Debate board
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After you have left the debate board and been upset by someone's post do you let it affect the way you treat that person/people or think about that person/people as far as comeraderie or support in other issues?
I don't but I feel others do.
Just wondering what you all think.
I don't think I do, if I've ever done it, it certainly was not intentional. I try to always remember that A) there are certain topics that people have VERY strong feelings about, and to B) take that into consideration when reading other posts, and C) things are not always as they come across on the internet.
I would have to say as a general rule, no. However, if someone really made me feel attacked, I think it would be only natural to remember that for a long time. It wouldn't make me stop answering posts they might make though if that is what your asking.
I think once you get comforable posting on any internet board and start looking to your cyber friends as a source of support, getting upset or having your feelings hurt does affect the way you think about them. I think it's human nature.
I think it depends on the issue. If I feel like i was called names and treated poorly then yeah it might. Just like IRL I don't hang out with people who treat me poorly. However, if it is just a difference of opinion, then I let it go.
For me it depends on the way the other person posted. If they were disrespectful, rude, "loud mouthed", I feel annoyed. But heck, nothing is going to stop me from expressing my opinion.
I try to take it as a learning experience. If I was annoyed by someone's post, what did I find annoying and how do I keep from writing posts like that?
But, a difference of opinion is just that. I have strong opinions - about almost everything. I like to think that over time I've learned how to express my opinions without attacking someone else's opinions, but that ain't always easy - especially when the other person is soooo wrong (or so I think, anyhow).
For all my efforts to try to be diplomatic and respectful in my posts and emails, I have sometimes gotten emails from someone saying I hurt their feelings. Which is the last thing I want to do, so I always apologize.
I think I base that more on how the person acts on other things. If they are brash normally, and offended me on the debate board, I might stop responding to their posts, etc. Then again, in the face of major tragedy, or something extreme, I'll offer my support even if I'm not fond of the person, simply because they are another human being and I don't want people to hurt. There are lots of people who I regularly disagree with, but we do it in a respectful debating manner, and we can still be friends.
No, I think the debate board is a special place where we can be honestly polite about how we feel, and can sometimes let down our guard a little about just how we word something.
And the mods are always very quick to remove whole topics that they view as out of line, so I don't think anyone gets to be offensive for very long.
Like Ginny, I have strong opinions and try to be polite (see, we have something in common!) but I'm sure I've offended more than my share.
I don't carry over anything I read here. I think my life is just too hectic to say, "Oh yes, she's the one who feels .... so I'm not responding to that post" I actually find that to be very petty.
Ame
We all have our "soapboxes" so I tend to let things stay on the debate board- that being said- it is hard sometimes when you feel really strongly about something not to automatically think the other person is "wrong"!
No I don't. But without giving specific examples, i've seen it happen here. Not often, but still. That said, I also think this is the best message board i've been a member of when it comes to pulling together when needed. 
I have seen it happen as well, which is really sad, we join this forum for advice & to have a place to vent when needed.
I have had my feelings hurt, but then I realize that everyone has different opinions & if I don't want to take their advice or whatever I don't have to. Just as they don't have to listen to what I have to say.
That said I would have a rather boring life if I only listened to the opinions that are like mine. I have learned a lot & on occasion changed my opinion on a subject because of posts on this board. I mean not everyone is right all of the time...
Ditto Ame, but I'm very opinionated so sometimes I think "you're so wrong!" like Hlgmom said, LOL. BUT, I don't even think of the debate board when I see general posts from people I've disagreed with. Never even crosses my mind. Everyone has such a different perspective and a different background that we can never understand why people don't always agree with us. It's the spice of life, and I always think "Whatever floats your boat"!
Not on this board because despite differences everyone is fairly decent and civil.
The written word can be viewed, disected, analyzed, interpreted, misinterpreted from here until eternity. We all know this from lit. class in high school and college. A debate forum on an online message board doesn't have the luxury of time.
I know when I write something, I interject intonations and expressions into my words which may be read differently, by different people, at different times in their lives and day. I also consider this when I read from the debate board.
I enjoy the topics and discussions on the debate board. The women that generally post here have strong convictions, values, intellect, grace and want to stir up our thoughts....make us think, challenge our ideals and maybe change some in the process.
I also know the moderators have a HUGE hand on why this site works so well for ALL of us! ^5
Exactly annie, I sure hope I havent hurt anybody's feelings, I dont mean to if I have. I am a big mouth . I dont carry grudges, they take too much energy and time.
I think I am used to it now. Roll with the punches like the president does. Can't be right all the time.
I don't think necessarily that people are treated differently but I do think this board gives a much clearer picture of someone. It gives not only your "on-line" persona but it gives a true glimpse of what each of us feels passionate about.
It's not so much on the debate board...the only thing I don't like is when people give advice and they get offended if you don't take it. Some people don't really know a situation, assume things, etc. I don't treat them differently afterwards though.
As women, we have more things in common than separate us, so it's usually not worth hanging on to.
One thing I feel I need to say is, we - meaning mods, or certain other *groups* of members - have been (unjustly) accused in the past by a few sour grapes of being a clique. That is SO NOT true. My interpretation of a clique is a group of people who think their way/thoughts are the only way and they put down anyone else who's not part of it. I really hope none of us is reacting that way.
If you stop and think about it, there are almost certainly members you all feel *closer* too, whom you gravitate to, because you have more in common with them, or your personalities or beliefs or opinions are similar, so you develop a more personal relationship with them, both on and off the board. And by contrast, you probably tend NOT to interact as much with someone who has different beliefs than you do. That being said, we are all individuals, all different in some ways, and similar in some ways, and this is life, no two people are exactly the same.
Some take that as being in a clique, but they don't stop to think that they too, have their own *clique*. I've found that newer members, or those who don't post often, feel this way more often than others. These close relationships are cultivated because these members post often and interact often.
So on that note, as IRL, you will come to the defense of your friend if your friend is attacked, and I know that happens here on the board. I am probably guilty of that. I have many friends here on the board - I've know Bubbels since high school, and Amy since she was born. But I've made many friends here, and I can't possibly name you all, and I value and appreciate each and every friendship, and I have to say, I'd have to *have your back* if the situation warranted.
We've all gotten our feathers ruffled, been offended, had hurt feelings, on at least one occasion, by responses to our posts, or even by lack of responses to them. One HUGE reason for that is what Annie stated about the written word. There is no real way to know the true meaning or the specific tone of someone's post, particularly where those *hot button* topics, where members have very strong opinions or beliefs which they are very passionate about are concerned.
I have personally been offended by posts, mainly on the debate board, either in reading others' responses to an O.P., or responses to something I posted. But as I stated in my first post on this thread, A) there are certain topics that people have VERY strong feelings about, and to B) take that into consideration when reading other posts, and C) things are not always as they come across on the internet. So when reading a post on another of the boards by a person who *offended* me, I make a conscious effort to put the feelings aside and concentrate on the current thread I'm responding too.
However, I hate to say it, but I have noticed, in my several years of moderating this board, that there are some people who carry those hurt or angry feelings over to other posts/threads. And I find that sad and unfortunate because A) we all joined this board for friendship, opinions, support, etc., and B) I would hope that we can all keep an open mind, particularly with the hot button topics, and realize that the written word comes across quite differently than say, if we were all sitting around in my den having a lively discussion/debate, and able to see/feel the emotions involved in the responses.
My hope is that when someone takes something the wrong way, or becomes upset by a post, that they can take some time, cool down, and just let it go and move on. We're all adults here, all individuals who bring something to this board and the members of this board. I'd like to believe that we can all be mature about the disagreements or differences in opinions and not hold grudges. Life's too short for that. And who knows, maybe one day the person who offended you can offer you an opinion or advice that will really help you at some point in the future. So.... as I've said before, play nice and carry on!
Karen, that was really well said!
It's good that you mods give us a nice place to play nice ...
Ame
I would hate to think I hurt someones feelings, or made them so mad at me they didn't post to my messages. I prefer to think I just didn't have anything interesting to respond to. lol
This is a great place and I don't see anyone that has an attitude on the board, I love all you guys
LOL Karen... Yes lets play nice and carry on..
You can't see my face or hear my words... so anything you take from any post I make are your own assumptions of my intent. I personally try not to take things personally. If I find my self getting upset I leave the site and think about what I want to say in reply. (which in all these years hasn't happened very often) I think it would not only be a wise thing to play nice but to use your head when you post because often a simple miss used word can be the beginning of a long day of removing post on our end...
We are different women from different worlds in different places in our lives... Some of us are new moms, some are grandma's. Some are just married, some have been married longer than some of us have been alive. Some of us have had good lives, others have had very hard lives. Some of us deal with illness every day, others have never known the heart ache of being totally out of control. But no matter what WE ALL have something we can offer to this list. The wisdom of a older mom or the reminders of youth from a younger mom..
Just remember we all have value here... We all have our place... We just need to remember that objective opinions make us grow emotionally and mentally.
I remember attending a seminar at work (when I used to work) about the "importance of detail" in an email. I know it sounds boring but it was interesting. It went into detail about how certain fonts could demonstrate strong emotions and things like that. I could see how things that are written here could be misinterpreted here by how people clarify their responses sometimes. I know I have done it.
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