If things aren't bad enough

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive July 2007: If things aren't bad enough

With all we are going thru with my Dad, now we find out that DSD who has been in a 1/2 way house/rehab in FL for 4 months has checked herself out and is living with a bunch of people in a ghetto section of FL. She will never straighten out and is ripping everyones life apart! DH is besides himself with all of it. Her Mom wants her to come home but of course she won't. She is almost 24, I don't know!
I just have to finally say I have to wash my hands of her for now. I know that sounds harsh but I just have to much to live with right now without another burden with her.
Her brother dies of a drug overdose don't you think she would wake up after the past 3 1/2 years!
Sorry for rambling just had to get it out.
Kathy
Went Anon for personal reason with her, hope thats ok.

By Colette on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 03:14 pm:

((Kathy)) I hope she grows up and straightens out soon. This is the last thing you need.

By Amecmom on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 03:36 pm:

I am so sorry. Hugs.
Ame

By Juli4 on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 05:09 pm:

That is so hard to watch I know. Stay in there for your dh. It is easy to say that you wash your hands, but doing it is difficult to say the least.

By Sandysmom on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 05:18 pm:

I'm so sorry. It's a very helpless feeling not to be able to help someone you love. (((hugs)))

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 05:27 pm:

You are in my thoughts and prayers! I am sorry that so much is going on with your family right now! (((hugs)))

By Tink on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 05:27 pm:

{{{Kathy}}} I can't imagine how much you've had to juggle lately. This has to be breaking your heart. We're having to wash our hands of a dear life-long family member who has gotten caught up in a drug problem. We're here for you, anytime!

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 05:48 pm:

It's hard to let go, but that is what you and dh must do. She may eventually come around, but with addiction, the only person who can decide to get straight is her.

Best of luck. Hang in there.

((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 07:17 pm:

{{{HUGS}}}

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 - 11:18 pm:

Dang,I was hoping she had cleaned herself up since you hadn't talked about her in a while... I am sorry she is putting herself and everyone around her through this.. I hope she wakes up, but as long as she has the support of her buddies she likely won't... Both of my BIL's are the same way.. They just won't step away from the "friends" they have and thus the addiction continues on and we hope we don't get a phone call..

(((big hugs)))

By Eve on Wednesday, June 27, 2007 - 11:00 am:

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you are doing the right thing, even though it's a tough choice. ((HUGS))

By Anonymous on Wednesday, June 27, 2007 - 11:26 am:

Thanks. We thought she was doing so good in FL then a local guy she knew from up here ended up down there and I guess that was it. Such a waste of a life for her. We have all tried but she just keeps on going back to the drugs over and over again. We are all waiting for a phone call either she wants to come home or something worse. DH said he would drive to FL to pick her up if she calls but I really can't see it happening to soon.
You think as your kids get older life gets easier, just doesn't seem the case here. But honestly she is our only PROBLEM child. And hope it continues that way.
I would love just to see her and shake the H*** out of her and ask her if she realizes or even cares how much to is doing to everyone. Especially after Josh death.
OK sorry for venting again! I am just so overwhelmed with everything that is going on. Stress level is over the limit. NOw wonder I have high blood pressure!
I hope everyone has a Great Wednesday. Alissa and I am headed out to her kiddie pool in the back yard to relax a bit. Its ungodly hot here to day.
Once again Thanks for listening
{{{HUGS}}} to all
Kath

By Happynerdmom on Wednesday, June 27, 2007 - 11:38 am:

(((((Hugs))))) I'm so sorry, Kathy. Vent away. I can't imagine how you're dealing with everything at once. My thoughts and prayers are with you guys. Take care of yourself!!

By Karen~admin on Wednesday, June 27, 2007 - 08:55 pm:

Kathy, as you know, I've dealt with those issues within my family. Addiction is a disease, and many users begin using to deal with emotional pain/depression. They fall into a viscious cycle, they use to numb the pain, they come down or sober up, they feel worse so they use more to feel better, and before they know it they are psychologically and physically addicted. It's an endless cycle of pain, no matter how you look at it.

It is heartbreaking to watch it happen, and worse than heartbreaking when it is happening in your own family.

I know how hard you've tried and all the efforts you've made. At a point though, you have to stop *rescuing* an addict. Most addicts are manipulative, dishonest, will steal from you, lie to you, make promise after promise, convince you they are cleaning themselves up, they will tell you exactly what you want to hear so you will *get off their back*. When you allow them to manipulate you, you are, in effect, enabling them to continue their behavior.

The simple fact is, you have to set boundaries for yourself and your family. As painful as it is, you sometimes have no choice but to turn your back on someone, even if it IS a family member. Call it tough love, call it intervention, call it whatever you want. What you have to do is protect the rest of you from more emotional pain, and let the addict know you will no longer allow them to be a part of your life as long as they continue making the choices that got them where they are.

Another cold, hard fact is, they have to want to stop, they have to WANT to help themselves, and until they decide they WANT to change, there's not a lot you can do, except pray that they will see their way out and live through it.

I know this isn't helping much but as you know, I've had to do the same thing you are doing. Just pray she hits her bottom and climbs back to the top and gets a life soon.

I'm so sorry.

{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

By Anonymous on Thursday, June 28, 2007 - 08:48 am:

Thanks Karen, I emailed you.

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, June 28, 2007 - 10:20 am:

{{{HUGS}}}

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, July 6, 2007 - 09:52 am:

Kathy, how are things???