My 9 yr. old ds(4th grade) seems to be an emotional mess lately. He is playing baseball, a sport he has always been very good at. He is fielding exceptional, probably one of the best on his team. But, he is in a little batting slump. He was crying his eyes out about it earlier this week. No one else is concerned. It has just been a few games. His coach, his dad(ex college baseball player) all have told him not to worry about it. Then, today, he got a mark on his folder about not turning work/homework in on time, which is very uncharacteristic of him. He is a straight A student. I just asked him what happened since this isn't like him. He started bawling. I know they have started switching teachers for different subjects, so it might be a little overwhelming. But, this was an assignment given by his main teacher, who is great, and who he seems to really like. I couldn't even get a straight answer about what happened. I guess he didn't finish an assignment, they were told they could work on it later, and then he couldn't find it?? Tonight is open house at school, so I am going to ask his teacher about it. I am just wondering if this is normal for his age. He has never been this emotional about stuff. It just seems he is crying at the drop of a hat. Anyone BTDT??

By Kaye on Thursday, September 6, 2007 - 09:11 pm:

Not typical at my house by age, but this time of year can just be stressful. Maybe he just isn't resting well, and not enough sleep can really cause emotional outburst. Also the work load has probably really increased from last year, I know ours has, so maybe that is also keeping him maxed out.

By Cocoabutter on Thursday, September 6, 2007 - 10:55 pm:

I would talk to the coach and see what he thinks about your ds' lack of confidence. He's probably dealt with this before and might know what he needs to boost him up.

My son is 10 and was a basket case on the first day of school. He is going to a new school and there is a lot of adjusting he is going to go through. But I can tell you this- from the time he was a baby, whenever he was emotional I always knew that the main cause was that he was tired. If he could have gotten get his rest, he could have handled the other things going wrong.

Sometimes if I want to find out what the problem really is, in order to get him to open up, I make him a treat (as an icebreaker) and we sit down together and start talking. I ask a lot of questions at first, but when he starts talking, he "throws up" --my funny way of saying that he spills his guts and everything that is on his mind comes out. Then I may have to ask more questions to get clarity. I did this on Tuesday (the first day of school) and I found out that he was upset because one of his best friends treated him badly that day.

Tonight, he was asleep by 9PM. That's early for him. He's going to get a good nine hours of sleep.

By Debbie on Friday, September 7, 2007 - 12:42 am:

Well, I don't really think it is a lack of sleep. He has been getting 10-11 hours a night. I think he is just too hard on himself sometimes. His teacher said they are given a reading packet for the week. They work on it a little each day, and then it goes into their "desk" folder when they are done working on it for the day. If they don't finish the work by Wednesday, they are to take it home as homework, and it gets turned in on Thursday. I "think" what happened is that he didn't check his desk folder on Wednesday, so he didn't bring it home as homework to finish. And, in the meantime, he also lost one of the sheets. So, I think it is just him needing to adjust to how things are done this year. He is used to his teacher giving him an assignment, and then doing it, and turning it in. Or, being given homework at the end of the day. It is a lot different to have to keep track of your work, and knowing that you have to finish things, etc. I think this year he is going to be given a lot more responsibility, and he needs to get used to that. Also, with them switching classes, he is being forced to be more organized, and keep up with things. Unfortunately, organization doesn't seem to be his thing. So, I am going to have to try and help him with that. He has NEVER turned in anything late, so he was upset about it.

As far as baseball, his coach was great tonight. Dh told him earlier today how upset he was. And, he got 2 hits tonight!!!

Unfortunately, ds is a perfectionist. And, a lot of things come easy for him. So, when he struggles he seems to "loose" it.

School has always been very easy for him. This year things are a lot different. And to be honest the amount of homework he has is ridiculous. I think he is probably just overwhelmed with everything.

By Cocoabutter on Friday, September 7, 2007 - 06:46 am:

Changes are sometimes hard for kids to adjust to. I hope he gets used to his new routine soon. If he doesn't maybe the teachers can suggest some organizational methods for you and him to use.

This year we were told at the 5th grade orientation that they will only assign as much homework as can be done in about an hour at home. They said that if the students are spending more than an hour on homework per night, then they may be struggling with understanding something and we need to talk to the teachers and see what can be done to help get them up to speed.

By Vicki on Friday, September 7, 2007 - 07:25 am:

I have a dd who just started 7th grade. I will say that 4th grade for her was the biggest year of adjustment. They are given a lot more responsibility and are not hand led anymore. It was also the year that girls started being girls and turning on each other. LOL There were just A LOT of changes going on in one year. I would say he is just a bit overwhelmed and things should work themselves out once he falls into the routine.

I could have written this line about dd also:

Unfortunately, ds is a perfectionist. And, a lot of things come easy for him. So, when he struggles he seems to "loose" it.


I will be honest and tell you that that the best thing that ever happened to her was a few bad grades and lost papers. The first couple of times, she was a mess. BUT, she was also able to see that the world didn't come crashing down over one bad grade. She was able to see that if she worked hard, she was still able to get an A on her report card. It took a lot of pressure off of her. All of it she felt was by her own doing also. Dh and I have never pushed her to be perfect. Only to try her best.

It will get better. He will settle into a routine and get used to what all the different teachers etc want. But don't expect the ridiculous amount of homework to get any better. LOL It started in 4th grade and has not got any better. I think once they start switching teachers is when it happens. They don't talk to each other or plan together to know that they all are assigning things on the same night. LOL When they had only one teacher, that person knew all the homework they were assigning. 6th grade was the worst so far as far as homework went for us. I actually had to call the Science teacher during the first few weeks of school. Dd was doing homework for about 3 hours every night. And she is a straight A student for the most part. I couldn't begin to think what the kids were doing that it didn't come so easy for! Anyway, her Science teacher told me that the papers he was assigning nightly should take no longer than 45 minutes to complete. But when you have homework in 4 subjects, that totals 4 hours!!! ARGH!!

By Dawnk777 on Friday, September 7, 2007 - 07:54 am:

Wow, that's a lot of homework. My daughter had high school homework that only took her hour to an hour-and-a-half last night. The night before she did homework for a while, but she had gotten a packet, in chemistry class, that wasn't due until next Tuesday, but she decided to work on it all last night and get it done.

By Debbie on Friday, September 7, 2007 - 09:11 am:

Thanks all.

Vicki, we don't put any pressure on him either. He does a great job all by himself!! As far as the homework, he is a great student, so when he takes 1-1/2 hours to do homework, I also wonder about the kids that struggle. He has to read 20 minutes each night, and he usually has homework in 2 subjects. Not to mention, the leaf project we are working on for science, and the book report for english. And, the spelling tests each week. I, personally, think it is crazy.

I talked to my neighbor last night, and she said last year when her ds was in 4th, it was a nightmare with the changes, and the homework. It doesn't help that my 2nd grader has not had any homework, but spelling words. His teacher is going to start giving math homework one night a week, other then that, they will usually have no other homework.

By Kym on Friday, September 7, 2007 - 06:45 pm:

Debbie you son sounds like mine, hes 10 now and in 5th grade. He too is a straight a student, sports fanatic and heavy reader who cried and cried last year! He had a very loving teacher, manageable homework etc, he was just emotional. I thnk it my be a maturation phase.

He's much better this year, so far and his schedule is much more hectic with longer soccer practices, more homework etc. Hang in there, I think it's a growing pain

By Karen~admin on Saturday, September 8, 2007 - 08:25 am:

Unfortunately, ds is a perfectionist. And, a lot of things come easy for him. So, when he struggles he seems to "loose" it.

Debbie/Vicki, I've had a child like that, and I was like that as a child. I had this intense fear of failure, but it was pressure I always put on myself. Jeff was and still is the same way.

In contrast to some other opinions, in hindsight, if it continues and you see this happening more often, I'd look into maybe getting some help for him. The only reason I say this is, that fear has followed me through adulthood, and is still there, and it affected Jeff in college. I wish I had gotten some help addressing this when I was young, and again, in hindsight, I wish I had gotten Jeff some help addressing this when he was young. Sometimes we need a little help with coping mechanisms or need help to learn other ways to handle situations. Just my experiences............

By Pamt on Saturday, September 8, 2007 - 09:33 am:

No advice, just commiseration. My youngest DS was a 4th grader last year. He has always been a straight A student, excels at every sport he tries, and makes friends very easily. He is not a perfectionist though. Anyway, we started having problems with homework not being turned in, friendship issues, struggling with math (which had always been his best subject), etc. 4th grade was a REALLY hard year! I don't know if it is the increase in difficulty in school, some pre-puberty changes, or a combination of both. So far this year is off to a good start (and that's with moving), so I'm hoping it was a temporary thing. Hag in there!