I certainly do!)

I don't think asking guests for money for a cruise would be wise. It's kind of tacky to be honest with you.

Putting them up in a nice hotel for a few days is a nice idea too.

Good Luck!

By Tunnia on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 01:47 pm:

When is their anniversary? If there is enough time for you to set it up then I would suggest that you put together a family reunion. If the anniversary is in the late spring or summer then you could rent a pavillion at a park, if not, have it at your house or one of your siblings houses. Ask your parent's minister to come and officiate their vow renewal at the reunion. Ask each family bring a covered dish with you and your siblings furnishing the main dish and the cake. Since your mother is in poor health then I imagine it would mean a lot to her to see all the family together for one occasion. You can invite friends too and it will be all the more festive. Is this to be a surprise? If not then just ask your parents who they would like invited.

It is considered bad manners to ask for a gift and that includes money so I'd skip it. Besides, if your father refuses to fly and your mother has poor circulation then they don't need to take any lengthy trips. It could put your mother in danger of a clot. Good luck and let us know what you decide to do.

By Missy3 on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 02:26 pm:

Wow that was many great ideas and alot to think about. I never even thought of talking to my moms brother, I am sure they would love to come here!! My dad is an only child.

They do not need gifts-there house is full.

I know how to scan, but I do not know how to burn-any advice there?

I also like the Chicago cruise dinner idea!!

Let me check with my paying sister.

Keep the ideas coming ladies!!

Erin

By Yjja123 on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 02:42 pm:

We took the dinner cruise off from Navy Pier years ago-- maybe in 1995?
We lived in Illinois for 2 1/2 years.
We took my parents on the dinner cruise in celebration of their anniversary and they loved it.
I did a search and it looks like there are now several dinner cruises on the Navy Pier to choose from.
If your mom is dreaming of a cruise this is a mini version of one that everyone can enjoy.
Good luck planning!
Yvonne

By Missy3 on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 06:30 pm:

I just looked up the dinner cruise, it looks fantastic! I would hate to send them on a real cruise, with my moms health. This, I think will be ideal for a gift from the kids w/o asking people to chip in. We will still have the hour derve party though.

Now my sister thinks we should go on the cruise with them. I say let the love birds wing it up themselves. Of course we would call ahead for roses and strawberries and champagne and a big hoopla for them! The more attention the better on your 50TH right????

By Yjja123 on Friday, January 2, 2004 - 07:43 pm:

Heres a suggestion---
take them to the dinner cruise
(here is your gift from the kids--thus having them think this is it)
and then after the cruise bring them home to---
"SURPRISE"
Have their friends and family waiting to have champagne and desserts with them.

By Missy3 on Saturday, January 3, 2004 - 09:29 am:

My sister just called my moms brother and they ARE coming with my cousins and their spouces!! NOW we are getting somewhere.