I know alot of people don't believe in cremation, thats not what my question is, but as to after a loved one has passed away and has been cremated, do you think their ashes should be buried or should they be kept by there loved ones?
I am just curious on this because I have seen people look at it so many ways.

By Kim on Wednesday, July 27, 2005 - 03:44 pm:

Personally, for me, I wish to go back to the earth. My parents and children know this. If they want to keep a little bit here or there, that's ok too.

By Jann on Wednesday, July 27, 2005 - 04:13 pm:

My bil's ashes were spread over a favorite spot. My inlaws want their ashes spread on top of their parents' grave site. I told dh I would take his to Hawaii! ;)

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, July 27, 2005 - 04:41 pm:

I think it is a personal decision between the (departed) loved one and the family.

In my case, my family has always had a strong distaste for funeral services with open casket, and my parents were adamant that their children not spend huge amounts of money to bury them. My church has a Columbarium in the bell tower (two walls are covered with lovely walnut cabinets, each cabinet being about 16x16x16, with locks for each door, and a plate for the name and years of the individual behind the door. My brother's ashes are in one Columbarium section, and my parents are together in another. I have reserved one for myself. The church charges $250 per section.

I don't think I would want a container, no matter how attractive or how securely sealed, in my home. For one thing, you are not talking just about ashes - there are also lumps of bone and teeth, and they rattle. For another, it's not something I'd want to be explaining to many people, and heaven forbid the container should get damaged or broken.

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, July 27, 2005 - 05:06 pm:

I want to be cremated and my dh knows this but says he won't do it! (He doesn't agree with it) But I want my ashes scattered somewhere, not in a jug on the fireplace I haven't decided where though.

By Frasersmama on Wednesday, July 27, 2005 - 05:25 pm:

Personally, I don't really give a hoot what happens to my remains, although I would like them treated respectfully. I don't want to be taking up space once I leave this world, so my dh knows I would prefer to be cremated and dumped in the ocean or something. It is such a personal decision, but I would hope that family would respect the wishes of the deceased. I would never want to keep ashes, it just seems pointless to me, because whatever it was that made my loved one who he/she was, it ain't in that urn.

By Missmudd on Wednesday, July 27, 2005 - 10:52 pm:

I wouldnt mind being cremated but being on the fireplace mantle kind of bothers me . Probably the only reason that I would want to have them hold on to me is if I passed b4 dh and the kids or dh wanted to bury us together. Really after I go to the great hereafter it doesnt really matter what happens to my earthly shell so whatever makes my survivors happy. I do believe in recycling myself so any parts that can be transplanted should be.

By Kaye on Thursday, July 28, 2005 - 08:39 am:

Ginny, I read your post and thought EWWW! I never really put much thought in to it. I am not really into cremation, not sure why not, just not. But I really can't imagine having ashes hanging out at the house. With as much stuff as my kids knock over and break that is just a disaster waiting to happen. "why is that vacuum cleaner bag on the mantle? Well that is hubby's new home since i had to clean up after the football boys!"

But in death, people have to do what is right for them, some people need something tangible to keep them real. To know it wasn't all a bad dream and it really did happen. I would think there is a higher percent of people who lose kids who keep ashes than adults.

On a side note there is an old country song about just having your mate stuffed like the deer you shot last year

By Vicki on Thursday, July 28, 2005 - 09:29 am:

Dd had a class mate that died in January (4th grade, 9 years old) and her parents had her cremated. She was their youngest child and the reason they had her cremated was because they may end up moving to another state and couldn't stand the thought of leaving her behind. When I first read that she would be cremated I kind of cringed (not sure why, but it makes me cringe) bu then after hearing the reason, it made perfect sense. I know that you are "dead" and all of that, but my two worst fears of dying would be in a fire or drowning!! I think that is why cremation makes me cringe so bad!!

By Karen~moderator on Friday, July 29, 2005 - 07:54 am:

As Ginny said, it's a personal decision, and also, it is NOT just ashes.

My Mom made her wishes very clear about cremation, she was cremated and we scattered *most* of her cremains in April, in a river where she used to love camping.

But my sisters each took some of the cremains too. When we were in Sanibel recently, we scattered some in the Gulf - my mom loved Sanibel, and never went back after we went as kids. My sister is also scattering some with my nephew in CA. My other sister is scattering some in another chosen place.

The reason? Might sound corny and hokey, but mom always talked about places she wanted to go, and now she is going......

As for keeping the cremains, my sister has the cremains of her past dogs and has an *alter* where she keeps them. THAT is weird and creepy!!!

By Dana on Friday, July 29, 2005 - 03:11 pm:

I plan on cremation and really don't have any plan as to where to put them, but in a jar is not in that plan.

Last night on the news they did a story about making a yellow diamond from the remains. I would LOVE that end result. If possible, I would want to be two stones, one for each child to have (if they aren't grossed out by it) and to pass down their family lines. I told DH that I intend on doing that if he is to die first. He laughed and said "yeah, it's neat, but they didn't say how much it would cost." He has a major point.

By Hol on Saturday, July 30, 2005 - 01:39 am:

I have no problem with cremation for myself, however, I did not cremate my DS when he passed away. I couldn't bear to burn him up. My Mom felt the same way when my Dad passed. DS and my Dad are buried next to each other.

Like others have said, if possible (depending on the circumstances of death), I want any and all usable organs of mine donated. Then, I don't care. If I am cremated, my ashes could be put in my DS's grave. I do, however, have a grave plot all paid for next to him, and my DH has the plot next to me.

I, too, have the ashes of some of my pets, and would like them buried with mine.

As far as separating the ashes: Native Americans believe that you have to be whole to enter the Afterlife. (That's why they scalped, to maim the body of their enemy). I would be afraid that the spirit would be unable to 'rest' if the body is parceled out everywhere. However, as previously stated, it is a very personal decision. I have even heard of people wearing some of the ashes of a loved one in an amulet, and worn around the neck.

In my childhood, certain churches forbade cremation, notably the Roman Catholic and Episcopal churches. I belong to the latter. I don't know what the reason was. I think it has something to do with Judgement Day. Thessalonians (in the Bible) states that we will be reunited with our bodies on that day. But, if you've been dead two hundred years, and buried, there'd still be nothing left of you.

Just like the Roamn Catholic church used to forbid people that had committed suicide to be buried in church cemetaries (hallowed ground). Thank goodness we have evolved from all that.

By Kaye on Sunday, July 31, 2005 - 12:25 am:

http://www.lifegem.com/secondary/LGPrices2006.aspx Dana here is the price list for you...hmmmm not sure if I think that is really cool or really creepy. As strange as this sounds I am not sure I would consider it for my parents or my spouse, but maybe i would for my children.

By Marcia on Monday, August 1, 2005 - 08:48 am:

My sister has my nephew with her still, and has since he died in 1992. She bought a beautiful ??? not sure what it's called, but it's a gold box, it's sealed, and it has his name and a poem on it. It really is beautiful, and unless you knew what it was, you wouldn't realize it was ashes. When she dies, she wants his ashes to be together with hers, in a wall like my dad's are.
I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I think you have to do what feels right to you.

By Kernkate on Monday, August 1, 2005 - 09:27 am:

I am so happy for the different responses to this post.
The reason I asked the question was my DSS was cremated and his mom, has a little box, I guess that what it is and Steph DSD had some of cremains put in a necklace and then Steph had a little urn which she gave to DH. DH would like to bury the urn with his mom and dad and grandparents. He feels that Josh should have a final resting spot. Right now we have the urn here. I told DH it was his right to do what he feels, but he wants to talk to DSD to see how she feels.
My Mom was cremated when she passed away a year ago and Dad had her ashes at his house for about 2 months and was going to wait till he passed and the 2 be buried together. But he found himself talking to mom , the Box to much and decided she should have a final resting spot and she was buried 2 months after she passed away.
I think he thought he would loss it if she wasn't buried. So I guess as everyone said its a very personal decision.

By Bea on Monday, August 1, 2005 - 11:04 am:

I am on the record as an anatomical donor. The nearest teaching hospital will get my body when I die. If any of my organs are viable, they will be used, and my body with become a teaching cadaver. The remains will be cremated and disposed of by the hospital. I prefer my passing to be a benefit to mankind, rather than an expense to my family

By Boxzgrl on Saturday, August 6, 2005 - 12:31 pm:

When DH's stepmom passed, she was cremated and her ashes spread over the Pacific Ocean. They had the funeral the day after. No body, just memories. I personally don't want to be cremated. I just want to be buried.

On another note, my Grandma has 11 (yes... 11!) urns with deceased animals displayed on her bookcase in the family room. It creeps me out. I also know of people who gets their animals stuffed and display them in their house as well.

By Feona on Sunday, August 7, 2005 - 08:25 am:

That is a great idea Bea. Do you just have to tell you husband to have that happen?

By Reds9298 on Sunday, August 7, 2005 - 11:21 am:

Ditto Bea. I want anything viable to be donated to someone who needs it or to medicine in general. That's very important to me, moreso than how I'm finally laid to rest. Everyone in my family knows as well as my husband.

Feona - I don't THINK you have to have anything in writing for organ donation. I'm pretty sure your husband can authorize that if it is what you would like to do.

By Jann on Sunday, August 7, 2005 - 01:45 pm:

Sign the back of your driver's license if you want to be an organ donor. It's the easiest way to get your wishes known.

By Bea on Monday, August 15, 2005 - 09:18 pm:

An organ donor is not an anatomical donor. The bodies of organ donors are returned to their families for disposition. I want every part of me used ... any viable organs of course .... bones .... skin .... and the cadaver for medical training. You can download your state's anatomical donor registration forms. In Virginia you must be registered with the state with a signed and witnessed form.

By Reds9298 on Monday, August 15, 2005 - 10:43 pm:

Thanks Bea- I didn't realize there was a difference.

By Kaye on Tuesday, August 16, 2005 - 08:23 am:

When my mom died I was amazed at the "opportunites" that were available with her body. She was so sick that she could not donate organs,e tc, but we knew that in advance (she had MS), but we found a place that does research for MS that we were able to donate her brain for research. We had to make that decision before her death and get the paperwork in order, ideally it takes 6 months, we got it done in 2 weeks thanks to some amazing docs willing to donate their services.