Just saying hey
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive November 2007:
Just saying hey
Thought I'd drop in and say hey. Brendan came home from his dad's house today, he had dress rehearsal from 2-5 and then I had to work at 6 so we really haven't gotten to spend much time together. I only got about 2 hours of sleep so needless to say I'm BEAT tonight.
I'm calling first thing in the morning to see about getting an earlier appointment then next Friday, this is really all driving me crazy and I don't want to wait. I'm also considering rescheduling my mammogram until after the first of the year. It's a preventive thing since I have high family history, I really just don't want to add anymore stress to myself.
I talked to the car people and they're coming to get the car this week, I'm upset still but in light of everything else it just doesn't seem all that important anymore really.
I do have a tidbit of good news, my ex gave me $150 extra in child support since he knew how much I'm struggling right now. He told me to use it for Christmas or bills, whatever I want/need to use it for. That was very nice of him and really eased some of my Christmas woes.
I guess that's it for me really, thanks for letting me ramble.
I am glad ex stepped up a bit. That should cover something.
I so understand where you are at. Been there before and unfortunately I am here again. It will all be okay for us both. This is just a mountain put there to challenge us to push harder. Mountains are there to strengthen us, not punish us and we will be stronger when we finally make it over it.
I can look back at times of struggle and see that I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for the mountains I have had to struggle over. I can tell you that I have had some pretty major mountains in my life, ones I thought for sure I would never make it over and I did. Mountains I just knew would be the end of me and they weren't.
After running around a bit trying to look around the mountain to find an easy way around it, under it, over it (praying for an answer, begging for help), after beating my head into it for a while (feeling sorry for myself). After realizing that yes this is another mountain and accepting that it was going to take a fight to get over it (which I think we often don't realize the mountains are there, as if we are banging around in the dark. It is as if we are in denial about the mountain being there, we want to hold on to what was and we fear what might be on the other side) I finally would give in and start the struggle up that wall, hand over hand. One rock at a time. Until I could see the other side of that mountain. There is an other side of the mountain, I promise, I have seen it... It so isn't fair that it seems that things fall apart all at once.. Some times it seems like there is a mountain, after a mountain, after a mountain ahead of us. Some times it seems like the mountain is too high, we start the struggle up and we loose our footing and slip back down the mountain a bit or godforbid we slip all the way back down to the bottom and have to get the strength to start climbing again. It so isn't fair that some of us seem to come up against more mountains than others do. It is so painful to have one of those mountains come up out of no where and because we aren't expecting it we slam right into it, it crumbles and the rocks hit us and they keep coming down until we are buried. So now we don't only have to make it over what remains of the mountain, we have to dig ourselves out from under all the heavy rubble. We go through this and we feel alone.
We look around and others are quicker to make it up their mountains. Others mountains seems lower. Some seem to have little handles in their mountains, which make their journey easier than others. We listen to others complaining about their little mountains and we feel angry/heart broken over the huge mountains set before us. We have people that have never climbed the mountain before us, trying to tell it how to get up that mountain, which only frustraights us more (opinions, with no experience, serve no purpose. The people that mean well but have no clue). The people around us that could help, those that have been over that mountain, the ones that not only understand our struggle but feel it in themselves aren't quick to step up and help. They stand there in shame over their struggles or they fear to show/share their own weakness. They present the up coming struggle as nothing but a thing, they make us feel like we are going about the whole thing wrong because it was so easy for them to make it over. We hear a lot of no not that way but they aren't able to draw us a map of the quickest way over. As we all know this is a world of the smartest, the fittest, will survive. And we all doubt our own strengths and fitness... It seems to be human nature to not recognize the strengths/ability we have in side of us.
I am so sorry, your mountain seems so high and although I am not there physically I can feel your struggle... You aren't alone and a year from now, we both will be headed back up that mountain. Maybe, just maybe, we will both be in a place to turn around and see all the beauty we over looked behind us, due to our struggles and current pain about the mountains being so high. Maybe we will be able to see all the glory that is ahead of us by then and the top of the mountain will be with in reach, if we haven't already made it to the top and are starting our decent into the new lives ahead of us.
It will all be okay and we can make it over this.... I know we can, we just need to find the best side of the mountains to climb..  You are not alone... You are in my thoughts and prayers, for strength and knowledge.. Big hugs.....
(((Hugs))) !!! Email me anytime you want to talk! You have my email.  It's hard, but you aren't alone. We are all here for you.
Hope you get some rest!
Hey sweetie...thinking of you today. I'm also very happy that your ex helped some more this time of year. It's hard when you can't provide what you want to provide and being a mommy...it's hard. Are your parents bringing you the car soon?
Thanks Bobbie - You are in my thoughts and prayers as well. We'll get through this, both of us!
Conni - thank you for the hugs! I got some rest this morning but I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight I know because I'm still beat! I'll email you soon, hope you are doing well too.
Thanks Heidi - my mom only lives 3 blocks over so I have it whenever I need it. I talked to the car people today and I'm actually going to take it to turn it in tomorrow.
Being out from under the car payment, should lighten the load a bit.. You are doing the right thing, just keep telling yourself that and it will all work out.. Hope you can get some sleep tonight.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I hope things turn around for you soon!
((((((hugs))))))
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