This is unbelievably sad,

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive August 2007: This is unbelievably sad,

2 year old girl left in hot car

I feel so bad for the mother. It sounds like it was a true accident. What a horrible tragedy.

By Reds9298 on Saturday, August 25, 2007 - 09:04 pm:

That article makes me sick with sadness. I can't imagine that poor baby being left alone with no way out. I'm sure it was not intentional at all and I do feel terribly for the mother, but I just don't understand how you leave your child in the car? How do you forget that your child is there? That makes no sense to me.

Terribly, terribly sad.

By Bellajoe on Saturday, August 25, 2007 - 09:38 pm:

I don't know how she could forget that her baby is in the car. But she was probably focused on work and the school and was used to dropping the girl off at the sitters first thing in the morning and just forgot that she had not done it that day.
You'd think she would have realized, by the time she got in the school, that the kid was in the car.

It makes me sick to my stomach.

By Nicki on Saturday, August 25, 2007 - 09:41 pm:

This is so heart breaking. I can't imagine, if I were the mom, how I would face life. Not only is she dealing with such a loss, but the guilt would be too much. I feel very badly for the whole family. Poor little baby. It's hard for me to understand how she was left all day, too. Not saying this in judgement of mom. I feel so badly for her. How extremely sad.

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, August 25, 2007 - 10:23 pm:

:{ That is so sad.

By Cocoabutter on Saturday, August 25, 2007 - 11:50 pm:

Well, I am going to say that I judge the mother, and I hope that she gets charged with child endangerment and manslaughter.

How is the world could a mother (and I use the term loosely) be so pre-occupied with herself that she FORGETS she has a child? My child is like my left arm... I would know if I left it in the car or dropped it off somewhere.

By Mara on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 12:08 am:

I heard about this at work today...the way I understand it the father was supposed to take the baby to daycare, and the mother did'nt realize the child was even in the car? Not sure if that is true of course, just what I heard. Things like this hurt me deeply, I wish I never even heard about it, things like this bother me for days. I heard about this about 4 hours ago and have cried for that poor baby. I feel awful for this mother, how can she possibly go on?

By Tink on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 12:28 am:

This happened about ten years ago to a woman my dh had gone to high school with. If I remember correctly, originally she was charged with child endangerment but the charges were dropped. She committed suicide a year or so later. I'm not sure many mothers really can live with that kind of guilt. I think we've all made parenting mistakes and it's only by the grace of God that our children haven't died from our lapse in judgement. I've forgotten to buckle at least one of my children into their carseats correctly and my oldest was found with a bottle of bathroom cleaner that I hadn't put away after cleaning during her nap. I hope this mother is able to get the help she needs to move past this and use her mistake to help educate other parents.

By Juli4 on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 01:09 am:

This is awful and things like this bother me for days also. I lose sleep over these kind of stories. Poor baby. I would hate to know what she went through. I know that I have made many parenting mistakes and forgotten to buckle a kid in or my little toddler go out the front door without me knowing it (we found her naked on the neighbors back porch, she had a real problem keeping her clothes on). Just by the grace of God nothing bad happened, but scared us to death. I think we all have been there, but I think something should be done. I don't know what.... but she is responsible for the awful death.

By Reds9298 on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 08:19 am:

I also hate to say that I am pretty judgemental of this woman as well. I agree that we all make parenting mistakes and we're lucky that they don't turn into a nightmare tragedy like this one. Honestly though, forgetting to lock a storm door, or leaving a bottle of cleaner on a bathroom sink, etc. are things that everyone forgets to do whether they are parents or not. This woman ACTUALLY FORGOT HER CHILD WAS THERE! Hello?! I've also forgotten to strap a carseat before, while I was in a hurry and had other things on my mind (like this woman supposedly had), and that could have been very bad if my DD had not told me and there had been an accident. But I didn't forget her at the store for heaven's sake.

I know I'm judging, but I'm being honest. And despite the judging, I also still feel horribly for the mother and can't imagine the guilt. It was a terrible mistake, but difficult to justify to me. I think she should be charged as well, but I'm sure they will be dropped. The guilt is a lifetime of punishment.

By Ilovetom on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 08:35 am:

Yeah- busy with school or whatever....there is really no excuse for that one. Your children should always come first. I mean I didn't see in the article- unless I read too fast- was the baby supposed to be left at daycare?

By Karen~admin on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 08:58 am:

Something very similar happened here in St. Bernard Parish years ago. The husband claimed he *forgot* the child was in the car, as his wife normally took her to daycare in the morning. I'm sorry, you just don't forget your toddler is in a car seat in your car!!!!!! What kind of person is *that* pre-occupied? For myself, no matter WHAT I was thinking about, I would be aware that I had kids in the car.

It's so unnecessary and heartbreaking....I just don't know if I could ever get past that. Yes, I realize there is an incredible amount of guilt on their part, and it's something they must live with for the rest of their lives. But people, your kids come FIRST, they should be your primary concern.

By Debbie on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 09:05 am:

This just makes me so sad. It is a story that just stays with you.

I have done things as a parent that I am not proud of, so I try never to pass judgement. But, I guess I don't understand how you could forget a child in your car all day. Heck, mine were so chatty as toddlers, I could never forget them in the car.

By Mom2three1968 on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 09:32 am:

Wow, I feel so bad for that poor baby and the suffering that she went through! This happened in St. Louis just last week, a seven month old baby, child of a doctor and medical student, same senerio one thought that the other took the baby to daycare!! I could never get over it, I know I would lose my mind. I agree, how could you be that pre-occupied to not realize that you put the baby in the car?? Here they suggested on the news that you put a big teddy bear in the carseat and when you put the baby in the seat you toss the bear up front as a "reminder" that the baby is in the car!!

By Bellajoe on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 11:37 am:

I remember thinking "ok, (turning around in car) do i have anyone with me?" before getting out of the car when i was very preoccupied. I don't see how you can forget your child was in the car! But I still feel horrible for the parents and fanmily.

By Nicki on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 12:36 pm:

When I started reading the article, I thought, okay, maybe the two year old somehow got in the van and mom took off not knowing she was with her. Pretty far fetched, I know, but then it stated she was buckled in her carseat. I'm trying not to pass judgement, but it's beyond me too how one forgets a child is in the vehicle. And I wonder how no one in the parking lot heard her crying? I agree with Karen, the kids always come first. If mom is that busy and preoccupied, something is wrong.
I too can't stop thinking about this little one.

By Unschoolmom on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 12:40 pm:

Maybe I'm the only one but the reason these types of stories scare me is because I think it could so easily happen to me.

I really don't think any mom is so alert and always, always so on the ball that the one freak accident that tears everything down couldn't happen and I'm willing to bet most of us have had the moment where we had a realization that we just escaped a potentially horrible situation.

The time you looked away, looked back and saw your toddler walking towards a road, about to fall into the pool, etc. One more minute, an hour less of sleep or one more distraction and it could have been your child.

Sometimes I think the impulse to change and punish these moms is simply a way for society at large to pretend it's not a freak accident and that it couldn't happen to them.

By Anonymous on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 01:03 pm:

No Dawn, you are not the only one who thinks that. This is very, very sad and I do feel for the mother in this case because, although I didn't have the same outcome, I have forgotten a child in the car before.

Two weeks after my ds was born I forgot him in the car for about 10 minutes. He was asleep in the back seat on the drivers side where I couldn't easily see him and I was focused on, among other things, getting my older child from preschool when it happened. I don't know how I forgot I had the baby in the back seat, but I did. Inside the building a teacher and I were talking about a project I was working on for the class when someone asked about the baby. Until that moment, as crazy as it sounds, I had no thoughts of him in my head and was shocked that he hadn't even entered my thoughts in all that time. How long would it have been before I remembered he was there if someone hadn't asked about him? I can tell you that is a chilling thought. You can't imagine the horror that I felt. I burst into tears and ran full speed for the car where I found my little guy still fast asleep. I grabbed him and held him for the longest time and thanked God over and over that he was ok. Thankfully the day was mild and the car was in the shade and the car was not hot. I berated myself for a very long time over the incident and still, years later, feel guilt over the fact that I once forgot my child and put him in danger. So for those of you who say it would never happen to you, all I have to say is, until that day, I would have stated, with absolute certainty, that I would never, under any circumstances, forget my child in the car like that.

Going anon because this is not a story I'm proud to tell.

By Reds9298 on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 01:51 pm:

I'm sorry for your story Anon - I'm sure you were devastated. At least you had only been a mom for 2 weeks and were in a new situation even having an infant in your car.

Yes, we have all had our MOMENTS where the child could have walked into the pool, or crawled out the front door, etc. But to me those are moments in time where you didn't foresee a potentially hazardous situation due to (like you said Dawn) lack of sleep, other things on your mind, distracted, whatever. In this situation though, the woman put the child in the carseat, strapped her in, left the house (the child doesn't talk or make noise in the car? She's 2) and then goes about her business in an 8 hour+ workday.

I don't think people are "punishing" these moms -really I don't. We are ALL guilty of the little accidents with our kids from day to day, but you see it, you run to it and stop an incident. If this woman is so preoccupied with life that she doesn't realize her child is in the backseat ALL DAY LONG then there's something wrong somewhere anyway. Like someone else said, the child is the first priority. If she had left the child in the car on a 60 degree pleasant day, all day, same situation, it would be awful as well. How does it feel to be forgotten, let alone trapped? How pressing is life that you forget your child?

The people whose children accidentally walk out the door and drown, I feel no judgement for. Those kinds of things happen in one moment in time - you look away, you answer the phone, you wash a dish. You finish and see the back door open and the tragedy is at hand. You don't wash those dishes/talk on the phone/etc. ALL day and then think 'Hey, maybe I should check on little Timmy'. Kids get into things, even when you try your hardest to keep them out.

I'm judging. Not sure what should happen in this case, but I'm definitely judging and I'm not sure now that I feel too badly about it. I feel so badly for the family and for the little one.

By Mara on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 02:44 pm:

I haven't heard the exact story. When I heard it at work yesterday here is how I took it....The father thought it was the mothers day to drop off the baby at day care, the mother assumed it was the fathers day to drop off the baby. The dad placed the sleeping baby in the car seat of the mom's car. Mom leaves, doesn't realize baby is in back seat. Doesn't think about it all day because dad took the baby to day care, so she thought. This could have been the way the day took place. I have no idea. I will not pass judgement when I don't know the full story. I agree if the woman strapped the baby in herself and knew the baby was indeed in the vehicle earlier but somehow forgot then IMO a punishment should be delivered. Until I know how it took place I cannot judge her.

By Ilovetom on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 02:51 pm:

I wasn't judging her either- I am by no means a perfect parent. But- still today and my children are way old- I know where they are and who is picking them up. If the husband put the baby in the car then he should have mentioned it to her. It would have taken 3 or 4 seconds to do that.

This is just my opinion.

By Reds9298 on Sunday, August 26, 2007 - 08:17 pm:

Ilovetom - YES! If that's the case, it sounds like they have no communication about what's going on for the day anyway.

By Trina~moderator on Monday, August 27, 2007 - 10:57 am:

I've read too many stories like this.

More info:
KidsAndCars.org

FACT SHEET: Parked Cars - Dangerous For Kids!

By Amecmom on Monday, August 27, 2007 - 01:04 pm:

There has been a huge increase in these deaths since children were placed in the back seat and since lives got busier. The two biggest factors are busy working parents and a change in routine along with the fact that rear facing carseats are just harder to see than forward facing ones that were in front seats before airbags were common.
The big recommendation is to leave something easily and quickly missed in the backseat so that you have to open the door to get it - a purse, a wallet, an id that is needed to get into work, etc.
Most of these sad deaths have been the children of "pillars of the community" types - teachers, doctors, other profesionals - etc.
It is so sad that this kind of accident had become more common instead of less.
The real lesson is that it can happen to anyone who is harried and distracted at the moment.
Ame

By Crystal915 on Monday, August 27, 2007 - 05:27 pm:

I agree, it's possible for even the best parent to get distracted for few minutes, but 8 hours?? If they really didn't communicate, the dad is an idiot for not mentioning it to the mom, and putting the baby in a car, unattended. If it was the mom's day, that's fine, but to put that child in the backseat without the mom in the car, and to not mention it?! Unfortunately, this is a tragedy they will both live with forever.