http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=1780687

And his blog: Husband on Strike

He's been spending his days on the roof of his home because he says he wants his wife to keep their 3-month-old daughter and 2-year-old son out of the bedroom at night. (I guess he's not a fan of co-sleeping.)

They say they have a happy marriage and the wife thinks he'll "get lonely" and come back down on his own. He says he won't come down until the kids and their toys are out of the bedroom.

What do you think? I didn't read too much of his blog, but if it is that important to him to have the bedroom all to themselves, I can't help think this is the wrong way to go about it. It sounds to me more of a communication problem than an intimacy problem. Haven't they ever heard of compromise?

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, March 29, 2006 - 11:30 am:

Well, I agree with you, it's a communication problem. Sounds like they need to hear some good advice TOGETHER, and that his wife should at least make an effort. Though - you never *really* know the whole truth about any family dynamics unless you're part of that family. I can't see this solving anything though - it's more of a power struggle, IMO........

By Cocoabutter on Wednesday, March 29, 2006 - 03:02 pm:

Haven't read it, but generally I think co-sleeping on a regular basis is detrimental to the marriage. I have neighbors who got a divorce b/c of this. Once in a while is okay, but the bed ought to be respected as mom and dad's only.
I'll read it later- gotta go!

By Kaye on Wednesday, March 29, 2006 - 03:52 pm:

Alrightee, come on...did you check out this sight?

He has a 2 year old and a 2 month old. I can say with some certainity here that he isn't doing without sex due to babies in the bed as much as she is probably exhausted. Add to that mix a husband who acts 3 and what the heck?

Co sleeping, I am a huge advocate for this. BUT as my doc said, it is a personal decision that is between a family and the whole family has to be for it. My oldest and youngest co slept with us. My oldest until she was 3, the middle one didn't take to it. The youngest, oh he is 8 and he doesn't sleep with us much anymore..LOL. Obviously we still had time to have sex It was the right choice for all of us. Never what I thought I would pick, nor hubby. When the middle kid didn't sleep with us, we sure didn't push it with the youngest. We kicked him out of our room in kinder, he still wanders in on occasion. He has flat out asked if he could put a bed in our room, so he could share. isn't that cute? We said no, but both of us were a little sad that he felt that way and we didn't.

But look at his pics of his room, come on, if that is the best you can do, go away. I have more toys in my room and mostly the kids aren't in there!

I don't think the wife will get lonely, she may just learn to like her space!

By Crystal915 on Wednesday, March 29, 2006 - 04:14 pm:

I actually have to agree with the guy here, *IF* you decide to co-sleep, it has to be a mutual choice. Pushing him out of his own bedroom is unfair. I think his tactic is a little nutty, but I still agree with him. Also, I stick to "our bedroom is our sanctuary", no TV, no toys, no kids. It's OUR space, and we like to keep it that way!

By Sunny on Wednesday, March 29, 2006 - 04:31 pm:

I am an advocate of co-sleeping, too, so that prejudices my opinion. Actually, way back when my youngest was a newborn, I started out putting him in his crib until my DH suggested I bring him into our bed and the rest is history! LOL Over the years, my Dh has complained a few times about having a little one in bed, but he knew it was temporary and dealt with it.

She may be tired and sleeping with the kids allows her to get some sleep. Maybe she decided after having the kids that this was the best way for her. Who knows, maybe her kids are the center of her world right now and she wants to be close to them. There could be a million other reasons why and that's where the communication, and compromise, comes in.

I just had another thought. Maybe the wife wants the little one in bed because she knows it will interfere with intimacy and there won't be another little one to worry about anytime soon.

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, March 29, 2006 - 04:46 pm:

We had kids in our bed plenty of nights, but not every night. Soon enough they grew big enough to handle the stress of school starting, or thunderstorms and it didn't happen anymore. I think it was a sweet time that they grew out of way too fast!

I think the guy needs to get a grip!

By Cocoabutter on Wednesday, March 29, 2006 - 07:37 pm:

Okay, so maybe his tactics are a bit childish, but who knows- maybe he's tried everything else.

I think they just need to get into counseling before they allow things to deteroirate any further.

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, March 29, 2006 - 08:41 pm:

Like I said....it just looks like a power struggle....

By Colette on Wednesday, March 29, 2006 - 08:44 pm:

It just looks stupid. How many times has he offered to give his wife a break so she can get some sleep?
He seems extremely childish to me and I feel bad for his wife.

By Tayjar on Thursday, March 30, 2006 - 11:03 pm:

This guy sounds like a jerk. We've co-slept with our kids since birth. I started it when I needed more than 2 hours of sleep a night in order to function at work. It has not dampened our sex life one bit. If anything, it's made us be a little more creative and romantic. If my husband pulled a stunt like this, he would be gone. This guy needs to grow up and learn to cherish his kids and not feel like they are the competition. He should cherish this time because it won't last forever. DD is 9 and only sleeps with me when she has to or if it's storming.

As I type this, my DH and DS are sleeping in one bed and it looks like DD and me are in the other.

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, March 30, 2006 - 11:35 pm:

Ditto, Tayjar. They grow up way too fast!

By Crystal915 on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 01:01 am:

What if one parent just isn't comfortable with the co-sleeping? What if it has nothing to do with sex?? I've never been comfortable sharing my bed with my kids, I am a pretty violent sleeper, and it's just not a good choice for me. Luckily, DH feels the same way, but if he was bent on co-sleeping, I'd hope he'd respect my feelings and come to a compromise.

By Luvn29 on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 09:14 am:

The way this guy is handling it, if he wants all children out of the bedroom, guess he better be finding himself a new place to sleep also. Because he sure isn't acting like an adult.

By Cocoabutter on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 12:10 pm:

I agree with you, Crystal. It is a decision that should be made mutually. It appears that this guy's wife doesn't make decisions that way.

By Mommmie on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 01:07 pm:

I'm single and did co-sleeping, but if I was fortunate to be married to a decent man and he wanted the kids out, I would get them out of the bed pronto.

By Vicki on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 01:10 pm:

I do agree that he isn't going about it right, but I see his point too. I do think that should be a mutual decision.

By Kaye on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 02:49 pm:

Crystal you are right it has to be a mutual decision. BUT his feelings shouldn't trump hers either. What they need is to compromise. I do know one friend who thought it was important enough that she slept in her child's room for a long time. That wouldn't be my first choice, but it worked for them. Communication seems to missing here.

And I guess I looked at his website and I just think he is full of baloney. He has a picture of his bedroom "with toys all over". It is one shot of the bottom corner of the bed with 2 diapers, both looked clean, a coloring book and one toy. If you want to convince me that you wife is not being wifely and this is out of hand, it will take more than one photo. I think he is just being bullheaded about this whole thing. To me an easier compromise is putting a toddler bed in their room, that way mommy feels right there and hubby gets his bed back. I don't feel like he is putting his child first. Welcome to parenthood, you don't often get what you want and sometimes you have to make some concessions. I agree she should be making some concessions too, but I don't see her going on tv and bringing thier family life out in the public.

By Cocoabutter on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 03:11 pm:

I think his website is down.

But I think that this article gives a more balanced approach to the story,

http://www.azcentral.com/families/articles/0330husbandstrike0330.html

By Cocoabutter on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 03:27 pm:

I know why his website is down.

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060331/NEWS11/60331006

By Crystal915 on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 03:55 pm:

Kaye,
I agree there has to be compromise. However, we aren't inside their home, we don't know what kind of interaction they've had on this topic up until he went "on strike". As for putting the children first, you can't totally ignore your marriage and your bond to each other in order to care for the children. I noticed one of the things he's "protesting" is the 2 year old having a binkie. Well, I'll have to agree with him again, I don't think a 2 year old should have a binkie, and the AAP is against it as well. Maybe he feels like his role as a parent is being ignored, and he has no say in the way the kids are raised. We just don't know. Ultimately, it's sad to see a family come to this, but I think we'd be kidding ourselves if we said we have never seen a mother who was so wrapped up in her children that she ignored her husband and his feelings. It's an all around crappy situation, I hope they get it worked out!

By Pamt on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 11:23 pm:

I definitely see his point. I know a LOT of moms who think that they are the child-rearing experts and that the day should just come along for the ride. I also think the husband-wife relationship takes priority over the parent-child relationship. However, I think the way he is going about making his point is ridiculous. They need counseling and they both need to make some compromises.

By Bellajoe on Saturday, April 1, 2006 - 08:20 am:

I agree with the guy. It's a bit nutty to sleep on his roof. But perhaps he has tried everything else. His wife doesn't seem to give a darn what he says or thinks or feels. She's clueless.

I'm not into the co sleeping thing. Sure, ds came into our room every once in a while when he was younger, and we let him in the bed to sleep for a little bit but then we sent him right back to his room. I just never understood why you would want your children to sleep in the same bed with you on a regular basis.
Having a 2 month old in the bed is dangerous, you could roll over and suffocate him/her.

By Kaye on Saturday, April 1, 2006 - 09:20 am:

In light of the new info on him, I think it is interesting. He was able to find a woman to forgive him of what he did AND have kids with him, but he isn't willing to compromise with her? I agree she is putting her kids in front of him and I don't think that is the right thing to do. As I have said before there has to be a balance, neither one seem to be there. But for me, she wins due to having a 2 month old. It isn't the 2 year old that is co sleeping, it is the infant. So I think it is unfair of him to get all upset over something that obviously will have an end in a year or two. I do think she needs to make a bigger effort to have some time with him. But come on, even on the board we have ladies who never use sitters. It is hard for some people to trust someone else with their little ones.

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, April 2, 2006 - 09:21 am:

He sounds totally selfish. I can understand he might not want to share his bed with an infant, but as Kaye points out, that will pass soon - probably in a few months. She also sounds a bit selfish - there ought to be a compromise. But, maybe she's offered one and he isn't buying.

He says they are going to remodel the bedroom in the summer and no kids allowed? Why does he get to make that decision? And she's right - no kids allowed in the parents' bedroom? - not possible.

He says he's not a criminal, but, in fact, he is. When he was 23 he pled guilty to a lesser charge to avoid trial on multiple charges of assault. I wonder if his wife knows about the multiple charges, or only about the lesser charge on which he pled guilty?

He may be a born again Christian now, but that doesn't appear to stop him from being a jerk. What kind of person holds his family, especially his wife, and his personal life up to ridicule on the internet - except maybe a jerk. (And not a very smart one - he should have known that once he started something like this someone was bound to do a records search or other kind of search and come up with his past.) And I suspect this is going to have a bad effect on his public relations business - or at least, it should have, imo.