Parents who leave their child in the car seat...
Moms View Message Board: The Kitchen Table (Debating Board): Parents who leave their child in the car seat...
...just wondering...are there any stories of stay-at-home parents who leave their kids in the car, leaving them to die?
When are we too busy for our children? I'm not here to blame Brenda Slaby for the death of her child, but how does one go to jail for the death of their dog but not for their child??? Seems she's changed her story over and over and her lawyer is the prosecutor's boss...hhmmm...not going to speculate, but no legal action?
I wouldn't want them to take her away from her other child so that she can suffer even more in jail, but when are we so concerned with work and other things when we really should focus on our CHILDREN??? 
I just saw this and I have never heard of a stay at home parent doing this.. but I am a WOHM and can't even come close to figuring out this. I have worked since my youngest was about 6 weeks old and I have never left them in the car alone, and NEVER forgotten about them no matter how busy I get at work. I can't imagine being that busy or forgetting to drop off my kids at daycare.
I agree. How can people be so concerned with work and other things that they forget about kids.
I don't know how she'll be able to live with this guilt. I didn't think it would come down to her actually forgetting her all day. Can a person be that preoccupied? This is so troubling.
When I first heard about this story I thought just maybe the mother did'nt know the baby was in the vehicle. But, now knowing that she DID know the sleeping baby was in there, and she just forgot about her. This is beyond terrible! How in an 8 hour day can not think about your baby being in a car?? I also heard that this wasn't the first time she had done this.
I Googled - child infant dies died hot car -
and there are 85 news results and over 2 million regular web results. All of the news stories I have read thus far involve working parents. Here are some statistics as of September 1st, 2007.
http://www.sunherald.com/278/story/132518-p2.html
• The 9-month-old's [child in the story]death is the second death of a child in a hot car this summer in Mississippi and the 25th such death reported in the same time period nationwide.
• Since 1998 nine infant deaths in hot cars have been reported statewide, with 346 reported nationwide in the same period. - JAN NULL, ADJUNCT PROFESSOR OF METEOROLOGY, SAN FRANCISCO STATE UNIVERSITY; THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
What really gets me is the excuses that are made. Some have blamed it on stress, on the fact that the child seats are required to be placed in the back away from the air bag so that the child is more easily forgotten, that there was no "intent" to harm the child.
PLEASE! Give me a break.
I know a SAHM and WOHD who together left their youngest in the car while picking their oldest up from school (It was more than just a moment, but not long enough to seriously harm the child). They are great parents with 3 healthy children, and while I don't remember exactly how it happened, I know they felt horrible about it. That's a whole lot different than leaving the child for a full work day, but to act like only working parents could be so distracted is unfair. I drove over 3 miles when the kids were newborns before I realized Shane wasn't buckled up. Does that mean I don't care? No, I was tired, distracted, and forgot to strap his 5-point harness. If the unthinkable had happened, you might be debating whether I was a horrible parent for not using his carseat correctly. These parents whose children die in hot cars have to live with the guilt for the rest of their lives, just as any other tragic accident. It's horrible, but it's not our place to judge. This isn't the same as the ones who beat or shake their babies because they are stressed out. I doubt there is any malicious intent in these situations, and we want to hang the mother or father out to dry. I hope no one here ever has to experience that kind of pain and guilt, but if they did, I hope we'd be more supportive.
Here you go, the parents at the end of the story were in church, no mention of working status.
Kids in Cars
I'm with Mara on this one. I too, originally thought that she didn't know at all that her daughter was in the car. After reading a few articles, I wonder how it is that first, she knew the little girl was in the car and decided it was too early for the sitter. Then, she made two trips to the bakery. Did she not get her child out of the vehicle each time she made the trip to the bakery? And yeah, if this mother knew the child was in the car and decided it was too early for her to drop her off at the sitters, why is it that in the other 8 hours she didn't think of her??? I just don't get it.
For me, it is soooo difficult to get to places on time, and have smooth visits whether they be for school or doctor's offices, etc. because I take my kids with me. I've got the stroller, the kids, my purse, the diaper bag, Fix-It, and goodness knows what else in tow and to be quite honest, not once am I tempted to leave my kids in the car. Parking close to an establishment's entrance and leaving them in there has never been an option to cross my mind. I personally think that this woman would have avoided this horrible tragedy had she never left her child in the car on other occasions. Yes, she'll beat herself up and feel guilty, and rightfully so. I am being harsh on her, I realize that. If a parent isn't looking out for their child, then who is???
And just as a side note, I do realize that this could happen to any parent, be they a working parent or not. My opinion is the same.
What story is this?? The one Crystal linked to does not sound like this one. I've not heard of this one involving a bakery and being too early for the sitter...
I'm referring to Brenda Slaby.
The phrase that keeps going through my mind is, "Out of sight, out of mind." This is what I just don't understand. I mean, even when I'm away from Lara, she must cross my mind dozens of times. I admit, I have never been separated from her for eight hours at a stretch, and I'm not saying this is the issue. But, if I go to run errands and she's home with DH, I think about her. What is she doing, is she okay or getting tired, did Dan make her a snack, lol. I just figured we all do that to some extent. It is just hard for me to imagine Brenda didn't once think about her daughter in an eight hour stretch. It seems if she had, even to wonder how she was doing at the babysitters, it would have occurred to her she had forgotten to take her.(?)
I see moms at the park who are very, very attentive to their children and regardless of what they are doing, or who they are talking to, I can tell their child is the most important thing on their mind. Then I sometimes see moms talking, their babies positioned in their strollers, facing the sun, in the warm sun, and crying. The moms are talking and seem unaware of the babies discomfort. They roll those strollers back and forth, trying to get them to quiet a bit, but they don't stop to see what is upsetting them. It appears, at least to me that their discussion is the main thing on their mind, and I'm thinking it should be those babies in the hot sun.
Not exactly part of the debate. But part of why you don't here this about SAHM's is simply we don't run out and leave our houses for hours on end. Yes we do, but for specific activities with our kids and we would notice that.
I have personally gone to the orthodontist with my dd in the past few months. She goes to the back, my 9 year old goes to the video game room (I think he may be the only one who uses it..lol). And I sit in the waiting room. Well I got called back to see my dd, to talk about something, I was there for maybe 10 minutes, but it out of the norm routine. I paid walked out and my daugther asked, what about Andrew? I completely forgot about him. Now obviously he was safe and in the ac, but who knows when I would have remembered him.
So I guess what I am saying, is I feel horrible for this mother. She screwed up, unless this was an intentional act, I don't see the need to prosecute. I am sure the life of having to live with what you did to your child will punish her more than any court can. I think there are neglectful parents who put their child in harms way on a regular basis. But I don't think this was the case. i haven't done much reading on it.
Okay, I found the story. I would bet money that the donut shop had a drive up window and she didn't leave the child in the car to go inside. It truly sounds like a horrible mistake to me....she was too early to drop off at the sitter's house so she bought donuts to take into work to share and that put her out of her routine. Normally she'd leave home and go to the sitter's house and then on to work...but with being too early she skipped the sitter part of it and that seemed to have completely messed her up. And supposedly the child was sound asleep the whole time, so she wasn't getting her mom's attention. What a tragedy.
Nicki, I sooooo agree with you. I'm always thinking about Connor even if he's not with me.
And, this is by far my own opinion, but a 2 year old asleep in the car the whole time in the morning, after she's been woken up? Connor would never fall back asleep, especially if I were running errands. If the car stopped to go get doughnuts, he would have woken up. If I opened my window to order doughnuts, he would have woken up then. All in all, once he's up, he's up. Again, solely my own experience.
AS far as the sleep thing. My oldest and youngest slept when they were in the car no matter what. Even now my 9 year old can hardly take a car trip without a nap. If we woke him up and then drove across town at age two he would sleep, we would stop at mcd's he would never budge.
All I am saying is kids are all so different. This is a horrible accident.
Also working moms are different. They are used to being away from their kids, it doesn't cross their mind all day. Typically the working moms that I know that thought of their childrent 10-15 times a day, quit and stayed home. It is like leaving your child with a sitter, the first few times you constantly worry, might even call. But if you do it enough, you know you have left them safe and you can put those thoughts aside and fill your brain with other things. I am not saying this is right or wrong, but it is true.
Enchens - Well said all the way around and I agree!
Kaye, I do also think you're right that working moms aren't as used to thinking about their kids every minute of the day, and I hope that doesn't sound derogataroy about working moms and their devotion to their kids. BUT, if I were teaching, Natalie would cross my mind throughout the day, but I would NOT be thinking of her the way I do now as a SAHM. I would be working instead!
I see both sides here, but still will always go back "WHAT???! You don't know your child is in the car for EIGHT hours?" That's absolutely and completely ludicrous to me. It was probably just a horrible accident but the worst kind of 'accident' possible and a terrible wake-up call that people need to get their s*** together when it comes to their kids.
Ditto Heidi on sleeping in the car that quickly after waking up...never would have happened here either. She would have been talking my ear off, or singing at the top of her lungs. No matter how I look at it, it's unimaginable to me that you leave the house with a kid in the car and (I don't know what the time frame was on getting to work finally) but say within an hour you forget they are there and continue to forget they are there for 8 more. Shaking my head, speechless, stunned, no excuse would ever be good enough for me.
I still don't know what the punishment should be, but I know how I feel about the neglect and irresponsibility involved here.
Punishment? The punishment is this mom will live the rest of her life knowing every minute of every day that her failure to think, rather than spend the day on auto-pilot, cost her the life of her child.
She probably did think about her daughter during the day - she probably wondered what she was "doing" at the sitter's house at that moment. Was she sleeping? Was she crying? She probably did miss her.
Some people go through the day just kind of following a routine, not really conscious of what they are doing. Almost like driving a very familiar road. The driver is almost passive until something unfamiliar (like an animal or another car) startles them into an "active" driving mode.
Parenting can be like that. Parents can have such a set routine that they can forget that they deviated from it once they get back on it.
Mom was used to dropping baby off, running errand and then going to work. Mom didn't even realize that she had deviated from her routine once she got back on track.
That's why once of the best defenses against this sort of thing is to leave your purse or wallet or work ID in the BACK SEAT with the baby. The you'll go into the back to get it and voila - the child - oh what a tragedy has just been avoided.
In our society we are so used to finding blame and trying to punish, rather than just allowing that we are human and humans make mistakes, sometimes with deadly consequences, but these are not acts of violence or negligence. Rather than laying blame - people should be working on a way to end this epidemic. It is all just so horribly sad.
Ame
I wonder if it will ever get to a point where vehicles are equipt with some kind of sounding device to alert others if a child has been left in a car seat after the ignition has been off a given time?
I agree with you Ame, our energy would be better spent looking for a solution. Wouldn't it be a blessing if this never happened to another child ever again.
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