Here we go again!
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive June 2007:
Here we go again!
I am so sorry ladies. It seems every year for I don't know how many years, I've come to you seeking advice on the same subject. I'm such a whimp when it comes to major decision making!
So here's the scoop for those of you that aren't familiar with my situation:
I currently live on the west coast of Canada, in Alberta. Our economy is very strong here. My husband and I have secure jobs that pay very well. I have just been offered a full time continuous contract. I am 37 years old and this is my first continuous contract since we have moved a few times, had babies, etc....
My husband desperately wants to move back home (NS area). Both of my parents are deceased so the desire is not there for me. To me, I am 'home'.
Each year I apply on jobs there and nothing ever happens. Last year I applied on 74 positions and only got 3 interviews. I didn't get the jobs. So, I apply each year (mainly to make it seem as though I am looking) and don't worry too much b/c I assume I will not get a job.
This year I have applied on a few already. I have an interview this Monday for either a grade 2 (70%) or full time K. I'm not sure which since both jobs are at the same school and they didn't mention if they were interviewing me for a specific one or both. This same division interviewed me last year and I did not get the position. I'm assuming (perhaps incorrectly) that I would have a good chance since they have interviewed me before, know what I am about and have decided to interview me again. It's the same principal but she has moved to a different school this year.
So, here I am questioning whether or not it is a good idea to leave a 'good thing' for an unknown. What are your thoughts?
Oh, and my husband is in the forestry/oil industry which is booming here in Alberta but not so much back east 
Does he have a job lined up?
How is the housing market in the other area? If the market is good and you can afford to stay at home, I would.
Why does he want to move back? If it's weather and his family, I could understand.
Here are your past posts on the subject...
June 2006
April 2007
Another April 2007
New to the area and friend's issues
Daughter and making friends
Husband depressed
Overall, what do your kids think and why is your DH pushing for it? It might be worth a visit and, if it means your husband would be happier and you are indifferent...then, it's worth looking into. If you are going to do it, then I would do it before your kids get into high school. Once you're at that age, it gets A LOT more complicated. JMHO
Thanks for looking in to my posts, although not all of them are related to this particular topic and some are older (new to the area and friends issue...have made many other friends since that post).
To answer some of your questions:
kids...dd (11 years old) would like to move b/c she thinks it would be cool to be the new kid.
ds (7 years old) likes it here.
No, DH does not have a job and staying home would not be an option for me. To put things in to perspective, this year my teacher salary would be $78700 (possibly 81163 if we get a 3% raise-contract expires in August) whereas in New Brunswick my salary would be between 57312 and 62844 IF they give me credit for all my years of teaching experience. It seems as though they may not since not all of it was in public schools.
The housing market is good there and we would make a good profit off our home here.
My husband may be happier there but I'm wondering if it might be short lived since he might not find work and that could lead to depression for him. I am definitely not indifferent....I would much rather stay here.
I agree, if we are going to do it we need to do it soon. DD is in 6th grade next year and would go to the high school for grade 7.
I understand *why* your DH wants to move, but honestly, after reading everything you've posted, both here and in your previous posts before, I would stay where you are. BUT I am not a risk-taker (one of my downfalls, I sometimes wish I were...) You seems to have security there, and the possibility/probability for more secure/better paying jobs.
This is a tough decision, one that ultimately you and your DH will have to make together. But since you asked, my vote is to stay where you are.
If we were in your shoes, we would stay where job security and pay is better.
Why not let your husband take a leave from his job, go and look for a good paying job there, if he does not find a job then he can come back. If you are a teacher then I'm assuming you are off for the summer so you are home with your children this might be a good time for him to take a month and go and look for a job. Why is it you looking for a job there since he is the one who so desperately wants to move?
It's really hard to judge a situation when only hearing one side of the story. What efforts has he made to make this move a possibility? Has he looked for employment? Has he had any success? Are there friends or family that could help with finding or recommending employment options? How badly does he want to move? Is it something he just talks about or does he make efforts to make this a real possibility? When you talk about it does he take your feelings into consideration? Is he considering his wife and children or just himself?
Perhaps if he went on his own for a month he might just realize that it's not a possibility because of the economy or work situation and this might help him understand that he probably should not walk away from a good thing. Maybe he will find a good job and you can make a sacrifice for his happiness. You will never know unless one or both of you make some serious efforts to find out if this will or will not work.
Good luck to you, I hope you find a resolution that works for you both.
I think I would tell him that if he really wants to move then to prove it by finding a job there first. Then y'all can all move with the security of him already having a job there.
Honestly, I would sit down and have a heart to heart with dh and make a final decision. This every year up in the air thing would be enough to drive me insane. I like security plain and simple. I like to know (as much as possible) what my future is and where.
Again, to be honest.... I would have to tell dh that my side of the issue is to stay where you are right now. You have kids and they have friends etc. You have job security and make comfortable life. NONE of that is a given if you move. The only thing that is a given is you would be close to his family. Well, that isn't enough of a guarentee for me.
I would be of the position that we can revisit the idea when the kids are grown and college is paid for. When it is just the 2 of you that you need to worry about and you can take more chances with life.
Well I am a risk-taker. We went ahead and made plans to move from LA to WI to plant a church without knowing if DH would receive any compensation or if we'd even be approved as church planters. (He is and we were  .) However, truly our faith figures into such decisions in a significant way. We felt called to move out of the Bible belt, God narrowed the field from ID, IA, PA, WI to WI, and we felt confident that if He was moving us then all of the other stuff would fall into place...and it has, in a supernatural way.
So for me I would make the move a matter of prayer. Some things are hard, but we are supposed to do them anyway. Some times we are supposed to stay put though. On the purely pragmatic side, I would also sit down with DH and make a list of pros and cons. I agree with whoever said that if he is the breadwinner then he needs to start looking at jobs first and foremost. I know your DH suffers from depression---might it help him to be near his family? Would an emotionally healthy husband be worth the financial sacrifices? I think you need to have a heart to heart and resolve this once and for all and put a stop to the every year wondering. We can all offer different viewpoints to consider, but none of us can really say what we would or wouldn't do because we aren't in your position and we don't know both sides of the story.
Good luck!
Thanks girls. I appreciate the ear even though I know deep down that this decision must be made by us. I sometimes only see my viewpoint so it helps to have others offer theirs. I am not much of a risk-taker. I am much more comfortable with everything planned out. I cringe at the thought of the unknown.
I had my interview today. I'm not sure how it went. Phone interviews are so difficult. Maybe I won't have to worry about it at all.
I have decided that this will be the last set of jobs I apply for. If DH truly wants to move, he can do the applying. When and if he gets a job, we will decide and have this conversation. I have told him that I will NOT move once DD (entering grade 6 in the fall) starts grade 7 so it should only be one more year of this.
Why are you having this debate every year? Is this something serious for your DH or is it just a passing wish/thought? It just would seem to me that if he was wanting to make the move he would be applying himself towards making the move happen, instead of leaving it all up to you.. Which is the way your last post makes it sound. He can go online and apply for jobs just as easily as you do.. If he knows this causes you stress, I would think he would lay the tracks to make it happen.. Otherwise, I would just look at this as a dream of his and go on with my life.. Because until he steps up to the plate, I surly wouldn't be stressing my self over a move... Surly not every summer, like you seem to be.
I think I'd be tempted to say, "Don't bring it up until you have a job lined up!":-) It would be too stressful for me to have this discussion a lot. Like you, the unknown makes me anxious.
Good luck!
Well, I am going to bite the bullet. I have been offered a 70% teaching position. Hopefully the following year it will be full time. I'm not sure if we are making the right decision but at least it's a decision.
Does he have anything though?
Bite the bullet? That can't be the way you are going to look at this... It has to be an adventure, it has to be a gift to your DH and your children. It has to be something positive or you will later have resentment against DH for this.. Is it at least pretty where you are going? The weather nicer? The kids will be near grandparents that will love them? You need to start looking for some positives or you are going to be hating it even if there is more of it to love.. You see what I am meaning??
No, Pam, he does not have a job there. It is difficult in his line of work to get something there from across the country.
You are right Bobbie, there are many positives there including:
good housing market
closer to family
beautiful scenery
Don't forget the brilliant, engaging people out here.
LOL Dawn.... To funny.
Paula from what we know of you, I think that you will do just fine in this transition.. You will be in my thoughts as you start making the arrangements to make this move.. 
lol Dawn...where are you again? My memory is going!
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