A Speech We'll Never Hear
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I thought this was humorous and made some good points. I posted this here, not because I expected it to inspire debate, but because of its political nature.
WOULD IT NOT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV FRIDAY NIGHT AND SEE G.W. BUSH GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH.....
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days.
It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.
I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not p---ing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism.
I answer them be saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.
That is sooo funny. I wish we could do that. I look at this country & see so much that needs to be fixed, but we spend to much time fixing other countries.
Ouch! I'm Canadian. I can certainly understand the sentiment behind being on "List #2" but egads, that hurts! Personally, I always liked the way Gordon Sinclair (Canadian broadcaster) made the same point in his 1973 broadcast called "The Americans."
Gordon Sinclair's "The Americans" broadcast
Sorry Laurazee, I didn't mean this to offend. I didn't even think before I posted it about how anyone on "List 2" might feel - there goes the Ugly American again.
My husband actually has a recording of Sinclair's broadcast. It is really quite touching. Thanks for posting the link to it.
Ame
Thank you for sharing that Laura. If I offended you or anyone by my comment it was not meant to. I am just tired of trying to help other countries that are only out to hurt us. That certainly doesn't include Canada.
Wow, both of those are very thought provoking! Honestly, I really hadn't thought about it much in those terms. It sure would be nice to hear that those things were going to happen. It is nice to hear that someone does appreciate what we are doing over and over. It would be nice if we were able to spend some of that on the problems that are sitting on our own front doorstep.
Wow. Unfortunately, it's the truth.
People who criticize the U.S. usually think of us as a butt-in-ski, a bully, a nation who only wants to be like a world police, a government who forces our beliefs on everyone.
In reality, all we ever wanted to do was simply help those in need. Free the bonded, feed the hungry, and generally help make the world a better place.
Now, as a result of 9/11, we are also trying to rid the entire world of terrorist threat. For that, we are also called war-mongers.
Your piece says,
"FINE! You want us to stop fighting? OK! YOU deal with it!"
If only it could be that simple...
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