You can all say, "I told you so!"
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive September 2007:
You can all say, "I told you so!"
Oh my gosh...things are NOT good. DH and DS are on their way. DH quit his job. I am here with DD. It was hard being apart so DH thought it best that he quit and bring DS here. I wanted DS here but I didn't want DH to quit. He didn't want to send DS on the plane alone.
So, here is our situation....the house has not sold so we are paying rent and a mortgage. We still have car payments, our line of credit is maxed b/c DH bought a new used truck in August thinking the house would sell right away and we would pay it off. So, on Sunday, we have a car payment, LOC payment, regular bills and a mortgage and rent payment. My license plate runs out on Monday and I can't afford to get a new windshield so I will be without a car after Monday.
Oh my gosh...I have NEVER in my life had any financial issues. Our Visa is high b/c DH put the moving truck on it. He is also using it to pay for gas along the way.
What are we going to do? After we pay the bills on Monday we will have about $300. That's for groceries, electricity, and other things for a month. Then next month we are in HUGE trouble b/c DH won't have a paycheck going in.
What have we done????
OMG.
I can't imagine. I am so sorry.
Why did your dh quit?
I am praying for you.
(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
I don't know what to even suggest for you. I will be praying, as I know first hand it makes a difference.
I will be praying for you also, and hopefully, this time next year, it will all seem like a distant memory. (((hugs))))
btdt, wow I hope it will work out, i'll be thinking of you and praying for you too.
(((((( BigHugs ))))))
Sell anything you can on craigslist, sell the truck? Find a job anywhere Mcdonalds, Prioritize your bills. Know that you can get one month behind before shut off and prioritize. Pay anything reported to credit first to keep the credit you have and then anything closest to being shut off. That is all I know. Sorry and I hope it works out.
{{{HUGS}}} Will keep your family in my prayers.
First of all, no one would ever say...or even think..."I told you so." It is important for the family to be together. This is a hard stressful situation all the way around. Deep breath. Know that people have been in worse financial straits and made it through all right. The first order of business will be for your DH to find a job, even if he has to work at McDonald's until something opens in his field. You have mentioned before that there are few openings in his field in this part of the country so he may have to even consider re-careering. He will find something and every little bit will help until he lands a real job. Check into some type of assistance for food, gas, utilities if you need to do so temporarily. There is no shame---that's what these programs are for. A lot of churches have a thing called Angel Food Ministries. It's a box of a lot of different foods (inc. meat) for a reasonable price. I'm not sure if they are in Canada, but you can google it to find out.
Other than those practical type of things, this is where the rubber meets to road with your faith. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but as a Christian believer this is where I have to throw my hands up in the air, admit that I can't do it, depend SOLELY on God (ouch! that's the hard part), and be patient while He does His thing. I'll be praying for you guys...really. I am sure some tough lessons will be learned, but you guys will come out on the other side and be stronger for it.
I will be keeping you all in my prayers and hopefully things will look a little brighter once your DH and DS are in the same house with you. In the meantime vent away or cry on our shoulders.
Ditto Pam. (((((HUGS)))) Have you considered renting your house? That would relieve your financial responsibilities a bit.
Oh wow! I am a pretty faithful listener and try to be a follower of Dave Ramsey, why don't you think about looking into him. daveramsey.com. he does a radio talk show, I know it sound hokey, but he is super compassinate and really lays out some solid advice and plan of attack for lots of financial situation. I do know he would say like Juli did above, SELL one care immediately and start delivering pizzas today! For me I'd take care of food & shelter before I paid anything else. Creditors take a risk when they extend credit so if they have to wait, that's part of the business they are in. Humans need shelter and food to survive
Good Luck, I know how hard all of this has been on you.
((((Paula)))) This will all work out. I have faith it will. You and DH are in my thoughts and I hope that you can find comfort in knowing you aren't the first to go through a financial strain and that if you push forward you will make it through this..
No one can say "I told you so"... Trust that you can make it through and you will. So many prayers coming your way...
Paula, ditto Pamt! I'm sorry things are so rough right now, but as everyone said, NO ONE will ever say *I told you so*! You have done the best you can under the circumstances.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Paula, we'd NEVER say that! You've already gotten great advise above. Know we're here for you. Big hugs and lots of prayers.
Part of me thinks that you're trying to say "I told you so" to your husband, rather than working together. I would work on a plan that works for both of you...seems like you two have different realities. Which is harder? Being away from each other or having security for your family? Did he tell you he was quitting?
Lower the price of your house (as much as you can), move in with family (didn't you move to be closer to his family?), and like someone said above, sell things on Craigslist (do they have it in Canada?), and get jobs asap.
We've had money issues in the past and the only way we got out of it was to lower our house sale price and get all sorts of income.
You'll get through this, but you have to work as a team and with a realistic set of goals. No decision should be made without the others' approval.
(((Hugs!!! ))) I will keep you in my prayers!!
((((Paula))))) I'm so sorry you are going through this!! Please feel free to come here to vent any time, no one will say "I told you so"!!
Everyone is right. We would NEVER say "I told you so." We are here to help each other.
I'm pretty much with everyone else. Look for temporary assistance with the utilities and food. I did the utilities assistance when I was right out of college and had to wait a few months for my paycheck from my first job. It was agony, even though I had budgeted down to the penny. You call them and just fill out a form declaring your income and your family size and they give you a discounted rate.
I'm sure food banks shouldn't be too hard to find.
The only assistance place I can think of off the top of my head that can help with other things is Catholic Social Services. Try to find one. They help people who aren't Catholic, too. I think they even help folks find jobs.
Good luck with it all. We are here for you.
Yikes, it sounds stressful! I hope your dh can find any kind of job as soon as he gets there. It might not be his "dream" job, but right now it is just about money!
Sending good vibes that everything works out and the house sells quick!
((((((((((((((((( Paula ))))))))))))))))))))
I'm going to echo everything that was said above minus one post.
If there is anything I can do please let me know.
My email is hedgehog774 @ hotmail.com
I am so sorry. Financial problems can be sooo stressful. I agree with everything about your DH taking any job he can get and selling what you can. I will pray for you, many times that has been the only thing that worked for me.
{{{Big hugs}}} I don't really don't have anything new to add except my thoughts and prayers for you and your family. I totally agree with Pam and like Kym, I'm a Dave Ramsey junkie and think his practical advice might be of help you.
I also don't have anything new to add, ditto Pamt especially. {{HUGS}} and prayers coming your way.
OK... take a deep breath.
Generally when you quit you have a paycheck with unused vacation days, etc. Hopefully your hubby will have a larger check then you expect.
I have been exactly where you are.
We simply buckled down and got busy. My hubby worked two jobs until he found one in his field (which only took a few months). I started baby-sitting and selling on ebay. I called our credit card companies and they gave us a grace period. I had two months to get my budget back on track. I called the car loan company and they also gave us an extension.
Make calls on all of your bills. Do not pay anything you do not have to. You need to have some $ in the bank.
You and your hubby may need to take jobs you do not want, while you search for a better job.
I look back on my experience and what seemed devastating at the time was really a blessing. It brought my hubby and I closer together. We teamed up and got through it. I know it made us stronger.
You can get through this. Just try to get through it as a couple. I think that is the most important thing.
I believe you moved closer to family. Can they help? If so, do not feel ashamed to ask for help.
(((hugs)))
btw i am sure a mod will catch this. But that is improper use of the anon feature. We are all allowed our opinions here, but you can't post your name with it, then you need to rethink it.
All that being said, I agree with all the posts here, there is a way, you have to stick with your hubby here. Divided you will fall. Grow through this.
I do think the point anon was trying to make is that the two of you seem to not be working together. It is okay to be angry and hurt. And we are happy that we can be that place for you to vent about it. I can't imagine my hubby quiting his job, just because it would be easier to be with us, than away from us.
I do think you need to sit down and say, okay here is where we are, how are we going to fix this. If money is tight, he needs a job, a career would be great, but a job is sufficient. You can get through this.
Thanks for all the support. In a way I think anon is right...I told DH that this decision to move was a financial disaster and it is turning out to be.
He will get a larger check and I guess we will just have to leave it in the bank to help us get through the next month rather than paying off our credit card. We have never carried a credit card balance. We use our card frequently for air mile purposes but always pay it off. We were planning on using his vacation buy out to pay for the move. I guess we are going to have to just pay the minimum payment for a few months and pay the interest (this kills me as we have never done this). We have a very good credit so there is some room in the LOC but the monthly payment is very high.
The whole 'plan' was to be debt free. The house was supposed to sell quickly and we were expecting to be COMPLETELY debt free (including mortgage free, or close) when all was said and done.
The house has been for sale with a realtor since July 16 and nothing. We thought we had sold it last week and the deal fell through. If the house would sell, we would be paying off the vehicles and the mortgage and have a sizeable downpayment...
but in the meantime....this is so stressful.
Just to clarify...I do have a job. I am teaching full time. It's just that the wages here are quite low and we are maintaining two households and have some high expenses right now. We could sell some stuff...that would help. I am going to look at Craigslist right now. We have a fairly new truck we could sell. That would be a huge relief of a monthly payment. The other option is renting our home that is for sale. We had hoped to give it a month more to see if it would sell.
He will get Unemployment but I think that takes a few weeks at the very least to kick in once you apply. Because he quit to follow me, he qualifies.
Thanks for the shoulder to cry on ladies. I think I am going to need it a bit more over the next few weeks.
More (((HUGS))) Paula !!! I am so sorry you are going through so much stress right now. Things will get better soon for you. Hang in there.
Paula, I am so sorry you are going through all this. There was a lot to read above but Pam and Yvonne have some sound advice. And, you're right about the minimums on the credit cards. We had to pay the minimums on ours when we had 2 mortgages, but it didn't affect our credit history. It's when you miss a payment that it really affects you.
You and your DH will get out of this situation...you are two smart people going through a difficult time right now!!! A year from now you guys will have come through all this smelling like roses!! ((HUGS))
That's what DH keeps saying. He keeps saying that we will get through this. I guess I still carry quite a bit of resentment and all this stress isn't helping.
You will get through, it will work out, just remember to be calm!! Just hang in there!! ((((HUGS))))
You remind me of a couple we know who used to live down the street. They bought land in the country north of the city, and used the equity in their home to finance that land purchase. Then they began to build a home (all by themselves) on that land and put their house down the street up on the market. They needed to get the mortgage closed on the home that they were building so that they could buy materials, but in order to do that, they had to somehow rig it so that HE officially leased the old house to HER since they couldn't get approved for TWO mortgages simultaneously. (I am not sure why or how, I just know that's how they worked it out.) The old home stayed on the market for six months and didn't sell. When they were about half done building the home, the new mortgage payments kicked in, and the old home hadn't sold yet. SHE was getting VERY nervous about their financial situation, being responsible for two mortgages for nearly a year. It put a LOT of stress on their marriage since she blamed him for pushing so hard to get the new home built so soon. Every month when the payments came due, they got into big arguments. The old home stayed on the market another six months before it FINALLY sold. SO all is well, finally.
I guess I am trying to say that if they can get through that, you can get through this.
(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
I hope you are feeling a little more "hopeful" today. Things will work out. Yes, pay the minimums for a few months - that may even increase your credit score! If your credit is really good, ask for an increase on your line. I am surprised everery time I get something in the mail that my line has been increased - doubled sometimes.
Another option is a home equity loan, but I don't know if you have enough time to apply for one and get one. You would pay it off when your home sells.
Good luck. Lots of prayers. Oh - also is there anyone who can give you a short term loan?
We are in the same situation - only we bought another house! So - we are paying two mortgages, waiting for our house to sell and renovating the other. It is a big risk, but it will work out!
Oh - and I found the use of the Anon perfectly fine. The poster was referring to hard financial times he/she had experienced and may not have wanted anyone to know about.
Thought about using it myself ...
Hugs,
Ame
"We've had money issues in the past" makes the use of anon, with in the rules of posting, appropriate. The Anonymous feature is available to users when posting on issues of a personally sensitive nature ONLY. Anon's past money issues could be a sensitive issue to the anon and she may not want to rest of the list to know who she is or she might worry someone outside the list may recognize her as the poster.
Paula, do you feel that DH has been supportive and trusting of you, over your marriage? How much of this is because, even though you agreed to make the move, you still have your heels dug in that this will be the worst mistake he has ever made? It is my understanding that he isn't even there yet? That you haven't gotten his final pay yet? That you have no idea what this unempoyment will mean to you? That he hasn't even looked for a job there yet but you assume he won't be able to get one? Your house has only been on the market a little over two months at this point? Do you have yourself worked up into a near melt down over a bunch of might be's??
Life is full of leaps of faith. Hurdles and struggles are what strengthen us. You can and you will work your way through this but it has to be done together. I understand your fears, they are founded because of the unknown of all of this. However, if you keep focusing on them they will cause resentments in you so deep that anything your DH does do will come with a second guessing on your part. He isn't setting out to do this to cause you distress I am sure, he has a vision in his mind of what this move will mean to all of you. A meaning that he wants to share with his children.
Has your DH ever not stood on his word? Does he not follow through on his promises? Has he given you reason to doubt his commitment to his family and making a secure life for you all? Is he a slacker or is he a man that takes pride in providing for his family?
{{{HUGS}}} Money can be such a stressful issue! I will be praying for your family. All I can suggest is one day at a time, and try to count all the blessings you do have. Actually, if the house has only been on the market since July, that really isn't that long in this market...(I know, it seems like a LONG time when you're paying for two houses!) I hope things are looking up for you soon
Bobbie, you really are such a wise lady. Much of what you say is true. He is a hard worker and has never given me reason to doubt him. He is on his way.
An update...
I found out today that I am getting paid at the bottom of the scale. Once the department receives my paperwork (I also found out they were missing one transcript) I will receive an adjustment since I should be paid at 10 years.
DH wrote a written exam for a job locally. When he arrives next week he will do a physical test. If he passes that (he's worried about the pushups ) he will have an oral interview. He says he will work 3 jobs if he has to.
I have a tendency to worry ALOT...have you noticed??? He keeps telling me that, yes, things look bleak now but only one thing has to happen to quickly turn things around. When our home sells, we will have no payments on anything...and possibly no mortgage depending on what we choose to get here.
So, thank you all for your support. I will try to remember that it will work out.
Paula, There are already things that are working for your favor and you may have set backs but keep those positive things in the front of your mind.
Maybe, this is a test to prove to YOU how strong you really are because I promise nothing you are dealing with right now is going to kill you, so strength should be the only acceptable out come from this.
One day at a time, one issue at a time and work together... Everything else will fall into place, even if it looks bleak at the moment. There is always a rainbow after a storm..
You can and you will do this. Together there won't be a failure.. 10 years from now, you will look at all of this as a faint memory of a trial the two of you faced together and I bet you will be proud you did it. DH's and my best memories are often of our struggles together, we laugh at a lot of the things we thought would break us while going through the challenges but we have come out on top of all of it closer and more solid then most of the couples I know.
Prayers for safe travels to DH and DS and a calming for you.... ((((PAULA))))
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