My dd is 13 and she seems to think that it's ok now for her to go to bed between 10:30 & 11:00pm. I realize that she is the one that has to deal with the consequenses of that, but I still would like her to go to bed no later than 10:00. It's not only for her, but for my DH & I. I just feel like we need some time when the house is quiet before we actually go to bed ourselves. I don't think I am being unreasonable. Anyone else have set bedtimes for their teens?

By Kaye on Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 10:30 pm:

My 13 year old is made to head to the shower no later than 8:30. We typically let her watch something on tv with us, but by 9 oclock she must go to her room. We expect her to be attempting to sleep by 9:30. If there is a special show on that goes till 10 we will let her watch that.

In the summer we don't have bedtimes, but we have a rule that, you know what tomorrows schedule is, you will be up and ready and not grumpy. At least once we had to leave the house with her just crawled out of bed, but she does care what others think...so it didn't happen often.

By Pamt on Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 10:57 pm:

My 13 y/o has lights-out at 9:00 pm. He has to be up by 6:15 and teens actually need more sleep than elementary-aged kids because they are spending some more energy growing and changing. My DS has complained a couple of times, but he always is asleep by 9:15 so he knows he needs the sleep.

By Sandysmom on Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 11:26 pm:

Wow, I'm really re-thinking the 10:00 time right now. With all that she is into right now (volleyball, youth group, band, etc...), it seems like she is keyed up even at this time, but I'm thinking that if she really goes to bed earlier, like at 9:30, she may see for herself how much better she feels. Plus, it gives DH & I more time to be together before we become overly tired. Thanks for the input.

By Crystal915 on Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 11:57 pm:

I had to be in bed at 9 or 930 at her age, and while in high school I had to be in my room, quiet, by 10 on school nights. Teens need a LOT of rest, I think having quiet time by 9:00, lights out by 9:30 is a good time. Then again, I've always been a night owl, so are my kids, and they are frequently up until 9:30!!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, September 19, 2007 - 12:17 am:

If she goes to bed at 11 is she cranky in the morning? Forcing her into bed at 9-9:30 isn't going to make her go to sleep any early than 11 if that is when she gets tired. Does she have a TV, radio, does she read, journal, something she could do quitely in her room for an hour or so before she heads to bed. You and DH get some time together and she doesn't have to be a sleep, just out of your face.. It is a compromise and she can accept it or go to bed at 9 with lights out. Is there something she is wanting to watch or is she just not wanting you to have time to yourselves?

However, if she is cranky in the morning.. No way and she needs to be in bed earlier for sure. I have been lucky and all my kids have pretty good sleep habits, except in the summer and on the weekends. It is nothing for everyone to be up running around at 1 in the morning, but we are still up by 7 the next day. Go figure..

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, September 19, 2007 - 06:23 am:

Here's a brief article in Consumer Reports about teens and sleep needs: sleep

I know I recently read an article (but can't remember where) that says that teens actually need more sleep than pre-teens.

I agree, 10:30-11:00 is too late, both for her health and for your needs for "alone" time with dh. But getting her to (a) recognize that she needs 9+ hours of sleep a night and (b) change habits and patterns so that she is ready to sleep by no later than 10 will not be fun. One thing you can do is start cutting down on caffiene, which means not only coffee, but sodas with caffiene and chocolate after mid-day, as caffiene is a big factor in keeping people from being able to go to sleep. And, of course, habits and patterns that will have her both mentally and physically expecting to go to sleep by around 10, and I have no idea what to suggest.

I do suggest you do some web surfing, as I just did, on teen sleep needs, and show her the multiple articles from multiple sources that say teens need 9-10 hours of sleep a night, which is more than younger children or adults need, and that is just a fact of the phase her body is in and biological/neurological need.

Cranky in the morning is a definite sign of needing more sleep and she should pay attention to what her body is telling her. Try letting her sleep in on Saturdays and Sundays for a few weeks and see if she is less cranky on those days.

By Mom2three1968 on Wednesday, September 19, 2007 - 06:58 am:

My dd who will be fifteen next month still has a bedtime of 9pm, sometimes she will go to bed at 830 if she is really tired. I really believe they need their sleep and my dh works 11-7 pm so while he is getting ready to leave for work, (he leaves so that he can be there an hour early for a turn over) we are going to bed for nine, I also have an 11 yr old too. They each get up at 6 and I think it's appropriate. It works for us.

By Missbookworm on Wednesday, September 19, 2007 - 10:22 am:

I'm with mom2three. My ds is 16 and he still goes to his room by 9 and lights out is no later than 10 but I have never gone down there and find him still awake!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, September 19, 2007 - 11:41 am:

My kids start their night time routines around 7:30. Watch a bit of TV and then bedroom by 9:00 and lights out by 10. But this is the way it has been since they were born, although the times have changed. As toddlers they were in bed by 7:30. Elementary school 8:30. Callie is 18 and she still goes to bed by 10:00, but she has always been a good sleeper..

However, I don't think sleep habits are the same for everyone.

Talk to her and come up with a workable compromise. Better to talk then to tell, she will buck if she thinks she is being "babied".

By Sandysmom on Wednesday, September 19, 2007 - 02:42 pm:

Thanks for all your input I feel like my main reason for wanting her to go to bed earlier seems selfish, but I really do need that down time at night. Also, I do think she needs more sleep than she thinks she does. Some of her friends seem to have no time limit, so I guess she thinks I should go along with that. I don't particularly agree with her. She has volleyball until 5pm and that is a long day, from the time she gets up in the morning, 6am, till 5pm. Yesterday, she did not get home until 7pm because she had youth group right after volleyball. Bobbie, I do think her & I need to come up with a workable compromise, and you are right about the fact that if I just laid down the law, she would think she is being babied and therefore, try to rebel. Because she is a strong-willed teenage girl, I have to approach this in some way, but I'm not sure how to start the conversation. Wish me luck!

By Sandysmom on Wednesday, September 19, 2007 - 10:00 pm:

Well, here's what happened. I opened up the conversation by saying to dd that I would like to discuss her bedtime and would like to make it an open conversation with compromise. She(barely) listened to what I had to say, and in return stated that she doesn't understand why it's such a big deal to me and it should be up to her to set her own bedtime because she will know best herself how much or how little sleep she needs. I explained to her - again - that it is not *only* about her, but that dh & I need time to ourselves at night to talk, or just do whatever we want with peace and quiet and no interruption. We feel we deserve it. Still, she would not compromise, which does not surprise me because I know her and she is a great kid, but I swear she would make an excellent attorney one day, LOL! So this is what I did; I told her that I want all her homework done and off of the computer by 9:00 and be showered and in her room by 9:30, with lights out at 9:30. I also told her that if she complies with that without argument for a week, then I will be open to discuss any compromises she may want to bring to the table. i hope I did you all proud!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, September 20, 2007 - 01:42 pm:

LOL... Fingers crossed that she gets it.. I had similar issues in my home with the whole, my friends this and that crap and I had to set the rules of the house in spite of what their friends were aloud to do, hard. No phone calls after 9, if they call the caller will be told no phone calls after nine for example and they will not speak to my child. It is hard to parent what you know is right for your family when it seems that you are the only one trying to apply some rules and structure. To easy to let the kids rule the roost.. Stay strong and even the best of kids have issues.. So I don't think this says anything about your child, other than the fact that she is trying to exert her new found adult decision making skills. Even the best of kids buck.. Talk to her and keep talking, she will get it.. If not now, later.. My kids thought I was strict until their friends started really messing up because of lack adult involvement. it will all be okay..

(((HUGS)))