One long vent
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive August 2007:
One long vent
I'm going through something right now and I don't know how to explain it really... I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling sick all the time from my medicine and trying to go off of it, I'm tired of this excess weight, tired of bills, tired of this heat, tired of having no friends around here, tired of being alone, tired of just about everything.
This world we live in is so very focused on "married couples and families" that it's really REALLY beginning to get to me. It sucks enough that I am always by myself and can't find a good man, but to turn on the radio and to hear "couples" things, you read a book and it has couples in it, the happy couples at work, the women at work who are married. It's really lonely not having someone to give you a hug or be happy to see you, honestly besides my six and a half year old I can't tell you last time I've had someone give me a needed hug or tell me they love me. Everywhere you look there are "normal" families, husband and wives together, kids getting to do stuff with their mom AND dad, and my child gets to go off every other weekend with his dad and do that stuff but it's not with his mom. It's with a woman who could care less if her son was around much less MY son.
So many people take their spouses for granted, ••••• about petty things, treat them like their children, and just take the fact that they have someone that loves them for granted. What I wouldn't do for just a week of having someone around to just do things for, appreciate me and be happy to see me.
I don't understand why people who try to do the right thing, who don't hurt people, who live the way you're supposed to always get dealt the crappy hand. No matter what I try, I can't get the upper hand. If I go two steps forward I get sent hurling back 4-6-or 10. Then you have the people who rape, steal, do drugs, etc that get the LIFE that other's deserve, they get to have the family that other's so desperately want. They get the 2,3, or 4 kids (and not take care of them) and they have the spouse who loves them, hey sure he may sell drugs for a living and they may live in a shack but they LOVE each other.
I'm sorry to be such a downer, I just need to get this all off my chest without worrying my mother and I don't have any friends around me really.
Has anyone ever felt this way? Why is that some people just can't get a break? If you guys could just keep me in your prayers, I'm not in a good place and don't know what to do about it.
((((Anon))))) Your post broke my heart. I hope you find the happiness you deserve. Life can be so frustrating, but it sounds like your son is a lucky boy to have a mom who loves him, and wants to spend time with him.
Aww sweetie, ((((BIG HUGS))). This too will pass and a year from now, you may look back and think that this moment seems so far away. I understand how you feel and have been there myself. It did help to talk to my family doctor and he prescribed me a mild anti-depressant, which did help take the edge off. I'm not on one now, but they really helped me get through that rough spot. It's just a suggestion and I know it's not for everybody. And yes, I will keep you in my prayers.
Except for a few details, I could have written this vent! I hear you, anon. If I see one more happy family at the waterpark I think I will scream! lol
You do have a positive attitude, though. I can hear it in your post. You care about yourself and your baby...that's alot more than some people.
Take it one day, one moment at a time, you will get through this rough patch.
And remember, we are all here for you. Post more, vent more. Please email me at
ann ie fa r 16 at yahoo.com, anytime, if you feel the need.
(((hugs)))
I was exactly where you are 4 years ago. Since then I have found a wonderful man and some really great friends (although I don't get to see them much with work and all).
The best thing you can do is just try to focus on having fun with your ds and take it one day at a time.
Oh and I found (after years of sitting alone depressed) that the best thing for me on those weekends where my dks were at thier dad's doing those "family" things was for me not to sit at home. Didn't matter where I went or what but getting out of the house even if it is to go to the mall and window shop is better than sitting there alone.
big {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
if you need to talk my email is tarable 2 at gmail dot com.
Yeah, I can totally relate too!!
Especially on your comments: "I don't understand why people who try to do the right thing, who don't hurt people, who live the way you're supposed to always get dealt the crappy hand. No matter what I try, I can't get the upper hand. If I go two steps forward I get sent hurling back 4-6-or 10."
and
"So many people take their spouses for granted, ••••• about petty things, treat them like their children, and just take the fact that they have someone that loves them for granted. What I wouldn't do for just a week of having someone around to just do things for, appreciate me and be happy to see me."
I HATE having everything on me all the time and never being able to get ahead. It's so annoying to hear people hear complain about their DHs, when in fact it sounds like their DHs are pretty decent men. Blah!!
Anyways, just wanted to send out some {{{HUGS}}}. Hope good things come your way today!! 
Major hugs to you, Anon... {{ANON}} I wish I could give you some real hugs, though. Hang in there...just hang in...
{{{HUGS}}} I can totally relate to you. I was at that point about 8 years ago. I hated seeing all the couples, having to deal with it on my own, having to figure out which bills to pay, and all I wanted was someone to love me & to share things. To be there for me when my DD was sick and I needed help. My ex has seen my DD a total of about 5 times over the last 8 years. So, I had to deal with it all on my own. I started trying to find the positive - whatever it was. I finally started my climb back up - mind you I, too, fell many times before I got back up for good. But, thank goodness I hung in there & I worked on me. I stumbled upon my prince and have found that person I wanted. DH has a son that goes to his mom's every other weekend, etc...we're constantly trying to balance our family life. But, after years & years of effort, we do a pretty good job.
Hang in there...take care of yourself, focus on the positive and your little man. My DD is what kept me alive for so many years.
Smile!
Thank you everyone for the ((hugs)) and sharing your experiences with me, I knew I'd find a couple here that are going through it or have been there.
Yesterday I took some steps in the right direction in making myself feel better. I MADE myself get my house clean, I've been putting this off for a while now. It's amazing just alone what that can do for you.
I've also set some goals for myself to encourage some wieght loss, getting out, and just stop feeling sorry for myself.
I have a terrific son and a supportive family along with some great friends online. I'm going to be okay. THANK YOU!
This too shall pass, hun.. (((Warm Fuzy Hugs)))
I too wish I was close enough to give you a huge hug and I completely get where you are coming from.
As far as the women that *****about their DH's. People have a tendency to look at their lives through dirty glasses, their views are distorted by some vision of happiness they set up in their minds and those visions are often just not abtainable.
So instead of rethinking that vision and doing some changes, they get in a habit of complaining about the things they can't control or change and they make everyone around them missrable because they become all about the negatives in life.
Happiness is a choice, it isn't something someone else gives you.. Love is a choice, it isn't some power some one else has over you, falling in love is something you allow yourself to do and an emotion you allow yourself to feel. They are both based off of a set of standard and expectaions you set for yourself and the people around you. When you allow someone in thinking they meet your standards and then he stops putting his dirty clothes in the hamper it ruins your vision of happiness and creates drama in both of your lives. I have seen people divorce over some pretty petty reasons..
Anyway, I can see your point 100% and I understand how painful it is to have all this outside enfluances telling you that you should be this way or that and that because you aren't married ect then you are failing.
BUT I don't think that you are failing. I think that Mr Right is out there but sometimes you just have to put yourself out there to find him. I also think that, maybe, this should be a time for you to heal and fix yourself. Rethink that vision of happiness and allow yourself to see the importance of yourself with our with out a man in your life.
Get involved in something. A book club.. A mom's group. A crafting group. A Gym. Some place where you are exposed to people and try to make yourself some friends with simular interest.. Women have brothers, cousins, friends and to meet someone you have got to get out there and mingle with people that can expose you to single men of your standards.
More hugs, vent any time and I think your vent is very common.. You aren't alone...
Getting girls ready for school.. Not spell checking, sorry.. :P
I have not been exactly where you are. But, a few years ago we moved away from family and friends. Yes, I did have my dh, but he was working long hours with a new job. I went through a time where I felt lonely, and a little despressed. I gained weight, etc. I finally decided it was up to me to change things. I started exercising, and eating better, so I lost weight. Just feeling better about myself, made a big difference. It also made it easier to put myself out there and make new friends. When you put forward a positive, confident image, people are more drawn to you.
I think cleaning your house is a big first step. I think once you start your plan to make yourself feel better, it will be easier to put yourself out there, and met new people.
Like Bobbie said...this too shall pass. And, I bet you will find, when it is all said and done, that you are a stronger, more confident woman!
You sound like a wonderful, caring mother. Soon, the rest of your life will fall into place.
Hang in there, and come lean on us when you need too!!
{{{HUGS}}}
{{{{BIG hugs!!!}}}}}}
Anon, are you on an anti-depressant? Might help you get through the tough times.
I can relate to what you're feeling in many ways. Get involved in something for YOU, it always helps your self esteem and confidence when you do something just for *you*. When I became a single mom, I joined a mom's dance class.
I don't know what your health/med issues are, but I have a bundle of those myself, and I'm going through something similar with that particular thing right now too - so I can definitely relate. For me, the health stuff tends to pile up on me every few months, I *lose my strength*, get really down, have a really good cry and maybe a pity party for a day or two and then I feel better and I'm good to go for another few months. LOL
I also know how it makes you feel to see the *happy families*. But remember something - no one's life is perfect and happy all the time, and you don't know the other side of the story of those happy families, behind their closed doors. My point - no one's life is perfect. And quite honestly - though I completely understand your need/wants for hugs/support/affection from another human - as in a man - you need to do something for YOU, you have to be able to fulfill yourself, without depending on someone else to do it for you, and then you will have a lot to bring to a future relationship. I'm not minimizing your need for someone in your life, so please don't misunderstand.
Bobbie has said things very well - better than I can. Just know we are here for you. I suspect you are having a rough few days right now, and hopefully you'll feel better in a few. Hang in there!!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Glad you're feeling better, Anon.
When I started staying home full time I stopped wearing my favorite perfume unless I went out. I struggle with depression at times, and one day I decided I was going to put on a bit of perfume each day, even if I was just going to be home. Just that one change helped me come out of a rough time. So I have certain things I know I can do to pull myself up out of a mood. Sounds like you are doing the same. I'm glad you are doing better!
((HUGS))
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