How would you handle this?
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive September 2007:
How would you handle this?
My neighbor's children are several years younger then mine. My boys are friends with several boys in the neighborhood that are their age. It never fails, when one of their friends comes over, she will send her 2 young boys over. My dks don't want to play with them. My oldest is almost 10, and her sons are 6 and 4. I don't blame him. We have had several issues with these neighbors, so it is pretty rocky ground already. I just think it is rude to send your young kids over to play with boys that are 2-5 years older then them. I have been letting them in, but it makes my boys mad. However, these poor boys are sent over by their mother to play. I don't blame them, I blame their mother. I want to call her and tell her that it is nothing against her children, but my dks are much older with different interests, and don't really want to play with them. Dh doesn't want me to do this. It seems that she is already telling the neighbors that we don't like them. Am I in high school or what?. But, I tell dh, he is not the one here to deal with it. I would never send my 4 year old over to someone's house to play without asking. In fact, all the other boys they play with, we call, or they call and ask first before they come over. I feel like they just sit and watch, and when they see other kids come over, they send them. It is always within a few minutes of other kids coming over.
So, how would you handle this?
Well the first thing I would do upon answer the door, is say, oh I'm sorry we are busy, they have someone over right now. And then send them home!
If the mom calls, I would simply say, your boys are so sweet, but my boys are into video games that just aren't age appropriate for your boys (or whatever the activity is).
Does your youngest like her oldest? 2 years isn't a huge difference, if so you could actually invite him over to play for something specific.
id do the same thing kaye advised ... ur not a babysitter ... thats what id feel like ... i know its not fun to feel like part of the neighborhood dont like ya but u have to looks out for ur kids first ... i had to do the same thing at one time in my sons life and tho the kids didnt understand i explained that our house couldnt accomodate alot of kids at one time so we had to limit the number and would call the next time a play date was available.
good luck not easy to deal with
I have dealt with this very same situation.
I have told the kids "I am sorry my children already have company". They went back home. It took several times before the parents stopped sending them over. I felt like they were trying to use me as a baby-sitter. The age difference is huge. 4 and 6 year olds are simply not playing the same things as 10 year olds. It is one thing to include a sibling that age, it is entirely different when it is a neighbor.
While I agree that it is incredibly presumptuous and rude to simply dump the whole group of boys onto you, is it possible that she has other issues? Maybe depression or anxiety? Drug addiction? Maybe there is some reason that she isn't emotionally or physically equipped to handle the little kids and needs a break? Or is she just a bummy mother and a trouble maker?
We have a family like that in our neighborhood. The dad is a drunk and the mom simply can't handle the two boys ages 14 and 12, who act like they are 10 and 8 because of ADHD and mild autism. There was one day when my son was at their house to play. He wanted to call me and let me know where he was, but he wasn't allowed in the house. When I asked why, he said that the mom had kicked all the kids outside and locked the door because she needed some peace and quiet.
Some people just think it's okay to abdicate their parental responsibility, if only for a short time.
There is a 2 year age difference between my youngest and her oldest. But, my youngest is not into the same things as he is, and they really don't get along that well. He is very immature. Also, it seems to be a package deal, and my ds does not want to play with a 4 yr. old.
I have no idea why she feels it is okay to send them over. I NEVER sent my dks over to a neighbor's house without checking first if they could play. I wouldn't think she needs a sitter, she has her 4 yr. old enrolled in all day - 5 days a week preschool. So, both of them are in school all day. My personal opinion is that she doesn't want to make an effort with getting them involved in activities, or setting up play dates with kids their age. It is just easier to try and force a friendship with my dks. Unfortunately for her, most of the kids in the neighborhood are my dks age, or a few years older. My dks NEVER initiate playing with them, and never go over to their house, you would think she would take the hint.
I like what you suggested Kaye. I am going to start doing that. Hopefully, she will get the hint. And, if she gets mad at me, I really don't care. I care more about my dks, and my relationship with them.
There is a 2 year age difference between my youngest and her oldest. But, my youngest is not into the same things as he is, and they really don't get along that well. He is very immature. Also, it seems to be a package deal, and my ds does not want to play with a 4 yr. old.
I have no idea why she feels it is okay to send them over. I NEVER sent my dks over to a neighbor's house without checking first if they could play. I wouldn't think she needs a sitter, she has her 4 yr. old enrolled in all day - 5 days a week preschool. So, both of them are in school all day. My personal opinion is that she doesn't want to make an effort with getting them involved in activities, or setting up play dates with kids their age. It is just easier to try and force a friendship with my dks. Unfortunately for her, most of the kids in the neighborhood are my dks age, or a few years older. My dks NEVER initiate playing with them, and never go over to their house, you would think she would take the hint.
I like what you suggested Kaye. I am going to start doing that. Hopefully, she will get the hint. And, if she gets mad at me, I really don't care. I care more about my dks, and my relationship with them.
Oops...sorry for the double post
Well, You could start sending your kids over to her house.. Heck, have them drag their friends a long with them. knock knock, "we are wondering if we can play at your house with Billy and Jimmy." Wonder how long it will take for her to get the hint?? Your boys probably won't want to but it would be a clear way to teach her a lesson.
Just turning the boys away would work too.. I have done that myself. My girls are 10 and in the 5th grade. We have a neighbor that is 10 and also in the fifth grade but she has a little sister from hell who is 7 and in kindergarten shows extreme immaturity, extremely spoiled. The mother will not allow the 10 year old over unless she allows the 7 year old to come and the 7 year old lies and does things to the older girls and run home and tells mom that the older girls "said this" "did that" or "won't this". This woman is under the impression that my girls are brats apparently because of all the lies, the child will tell them the lies she has told her mom to get them in trouble and the 10 year old has gotten grounded for trying to explain to her mom that the little sister is lying. I am done playing with her little girl. So not worth a confrontation with me, the girl does no wrong, so I just started turning the girl away. She would knock, I would tell her very nicely to go on home the girls are busy and I would say goodbye nicely and shut the door.. She hasn't been back in months. The girls talk to her sister and play at recess together and it is sad that they can't play here but they all know the problems it creates so they just don't even try anymore.
First of all if she is telling people that you all don't like them , then she looks very crazy. Because I would be asking myself why is she still sending her kids over then?
Secondly I think it is very rude of her to send her kids without asking is it all right.
Third I would turn them away at the door, tell them that your boys are busy. If or when she calls to ask why I sent them back home? I would use that opportunity to let her know that had she had called before sending the boys over, you would have been able to tell her that your boys where busy.
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