When I have house guests I make sure they are treated as GUESTS in my home. I give them our master bedroom and we sleep with our kids. When we have had more guests, we have given up more bedrooms and camped out with our family in 1 room. I make sure my guests have fresh linen, towels, treats in a gift basket and a basket of sample size toiletries. I plan a menu and have all meals decided on in advance. My guests are not expected to pay for groceries, prepare meals, clean rooms, etc.
I just returned from a get together and was very surprised by the lack of any preplanning by our host. We bought groceries on the first day! I do NOT mind buying groceries but on the first day it seemed a bit much. I cooked dinner every single night. I had to wash linen and towels to have anything clean. Am I wrong to think that is just not how you treat guests?

By Vicki on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:25 pm:

I agree with you in how you treat your guests. I treat mine the same way. However, I do that because I want to. I don't expect people to treat me the same way and go all out like I like to do. I must admit that I feel comfortable in someones house who lets me make myself at home and do my laundry and make a meal if I am hungry. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to have guests. I go all out for them because I like to and I want them to relax and not have to do anything. But when I am a guest, I don't mind helping out.

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:29 pm:

I guess my point is I did not just help out. I did it all. I bought all the food for the week (not for my family but for everyone). I cooked all the meals. I washed the bedding, towels, etc. Lesson learned I guess.

By Debbie on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:29 pm:

Wow!! I treat guests the same way as you. We are lucky, we have a guest room with its own bath. I make sure it is all clean and has fresh linens. I make sure I have plenty of food, and I do not expect guests to do anything. Most of the time the people that stay with us are family and close friends. Usually, they pitch in with cleaning up dishes, or cooking. I don't ask, but if they want to help, I don't make a big deal of it. My mom loves to cook when she comes. So, I let her, but I help, and do the dishes after. If they stay for a week or longer, and we have to go to the store to stock up, my parents usually want to help pay. But, I would never expect it.

By Vicki on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:32 pm:

Well now that you say all that, I agree that isn't the way to treat guests. You should not have been expected to buy everyones food and cook for everyone every night. In my mind, that is wrong and rude.

By Eve on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:56 pm:

Wow, sounds very odd. I think even if most people don't go to extremes for company, there would at least be food and the guests would not be cooking it the first night! Wow.

By Jackie on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 05:01 pm:

The only people who stay with us are my sister inlaw and brother in law. We give them my sons room(queen size bed)and that room is connected to the big bathroom in the hallway. I always put clean sheets and clean towels in the room. They always bring their own shampoo and own soap(my sister in law is pretty anal about stuff LOL)sensitive skin and all that. Now granted we dont always have matching blankets and sheets. But, I can guarantee everything is always clean. Now, we do not cook every night when they are here. We go out a lot to eat. We always offer things to them, but they know they are free to go in the fridge and get their own soda, snacks etc.. they come visit us twice a yr and that is how it has always been.
One time we went to visit them in Texas(they have no kids)but have two dogs. My son was going to sleep on the pull out sofa, it was a brand new sofa. Well we pulled it out to make the bed, and there must of been 5 inches of dog hair. Im the last person to complain about dog hair, but really. How hard would of been for them to take care if before we got there.
One time we visited them, and they had dishes piled up in the sink. The next day my husband coudnt stand it and washed them all...

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 05:23 pm:

How in the world did they convey to you that you had to pay for the week's food and cook?

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 05:29 pm:

They never said it but they did not have anything for anyone to eat. I went to the store willingly but was suprised that no one seemed to replenish the food or offer to cook. I could have said something but it seemed petty on my part. I really think my family has no clue on how to treat house guests. I would never do the things they did.
All I can say is thank God we have 2 more weeks vacation time. We are thinking another cruise...where there is no cooking & cleaning!

By Breann on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 05:48 pm:

For me, it depends on the guest. My older brother, his wife and their 4 kids stay with us about 4 times a year. They camp out in our living room. We buy all the groceries ahead of time, and plan all the meals. They will sometimes go buy some dessert or a special treat. They are good about helping to clean up food messes and stuff. They are more of a "casual guest" to us. We always have clean towels and stuff like that.

When my aunt and uncle stay, we give them our bed. They stay maybe once a year. They are older, and I know the floor would not be easy for them. They always argue that they don't need our bedroom, but we insist. It always has fresh linens on it for them.

I have a couple of girlfriends that come in from out of town now and then. They usually come alone, or just bring one of their kids. We give them my ds's room. He has a twin bed. If they bring one of their kids, the kid sleeps in the living room on the floor...usually with my kids. Kind of a little slumber party for them.

So, all in all, for me, it depends on who the guests are. But, I would never expect anyone to have to go grocery shopping in order to have food to eat.

I'm not all that excited about house guests. I don't mind guests during the day, but when they sleep over, I get uncomfortable with it. Just the strange way I am, I guess. I don't like to stay at others homes either. I would much prefer to stay in a hotel. I think it's because I don't want people to feel the same way that I do over house guests.

By Boxzgrl on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 06:17 pm:

Depends on the guest. But even if it's just close family I do grocery shopping the day before they get here, make sure there are clean linens. I clean the kids bathroom top to bottom and that's their personal bathroom while here. (The kids don't use it so it makes a perfect guest bathroom). I do plan out meals but I also make it known that the kitchen is open to whatever they'd like. The only thing I don't do is offer my bed. I guess if I were staying at somebodys house I wouldn't want to stay in a married couples bed. I'd have weird thoughts of what goes on in there, even if there are fresh linen! So I assume others have the same mind thought as I do, lol.

By Karen~admin on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 06:23 pm:

I think your situation sounds a bit tacky.

I'd never expect a house guest to buy the food, cook, clean, etc.

My sisters and I sort of have an unspoken agreement - we will shop for food and split the cost and each of us shares in the cooking.

But I don't expect my sisters to clean or wash linens, etc. And on the other side of that, when we visited my sister last summer, she gave up her bedroom for DH and me and the day we left I put clean linens on her bed and brought the dirty towels and linens to the laundry, and she kept telling me *you didn't have to do that!* LOL

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 04:24 pm:

We rarely have overnight guests at our house. Clean linens and towels would be provided. We would buy food and I would start preparing it, but it seems that people always want to help, so I would let them, if they ask. It would not be their primary responsibility.

When we stay at my mom's house, I always help dry dishes and if my mom is gone, I'm the one who wipes off the table, and the placemats.

She gives us clean linen and towels, in the bathrooms upstairs, plus little sample soaps that they've brought home from their travels.

One time I suggested a certain pancake recipe for breakfast, so I got to make it! Another time I made a dessert or something. Mostly she makes stuff, or we go out to eat.

By Kaye on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 04:39 pm:

Well I agree that you didn't come to be their maid. However chances are, since you didn't say anything it never occured to them to do anything. My hubby's family is that way. No one plans...NO ONE. So they will let me plan, they know it makes me happy, but have no input. If I can wait around we always seem to come up with a plan last minute, but it cost me more money. So now I am eager to make a plan, but I am clear in what everybody's contribution is. We are going on vaca the end of this month. 22 of us are going. We will be together 3 nights. So I simply said, this is the meal plan, I will feed and provide the first nights meal for everyone, bro and sis can split night two, and the two step brothers can split the third night. Now I will cook something in advance and heat up in the condo. Bro and sis will plan something, but they will take a trip to the store when they get there and pay a premium on groceries instead of haul stuff. And the other brothers may shirk their duties. But even then I am better off financially with having to purchase one meal.

As for rooms, I don't give up my master bedroom, I don't sleep well in other beds. But my son has a queen bed and I pull him out to the game room. I always put on clean sheets and the "company blankets", I also keep a basket of hotel toiletries they can use. They do share a bathroom with the kids though. I make sure it is clean.

I do love having company that I don't have to clean for. I usually do a quick pick up, but sometimes have to really scrub for some company and I hate that.

I try to have fresh flowers around the house too, makes it seem vacation-y to me.

By Yjja123 on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 05:25 pm:

Live and learn. IF we ever "vacation" with them again, it will all be planned out in advance. I am not a wing it kind of gal. I am sure if I did nothing someone would have....eventually. I just do not work that way.

By Imamommyx4 on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 09:01 pm:

I'm pretty much the hostess, too. But around here, it's stay 1 night, treat you like a guest, stay 2 nights and you still are a guest. Stay 3 nights you become family and treated like family meaning pitch in and help out a little like help with dishes after a big meal that I cooked or rinse out the tub. Little things to pick up after one's self not clean my house.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 09:40 pm:

Sounds like a rough trip.. Hope you have a better vacation pretty soon..

By Beth on Thursday, June 14, 2007 - 08:16 am:

I don't give up my bed to my bil's but they come to often and are very imposing. They will help with cooking, dishes ect... But I am helping also. When they come we all work together. Same really with my family. I don't give my mom and dad my bed either but its upstairs and my mom has a hard time with stairs. We have pull out couch downstairs. I guess both families pitch in with food to if its an extended period of time. Nothing is to the extent that you are talking abou that though. They treated you like there slave. I would have taken my family and went out to eat and leave them to fend for themselves.