Well, my dh and I have no debt other than our mortgage, no credit cards or car payments. We only have 1 car and I wish our kids each had their own room. There is a lot I'd like to do to the house. We've been doing things one step at a time because I don't want to take on debt, you just never know and we're both in college. Things should be great in about 5 semesters when dh starts teaching. Do you think I'm doing the right thing by waiting for things? Sometimes I feel like I'm not giving me kids a nice enough house. Well, pretty much all the time. We're in the middle of a lot and I'm embarrassed to have people over. That makes me feel like I should try and get a loan or something. At the same time I'm happy to not have a ton of bills. Any thoughts appreciated.

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 05:25 pm:

Your children are young. They do not need things. They need you--your time.
When we were in our 20's we had to do things to our house a bit at a time. I made sure things were clean and I painted all the rooms (paint is a cheap way to re-do a room). I painted fun murals in my kids rooms. They thought they had the coolest rooms around. Paint was cheaper than buying wall art/etc. My point is, you can make your home nice without going into debt. I have always done one room at a time. At this point, I have done a few rooms more than once (because I finally had the $ to do what I really wanted). The BEST lesson you can teach your children is to value eachother not things. You are also teaching them how to handle money. Give yourself a pat on the back. You should be proud!

By Tink on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 05:29 pm:

Ditto Yvonne! My dh and I are just now into a house that we truly love and I am 30 and he is 35. You only have a few years left of this and it will be nothing but a blip on your radar screen and won't even register on your dks'. Your patience will be rewarded. {{{Hugs}}}

By Sandysmom on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 05:29 pm:

Your real friends will not care what your house looks like, and given your situation, I'm sure they understand. I think you are very smart to stay out of debt if you can. It's hard, I know, but try not to give in to temptation. If nothing else, you are teaching your dks that they can't just have everything all at once. When they are grown, what will matter most to them is the time you've spent with them, not the size of their bedrooms. 2 years from now, you may have the opportunity to buy the house of your dreams, and getting into debt right now may put a damper on that. Besides, I think small homes are cozy and create family togetherness. JMHO - good luck with whatever you decide.

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 05:45 pm:

I understand how you feel. I am going through the exact same thing. We have been in credit card debt for years, and when I quit my job 4 years ago, we refinanced the house to pay off the cards. Now we have just the house payment.

However, kids live in a materialistic society. My son will go to a friend's house that is nicer than ours, and he is envious. Video games are the biggest expenditure. My son has friends (Well, one in particular) who get all the video games they want, but we make our son earn the money for them. He is finally starting to accept this. But he still doesn't understand how all the other little wants he has add up to a lot of money.

When I quit my job, it was for medical reasons as well as for the family. I was under a lot of stress and had developed hypertension and fatigue. However, sometimes I think my son would rather I work so that he could have more stuff. Someday he will hopefully understand that I did what was best for him.

By Kaye on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 06:15 pm:

Debt is a horrible thing, but as americans we just accept it. The rest of the world lives off of what they have.

However, I do understand "peer pressure guilt". We have family that spends a lot. It is so hard to be with them. I know they don't have it, but it is just how they are. I hope my kids can grow up to learn it isn't what you have, it is what you experience and who you are that really matters.

And honestly your kids are young enough, they don't care they share a room and honestly they probably would miss each other.

Be thankful for what you have and try not worry about what others think.

By Enchens on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 06:51 pm:

Your turn to have nice things will come. My dh and I waited a long time to finally own a house. We had an apartment we lived in for too long, imo. We had 1 toddler, 1 newborn, and 2 adults in one bedroom at one time. We worked through it, saved what we could and it's paid off. We now live in a house where the kids each have a room. We don't have it decorated and made up like we would like yet. We just finished purchasing furniture for out formal living room and we've been here for a year and a half! We're doing things a little at a time, too. AND, we're not accumulating debt. It feels good to not owe...well, except for the mortgage.

So I guess what I'm saying is that you are doing well to not have debt. Imagine having everything you want right now and having a huge amount of debt. You would always be worried about how to pay off your loan.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 07:15 pm:

We don't have the fanciest house, but it's our home and it's a cozy one!

By Tsa on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 07:18 pm:

Ditto, everybody. But do you remember growing up and you thought your house (or even a friend's house) was soooo big or the "climbing tree" was the biggest ever? I thought so, until I went back about 2 years ago. We lived in a very modest neighborhood and the tree (which I'm sure grew in the last ???? years) wasn't too big. The point I'm getting at is that when your kids you don't think about that stuff. You mirror your parents opinion on things. I never felt I went without. Looking back, we did but I never knew it. Your kids won't remember the size of the house just the memories you make there. So, make good ones and remember we have all gone thru the "POOR" stage.

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 07:34 pm:

I grew up poor. And for much of my childhood, both of my parents worked. I had an extraordinarily happy childhood and some of the best parents ever. My parents were there when I needed them. My friends were always welcome, and generally liked and even loved my parents.

My kids grew up poor. I would NOT buy branded jeans or sneakers even when I could afford them because I didn't approve, and my kids didn't have a lot of the things their friends had either because I couldn't afford them or didn't think they really needed them. My kids seem to have happy memories of their growing up times. The most materialistic of my three sons is the father of my beautiful granddaughter, and he is adamant that she have no "branded" toys or clothes, watches no television except a very rare videotape/DVD, and some of her favorite toys are hand-me-downs from neighbors whose kids have outgrown them because he thinks it is "wrong" to spend a hundred dollars on a toy kitchen when she'll outgrow it in a couple of years and the neighbor was offering the loan of it.

If you and your dh work at being good parents, being "there" for your kids, having recreational times with them - that's what they'll remember. They'll remember their friends could drop by after playing a game and get a sandwich and a smile from you. Try to keep one of the "public" rooms relatively clear while you're doing your remodeling (I mean the living room or the dining room, family room or kitchen), so that there is one relatively uncluttered place for your family to gather and for your children's friends to see that the "mess" is because of remodeling, not because you're messy.

The debt will worry you a lot more, in the long run, than the present lack of having things just so. And with interest rates rising, it could really worry you. Better to do what you're doing, keep saving some money as you can, and not have to worry about loan payments if you hit a rough spot.

And if you want to have people over - it's summer. Have a barbecue or picnic.

By Amecmom on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 08:37 pm:

Getting into debt for wants vs. needs is never a good idea. Now, our society has a whole spectrum of what constitutes a "want" rather than a "need". I grew up with a chidhood deprived of new toys. I had very few - not because my parents could not afford them, but because they didn't really believe in spending money on something that would be outgrown, etc. My sister is ten years older than I. They saved her 10 year old toys for me, as well as toys that belonged to older cousins. Only at Christmas or my birthday did I get something new and quite honestly really cheap.
When I got older, however, the money was there for pocket money, clothes (never designer unless it was bargain priced),college, travel,financial help and finally a house.
Good things come to those who wait.
Ame

By Reds9298 on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 08:56 pm:

Ditto everyone! You should be proud of yourself for not giving in to temptation. It's difficult sometimes, when you just "want" something. We all do at times! Ditto what someone else about everyone goes through the "poor" stage at some point. Maybe "poor" is relative to someone's previous vs their current situation, but still "poor" to them. Everytime I think of the things I'd really like to do to the house, I remember how nauseated I would be to have so much debt and how the new things wouldn't look so great anymore.

You're doing a great job! Ditto on "good things come to those who wait."

By Mommyof5 on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 09:13 pm:

You are doing it right! I'll tell you what happened to me today.... The past few weeks I have looking at houses in more "desireable" neighborhoods. I have to admit that the idea of a much newer home with nicer amenities and prettier landscaping etc was really beginning to grow on me and I had started on my journey to wear my dh down when my 11 year old had a friend over to play today. This friend lives in an affluent neighborhood in town...her home and ours are very very different. We pick her up and she turns to M and says "You are living my dream life. You get to have a lot of siblings, you can have pets and you can have pool AND a trampoline in your backyard. I want to be you." Her parents say that pets will ruin their house and they can't have trampolines or one of those easy set blue pools because the neighborhood association has deamed them "tacky".

As I look at my 30 year old house tonight while I watch my kids playing in the big blue easy set pool (and taking a short swim break to jump on the trampoline) I realize that I am indeed living the dream life. I am a little ashamed that it took the wisdom of an 11 year old girl to make me see it.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 10:38 pm:

My former next-door neighbor found a play kitchen, at a garage sale and got it for me. She paid $20 for it, and then I paid her. When my kids were done with it, we put an ad in the paper and sold it for $20 again! It was a little tykes kitchen and that it wasn't new, never bothered my kids. I just cleaned it off really well, when I got it.

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 10:50 pm:

This is garage sale season! I plan on having a bunch this summer, and my son will sell most of the toys he doesn't play with anymore. I am thinking I may let him keep the money as long as he stays with the sale and helps out. This way, he'll have his own spending money and the burden will be off of us to buy him some of the extras he wants.

(I remember when he was little I found a Little Tykes Tool Bench for $20 at a garage sale, too, complete with all the tools and nails and screws! )

Our house is 51 years old. (I only know this because I know that the house next door was built in 1953 and that neighbor's uncle was the original owner, so he knows when my house was built, and the gas company just updated our gas meter in the basement and the date on it was 1956!) So anyway, the alterations that have been done to this house over the years would make Bob Vila cry. Our house needs some serious fixing up. But, with me at home and our son growing up and dh fixing his hot rod, there isn't any money for it right now. Dh promised that after his hot rod, we will work on the house. I just have to be patient.

Maybe by the time our son graduates from high school, we will either have this house fixed up real nice or we'll have enough money to buy a new house, or at least a nicer one. We'd like to be closer to our parents, but that may not be in the cards. (After our father's day adventure, maybe it's good that we live an hour away from them!)

By Rayelle on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 10:58 pm:

Thanks for the reassurance everyone. I needed it ! I know my kids don't feel poor. They have the basics plus lots of nice clothes and toys because I get nice stuff at yard sales or offerings from friends with children who are older. I'm also the queen of clearance sales and coupons! I even got tickets to Hershey Park for free. Most of the pressure I feel comes from my parents. The didn't have kids as close in age as I did or quite as young as I did. My dad got a good job at age 25 and that was that. They don't seem to understand things like inflation when they comment on how small my house is and how I should add bedrooms. They live nearby and hardly ever come here because they can't come over without telling me things I should do! I am very much a people before things person and I was not raised to be that way. At the end of the day, I like my way better. Thanks again.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 11:00 pm:

Do not put yourself in debt..... Just say NOOOOO...

My first place was an efficancy.. Rob lived in it when we met and I moved in there with him to finish out his lease (3 months). It was one room that had everything in it with a closet sized bathroom. Then my second place was a one bedroom apartment(3 years), had oldest dd just shortly after we moved in and shared a room with her.. Then my third place was a two bedroom town house with a bath and a half(3 years) had DS just shortly after we moved in there and they shared a room, if I could keep them out of my bed.. LOL Then my fourth place was a 14*70 mobile home, 3 bedrooms one bath (13 years)and before it was all said and done there were 7 of us living in that place... I did what I could afford as I could afford it..

This past October, 19 years later and we bought our dream house.. It is OLD... BUT it is huge.. We have 6 bedrooms, three floors, 2 full baths... And a huge yard... It is far from high end... BUT I am far from high end myself. And it was in our budget... We are debt free other than the house... Because I have fought to keep us that way... I knew in time, I would get my dream and I knew when I pulled in the drive way this was it..

My kids didn't care where they lived.. Their friends were welcome and that was all that mattered to them.. Your kids are young... Don't put yourself in debt... They will grow to love and appreciate your home if you love and appreciate it yourself.. Besides, with a teaching degree, you may decide that you would like to relocate with a better paying job down the line.. Why stress your self over debt until you at least know what path you are going to be taking??? Love your house and those kids.. The things will come with time...

By Kaye on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 11:06 pm:

how did ya get the hershey park tickets??? I want to go there, it is my little dream, one day

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 11:08 pm:

Rayelle... Your parents need to mind their own.. LOL My sister has a brad new house.. Built to suit deal.. Took them a year to have it built and my mom still would go in and find SOMETHING wrong with it... I think everyone is has a right to their opinion.. But your opinion doesn't need to be expressed... My parents have a tendency to forget what it was like starting out, having small children and the like.. They are so full of suggestions but actually I think I am much better off than they were at my age... heck they were in the process of divorcing at my age, so yes I would say I am in a much better place...

By Amecmom on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 11:24 pm:

okay, okay I confess. I bought my daughter a beautiful wood play kitchen because I always wanted one. It was about $100 online - way more expensive everywhere else and much classier looking than the plastic ones that are more prevalent ... so I am happy she enjoys the kitchen. She "makes" cake and brownies and cookies and is just enthralled - and it looks good in my livingroom, too. And I know, she'd pretend to make those things without the kitchen, too.
Could we have gotten by - for sure. Am I glad I indulged? Yes .

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, June 27, 2007 - 12:06 am:

Ame, there is a bit of a difference between a 30 something buying a 100 dollar kitchen set and a 20 something putting herself in debt over someone's opinion of her house.. LOL

I think everyone indulges, it is just the amount of debt you are willing to shoulder to satisfy those indulgence.. I am not willing to go into debt over something my children will out grow and I wasn't willing to buy a house because it would suit the judges and in turn break my bank... I am going to be 36 and I have no credit card debt.. It is possible..

By Amecmom on Wednesday, June 27, 2007 - 08:49 am:

For sure there is a difference ... we do use our credit cards - we never run them up, but we will buy something and pay it off over three or four months - even though we have the cash all at once. I'd prefer to do that on large purchases than end up paying for it all at once. I especially like using a store card for large purchases when they give you a year with no interest. Then it really makes sense.
Ame

By Mia on Wednesday, June 27, 2007 - 11:17 am:

If not having debt matches your goals and values then stick with it. If a nicer home is important to your goals and values then get the loan.

Here's a couple of financial blogs I like - reading them can really help you define and achieve your financial goals -

http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/

and

http://www.thesimpledollar.com/

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, June 27, 2007 - 02:03 pm:

Mommyof5 - YES!!!!!! I loved your post. We need new carpet (among other things) and a remodeled bathroom in our 30yr old house and it gets me down sometimes, but NOT getting into debt is the reason I can stay home and enjoy our family. The dogs we love so much would ruin our new carpet anyway, and if I had a new bathroom I would feel compelled to clean it more often. LOL

I have a close friend (similar to the friend you mentioned) who tells me that she looks at us and is envious, but loves the things she has purchased with her "debt" so much she can't give them up. (Her BEAUTIFUL home for one, and the stress she has over children walking through it) I'm so glad I'm emotionally not where she is. I can sleep at night and when the dog runs in with dirty feet, it doesn't stress me TOO much.

By Rayelle on Thursday, June 28, 2007 - 01:10 pm:

All I want is someplace people are comfortable being in. I want to be inviting and welcoming. My husbands has an aunt who has a beautiful, magazine cover type home and I hate it there. One time I cut my finger on a knife I was bringing in for a party, so I wrapped a napkin around it and started walking back thru her kitchen to the bathroom. She stopped me halfway down the hall and told me she didn't mean to be rude, but I had to go back to the door and take off my shoes. Now, I knew better than to walk on her white carpet, it was just linoleum and I was hurt. She is someone who has pretty white carpet and 2 agitated kids. I think I'll start with some paint and convince myslef the only person who comes here to judge me by my home is my mother.

By Sandysmom on Thursday, June 28, 2007 - 04:59 pm:

I have been to the fanciest homes and felt so out of place, like I was in a museum, and then I was in a few humble homes, and I felt so at ease and comfortable there. Trust me, you may not like your house, but your home is just fine. Does that make sense? LOL! Don't worry about what your mother says. If that is how she is, then her opinion does not matter. Even if you did take out a loan and did all the upgrades, she'll still probably find something wrong with it. When you are ready to do this, do it for you & your family and not for her benefit. (((hugs)))

By Juli4 on Friday, June 29, 2007 - 04:02 pm:

cocobutter my dh would love to be able to fix his hot rod before the house. He has a 59 impala that he has had since 15. Lucky!!

By Cocoabutter on Friday, June 29, 2007 - 07:50 pm:

Here's a pic

Hubby's Hot Rod

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, June 29, 2007 - 08:34 pm:

Lisa, very very nice truck...