Can't keep on like this
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive November 2007:
Can't keep on like this
It's all come to a head and I'm drowning financially and I've finally decided that I have to let my car go back. I'm devastated that I can't keep up the payments and keep it but it's to a point where I can't keep up with them and they're about to come take it.
Ex is coming by tomorrow to help me come up with some financial "plan" and while I should be thankful he is willing to help all I've done the past two days is cry. I had to pull myself together today for the sake of my son but even that was REALLY hard.
I've looked at every possible situation and it's just not feasible, I'm realy going to have to make some lifestyle changes to get back on my feet. Thankfully my mom has an extra car that I'm going to be able to use.
With Christmas coming around it's just seems even more hopeless, I almost don't want to step out of my house because I get the reminder that the holidays are approaching and then I get the reminder of what I can't do when everyone else can. It's also a really strong reminder of the fact that I have no friends around me and that I get to spend another holiday alone.
Thanks for letting me vent, yet again... I'm going to go anonymous because I "think" my ex may have come across momsview. Not in a bad way but I just think he has or his girlfriend has because of a previous post and some things he's said recently. I'm going to come up a new username soon for that reason. I'm sure most of you know who I am though. (single mom with son who just can't get her life together)
Well, I don't have much advice for you. I know what you are going through to some extent. Although I do have my husband around, we have just moved so I have no friends around and I know how stressful and lonely that can feel.
((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))) for you. I wish I could do more. I don't know how old your son is but I'm sure he is happy to just have mom around. Like you said, you have your mom's car to use so at least you have some transportation.
Hope things start to look up soon.
Sweetie, I'm reading this as I tilt my head and take a deep breath for you. I'm so sorry you are having to give back your car and having to borrow your mother's. It's also hard to be alone and there are a lot of people, including myself, who know how that is. How much of a deep conversation can you have with a child during dinner, etc? It's also nice when someone takes care of *you*.
All I can say is that you'll get through this...you most definitely will!!!
I don't know who you are but I understand about tough financial times. Even though it's not the reason for the season, it does seem like a big slap in the face when you can't do what you feel you should be able to or what everyone else is. I have three kids and feel like I should have it together by now, like I would have by this point in my life. That sucks about your car. We have 1 car and it needs minor repairs, until that happens I don't drive it. I'm afraid it will leave me stranded.
I know it is hard to see the good when you feel down but at least you have a car you can use. Maybe without the payment that will free up some money to make a difference in you quality of life. How old is you son? Even if you can't go crazy with presents he might love some traditional things. I know it's hard to get started when you're down, but you might feel better after you start. I mean like making some homemade ornaments together, they had some cute Christmas craft things at the dollar store, make popcorn and go look at Christmas lights, sing carols, bake together. He might really like that and remember that as a fun Christmas.
I got some really, really good deals last year at amazon. If you let me know what he is interested in, I can let you know if I see anything. My email is on my profile. ((HUGS)))
I know who you are and I can feel for what you are going through. Things are really tight this year for us also, at the spur of the moment we had a change in income and of course it had to happen this time of the year, typical. We are at the point that we are going to help at my sisters church, to feed the homeless, so that we ourselves are able to have Thanksgiving. I am not sure how I am going to pull off Christmas at this point and in spite of being sick I have been applying at everything I can find that might be hiring so that I can come up with some extra money and I have yet to be called in for an interview. So, I am trying, however I am not getting any where at this point and it is driving me nuts. Most of the day I feel like I am drowning in all of this and I am past sick and tired of it. I am way to old to be having money issues, again, and with my health issues stress makes me all the more sick.. I don't feel I can "win" and the "smart" side of me, says "this too shall pass" but the emotional side of me is at the end of my rope.
I can also feel for you about the friends thing. I have the people at our church, DH, the kids and one of my sisters to turn to and that's about it. That is one draw back to being a stay at home mom all these years. My contact with people is very limited and most of that contact is not friendship making contact. The friends I had have slowly left. We lost a bunch when they found out Rob was sick and then we lost more when I got sick. My condition limits my energy and being around me isn't fun on a bad day. Several of my friends, got jobs, got divorces and have drifted away. So I am basically carrying my burdens of life on my own. My therapist (yes in therapy now) says I need to make friends, she feels it will help my stress level. I just wish it was that easy. LOL
Sorry about the book but I just wanted to let you know that you are so not alone in the stress you are feeling. You are in my prayers.. Big hugs... Do what you can, that is all we can do.
((((Hugs to you)))) and to Bobbie, too.
Just don't make yourself feel worse by thinking that everybody else DOES have their life together.
I'm going to be facing some lifestyle changes, too, and it has me petrified! I really don't know how to cut expenses. And it sounds like I have more support than you, so my heart goes out to you. One positive thing you are doing right now is posting and reading here. Give yourself credit for that. Since your mother is loaning you a car, you'll have transportation without the loan payments--That's Great!
I'm hoping to keep our home for two years before downsizing. Last week, I was mourning the (anticipated) loss of this house, which I really love, so I added a few minutes to an errand and drove around looking at other houses. It made me feel better, because it changed my focus from what I'm going to lose to something new. There are new things out there. People you don't know yet will become your friends. Happiness that you don't expect. It's just true.
((((HUGS)))) I'm sorry you are going through this, and I hope things get easier for you. If you need to talk, you have my email. Hang in there!!!
I just wanted to say I think it's more common than alot of people think for adults to not have friends. So many things change as adults and your friends aren't number 1 anymore, people lose touch. It's not as easy as walking up to someone at the playground and asking their name.
When I was first married with babies I felt very alone. Sure, I had my husband but it's not the same as girlfriends. I felt so out of place being a young stay at home mom. When I did start to work part time I put aside any worries I used to have about what people think and was genuinely myself. It wasn't a career, just a job, so it's not like I had to be on the look out for someone stealing promotions or anything. I didn't have the preconceived notions people wouldn't like me like I always did before. Even though I haven't worked in over a year, I still keep in touch with a few and am best friends with one, finally! I also found the more open I was with others the more open they were with me, and frankly, I don't think anyone has it all together,lol! Hang in there!
I think I know who you are and just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts. I can tell by these posts that we care a great deal about you.:-)
((Hugs))
Thank you everyone. My dad and I took mom's car to the shop this morning so things are moving along in getting things back to normal (whatever that is.. lol...)
I'm going to be okay, life would be boring without all these speed bumps lol...
Again Thank you!
Speed bumps are challenges to over come. Challenges make us stronger. The only failures are things we do not grow from.
Big hugs anon.. "This too shall pass"
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