Some of you may remember that I had some problems with my neighbor a few months after we moved in. We started to become friends, but then our kids were fighting, her child was being aggressive, and she ended up blaming my dks?? There were also several other incidents. Well, dh and I decided to just distance ourselves. I am not mad at her, I don't hate her, I just don't want to be "good" friends with her. I am always nice when I see her out, I wave and say hello. I talk to her when we are in neighbor, social situations, etc. I just don't seek her out, and our dks don't really play anymore. Her dks now go to a private school, so we don't see them much during the week. My dks have made friends their own age, and dh and I have gotten involved in things, and made friends that have similar interests.

Well, now she is going around telling all the neighbors that we had a falling out, and that I am mad at her. She is telling them that she doesn't know why I am mad. It is coming across that I am this big meanie, and she is this victim. I have gotten to be good friends with a couple of neighbors, and they basically just ignore her. I am not sure how others really feel about it. But, it is upsetting me. This happened over a year ago, so I am not sure why this is coming up now. When people ask me if we had a falling out, even my good friends, I just say it is news to me. We aren't good friends, but I thought we were friendly neighbors, and I leave it at that. Part of me wants to confront her, not in a bad way, just tell her that I hear she feels we had a falling out, so we need to talk about it. But, part of me, wants to keep taking the high road, and not say anything. I figure, people will soon realize what type of person she is. So, what would you do.? Gosh, it just feels so high schoolish. But, I feel uncomfortable when people bring it up, and I want her to stop talking about me.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 08:37 pm:

It is high schoolish and she apparently has some high schoolish issues.


Keep taking the high road. Sinking to her level will only prove to her that you are the meany and will give her more to talk about. She will dig her own hole with out your help. You don't want to be her friend so don't waste your time in trying to sort this out with her.

I would work on not letting me bother me that she is running her mouth and keep answering the questions with the "That is news to me. We aren't good friends, but I thought we were friendly neighbors." and move on. The goal being that you remain "friendly neighbors". Unless of course you are ready to move.

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 09:46 pm:

By all means keep taking the high road. That will never bite you in the proverbial place. I think your response is a good one and can't suggest a better. I think you will find that when she badmouths and you take the high road, your neighbors will figure out who is being a jerk and who is being a decent neighbor fairly easily. Confrontation won't change her, won't solve anything, and will only give her more to talk about.

Think about it - you don't really care if she talks about you, only that people listen. And if you keep on being a reasonable, decent person who is a little confused by what your neighbors report she is saying, pretty soon they'll stop listening.

By Debbie on Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 10:04 pm:

You are both right, and deep down, I know talking to her wouldn't do any good. I do need to just get over the fact that she is talking about me. I guess one good thing is she has asked a few people if I have said why I was mad, and they both said, I never say anything about her.

By Crystal915 on Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 10:13 pm:

Keep doing what you have been doing, being pleasant and sincere, and not stooping to her level. I agree that it's childish, and she will look foolish as people see for themselves. If anyone mentions it to you, say "That's silly! There was no falling out, I wonder why she would think that!" with a smile, and change the subject. It makes you look like the adult you are, and people will see that she is just trying to get attention.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, November 21, 2007 - 05:53 am:

I understand where Crystal is coming from, and if you were well established in that neighborhood you could call your neighbor silly and deny what she is saying, but, imo, given she's been there longer than you, you will be better off continuing to use the pleasant, slightly confused because you just don't understand, line you have been using. Either way, you are denying there is a falling out, but the way you've been saying it you aren't directly contradicting your neighbor. Whatever you say will get back to her, and you're much better off with what you say being as bland and neutral as possible, rather than having someone report to her that you called her silly. Yes, I know, that's not how Crystal phrased it, but you know how things get confused when being reported from one person to another.

By Vicki on Wednesday, November 21, 2007 - 07:11 am:

I figure, people will soon realize what type of person she is. So, what would you do.?


This is exactly what you should do. I had a similar situation with a neighbor, but mine was much worse. She was accusing me of some terrible things. It took all I could not to talk to my other neighbors about it and explain my side and what really happened. But, I let it go and didn't say a word about it. It took about 2 years, but the truth about what and who she is has finally come out. I am so glad I didn't stoop to her level and let her suck me into the childish behavior. Your response is perfect, just keep doing what your doing!!