I was taking little dd to daycare one day a week at a lady's house I met through Mom's Club. She's a very nice person and I felt like her & I hit it off right away. She had surgery about 6 weeks ago to have her gall bladder removed, and she came through it fine. The following week after her surgery, I called her to see how she was doing and asked when she would start up again with the daycare. She said she would call me when the doctor gave her the go ahead, and she also said that the surgery went fine and she was healing really well. Anyway, she never called me back, and I was going to call her but DH said not to, that I'd be just bugging her and to wait for her to call like she said she would. The last time we talked was about 4 - 5 weeks ago. She might still be having problems but I'm wondering if she just dropped me. I would have liked for her to at least call me tell me. Do you think I should call her after all this time or just drop it? She started this little daycare and I think she just wanted it to be casual, but as time went by, I noticed her house getting more and more crowded with kids. Maybe she just got overwhelmed. Any advice appreciated.

By Sandysmom on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 08:59 am:

Also, If I call her, what should I say? I feel pretty awkward to be calling her after all this time.

By Vicki on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 10:05 am:

Well, you could say something to the effect of your new place that you have taken dd is wondering if this is still a temporary situation or if she will be there permanently. You could pretend that they are inquiring about it so they know how many spots they have available.

If it were me, I think if you are happy with your new place or arrangements, I would leave it go and keep her there. To me, it is kind of obvious that she either isn't starting it back up, or else she is taking less kids and your dd isn't one of them. I would feel awkward calling if it were me.....

By Sandysmom on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 10:18 am:

Yes, Vicki, I would feel awkward calling her after all this time, but we live in the same town and we're bound to run into each other, and it think that might be more awkward. Also, I tried to call other daycares in the area, private and otherwise and I couldn't find any that would take my dd for just one day a week. She had the perfect set-up in that she made herself available to moms who just wanted a few hours break, or to just go to the store without dragging the kids along, etc.... *sigh*

By Reds9298 on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 10:30 am:

Had my gall bladder removed and unless they had to do the old-time cuttin', she would be fine within 2 weeks to deal with little ones.

I would call her personally. It will be awkward, but you need to know what the deal is. For her to never get back with you is ridiculous and needs to be addressed, regardless of what the final result is. Good luck!

By Dawnk777 on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 12:11 pm:

Couldn't you just ask her how she is feeling? I wouldn't think that is weird. She did have surgery, after all.

By Luvn29 on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 12:25 pm:

I completely agree with Deanna. It was very rude and unprofessional of her to give you updates.

She should definitely be healed from the gall bladder surgery. If she had to be sliced open, she would be close to healed, but may still be having problems. However, she still should have let you know.

I would definitely call. And I wouldn't hide the reason I was calling. It is a professional call. I would simply state that you understand that she has been recovering, but you really need to know the status of her daycare, and if you need to make new, permanent arrangements.

You have every right to make that phone call.

By Colette on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 01:09 pm:

I had my gall bladder removed laprascopicly (however you spell it) and although I was pain free in a very short time, I was exhausted for weeks.

By Tklinreston on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 01:18 pm:

I would definitely call and not feel awkward about it. As Adena says it is a professional call. Of course you should first inquire about how she is feeling prior to bringing up the question, but you do have a right to know what her intentions are so you can plan ahead. I really don't think she'll take offense to that if she's a reasonable person.

By Sandysmom on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 02:07 pm:

I think I will call, and I will definitely ask her how she is feeling on top of everything else. Not long after she had the surgery, I sent her a get well card to let her know I was thinking of her. I would think that if she had encountered other problems, she would have at least called me. I will also be looking for other ways to give myself a break because I don't think at this point, I will feel comfortable sending my dd there, but like I said above, we live in the same small town and we're bound to run into each other and I really don't want awkward feelings between us. Also, she is a part of the same Mom's Club that I belong to and we're bound to run into each other. Thank you all for your advice.

By Angellew on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 04:09 pm:

I agree with Colette! I had my gall bladder out laproscopically too, and, not only was I exhausted, but I remember them telling me not to lift ANYTHING, not even laundry for at least 12 weeks.

By Sandysmom on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 04:33 pm:

Hmmmm, 12 weeks? I had no idea. I suppose being a daycare lady, eventually you would have to lift the kids up for some reason or another, and the age range she watched was mainly 5 and younger so her liklihood of picking up kids is greater. Thank you for mentioning this. Still, if she were going to be out of commision that long, she could have called.

By Luvn29 on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 04:59 pm:

Wow! 12 weeks? They never told me to wait that long! I agree, I was exhausted, but she still had the obligation to let everyone know.

By Kaye on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 05:22 pm:

My gall bladder surgery took me a full month to feel better, I wasn't good at calling people because i was so tired.

I had a friend who had this done, at 3 weeks she went back to work, actually ruptured the interior disolvy stitches and it has been now another month and she feels like crap.

I would call, see how she was doing, and say well I hadn't heard from you and was worried that you had complications.

By Reds9298 on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 05:57 pm:

OMG...I was up and running within 10 days, just like normal. Deep coughs or hard laughing was uncomfortable still for another week or two, and no heavy lifting for 3 weeks. My doc gave me a week off work and that was it, and he was right.

Totally off topic, just surprised to hear this with laproscopy. Regardless she should have called. This is her business for heaven's sake, and business where her clients REALLY count on her since she's the babysitter.

By Tink on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 06:18 pm:

Ditto Deanna. I was up and around within a week of my surgery and that was with a toddler and infant. If she ran into complications, I can understand her being out of commission for longer but she or someone like a friend or husband could have called since this is a business, not just updating friends on her condition. I think you can call without being rude and ask how she's doing and whether you should find other arrangements for your dd.

By Luvn29 on Friday, November 2, 2007 - 07:07 pm:

Kaye, I know that it is hard to call people, and I was the same way. However, I did call into work and update my employer on my condition, which is exactly what she should be doing.

By Karen~admin on Saturday, November 3, 2007 - 10:12 am:

No personal experience with gall bladder surgery, thank God, but I know people who've had laparoscopic gall bladder surgery, and they were off work for a week, and back to totally normal activities within 4 weeks. My friend had an emergency gall bladder removal, and 2 weeks later went on a planned cruise, and was sliding down the big slides at Margaritaville in Jamaica, and swimming with the stingrays. Another old friend from my dance class for moms 10+ years ago had the same surgery, and the following week, she was back in dance class.

HOWEVER - each case is different, each person heals at a different rate, and you don't know what other health issues she may have going on. And finally, anesthesia takes a HUGE toll on some people, and the biggest thing with general anesthesia is getting your energy back. It is very common to feel very tired and have no energy following anesthesia for surgery, and I read it can actually take up to a YEAR to feel *normal* again. I've had so many surgeries, I just expect that, and the other thing - though totally unrelated - is that you can lose hair after general anesthesia.

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, November 4, 2007 - 07:15 am:

Don't know about laproscopic gall bladder surgery, but there could have been any kind of complication, so speculating about whether she is healed is just that - speculation.

I don't see any reason why you can't call in the evening and say something like, I haven't heard from you and I am concerned about how you are doing after your surgery. There is nothing rude or unusual about expressing concern for someone you've had a relationship with. The ball is then in her court. Either she's having problems, or she is doing fine but doesn't want your dd back in her program. It may be that she doesn't want a one-day-a-week child, for some reason, or that she's decided to stop doing day care entirely. But you won't know until you call.

By Mrsheidi on Sunday, November 4, 2007 - 02:07 pm:

I would just call and ask how she's doing...I wouldn't even bring up the topic of babysitting until she does. She's bound to bring it up. If she doesn't, then she's probably not going back to it. Do you know any of the other kids' moms and see if she's contacted them?

By Dandjmom on Wednesday, November 7, 2007 - 09:30 am:

Did you speak with her yet? How is her health. I she healing all right?

By Sandysmom on Wednesday, November 7, 2007 - 12:35 pm:

Thanks for asking! Well, I couldn't get a hold of her through the phone. I don't know if she is avoiding me or just isn't home, but my calls were not returned. Finally, I just sent her an email asking her how she was and then explaining to her that I appreciate her opening her home to me but I decided to just keep my dd home and just do playgroups.

I hope that doesn't sound too harsh. Honestly, it's probably a blessing in disguise. I only put her in daycare one day a week for the social part of it. I really wasn't ready for her to go to daycare, I was just doing it for her. The whole time she would be gone, I was really anxious and I missed her terribly. I know that may sound selfish, but it is what it is. I'm just sorry that *maybe* she didn't feel comfortable enough with me to just say, "I need to cut back on kids" or "I appreciate your business, but I need......" Like I said before, I really like her as a person and I hate that it had to be this way.

By Mlee on Thursday, November 8, 2007 - 11:22 pm:

The day care person didn't return several calls. You were more than nice to email and let her know your plans, not harsh at all. There's only so much you can do; some people are going to feel uncomfortable giving you "bad news" (such as, "I've quit doing daycare") no matter what YOU are like. (My MiL's husband, who is from a different culture, once waited THREE DAYS before calling to tell us that MiL was in INTENSIVE CARE! We live in the same town, we're in touch regularly, and her SON(!) and I would've been going to see her at the hospital daily. But her husband didn't want to give us "bad news." Frankly, I can't believe entire cultures can function like that. I believe it was just as much a guy-thing as a culture-thing.)

The play group idea sounds lovely. How can you think you are "selfish" for wanting to be with your little one? I always felt selfish for wanting time WITHOUT mine! We can't both be selfish, Sandy, if we're wanting opposite things.
How old are your children now?

By Sandysmom on Friday, November 9, 2007 - 11:01 am:

Mlee, my oldest DD is 13 and my youngest dd is 2 & 1/2.

She never responded to my e-mail. However, she did send around a group e-mail with new rules and she also has a person helping her out now so she can take on even more children. I would have thought she would have responded to my e-mail personally, but she didn't, and when I got her group e-mail, I was surprised she sent it to me also since in my e-mail to her, I told her I was pulling my dd out. I don't know, maybe that was her way of saying that the door is always open.