I am posting here since there are probably alot of firm opinions about this. This weekend my dd attended a bday party for a little boy in her class. We called to RSVP and I asked what he likes. I asked if there were any dvd's or games if he had a playstation, nintendo ect.. The father told me they don't allow those things in the house but maybe the lion king dvd, so thats what we got. One of the other kids got him a super soaker which we thought was pretty cool! The mother asked them if they could return it since they allow no guns in the house. I thought this was a bit silly myself. They are mormons and she said this is something they believe. While i have a great respect for peoples beliefs she was cussing and flipping the bird to her friends during the party which i find alot more destructive than a water gun! My dd has a playstation and we are very conscious about the games we get, she has spyro, crash, and some racing games too and i don't allow violent games and i am the same with cartoons. I very much keep what i think is age appropriate. But with regards to the water gun and no video games whatsoever i think that there can be a point when you are sheltering them too much from the world. I think that in doing so as they get older and think for themself more they will become rebellious and do all the things you tried to keep them from knowing existed. When my daughter wants a game or movie that i think my be a little to grown i explain why. I am honest about the content and she gets that. IF my dh and I get a movie we don't think she should watch we wait till she is asleep and we tell her that there may be too much cussing or shooting and it she may not like it, although this is a rare occurence. I am posting so i can see how other parents feel and if there are some that are this strict and why. I hear people blaming TV and these games to gang behavior and i really think that its nonsense. I think that in some cases all they got was new ideas on how to be cruel. If these parents are so determined to blame the tv or games where were they when the child was watching the show or playing the game? I guess the same goes for the music although i haven't had much problems there since we listen to very clean music and my daughter likes the christian music too. She really hasn't shown interest in anything else.

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, April 19, 2004 - 05:40 pm:

First, I think each parent makes the rules in their house for their kids, and unless the rule is one I think is actually harmful to the child, I try really, really hard to keep my mouth shut (not easy for me, given I am so opinionated).

Second, I think that when children see violence as entertainment it dulls their sensitivity to violence. Particularly when the violence on TV and in videogames is not in any way true to life - it doesn't show the awful awful effects of violence.

Third, you are your dd's parent and have the right to make the rules for her, and if I don't agree with them I will keep my mouth shut unless I think they are truly harmful.

Fourth, for parents to blame TV or games for their own children's behavior is really stupid, since they are the ones who allowed the child to watch TV or play the games. Gang behavior has been around a long, long time. I don't think anything in entertainment has made it worse. I do think that some people are more tolerant of behavior than they would otherwise be because they have become accustomed to violence as a "norm" from TV and other entertainment.

I very strictly censored TV watching for my sons, didn't allow videogames (which were really in their infancy when my boys were adolescents and teenagers), and until they were 16 had very strict guidelines about what movies they were allowed to see. My guidelines were violence, violation of what I believed to be appropriate standards of behavior (sex and other stuff), and sometimes just plain stupidity/inanity (like TV shows with really smart/smartass kids and dumb parents). At one time or another the two younger boys, who were the "normal" types of kids who resented rules, would tell me they had watched shows/films at friends houses and played games. But they also said that while they were doing so they could hear in the back of their heads my reasons why I didn't allow them, which took some of the fun out of it. Which is exactly what I expected and hoped for.

I will say, I'm glad I'm not raising kids in that age group today - it is really, really hard, and I am glad I have BTDT and not doing it any more.

By Texannie on Monday, April 19, 2004 - 06:57 pm:

I, like Ginny has said, believe that the decisions that each family makes are their own personal business. I have disagreed with posts here on things that people are allowing their kids to do, but haven't said anything because these were their decisions not mine.
I did not let my kids play with toy guns. I did allow water guns. My oldest did not get to see PG13 movies till he was 13. He has talked me into being a little more lenient on some movies with his younger sister. I don't allow M rated video games for my son.
I do feel that we can become numb to violence, but I don't think that watching a violent video will necessarily cause violence. I just feel that certain things are inappropriate for certain age groups.

By Kaye on Monday, April 19, 2004 - 09:01 pm:

I used to be this strict and honestly am only not now because I am way to lazy and tired of fighting it! As far as guns, guns are guns, water guns, pop guns etc. What are they for? You use them to shoot at things, that is there only purpose. My dad is viet vet and he did not let us ever have play guns, shooting at people is not a game, period, he had real issues with it. In the pool, I do let my kids use water guns if someone else has them, I do not buy them, I would prefer them not too, but again I hate making a scene. As for video games. I gave in to this and fully wish I had not, it is awful presence in my house, my kids are obsessed and really that is almost all my boys talk about. Just for fun, if you really want to see just how much electronics effect your world, take a challenge of electronic free for one week. NO TV, no video games, no computer, no gambeboys, etc. You will be amazed just how differently your children behave, how they interact with others, and their higher level thinking skills being used! It takes about 3-4 days for the change really get there, but it is amazing. It also is a lot of work. We do this in my house a couple of times a year and then we do about a day every couple of weeks. Anytime I see it taking over. Again, I just look at it this way, it isn't that these things are bad, it is there are better choices. I mean come on if kids want to play guns, they will do it with their legos, but sometimes the legos will be houses or cars. If you give a kid a gun, they only use it as a gun. As for electronics, maybe they are learning some hand eye coordination, but didn't we do that out back with a ball? We are raising a society of children who are overweight and have health issues, but have great hand eye coordition!

By Kellyj on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 12:38 am:

I think that every family needs to establish the guidelines that fit into their own value system. Although I may disagree with what some families limit and do not limit, I am not that child's parent and its not fair to judge their decisions.
I grew up in a house full of real guns and yes we had our share of toy guns (water, cap etc...) My dad used to take us out in the back lot (obviously a rural area. ) and we would target shoot with a 22 rifle. Before the age of 10, I knew how to load, unload and properly handle and fire a rifle. My dad was a hunter, so we were very aware of the lasting damage that guns have on living creatures. My brother and I didn't go to school and kill anyone and weren't violent in any other way because we knew that weapons are dangerous and we understood that the difference between reality and the fantasy that you see on tv and in games.
I think that parents need to be involved in their kids lives and to take more time to really know what their kids are watching on tv, looking at on the internet and playing on their Playstation. And if parents choose to let their kids be exposed to the kind of violence that these things deliver that they should sit down and really discuss how that is NOT reality. The same with toy guns. I don't think that it hurts a child to play with squirt guns etc... I think that it is important that the parents make sure that the toys are not realistic looking (for the child's own safety) and that they explain the difference between the toys and the real thing, what to do if you find a gun and the consequences of firing a real gun, etc...
I like Kaye's technology free weeks. I think that without all of the tv shows, violent games,suggestive advertisements and internet surfing kids would go back to being kids again. They'd play outside and use their imaginations and maybe they'd stop trying to grow up so fast. We can't blame the tv for making kids dress suggestively, be violent or for obesity. We have to start blaming the parents that keep plopping their kids in front of it all of the time.

By Ladypeacek on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 01:17 am:

I like the technology free week as well although i don't see that it would affect my dd at all, lol. She has the video games and tv in her room but she spends MAYBE 2 hours a week in her room! Her computer time is limited to 1 hour a week unless it is for school. She likes to be with other kids too much to be in her room with the video games. Maybe i forget that all parents need different rules as well. My dd who is very outgoing and active really doesn't need the same rules as a child who is very aggressive and wanting to sit around. I am curious to see my son get older to see what his world will be like and what rules i will need for him. Thanks you everyone for your comments!!!!

By Coopaveryben on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 01:14 pm:

I gave up the gun fight long ago, it seems like they are drawn to them. My DS never watched a show with guns, I don't know where it came from. He would make them out of sticks, lego's you name it, I finally let him buy one and now we have lots. The only rule we have with them is that they can not be pointed at people or they get taken away.

By Mommyathome on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 05:17 pm:

I also respect other peoples parenting styles. If they say no guns....that means I won't buy them a gun....even if it is a water gun.
We don't allow guns of any type in our house. Like someone above said "guns, guns are guns, water guns, pop guns etc". I firmly believe that.

For the record, I am a "mormon" as well. And, our church does not have info on "no squirt guns in the house of mormons" or anything like that. For her to blame it on her religion may just be an easy way to get out of an uncomfortable situation.

My kids have video games/computer games, but we monitor them very closely. My DH doesn't bring games into the house for himself that aren't appropriate for the whole family. It's just the way we decided to do it.

I expect people to follow my house rules if they come into my house. I have no problem telling friends to bring a DVD over to watch on a Friday night and following that closely with "nothing R rated". It's just a rule we have.

I grew up with some girls that didn't have a TV in their house. They were very popular girls, and most people didn't even know they didn't have a TV. They all graduated with honors and went on to college on a full ride scholarship. Does that mean that I'm going to throw out all of our TV's? Nope But, I'm not going to tell those parents that I think they are "over the top", or "ridiculous" or "silly" for doing that in their home.

Each family has different rules in their homes. I will follow their rules while at their house, and in return they will follow mine

By Conni on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 05:43 pm:

Well, *I* think some of the problems children may suffer from today or in the future are due to Mom's who are addicted to websites. Like that one Momsview board?? Just think how alllll those poor children are going to turn out someday. God bless'em.

;)---

By Clair~moderator on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 05:46 pm:

ROFL Conni!

By Emily7 on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 06:10 pm:

Although I think it is up to each family, I do not want my children exposed to things that I deem unfit at some one elses house. How do you deal with that? My DH & I have differing opinions about what our 2 year old should be allowed to watch. He wakes up enough with nightmares w/o letting him watch certain things on TV. I don't even like to fight in front of them, because I remember how I felt seeing my parents fight.

By Texannie on Tuesday, April 20, 2004 - 06:35 pm:

Sounds like you have two issues, Emily.
1. What your children will be exposed to in other's homes.
2. Working with your dh as to what the both of you think is appropriate.

As to #1. That's tricky. You can't go dictating how other people live. If it's a matter of safety, that is a different matter and you can certainly bring it up. You can let your preferences known, but understand that they have the right to do in their home what they chose and your choice is not have your children over there.
Example. I was/am fairly strict as to PG13 movies. When my son was 10, there was going to be a birthday party to go see a PG13 movie and then sleepover. My son just met up with them for the sleepover. It wasn't any big deal with the mom. I didn't make a big deal to her either.

As to #2. You are good to try to keep a united front in front of your kids. This will always probably be something that you and your dh work on through out your whole marriage. There are many things that I think my dh is way too strict about and vice versa. Keeping lines of communication open and trying to find a way to agree is important.