Charging Adult Children Room and Board????
Moms View Message Board: The Kitchen Table (Debating Board): Charging Adult Children Room and Board????
Any older parents out there who have charged their adult children board? Any younger Moms whose parents charged THEM board?
My parents never took board from me, even though I worked full time after I graduated from high school. All they required of me was that I pay all my own expenses, i.e., clothes, car payments, insurance, haircuts etc. They provivded a roof, meals and medical care. I got married a year after graduation, and left home, but they wouldn't have charged me board if I had stayed. My sister didn't get married until she was 22, and they never charged her either. My Mom and Dad had immigrant parents. My Dad had to come out of school in the ninth grade to help support his family, so he never wanted that for us. My parents also insisted that we at LEAST graduate from high school.
DH and I have never charged our kids board either. DH's parents never charged him or his siblings. My DD got married at 21 and oldest DS entered the military right out of high school. However, we wouldn't have charged them. DD paid for her own college. We paid her car repairs and insurance.
Our younger DS's will be the same. Shawn is just starting college. We expect him to pay most of it himself. We will provide everything else. Mike is a senior this year, then he wants to apprentice under a plumber. Unless he was 30 and still living at home, I think we'll only expect him to pay for his own car, clothes, etc.
I know that in some large families, the older kids have to pay in to help support the younger ones. I don't think that that is right. It isn't the kids' decision to have all those siblings. We have a friend who is widowed and has eight kids. Her older ones pay in, but they did it even when her DH was alive. She home schools, and the extra income helps her to be able to be a SAHM.
What are your thoughts?
I think it depends on a lot of things. When my boys were living at home, they didn't pay room&board as long as they were in school full time, but once each started a full time job, he paid room and board, pretty much equal to what their father had been paying in child support. I felt it was fair to require that, and helped prepare them for the "real" world of rent, etc. But when they were in school, my feeling was that school was their job and I didn't want them to be working so many hours they couldn't do their job properly. However, I didn't need the money to meet my own obligations.
When I graduated and started working full time, I paid room&board to my parents. But, there was just me and my brother - and my mom saved the money I paid them and used it to pay for my wedding.
With large families (or small ones), if the older kids have full time jobs and are living at home, imo they should be paying.
I have no opinion on whether it is fair, in large families, for older children who are not living at home to pay in to the family coffers to help the younger children, but I know it is not uncommon. Certainly in immigrant families in the East (Jews, Irish, etc.) in the late 1800s and through WWII that was very common - the first one to graduate high school or college and get a job helped the family out so the younger ones could also get an education and move up in the world. What I always thought was unfair was the common expectation that daughters would quit school as soon as they legally could and get jobs to help their brothers complete their educations - because girls didn't need an education.
I never had to pay, but I was never living at home and not in school full time. I'm almost 100% positive that my parents would not have asked me to pay room and board though. They never wanted me to leave! 
If Natalie is not in school full time and living here, she absolutely will be paying room and board here. She's 2 .
I never had to pay room and board, though I regularly bought groceries and incidentals when I was single and living with my mom.
None of my kids has ever paid room and board either. When Jules was in her 20's and living with me again for a brief period, I didn't charge her rent, but she gave me $50 a week to help with the electric & water bills, etc. and she bought some of her own food.
Jeff is currently back at home again temporarily and we haven't charged him room and board, but the sole reason for him being here is to get back on his feet again.
When the boys were out of high school and in college, they just lived here, worked part-time to pay for gas and car insurance. They did their own laundry, etc. I cook meals.
If a grown son is living here, working and not in school, they have to give me $50 per paycheck. The youngest one doesn't realize it yet, but I have all of the money he has given me in an account to give to him when he needs a car or ready to move into an apartment. He has a savings account in which he is saving for those things, too. I just felt like it was a good experience for him to realize that a couple hundred dollars is needed to meet living expenses. But the funny thing is, he gives me the money without any attitude and doesn't know what we are actually doing with it. I look forward to giving it back to him when he needs it.
I had a guy friend in college whose dad charged him so much a month to live at home after hs. When he got married and was ready to buy a house, his dad gave him $10,000 that the son had given the dad over the years. He said he didn't really mind giving his dad the money for board. But his parents had money so he figured his parents were just trying to teach him a life lesson. He was thrilled when his dad gave him the money back with interest.
I'm not a parent of adult children yet, but I think I'll be sticking with the same rule my parents had... either you are in school, or you work and pay a small rent. I like the idea Debbie mentioned, and if I were in a financial situation to do so, I'd probably do that.
I graduated from college, in May 1983. I didn't find an RN job, until Octoberish 1983. I moved up to central WI, at the beginning of November, so from May to October, when I was done with college and working as a nurse's aide, I did have to pay $120/month "rent" or "room and board." Since I was finished with college expenses, at that point, I figured that was reasonable, to pay for my upkeep.
My kids are still young but I personally believe that if they are out of school and working and still living at home as an adult then they should chip in for the living expenses.. Even if the parent puts it in a savings account for them or whatever (which I think is a really cool idea). I just believe that it teaches responsibility. Unless the whole reason that they are back home is because something happened and they are trying to get back on their feet to move out again.
When my dad was 18, he lived at home for a time before going into the military. He was charged room and board, and at first, he resented the hell out of it.
But then he saw his 2 younger sisters go to school in brand new clothes, and knowing that his money helped buy them made him feel a might bit proud to be a man.
No, no one is charged room and board to live at home. My son and I live together with my mother and the house is paid off. We pool our resources to pay the utility bills and my son's private school tuition. Our household income is 6 figures. There's no need for money to change hands. We are being practical.
I have friends of friends whose daughter got a teaching position and was still living at home until she married a year later. They made her pay $700/mth. rent and they put that $ in a savings account for her.
I don't get that. She still not paying rent then, as an independent adult would then, IMO. She's just saving $700 a month that she wouldn't be able to save if she lived in the real world because she WOULD need it for rent. Teaching about saving starts early, not when you're out of college. I don't understand that at all.
My dad had to pay rent when he was 13. He was the only child out of 6 to do this and the only one who had a job so young.
His mom had way too many issues and I really think thats a huge problem in dad's mental life.
I lived at home until 1 month shy of my 20th birthday.
I had two jobs and had to pay my way through college. I was allowed to use my dad's truck if I did so. But I had to pay for personal stuff, job uniforms, gas for the vehicle, etc.
I was rarely at home for those two years with my two jobs and college so I rarely ate at home.
I don't think I'll ever make our 3 dds pay rent while they are in some type of schooling. I'm hoping they all go to college. After that we'll see.
my dh and I lived with his parents for about 8 months when we were first married. We went to college, got pregnant, got married, and then worked a year to return to school the next fall and saved money to move while living with them. They didn't charge us rent per say and were/are generous with helping us, but it was held over our heads the whole time and gave his mom the 'right" to say and do anything she wanted to including be just down right mean to me at times. We did help with food and such though.
I do not think I would ever charge them rent.
Now--If they tried to live with me after marrying, my decision might be different. Hopefully, I will have them prepared for living on their own. I know when I moved out I was ill prepared for the reality of rent, utilities, groceries, etc. I am trying to teach my children about all of that prior to their moving out on their own. We will require them to work part time in highschool to pay for their car insurance, etc. We have paid for their college in advance but want them to work for some of their expenses.
My stepdad made me start paying rent at 16 when I got a job, $200 a month. Even after high school when I was in college and working both full time I had to pay rent. Only my brother and I (his stepchildren) ever paid rent. I'm bitter about it. All together I paid over $7000 in rent to my stepdad. On top of my own expenses. I even paid my own way through college, which is why I ended up dropping out. Everything became too much for me.
Melissa - (((HUGS)). How unfair of your step-Dad! However, it is never too late to go back to college. Maybe someday, when your kiddos are grown, you can go back.
I didn't have to pay rent, until I was out of college, and then it was only $120! Wow. $200/month, at 16? At 16, I think you can still be taken care of!
I agree with Mommmie on this.
We'll do the same as my parents did. No charging for living at home. I lived at home for a year after highschool, before moving out. I was working full time and was paying for a car. I don't plan to make my kids pay rent if they live at home after they are 18.
I will also not allow them to "mooch" from us either.
my parents' rule was, after you graduate you go to college or get a job and pay rent ($200 month). my brother gave them a hard time about it, and they eventually kicked him out (after he was caught stealing from the family). i was working part-time, paying for my car, and going to college, but willingly still gave them money to help with groceries, etc. each payday.
my husband and i totally agree with that. once our children graduate, we will continue to help/support them as long as they are bettering/helping themselves... they will not "mooch" off of us. if they are working and not attending school, the money they give us will be put away for their wedding or 1st home.
my husband was raised in a home where mama did everything. he was 21 when we started dating, and admits that if we hadn't gotten married he would probably still (at age 34) be living at home with his mom... she made life very easy for him.
I started paying my parents "Board" as soon as I got my first job at 15. I remember feeling very annoyed by it, and told my parents so. However, when Dad informed me that he was investing this money in my college fund, I changed my tune.
Ditto acjmom..I think you put it well. As long as you're bettering yourself we will HELP support you, but not completely support you financially.
My DH was valedictorian in H.S., got 2 full ride scholarships to college, and was at the top of his class in college. He took a semester off during his second or third year because he felt like he needed a break. His parents supported the break (he would then live at home for the semester) but he had to get a job for that semester. It was required by his parents. I think we would totally do the same thing if it were Natalie. Take a break from college if you need to, but you can't live here and sit around because adults don't have the opportunity to sit around. They have to work to support themselves.
Trina- When I got my first job at 15, I had to start buying the majority of my school clothes and my extra fun activities. My parents gave me money sometimes, but if I wanted something other than socks, undies or NEEDED shoes, I had to pay for it. I think I really learned a lot from that. Most of my friends parents were the same way. I worked year 'round from 15 on, not just summers. BUT, I'm the kind of person who likes to be busy, so school, extra curricular, and job were good for me.
Deanna, I had to buy most of my clothes, pay for outings, movies, etc. and pay board as soon as I started working as a teen. I didn't like it at the time but it taught important lessons about money and responsibility, etc.. DH and I have different views, so we need to discuss and come to a mutual decision as to how we're going to handle this with our kids. LOL!
I never had to pay room or rent or for anything. I started working when I was 15. Plus I was a high B low A student and I did sports all through High school. I got out of high school and went to college and moved in with Rich at 18 I moved back home at 20 pregnant and still never paid for anything. I bought stuff I needed for myself but never paid bills. I paid for my car and I worked FT. When Timmy came I paid for everything for him and at 21 I bought my 1st house on my own.
If my kids are working and going to school and getting their own things I will not make them pitch in for bills or rent. If they need my help that is what I am there for.
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