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Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive November 2007: Would this seem a little odd to you
Dh and I had a very long talk yesterday. it was his day off and the kids were all in school. I cried he cried and alot of things got settled and talked about. We talked about the pants thing and he said that all he did was try and fold her pants to make it look 80's ( I have no clue) I told him about mentioning it to him and him turning over and it lead me to think that there was more going on. He appologized and said that he was just taken off by the question all he did was helped her fold her pants. He also said the way she said it was not right and he had no clue why she did. So all in all it was a very good conversation and I waited a few days to talk to him about it so I could get me feeling in order so I wouldn't blow up at him. He said that he loved me and that he would never ever think about cheating and he married me and only me. which made me feel alot better. So now we made it that everynight before bed we had to talk to each other about us. and I think that will help alot. thanks all for your support.
she was referring to your hubby helping with her pants? Oh I would demand a answer.
I don't think could let that go either. I can't think of one single reason that your husband would need to help another woman with her pants. I am sorry to say, but this whole thing sounds fishy to me and I would be very concerned also.
I see red flags here, too. Do not let this slide. He knows this is making you uncomfortable and that should be enough for him to stop his behavior.
Ditto everyone else.
I see red flags and would not put up with that. I would not be afraid to come off as the crazy wife. You are not wrong to ask and demand an answer. And if your dh is not man enough to take care of then I would with him and then her.
He gave you no answer? No, no, no, no. I'd get to truth on this one. There is no reason for a man to help a woman with her pants. Period!
I see a red flag also. You are his wife and therefore one of the most important people in his life. He should be doing everything he can to put your fears to rest and not dismissing it. BTW, I can't stand women like that who are "super" friendly to men. I can't believe she had the nerve to even tell you that he helped her with her pants. I would have been tempted to say to her, "Why couldn't you get a female co-worker to help you? Why did you have to have my husband help you? Don't you think that was a little inappropriate?" I guess I'm just bad in that sense. I would have put her on the spot right there in front of that other lady. I would have also asked my husband the same type of questions. Arghhhh! The only other thing I can say is, that if your DH will not put your fears to rest, you may want to approach her and tell her that you have observed their interaction from time to time, and that you feel that she is getting too chummy with your DH and it has raised some suspicions. I'm so sorry you even have to deal with this. (((hugs)))
The problem is, Shann, that you always knew that something was going on, you just haven't confronted it because you were afraid.
Ditto everyone else.
Sometimes when I confront my dh about something that is making me uncomfortable, I try to remain calm (really hard to do) and turn things around. Ask your dh how he would feel if you were getting overly friendly with a male coworker. Ask how he would feel if this male was calling you on your days off. How would he feel if a man helped you with your clothes as opposed to another female coworker? My guess is he wouldn't be too happy about it.
At the very least, he is having an inappropriate friendship with the woman. I would be bothered by them calling each other on their days off. I can't think of one good reason for that. I'd demand answers. And then I would make a couple ultimatums, but only those you are ready to carry out. Making false promises will only make him feel like he can get away with anything.
How did he help her with her pants? What does she mean by that?
They are both behaving inappropriately but your concern is with your husband. I concur with Nicki - if you can "role play" ahead of time - think out what you want to say, his possible responses, and what you would say next, and run it through your head several times (even saying it out loud) so that you have it clear and to work out how to say what you want to say without sounding "whiney" or "hysterical" (what men often say when women won't stop asking questions). You want to sound calm, keep your cool, don't make accusations but ask why she said that, did he "help" her with her costume, what exactly went on, why would she say such a thing to you, and what is he going to do about it? Yes, you can ask him how he'd feel if the situation were reversed, and you can tell him "when I hear a comment like that from a woman you work with, it makes me feel humiliated and makes me wonder if she is trying to get into a relationship with you". Not - are you having a relationship with her, but rather, this is how I feel.
Sweety,I am so sorry that you are going thru this.The advice above is great;please keep us posted.And, remember to pray about this.
((((Shann))))) Thinking of you and wondering how you are doing...
I am thinking of you as well.
Shann, just wondering about you too. Please feel free to come here and "talk".In the past , I have gone thru similar things, so I know how important it is to have someone to talk too
In case everyone didn't notice, Shann posted an update on her original post at the top.
In the eighties girls folded the bottoms of their pants up! No one remembers?? You'd overlap the inside part and then fold twice, making the end much narrower and a few inches above the ankle. You'd then wear scrunched up socks with loafers to complete the look. Along with a cute blouse with the collar standing up and a long sweater over it. And don't forget the super long strand of pears knotted up! It was actually a very cute look and way better than the seventies flare pants!!
Shann, I'm so glad you & DH talked things out!
I'm also glad you and dh talked things out and you both feel better. The explanation Kate gives makes sense. I would hope your dh would say something to this young woman about her making inappropriate remarks to his wife and in front of his children.
I totally remember that look, Kate! Although, I did it in the very early nineties, too!
I remember seeing girls dressed like that. I never did, though. LOL!
How do you post an update on your original post ?(remember, I'm the computer -challenged person )
In the menu on the left hand side, click Edit Profile. Log in, on the next page. It lists a certain number of your recent posts. Click edit and then post and your revision should be there.
Thanks Dawn.That's interesting. But wouldn't that get a little confusing to do?
She still should have gotten another woman to do it. That sounds fishy to me, too, coupled with the calling each other.
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