One of the threads in 'General Discussion' got me thinking that this would be a good subject. Since it is controversial, I decided to post it here.

How many (IF any) of you spank your children? I'm not talking about a "trip to the woodshed" beating. I'm talking about grabbing their arm to get them to look at you if they are being "fresh" or running into a dangerous situation; or a quick swat to the rear if they are being obnoxious and wiggling out of your arms?

I know that children in the generation that I grew up in were spanked. The kids who grew up accross the street from me were hit with a razor strap that their Dad kept hanging in a conspicuous spot in the kitchen. He was from England (the same town as my Dad) and believed the Biblical admonition to "spare the rod and spoil the child". My parents were "hitters", too. Heck, teachers could even hit you in school.

I certainly don't advocate that, but I also see children today that seem to "run the show", my own Grandaughter being one of them.

I'd love to hear your opinions.

By Cocoabutter on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 01:27 am:

I used to spank, but I don't anymore. For one thing, it's effectiveness wore off by the age of 5 or so, and for another, I am not strong enough to get his attention anymore. My MIL told me about how her mom used to use a belt when her daddy wasn't around, but I refuse to use anything like that.

I haven't had that many problems with my son's behavior lately anyway. He understood early on who was in charge and for the most part respects my authority. This is due in part to dh reinforcing my authority for me to ds.

I feel sorry for single moms who don't have the dad around to do that. I heard about an experiment where they took all the adult make elephants out of a herd and observed. The young males began to eat all the food and didn't allow any for the females. When the adult males were reintroduced, the young males shaped up again.

By Hol on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 02:22 am:

Wow, Lisa. That is VERY interesting about the elephants. There are many parallels between animal behaviour and human. I digress a little, but I saw a similarly interesting program about monkeys in a colony in a zoo. I guess colonies are very patriarchal, and this one had a real mean leader. He was abusive to the females. There was another male that they liked better. He was kind to them, and I guess he was second "in command". One night, the females plotted and ambushed and killed the mean monkey. That way, the guy they liked was now in charge.

I agree with you that it is a lot easier to raise children when there are two INVOLVED parents. And actions speak louder than words. How a man models HIS attitude toward the women in his life speaks VOLUMES to his sons.

By Tarable on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 12:32 pm:

I have done both... I have one dd who never really needed much discipline (until now she is 11 going on 20 and has an attitude). My other dd I have gone though almost every form of legal punishment that you can dream up. I find that when she was small a quick spat on the rear really got her attention but now spanking is not effective at all. I think spanking should be a last resort. My ex still spanks the girls occasionally and I don't really agree with this but his parenting style is very different from mine.

I totally agree that with boys that they take how their father figure treats women and that is how they treat women including their mother, in many cases anyway.

By Tink on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 12:45 pm:

Dh was raised getting a "whipping" when he needed to be disciplined. I was raised getting a "spanking" when I needed to be disciplined. DH was hit with a belt by his dad until he was ten and got several whipping each month. I got a couple of swats with a wooden spoon until I was 15 and got them a couple of times a year. I think both of our parents made mistakes in the way they disciplined us. We gave spankings (a swat or two on the rear end over the child's diaper or underwear and clothing) until our kids were about 4. They only got spankings if they were deliberately disobedient (like running out into the street after being told not to) or if we'd gone through several rounds of other discipline (like redirection, time-out, toys taken away). Honestly, I think our way worked pretty well. All of the kids remember getting spanked a time or two and it made an impression but none of them flinch when we raise our hands or think that getting hit is a normal form of punishment. By the time they were 4yo, we knew that they could understand other forms of reasoning and punishment and I think the spankings lost their focus as a way to show we weren't fooling around and could have become an anger issue.

I've been very blessed with a DH that backs me and my authority up every step of the way. We discussed our discipline ideas before our first was old enough to need discipline and, although he was more inclined to spank than I was, he agreed that we'd try it my way since I would be the one disciplining more often. I've never been the type to use the threat of "Wait until your father gets home and hears about this". We're both parents and since I spend more time with them, it made sense for me to have as much authority with the kids as my DH.

I think all of our dks and their friends consider us "fun parents" but there is no doubt in anyone's mind who is the boss in this house. DH and I run a tight ship and if spanking was necessary when they were young to remind them of it when they got out of line, it was used.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 02:22 pm:

I think (keeping in mind this is my opinion) you parent according to the child, the child's age and your own values. I think that there are young children that a swat on the rear works wonders, others it doesn't. I think that once they have the ability to reason, comprehend dangers and appropriate behavior the punishment must evolve. You can not (well you can but..) beat a 17 year old to get them to understand the value of curfew and not breaking it.. At that age you can apply examples of why they shouldn't break curfew and most kids will get it with just a heart to heart. In the same turn you can't take a toy away from a 2 year old as a punishment for running into the street, they will just find a new toy and forget they even lost the put up toy in a matter of days. And sitting there and throwing in their face that you took that toy because they were a bad boy/girl has a deeper, long term effect in my opinion. It makes them associate possessions with behaviors. Now I am not saying if Jonny is chucking blocks at his sister head that he should keep the toys.. I am saying it has to be a punishment fitting the crime. I too am not advocating beating your child. There is a HUGE difference between showing you mean business and you will be listened to and beating the fear of God into your child (making the child afraid of you).

By Momofmax on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 04:45 pm:

I've tried spanking/slapping a few times but never could get over the hypocrisy (sp?) of hitting a child and not allowing them to hit others when they don't get their way. I feel if show respect to children they will learn to respect others. So far, it's worked. I talk to ds and when natural consequences arise he has to pay them. Example: He becomes very sassy - I tell him that that is not an appropriate way to speak to an adult and I will not have a conversation with him until he can speak respectfully. He doesn't like the physical or emotional isolation so he puts up with it for a while and then speaks nicely. I TRY HARD not to lecture. I think the natural consequence of speaking ugly to people is that people don't want to deal with you.

By Coopaveryben on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 10:38 pm:

I swore I would never ever spank my children (I had never had one and I was just fine) and I was also a psychology major and everything said not to spank. But when my oldest was 3 he was so strong willed that NOTHING was working and believe me we were consistent and we tried a variety of things. I remember the first night he got a spanking, we were at his Thanksgiving pagent for pre-school and he was HORRIBLE! Tackling other children, yelling out potty words in the song, etc. I wanted to pull him off stage but the director told us no. We got to the car that night and my husband looked at me and said enough is enough now it is my turn and he spanked him. He got spankings pretty regular after that too because they worked. He is now 8 and I wouldn't dream of spanking him, he is much to big and there are other things that serve better for punishment at this point and it has been that way for a long time.It worked for him as a pre-schooler.

My second child has never had to be spanked he responds to time out and a discussion on what he did wrong.

My third I have yet to figure out what will work with him but he does occasionally get a spanking.

I think each child is different and you have to find what works for them. I have clearly defined the rules and I punish for the 3 D's (disrespect, disobedience, and dishonesty). I always let them know that I love them too much to let them act that way. I want other people to like them and I want them to function well in this world. I have seen too many children who have such a hard time at school because they have not been taught acceptable behavior, learning it at school from peers rejection or a teacher is a dangerous thing that could follow them for a long time.

By Kim on Thursday, September 14, 2006 - 08:07 am:

Some children cry if you tell them no and some need the hand to butt connection to understand no. I refuse to say which I believe in as I cannot go anon and most of you know why I cannot tell, BUT the state and the doctor say after all other resources have failed a hand on a clothed buttock is appropriate, not in anger and not more than once or twice. And the age of the child matters also.

By Jewlz on Thursday, September 14, 2006 - 11:59 am:

a swat on the butt mykids got a thier share ..tho they werent bad kids to begin with... the swat would catch thier attention and then id send them to bed to think about it then wed talk about what happened and why. i was beat with goody hair brushes and they were broke over my butt. wire hangers flip flops ..ect ... theres a big diffeerence between beatings and a swat. i agree with bobby u have to deal with each kid individually because of thier personality and character and thier age. what works for one kids duznt always work for another. the word fair was not allowed in our house cuz fair isnt what life gives u in reality.

By Reds9298 on Thursday, September 14, 2006 - 09:00 pm:

>>"the word fair was not allowed in our house cuz fair isnt what life gives u in reality."<<

Jewlz...that's about the best line I've ever heard and so true! LOL I think it should be posted EVERYWHERE, for children and adults alike.

I'll post my spanking thoughts later...Survivor's coming on!

By Breann on Friday, September 15, 2006 - 10:22 am:

We have spanked our children. It seems to work for them. They know that if they get a spank on the bottom, they have done something quite unacceptable. My daughter is 7 now, and she is a bit too old for us to spank. She responds well with getting privileges taken away. My DS is 4. He occasionally gets spanked. He is starting to respond more to time outs and getting special toys taken away.

I think it all depends on the child. Some kids can be spanked repeatedly and never catch the hint. Obviously it wouldn't work for that type of personality.

To each his own

By Crystal915 on Friday, September 15, 2006 - 08:23 pm:

My children get spanked if they do something dangerous, or something blatantly wrong, like run in the street, or hit or kick me.

By Imamommyx4 on Friday, September 15, 2006 - 11:28 pm:

I swore that I'd never spank a child.
Then I got married and had 3 boys to raise. At times I won't to beat the pulp out of them (still want to sometimes, but they are in their 20's and bigger than me. LOL) But they mostly just got swats to get their attention.

As for dd who is now 5, I don't believe she has ever been spanked. Just looking at her sternly sends her in to tears and apologies. She flat out defied me one day last week which was a shocker b/c she's always so compliant. When I caught up with her, I took her arm, explained my reason for telling her no and told her if she ever defied me like that again we would walk straight outside and she would get a spanking. She was in shock at the thought of getting a spanking. She was very apologetic and has been very sweet again since.

It's one of those things that you have to decide on for yourself based on the child, their attitudes, their actions, your temper and attitudes, etc. IMHO.

By Luvn29 on Saturday, September 16, 2006 - 09:23 am:

Debbie, my ds is just like your dd. He is seven and has never been spanked. He puckers up and is so upset if he gets a stern voice used towards him. Now, he never cries at school, and if he falls, he gets right up and plays. He got stung at McDonald's on the lip the day before yesterday, cried for a second, and then went on like it was nothing, although his lip swelled up like someone had punched him! But say one word to him that shows you are disappointed, and it breaks his heart! I just pray he stays that way.

My dd, however, is totally not like that. I have swatted her on the butt a couple of times, but she is ten now, and I have found that nothing works better than sitting her in "the chair". I have a wooden chair sitting facing the back corner of our dining room. If she misbehaves, that's where she goes. No talking, no playing with anything, and she HATES being still and not being "part of the action".

But, I think that swatting your child on their behind is not going to warp them. I will not do it as a punishment for them hitting each other or something of that nature, because it just doesn't make sense to me. "Since you hit your sister, I'm going to spank you, because we're not supposed to hit...."

By Maewee on Monday, October 9, 2006 - 12:58 am:

I belive theres a differec between spanking abuseing a child if you spank you swat the butt
once and a person who abuse a child is out of control with anger eyes wide open lips draw in
and would grab what she could to spank with