Quirky kids
Moms View Message Board: The Kitchen Table (Debating Board): Quirky kids
Maybe this should be on the Special Needs board but I thought this might stir up some opinions and wanted other parents to chime in too. Newsweek has an article here that talks about kids that don't necessarily have a diagnosis of sensory issues, autism, ADHD, or bipolar disorders and considers whether they really need one. With these types of diagnoses on the rise in nearly every area, are kids really more likely to have a "disorder" or are we more inclined to be unaccepting of quirks? If children don't fit into a certain mold, is there a need to teach them to adapt to the way the majority of children live their lives?
Just to clarify, I'm not arguing the need for a diagnosis in cases where children are unable to function in normal society due to a disability. I'm just curious about other people's opinions on the multitude of labels that are put on kids that don't fit into the box that most schools and parents expect them to fit into.
I believe schools are quick to want a label or diagnosis for any child not succeeding in their school.
I also believe that a lot more kids are being diagnosed for things they may/may not have.
I do not like labeling a child. My child is mildly dyslexic but that does not define her. This simply means she has learned to read differently. We do not use that word "dyslexic" around her. She knows what she needs to do (the methods that help her read). We have explained that everyone learns differently and that is enough for her. She gets straight A's so she has overcome her "diagnosis".
I cannot confidently say she would be in the same position if she was still in the school system. They did not want to work with her in the way SHE learns. They could not grasp that their program was not working for her.
I have more than once said, the box we are trying to fit kids in, is becoming smaller and smaller. I think some of that is what we are expecting out of small children these days is crazy aggressive. Really after all the studies and all the years, we found no matter what you do, if they are in a learning environment by 2nd grade you can't tell which kid read at three, which kids were in preschool and not, etc.
Labels...well that is a funny topic for our house. Officially my son's label is "a reading Learning disability"and "gifted". Oh okay...that so does not sum up my child. We have seen his label have a positive impact on his learning and a very negative impact. It is all a matter of who is looking at the chart. What I try to keep in mind is in theory labels are supposed to be the easiest way to help a child. Knowing my child has reading issues, can help him get placed in the right classroom, with a teacher who has had extra reading classes, etc. This year that worked for us. But he was placed in a class based on his gifted label. But last year he was placed based on being in "special ed". It was a crazy bad year, but this year is very good. I don't know.
My son is truely one of those "quirky" kids. I have had two psychiatry teams use that phrase. We have sought a label, because we feel like if we can name it, we can help it. Maybe because it points us into the right section of the bookstore.
I read the article, and think it makes a lot of sense. Here's a link: quirky kids
I think one of the things that is happening with No Child Left Behind is that the consequences to schools and teachers are so great if their students' test performances don't measure up, that there is even greater pressure than ever (and there has been increasing pressure in the last couple of decades) to make kids "fit the mold" so that they can pass the tests.
It's interesting you posted this, Tink. Dh and I are trying to decide if we want our dd evaluated. She just started preschool, and the words "sensory issues" are coming up. The teacher has encouraged us to talk to their O.T., and while I'd love to sit down and talk with someone who will understand and help us better understand in an effort to help my dd, I am reluctant. I fear giving her a label. If she does have issues, I feel they are mild. In fact, she is so much like me. I think of myself as "quirky" and must admit, I'm grateful I was never labeled. I struggled with low self esteem and the feeling of not fitting in, but at least I didn't feel defective. I agree wholeheartedly with the article and the views expressed here. It does seem that there is less tolerance for kids who are different, unique. This saddens me. It's especially bothersome being the parent of a child who may not fit the mold. Yet, I love who she is and who she might become. The question is, how to best help her manage in a society where it's more acceptable to be "the standard". I fear the school system is squelching uniqueness in favor of those who fit the mold and pass those state tests. It doesn't surprise me that homeschooling is growing in popularity.
Nicki, if you will post on the special needs board with exactly what the teacher is seeing, there are many of us who have btdt and can give you some home activty ideas.
ONe of the big reasons to actually seek assistance, is if they are struggling to fit in or it is negatively affecting their lives. Techincally you could have really huge sensory issues to clothing and it not really bother life, you just shop different. But if it is touch, in kinder esp you have to touch somethings.
I thought that was an interesting and thought-provoking article. I think there are pros and cons to labels and we need to really think about those before labels are assigned.
Cons:
*Kids get pigeon-holed
*They can be wrong and it is very hard to "un-label" a child
*Stigma, depending on the label
*Cookie-cutter therapy and treatment based on the label rather than the child (the individual gets lost on the process)
Pros:
*funding help (insurance is more willing to pay for therapy with a medical diagnosis than just a description of symptoms; same with Medicaid and other types of funding)
*may qualify for special programs, support groups, respite care, etc.
*can help identify best treatment and prognosis
Since I often work with "quirky kids," here's my $.02. I prefer to think of each child in terms of strengths and weaknesses instead of labels. I also like to appreciate and recognize quirks. I worked with a 10 y/o with Asperger's this summer. He had incredible knowledge of history and geography...absolutely phenomenal! He also had an fabulous vocabulary. However, his social skills were the pits and he couldn't relate to his peers. Without his label of Asperger's his insurance wouldn't have paid for therapy. He could have not had therapy...he would excel academically (except for literal panic attacks in math) and he had developed some friendships with other quirky kids without it. However, research also shows that children/adults with Asperger's have a higher suicide rate because of the social issue. They want to be able to relate to peers and have friends...they just don't know how. Also, I've had a few kids with syndromes who were originally undiagnosed (without a label). Once the genetic tests came back, I then had a better idea of treatment because I had an idea of what was "typical" for that particular dx. One child had the very rare Sotos syndrome---I had never even heard of it and there is very little research. Most of the journal articles are more related to the physical components of the syndrome (large head, long limbs, very tall, etc.) than the speech. This child was 4 y/o and totally nonverbal. I was debating whether or not to just go the augmentative/alternative communication route and find a way for him to communicate using a computer because he had missed the "window" for developing speech. However, once he had a dx I joined a Yahoo group for parents of kids with Sotos syndrome and found out what the medical journals couldn't tell me...that most of these kids learn to talk, but usually are nonverbal to 4-5 years of age, but are normal to mildly MR by junior high. Had he not had a diagnosis I may have had him using a computer to communicate instead of helping him find his voice.
However, that all said...we need to realize that thinking DIFFERENTLY is not necessarily a DISORDER. All Kinds of Minds Institute was mentioned in the article. I have heard the founder, Dr. Mel Levine, speak at a conference and he is a part of why I went back to school. I totally buy the notion that there are all kinds of minds and one way is not necessarily better than the other...just different. We all have our own quirks---I have texture issues with some foods for example. We all have self-stim behaviors. They may not be as severe as hand-flapping or rocking with autism, but we tap our foot or our pen, play with our hair, bite our nails, and other more "socially acceptable" forms of self-stim.
So...all of my rambling to say:
some good, some bad..proceed with caution and never lose the individual child with his/her wonderful quirky behaviors in the maze of labels.
Pam...I have a friends whose son has Soto's syndrome.
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