Medical issue decisions ....
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive June 2007:
Medical issue decisions ....
My dh was sick last summer and since then has actually gone down hill. We are on round three of test to define if it is colon cancer many things are pointin that way tho. My questions is this ... he is scheduled for this test soon and duznt want to go thru with it and just wants to let whatever run its course ... Weve talked about just havin the test and not knowin the results or going ahead and getting the results ... he thinks at this t ime if its the big c he not going to do anything ... he will soon be 69 has some other health issues to add to it ... how much would u push would u push ? we live the phylosphy of quality of life over quanity of life... any imput would be appreciated Ive never been around anyone sick or that has died since i was 14 that i was close to ...tia
To me it would depend on how sick he already is. If the treatment would just make him more miserable and the outcome still the same. I probably would tend to agree with him on letting it go. But I would want to know what it was, if they could treat it and how long we had. I mean even if he decides to let it run its course. He will still know what to expect. Then you can plan accordingly. I don't mean to sound blunt but would you just want to wake up one day and be a widow. Or have some time to prepare if that is the enivitable. That is such a tough possesion to be in and my heart goes out to you. ((HUGS))
I think you can't make decisions until you know what you are dealing with. Given that this is third test to find out if it *is* colon cancer, clearly whatever the problem is does not meet many of the usual symptoms. I have two friends who were diagnosed with colon cancer. Both had surgery and chemotherapy. One died 4 years later of a totally unrelated lung cancer. The other, 6 years later, is alive and healthy and happy.
He is 69. So?? I'm 68. My mother was 82 when she died, as was my dad. Mom had multiple physical issues and was a very happy lady. My mother's sister is 90 and still complaining, loving her cats, and gossiping about her neighbors. Being 69 is nothing today - being in your 60s is the new middle age.
If he is 69 then he must have retired just a few years ago. So now he wants to just give up? And leave you alone for the rest of your life?
Yes, quality of life is more important to me. But until you know what you are dealing with and what the options are, you don't know the quality of life issues. If it is cancer and is treatable with surgery and chemo for a couple of months, with the likelihood of several uncomplicated years after that - then you are balancing 3-4 months of some severe and some moderate discomfort against possibly many more years of being together and living good lives.
I suggest very strongly that he have the test, you get the diagnosis, and then both of you sit down with whichever of his doctors you trust the most (and I sure hope it is your primary care physician, although too often it is not), and talk about what the future holds for your husband in terms of medical treatments, pain, ability or inability to lead a relatively normal life, restrictions, and the whole rest of the quality of life issues. But I don't think any of you can make such decisions without full information. If your dh has other health issues, are they issues where a change in life habits would make a difference and he has chosen not to make those changes? Or are they treatable issues but he has gotten into a mode of thinking of himself as chronically ill when maybe he is not? I do think a full and frank discussion, with your favorite and most honest medical advisor, and then maybe with the rest of your family, is a good way to proceed. And (I know, I sound like a broken record), maybe a couple of meetings with a counselor. If you have a local hospice program, maybe they can recommend a counselor, as they so often work with people who are trying to make quality of life vs. quantity decisions.
Ditto Ginny!!!! My boss's SIL had colon cancer about 14-15 years ago. She underwent treatment and has been cancer free since then - she is older than your DH is. Knowing *what* is wrong with your DH and to what extent, and what all of his options are will help you determine which path to take - and you can ALWAYS choose quality over quantity - just be equipped to make an INFORMED decision.
My step dad had colon cancer.. He went in for a scope because he was having some bleeding issues, which he typically had let go out of fear. He went in and they removed a portion of bowl. He is now four years cancer free.. And because of the type it was, the containment in the bowl and the ability to remove the mass with out disrupting it he didn't have to have Cemo or Radiation. It was removed laparoscopic. He was hospitalized for two weeks. More so because he wouldn't do what he was supposed to do because my mom met people through the out patient support that were out of the hospital with in a week..
My grandfather, is 72 he has had tumors removed from his head three times. All three times required major surgery and recovery. But he has been able to bounce back into his life slowly but none the less able to. The type of tumors he had were non cancerous. But they were putting pressure on areas of the brain that caused physical affects and if left to grow would have lead to death..
On the other hand, I have lost two dear friends to brain cancer. Both with in months of finding out they had it. But because they had found out they were end stage they were able to seek out closure in their lives. If they hadn't known and just died they would have left so much undone. Death doesn't only effect the person dying, it effects everyone around them...
I think he should have the test, find out what you are dealing with... What the facts are about that condition.. Even talk to people that have been through it, if possible.. He needs to make some plans, even if those plans are to give up, with an education to his reasoning.
I personally would want to know, I would want a time frame so that I would know how long I would remain healthy (give or take). How the illness will effect me as it progresses. I would also want to know my time frame for closure. I would want all this education, because I would want to be able to explain myself to my loved ones.. Why I have made the choice to let go and be able to have them feel contentment in my decision.
Things like this are hard to wrap your mind around.. But in the long run I agree with Ginny, Your DH isn't that old.. Unless he hasn't taken good care of himself or has been ill over other issues, then he may very well be physically older than others his age.
He needs to get informed before he gives up. And even then I wouldn't want to look at it as giving up. I would go out fighting, even if I choose not to treat myself. A lot of illness is mind over matter.. The healthier the thoughts the longer a person lives...
Please keep us posted on this...
OH and I would push to know.. Then after I knew, I would let it be his choice and I would stop pushing.
How sick is he Jewlz??
I ditto all the above statements.
I would push for information and testing. Then you can make an informed decision. The reality here is, him choosing to die is his choice, but it is something that affects the entire family. And if he is really feeling bad, he just won't make good decisions.
Having lost 2 people from cancer I can say this. Quality of life dying with cancer sucks, quality of life living and treating a terminal cancer sucks. But if you do nothing you will never know and it is hard to live with regret and answer questions from children when you don't feel strongly that you did the right thing.
I was going to say the same thing Kaye said.
*If* it is the "Big C" it could take months or years of suffering with the symptoms before he succumbs to the disease. That seems like a horrible existence compared to a few months of treatment which may result in possibly another decade of life enjoyment.
I understand that right now he is discouraged and tired. Discouraged because a diagnosis seems to be elusive, and tired of being sick. I know you have your own physical and emotional struggles, but you need to be his rock.
Hang in there and come here whenever you feel you need to.
((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
Thankyou all for the response. I have printed them out and going to let him read them to start a discussion and have some info from the dr about what may be going on and what might not ... yes many things mock other diseases ...he is going down hill. 6 months ago he was pretty much ok ...now he works less hours and take 3 hour nap and still sleeps all night ... His balance is off and his thoughts are fuzzy and not focused he is changin before our eyes. ill keep you all posted on this ... it will be the end of juen when we find out anything ty all again huggs
Balance and fuzzy thoughts and not focused don't sound like colon cancer to me. Has your husband had a thorough neurological evaluation? I would think that would be high on the list. I'm assuming he's had a full spectrum of blood tests - what about a lung capacity and oxygen takeup evaluations? My next-door neighbor, a man in his late 50's was recently diagnosed with CPOD (cardio pulmonary obstructive disease) which makes one very weak and very tired. I'd also wonder, if you are anywhere where one can pick up ticks (which is almost anywhere) about Lyme Disease, which I believe is a fairly simple test. I would wonder why it is taking so long to diagnose whether or not he has colon cancer - it seems to me an MRI would be a really helpful diagnostic tool at this point.
Jewlz, I am sure you are going to good doctors and asking lots of questions. I'm just trying to throw out some additional questions and maybe some additional kinds of specialists to consider. While I am by no means any kind of expert, I am really surprised to read "round 3" of tests to find out if your husband has colon cancer. You might want to do some internet research - starting with the Mayo Clinic and the National Institutes of Health, and staying away from places which seem to be promoting a very particular kind of treatment or a very specific group of doctors. If you stick to the ones that are .edu, you should be able to find reliable information.
His balance is off and his thoughts are fuzzy
Those are also symptoms of heart disease due to decreased blood flow, which, in turn, means less oxygen to the brain.......
They are also symptoms of Fibromyalgia, neurological. If he has been sick, it isn't uncommon to pick up under lying neurological issues. Just odd that he was sick last summer and that coming into summer he is sick again..
Have they tested his neurological status? Maybe he has had a stroke..
With Fibro.. I am typically fuzzy, I can't remember what I am supposed to do, get half way through a thought and then I am lost for the next word. My balance is so off that I fall, I will get up be on my way to do something and I am on the floor. I have no energy, I nap off and on all day.. If I do anything that is active a three hour nap isn't out of the question and I still go to bed and sleep all night. I have a handy dandy wheel chair now, because I can't make it through the grocery store and WalMart was out of the question... My energy would be zaped for the whole day.... And my whole body hurts, when I am not on my medication... My trigger seems to have been, juvenile rheumatoid arthritis..
There are more symptoms, dry eyes, cough I can't get rid of (my upper throat is affected) and many more.. But I have to go to the doctor myself and I need to get off line right now...
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