Any suggestions on how to handle a good friend (daughters are same age) that loves to compare our kids? I don't think she realizes she's doing it.

By Jelygu on Thursday, June 7, 2007 - 10:15 pm:

I dont have any advice, but I do know what you are talking about. I have a friend who did the same thing. It didn't help that it seemed like her son did EVERYTHING before mine (sit up, crawl, etc). I never knew how to handle it, so I just tried to ignore it the best I could

By Mrsheidi on Thursday, June 7, 2007 - 10:46 pm:

How does she compare your kids?

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 12:22 am:

Agree, how is she doing it?

By Viversmomma on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 12:43 am:

My friend says that her daughter is so much more talented than normal kids her age. And that I should not feel bad my daughter doesn't talk as much as her daughter does. (My daughter talks fine, and is totally normal.) My Friend says her daughter is so much more advanced because she has her own yard to play in. Really stupid stuff, but after awhile it gets to me. Usually I say "thats great" and change the subject.

By Cocoabutter on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 12:57 am:

She is insecure and is trying to receive fulfillment through her daughter (IMO). That may just be a reality of her existence, as sad as it is, that you may have to accept if you really want to keep the friendship. Don't take it personally.

Best of luck to you.

By Mrsheidi on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 03:43 pm:

Wow. I also agree with Cocoabutter, but if you want to do something about it maybe repeat what she says so she realizes how ridiculous it sounds... "Really? You're daughter is much more advanced because she has her own yard to play in?" This will cause her to really think about what she is saying.

And, if she really doesn't get the hint, mention that you met a child the other day that did "such and such" that is so advanced, like a girl who was crawling and speaking in sentences. (I actually saw one the other day in the post office and it blew my mind!)

And, if she says something about your daughter again (I think that would drive me the most nuts), just stick up for her and say "Actually, my kid is quite normal. In fact, if she talked any more it just might drive me nuts!"

By Joyel on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 04:04 pm:

I think that most of us, even if we consciously try not to, get our worth and self esteem from how our kids are doing. It always feels great to have someone else say something good they see in our kids. Maybe try finding good things that her child is doing that you can encourage your friend with. Then maybe she won't feel the need to say it herself. It is so easy for this to become a competition, but really we are on the same team. We all want to do our best for our kids.

One of the hardest thing for me about being a stay at home mom is that I don't have anyone in the outside world telling me my job is worth while and I am doing it well. My husband does a great job, but it is not the same as others. When we worked we had a pay-check saying your job has value here, a boss who said "good job" At home we just have little ones who's needs seem to never end. I have tried to be encouraging to mom's by telling them good things I see in there kids. I know those kind of things for me have made my weeek. This is such a hard job and we really need each others encouragement to keep try our best.

By Cocoabutter on Friday, June 8, 2007 - 10:58 pm:

I agree, Joyel, we always feel proud when our kids accomplish something or are excelling, and perhaps ashamed or embarrassed when they fall behind or get into trouble.

However, the measure of our character is displayed by what we do in spite of our feelings. It is one thing to brag about your child, but to do that while belittling another in the process is a sign of bad character, IMO.