Surrogate pregnancy
Moms View Message Board: The Kitchen Table (Debating Board): Surrogate pregnancy
I don't know how I feel about this, but here's the story. A Pennsylvania legislator has proposed a law governing surrogate parenting, inspired by a recent case in Pennsylvania.
A Pennsylvania woman gave birth to triplets. The bio father, in Ohio, provided the sperm. His girlfriend (they are not married) could not provide the egg, so it came from a donor in Texas. The fertilized egg (or eggs) was/were implanted in the Pennsylvania woman, and resulted in triplets. All of this was arranged by an Indiana surrogacy agency.
In a court hearing, a lower court gave custody of the triplets to the surrogate mother because the bio father had not visited the triplets until many days after they were born and in other ways the judge felt the bio father was not as fit a parent as the surrogate mother. The appellate court reversed and gave custody to the bio father, saying it was entirely a "breach of contract" situation - the surrogate mother had contracted to carry the pregnancy but under the contract the children belonged to the bio father.
The article went on to say that several states have laws governing surrogate pregnancies, and in many of them the couple seeking to have a child by surrogacy must be a married couple.
I have always had mixed feelings about surrogacy, because I don't understand how a woman can carry a child through pregnancy knowing she will have to give it up upon birth - but then, lots of women face that situation knowing they will give up their child for adoption. I am feeling partly that it is one thing when it is planned (surrogacy) and another when the pregnancy is unplanned. But overall, I can't sort out how I feel about the whole matter of surrogate pregnancy, let alone this specific situation.
Here's some links to articles about this and related issues, and it gets even more complicated. The egg donor mother sought custody in Ohio (where the children were actually born), and was granted "parental rights".
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/04315/409552.stm
http://spaces.msn.com/runningpol/blog/cns!3726955B6B963347!323.entry
For goodness sake, how much more complicated can it get? 
That's all I have to say about this particular case!
But in general, I think that a better way to avoid all this hulaballoo would be simply to adopt. There are plenty of other unwanted children in this country that could go to a good home and would avoid all the drama of a court battle over sperm and/or eggs. But instead some people selfishly go to exteme measures to create another life rather than giving a home to an existing child.
A contract is a contract!!!!Regardless if the couple was married or not.IMO the egg donor should have no rights.Personally myself I could never carry a baby for 9mths and then give it away.I am too selfish that way.I've read stories where a mother has done if for her DD and they turn out to be great stories.I think more people would adopt if it wasn't so expensive and so much red tape.Its sad when people go over to 3rd world countries and adopt when children in there own country are in need of help.I also have mixed feelings.I've never known anybody in this situation, so its hard for me to make an opinion ,when they're are so many different issues and feelings involved.I have children ,but if I couldn't have them I not sure what route I would have taken.
I had 2 people offer to be surrogates for me when I was going through fertility treatments. I chose to adopt, but seriously considered it. We are far from a text book adoption story. Our girls came to us quickly and easily, but that is not normal. If you want to adopt a healthy white newborn, your chances are pretty slim. Yes, there are lots of kids who need families, but you have to be open to different races, special needs, etc. Some of us are, but many are not.
I have an internet friend who is pregnant right now with her third surrogate pregnancy.
I'm not sure how it works, but I think that there should be mandatory counselling before being allowed to become a surrogate. I believe that the contract should not be broken, because it was entered into with everyone knowing the outcome. While it would be much easier to have the donors be anonymous, that's not in the best interest of the kids. They need to know their history. The woman I know visits the kids now and then, so I'm assuming they know the role she played in their lives. I think that's a good thing.
I'm looking forward to seeing how this all plays out.
The egg donor has asked to be declared the mother, but shows little or no interest in the children. Then laster in the article it says she's requested her parental rights be terminated?? I think the case is insane, and while I'm not against surrogacy, I think it should be *very* cautiously embarked upon. Now, you have to wonder about a man who funded the whole situation, supplied the sperm, and then didn't come to the hospital to "claim" the children. What's going on there? Also, these kids are almost a year old now, and are being called by different names in their households. Perhaps what everyone is forgetting here is we're not talking about a car, or a boat. These are CHILDREN! This is affecting them!!
Well, see, I feel the same way about adoption. I strongly feel that we need to start putting children first in this country and please excuse me here, but screw the rights of all the so called adults in situations such as these.
I think when a child is at hand, then there should be no room for changing your mind. Just as Crystal said, this is not a car or a boat. I said that last night to my husband while watching Desperate Housewives. It is a sore point with me. I think there should be no "waiting period" in an adoption during which a birth mother can change her mind and decide she wants that baby after all. I'm sorry, but if she's that indecisive, she is not mature enough or ready to handle motherhood. Once she hands that baby over, it's over, there should be no way to "take it back" and decide you want to play house after all.
Same with surrogacy. A contract should be drawn out if this is going to be done, and it should be followed to the T.
These children should not be pawns in life in any situation. It is time that the laws be changed to worry about their rights first. They need to stop being jerked around because of the birth parents rights. Blah blah blah. They are the adults. They made their decisions. Now let them live with them.
I know I got a tad off subject, but to me, it should be the same in both situations.
I think if there wasn't so much fear of birth parents changing their minds about wanting "their" baby back, more parents would consider American adoptions.
I agree with Adena 100%.
I also agree 100% with Adena.
As far as surrogacy goes, I think it should be completely a "business deal" and the contract should be followed exactly. The surrogate mother really has to be emotionally unattached IMO.
And just to add to Adena's thoughts about American and overseas adoptions, and how kids are treated in the US: No, IMO kids are not put first in this country. It's sad that to get an American baby it's outrageously expensive, very time consuming, and you have to have your name dragged through the mud to make sure you're going to be a "good parent", when you (teacher, neighbor, social worker)pull teeth and STILL can't get a child pulled from the home of an abusive/drug addicted parent, or God forbid from a rich parent whose kids are an afterthought. You can't win for losing.
Things are done so differently in Canada. It is illegal to make a profit from adoption. No money can be exchanged between birth and adoptive parents. The wait time is 3 weeks, which is completely fair. (that being said as an adoptive mom who had to sweat those 3 weeks out), and I don't even know if surrogacy is legal. The child is the one with the rights, not either set of parents.
I think the issue that really lies here is that people make plans that seem very logical and make sense, THEN those hormones come into play. Really did you have an idea just how much you could love your child when you had them? I was just overwhelmed with how I felt. So I think people who plan on giving up a baby go through that to, whether it is biologically theirs or not. Our body is made so we crave that baby, biologically our milk comes in which produced oxytocin which makes us want our baby, all the extra hormones are part of the genetic make up of who we are, so that we will attend to our young and not go off and leave them in a cave
Techincally I don't think you are supposed to make money off adoption, and the surrogacy thing is the same. Your expenses can be paid, and there is always under the table stuff. But legally you can't sell babies in the us.
As far as not being in the best interest of the child. Reality is, there is a waiting period, to make sure the mom won't change her mind. In the US that is also 3 weeks, the issues that we have had stem from the dad not knowing and him fighting later. It took two people to create a child, it also takes two to give one up. So if we were doing what is best for parents, the baby would go to temp housing until all the legal stuff was taken care of, then you don't have those same emotions that "gabby" had. But that isn't in the best interest of the child. It is better for them to spend that waiting time with people who love them and can coddle them.
In the big case where teh 5 year old was pulled out of the adoptive home. The father requested that child back at less than a month old, it was court battles and parenting issues that kept that from taking so long. The best interest of that child was when the bio parents changed their mind, would have been to just hand him over. But we don't do that in the US, we have this huge sense of entitlement and we fight till we lose.
Marcia, is your surrogate friend's name Sandi?
No, her name is Kristie.
Why can't people see that it is absolutely NOT in the best interest of the child to fight for 5 years? That's just insane!! No matter how well they make themselves feel the child is dealing with things, talk to that same kid 10 years from now, 20 years from now, etc. It's not a pretty picture.
Thanks Marcia...we have been in the same circle for awhile, so ya never know
Sandi was an old MT'er, she was surrogating for a gay couple in TX. There were lots of issues due to crossing state lines and lack of laws. I never heard what came of her, did everything work out, so was wondering if you were in touch
See, Kaye, I agree totally with your attachment thing. My sister and her husband both have fertility issues. They have no children. Before I found out about all of my wonderful health issues and such, I thought, would I be able to be a surrogate for them? I would be the baby's aunt, so it wouldn't be like I would be handing the baby over to someone and never having contact with it again. But no, I couldn't do it. I form too much of a connection in the womb. I fell in love with my babies before they were even born, and I could never convince myself that it was not my baby. So I couldn't even do it for my sister. Selfish? Maybe. But I was being honest with myself. I could never be JUST an aunt to that baby.
In Nebraska there is no waiting period...once those papers are signed it is a done deal. I am a mom through adoption, international adoption, and I chose that route becasue that is where MY kids were. It had nothing to do with not being able to get a healthy, white American baby.
Tammie - >>"It had nothing to do with not being able to get a healthy, white American baby."<<
I'm not sure what you mean regarding your adoptions. Do you mind explaining? I'm just trying to clarify. And if it's too personal, that's fine, too. I hope that doesn't sound sarcastic, because it's not meant that way!!
We have 2 sets of friends who have adopted outside of the country and I know them well enough to know that their decision to go out of the US was based on money and wait time.
Deanna,
We get a lot of comments and questions from people about why we didn't adopt here in the U.S. Many people assume that it is because of the birthparents issues (changing their minds etc. ) or that it is very hard...ie.long wait and very expensive to adopt a healthy white baby. We chose to adopt outside of the U.S. because that is what felt right to us and once we held our children for the first time we knew why it felt right. We were meant for those kids. I guess I was trying to address the comments that if things were different with birthparent termination rights then people wouldn't adopt from other countries. I was trying to point out that for many of us adoption isn't a second choice option and international adoption isn't second best to being able to adopt in the U.S. AND not all adoptive parents are going for the "healthy" child either. Both of my children who were adopted have a visually noticeable special need.
Now after typing all this I realize that none of this, or my original post, is really very relevant to this thread... Sorry, I tend to get a little overzealous when it comes to adoption. :-)
My sister adopted a son, from Guatemala, about 8 years ago. He was three, when they got him.
Thanks for going into more detail Tammie. I get it!!
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