Looking for a job... and a vent...
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive November 2007:
Looking for a job... and a vent...
I am currently looking for a job and it is driving me nuts. There are very few jobs in our area that I am physcially able to do. I have been off work for five years and I have not worked steady since I was 19 years old. I have worked a year there, a year here but nothing steady. Being a stay at home mom was my primary job and now I really need a job. The hospital and the clinic are both hiring and I know I can do several of the jobs they have posted but I haven't heard anything back.  I have applied at every store in town, looking to be a cashier, every place is fully staffed because of the holidays but I still applied. I have spent hours a day applying and looking for jobs for the past three weeks.. It wouldn't be bad if I just wanted a job, but I don't want one, I need one. You need to work and you can't get a job. I am getting past upset about the time it is taking me to get a job. I have never had this issue before. I do not have a great Job history but the jobs I have had have me pre trained enough to jump into any of the positions I have applied for with little to no training.
You see this all wouldn't be an issue, except for the fact that my MIL, about two months ago, started hanging out with my Dh's fathers sister. My FIL's wife kicked him out and divorced him after 25 years of marriage. So next thing you know the MIL is sneeking around with the father in law. About three weeks ago, my DH informs me that the MIL had plans to move out on a Sunday while I was at church and that she was moving in with the FIL. I didn't even wait for Sunday, I told her to pack her stuff and get out that day..
History, My FIL is an "recovered" alcoholic. He and the MIL where married for 16 years. In those 16 years he beat her weekly, if not daily, in front of her children. All it would take was her opening her mouth and he would beat her bloody. Something would happen at work and watch out. When Dh was 7, she packed her bags and left FIL and her children because she couldn't take it any more. Moved in with a man that didn't want children and she turned her back on her kids. For 11 years DH didn't see/hear from his mother... At 10 his dad turned
DH and his brothers over to the state and they remained in foster care for four years because FIL didn't want the bother of kids either. At 14 his grandmother stepped in and made FIL get the boys out of children services because they were going up for adoption. She moved in and took care of the boys until DH was 16. FIL was still and alcoholic and verbally abused the kids daily. Telling them terrible things about their mother and blaming them for her leaving. At 18 they tracked her down and drove from Ohio to Florida to see her. Didn't see her again until he was 24, no contact until then either. We stayed in contact with her from then on and made regular trips to see her. Her fourth husband became ill. Dh promised him to take care of MIL, she was nearly 70 and her DH wanted to make sure she would be okay when he was gone. Four years ago, he passed and we rushed to Tennesse (he grew up there and wanted to go home to die) to get her. Moved her in here, disrupted our lives and the lives of our children. I put up with 4 years of crap all for her to decide to move in with the guy that she blamed for loosing her children, claimed she had never loved in the first place and caused my DH and his four siblings emotional damage that they will never fully recover from. To top it off, the man (FIL) apparently has believed DH's whole life that he wasn't his bio son. Which explains a lot about how badly he treated DH compaired to the rest of his children. YET my MIL moved in with this guy. I am speachless as to explain how disgusted, upset, I am about that whole situation. 42 years of damage they caused my DH and to get back together 35 years of name calling and blaming each other for the hell they created for their children, it makes me sick.
Anyway, she insisted on paying us to stay here and for four years she gave us $400 a month. Not alot, but irronically, this was the money I use to buy Christmas. We are about a month out from Christmas and I need a job today or I am not going to be able to afford to buy Christmas for my kids. Normally I would save the money she gave us from November and December and that would be my money to buy Christmas with. DH called the money my mad money. It was the money free and clear that I could use to buy shoes, take us all out to eat and etc.. But that spare money is gone and I need to replace that and then some.
You know, I am going to say this out of frustration, but it doesn't pay to help people sometimes. Everyone says I did the right thing by taking her in, that I am a saint for putting up with her (which was a challange and a half) and that with all the things her kids were put through that she is lucky we included her in our lives at all..
Not spell checking, need to get ready for Church. Thanks for listening...
{{{HUGS}}} I hope you find a job and soon!
(((Bobbie)))
Are there any dept stores nearby? I used to get a job in the gift wrap dept near the holidays to pay for our kids Christmas.
I am sorry things are so difficult right now.
I am sorry to hear of your plight, I wish I could do something to help. Good luck Bobbie.
{{{HUGS}}} Places are hiring around here.
I sincerely hope things will work out for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
{{Bobbie}}
I always worked retail during the holidays when I was in college. The hours were long, but I made a lot of extra money as a student. I know places here are still hiring for holiday help.
{{HUGS}} I'm sorry it's been so hard to find something! Good luck.
I have applied at every store (mall, department, pharmacy, dollar store) in town. Both the Clinic (which not only hire for themselves but they hire for most of the doctors in our town) and the Hospital. We have a operator/phone bank for Verizon, I even applied there. I have applied at every bank in town. All I have left to apply at are the gas stations and fast food joints. I have upwards of 35 applications out there, according to Rob's quick tally. I even called and spoke to several temporary services, not hiring/doing placements for my qualifications at this time either, call back.
I have been told that, "We have all of our seasonal employees hired, however we will hold your application active for 90 days. After 90 days you will need to re apply." more than I would care to hear at this point.
I am not the only person I know looking for a employment. I live in the center of a fairly large county in Ohio. The towns around us (in the county), might have a store, might have a gas station, might have a pizza place but mainly people come into our town for their needs. Those needs include employment. There are several towns in our county that don't have any forms of employment in them at all. If there is a job out there that I can physically do, I have applied and now I just wait... I appreciate the prayers, I can use them for sure and hopefully I will be able to give a positive update soon. LOL It is just a bad time to be looking for a job. I knew this when I started looking, but I figured someone/anyone would hire me and it isn't happening as quickly as I would hope. I need a job yesterday. LOL Thanks again, fingers crossed.
Oh and wrapping presents at the Mall is done by our local high school, it is a fund raiser for the music department. Did that for three years, for Callie.
(((Hang in there Bobbie)))
Hey Bobbie,
Maybe you just gave your kids a great present by getting this very dysfunctional person out of their home(out of their lives?). She doesn't sound like someone I'd want around me or my kids. After I became an adult, I realized my Grandmother, with whom we shared a home when I was a child, had some sort of dementia and was verbally abusive to me. It wasn't the best thing for me to grow up with, and it took some therapy to get over. This sounds like a good thing for your kids in the long run. Can you do somethings differently this year so Christmas won't cost as much? Can you explain it to the kids?
Jobwise, I'm s-l-o-w-l-y moving back to work, and I'm running into the same problems. I'm starting to consider my own business because then I don't have to get over the issue of having no recent work history and I can work on my own schedule. Can you physically do house cleaning? People often need extra help at this time of year. (I made my way through college cleaning houses.)Or how about running an advertisement (or word of mouth) offering to run errands for people. Tree decorating--I wouldn't want anyone else to do mine, but some people do pay to have it done. Cooking? Is there a place where you can sell baked goods, or some special goodies?
Also, are there any community colleges in your area where you might get job search assistance. There might be a state government website. I'm betting you need to get beyond the "Application Barrier" and sometimes a job search counselor (community college or other public organization) can present you so that an employer will at least talk to you instead of glancing at your application or resume and saying "Nah, no work history."
Are there any businesses where you are known? Stores you shop at regularly, or hobbies you can connect with (fabric stores, whatever). If you can identify a contact person where you have already applied, then GO BACK and check with them again when they are likely to be at their store or clinic. Remind them about yourself, they may have lost an employee or two by now.
Also, tell everyone you know from church or your children's schools that you are looking for a job (or errand runnning or whatever). Back when I worked in a college employment office, we told students that the majority of jobs are never advertised, but are filled by personal contact. I recently read that it's still true. You've been working hard at getting a job. I hope that something I've said will be useful or maybe get you thinking in a new direction that leads to some income.
Bobbie, there are some people that you can't help. Sounds like you & your DH did a incredible amount for a person who was a lousy mother to your DH. I hope you can somehow make up for the financial loss, because I bet that once you do, you're going to start enjoying a decrease in stress that might even result in better health for you! Good luck!
Oh yeah, if you can, be sure to include on apps/resume your post as moderator here: It demonstrates computer literacy, tact, & dependability. Maybe there other employment skills involved in moderating, too. ;)
Bobbie, I just wrote you a long post and for some reason it didn't take !! So, I just want to let you know that I understand what you are going thru and I am praying for you  Also, if you haven't already done this, get your church family to start a prayer chain for you.And, now that your MIL is gone, maybe your stress level will get better and your fibro will get better!!
I am sorry Bobbie, I know how hard money issues are and it's very frustrating looking for a job. I will keep you and your family in my prayers that things turn around for you all soon.
(((Hugs))) Bobbie!!! I am glad that the mil is out of your hair. yuck. Sometimes you just have to accept that a person won't change no matter how much kindness we shower on them. You tried and I know you will be blessed for that.
As for the job search, I will pray that the right doors will be open at the right time.
As for Christmas...we are having a very small one again this yr!!! So can relate there. It just becomes such a money sucker if you allow it to.
I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I have been looking for a job for quite a while myself, I am just lucky enough to have a part time one while I look.
Good luck!
Jen, it is just the time of the year.. I have applied for every part time job, I can physically do. I am so stressed, I am pretty sure that I am attempting to throw myself into a flare at this point... (Flare, is a term used when you are in sensory over load and your body starts to react incorrectly to stimuli) things just aren't right. I am trying and I applied at two more places today and did some asking around at my DR's office.. The rest of the day, I have spent trying to not think about it and babying myself. If I don't it will be all she wrote for days.. This soooo, sucks.. But nothing anyone can do about it, just the way it is..
Thanks everyone, I appreciate all the well wishes..
Oh and Mlee, if you look up in the dictionary under Attachment disorder you will find a picture of my mother in law. Her own mother stepped out of her life when she was 1 and didn't come back in it until she was 14. Apparently, Rob's grandmother was known for having affairs and his grandfather was certain that MIL wasn't his. He divorced grandma and never had contact with MIL again. MIL, was raised by friends of the family until she was 5, shuffled back and forth. Then she was put into a Catholic Orphanage until 14. She has an older sister, while MIL was abused in the Orphanage the sister lived a life of privilage with a well off aunt on the fathers side. I am under the impression, from my own ability to put two and two together, that grandma and grandpa both had issues with addiction until their deaths. She married at 16, to a man that was 25 and in the Navy. By the time she was 19 she had one child, another on the way and her husband was killed in a car accident. By 20 she was married to the, already an alcoholic, FIL. 16 years and four more kids later. She left her own kids.. she married a man that didn't want children, wanted her all to himself. That lasted less than a year, he moved on while married and she shacked up with the next guy who beat her too. They lasted for three months, just long enough to get herself to Florida, leaving her past far behind her and then she moved in with her last husband.. The last husband, just happen to see her after the last beating the boyfriend put on her and offered to let her stay at his house until she got on her feet and they were married two months later. She doesn't know how to be married, doesn't know how to be a mother or a grandmother because these are things you learn through attachment, something she has never felt and is incapable of doing.
Rob says he is okay with her not raising him now, he only could imagine how much more she would have messed him up if she would have stuck around for the 11 years it took him to become 18. Makes me mad because I have spent 20 years dealing with the fall out from her selfishness.
I helped because I have done enough mental health research to know why she had problems, what created the problems and why she would leave her own children. I tried to give her a happy and safe last couple of years. But her mind only works in two modes, in a bad relationship and getting out of the bad relationship.
I wish her well.. But this is so for the best and I know this and knew this before she was gone.. The mother in law, was driving us all nuts it was clear. She had a knack of running her mouth and everyone was getting fed up with her two cents..
Oh and I don't remember who asked but I have talked to my kids, they know that we are in a bit of a pickle and they all know there is no Santa Clause So they know at this point there likely won't be any presents. Oh, I take that back, Callie is getting them a couple of things each. My sister got them a couple of games. we do family gifts for each other, we won't be giving them anything this year either. My mom got them each the new rubix cube. There just won't be any presents from "Santa" under the tree. Dh and I sign our gifts from Santa even though they know they are from us, traditions.
And my church is sponsoring two families from the battered womens shelter, at my insistence, it was the plan since the beginning of October. Those mothers are looking forward to giving their children hope and my church can help them with that this time of the year.
Hugs, Bobbie. It's so hard, especially at this time of year. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Ame
((((Bobbie))))
((((((big time hugs Bobbie))))))
You are in my thoughts and prayers!
I hope you find a job soon!!
(((HUGS)))
I've been racking my brain for present ideas that don't have to be paid for all at once. Last year I got my teen DS a magazine subscription. I put one issue under the tree, & he gets a new one each month. I didn't have to pay for it until January. My only other idea was to make a "certificate" for a Treat of the Month Club--good for their favorite thing throughout the year. We (DH, kids and I) also have no problem with exchanging used items among ourselves, although we know that "used" would not go over big with our extended family. (Hah!)
It sounds like you've climbed a lot of mountains.
You were very kind to your MIL. And those were encouraging words to Dramamama. Now be kind to yourself. It will come together. It's not even December yet. You'll feel in the spirit pretty soon. ((Hugs))
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