My friends mother has lung cancer, last i heard was that the cancer had shrunk which was great news.

I just got an email from my friend saying that her mom's cancer has spread to her brain. They need to do surgery on her brain to see if they can get it out. I guess they either try the surgery, or she'd only have 2 weeks to live.
I guess after the surgery she will have "whole brain" radiation. This has come on so fast. Her surgery is on Wed.

THis same friend's dad passed away from cancer about 1 1/2 years ago.
Please say some prayers for her. I don't know the mom's name. I thnk it's Mary or Maria

By Colette on Tuesday, April 8, 2008 - 07:01 am:

Your friend and her family are in my thoughts, I hope the surgery and radiation work.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, April 11, 2008 - 03:55 pm:

Any news???

By Karen~admin on Friday, April 11, 2008 - 10:03 pm:

Patti, lung cancer with brain mets is a very *raw* issue for me, as you know. I'm so sorry about your friend's mom. It's encouraging that they can even DO brain surgery on her at this point. If she has side effects from the whole brain rads, such as burned skin, I can recommend a great product you can get for her. Many prayers for their family.

By Bellajoe on Saturday, April 12, 2008 - 08:33 am:

I heard from my friend Wed. night. She said her brothers were with mom. She was awake and coherent and doing well.
I don't know how's she's been doing since then.

By Bellajoe on Thursday, April 24, 2008 - 08:11 am:

Well, she emailed me this morning. Her mom was in a nursing home for her physical therapy because she was weak and had a hard time walking.

My friend started noticing strange changes in her mom. She took her to the hospital for an MRI which showed that she had had a heart attack and a stroke while in the nursing home, but nobody noticed!! THey are doing her rehab, how do they not notice this?
She doesn't recognize her dd and sil or anyone else in the family and can not hold a conversation. She can no longer walk. When the hospital releases her, she will be going to Hospice.
It's so sad.

By Karen~admin on Thursday, April 24, 2008 - 05:21 pm:

Patti, that IS sad. I will just say this: Sometimes, heart attacks are minor and even the person who is HAVING the heart attack doesn't realize that it's happening - in those cases, the (previous) heart attack is discovered in a routine medical visit, or because the person is having a problem and scar tissue/heart muscle damage shows up on the scans and proves a heart attack. As for a stroke, I imagine that if she had the stroke when sleeping, it's possible no one would notice. Keep in mind, when you are in a nursing home, you are not watched over 24/7, unless you pay for a private sitter to stay there with the patient.

Now, as for your friend being the one to take her mom to the hospital for an MRI which proved a stroke and heart attack that none of the nursing home employees noticed - THAT is inexcusable. Considering that *if* the heart attack and stroke happened as I outlined above, and the fact that *if* it happened at night and it was assumed she was *just sleeping* when/if they checked on her, then they SHOULD have noticed differences in her behavior/affect, etc. during the day/when she was awake.

Unfortunately - and I don't pretend to know how all nursing homes are managed/run, and I don't mean to imply that all are like this - but often, they become *people warehouses* and the patients do not get the attention you would think they would get, and that they deserve. Add apathetic personnel, who are probably being paid low wages, who don't really care and do as little as possible, and you have a recipe for disaster.

I am truly sorry to hear all of this. It's heartbreaking for family members to realize that their loved one is not getting the minimal care they should be getting, and I am sure your friend is feeling angry and even guilty.

I will say this too: Your friend's mom NEEDS an advocate. Your friend and her siblings are going to have to become visible and vocal and it's best to select one of them to be the *spokesperson* for the family - and usually the strongest, most aggressive one would be the best.

When she's released, will she be going to in-patient hospice? I hope your friend and her siblings will decide which one will be the spokesperson and hopefully one of them has durable power of attorney, to help make decisions for her in the event she cannot make them herself.

By Bellajoe on Thursday, April 24, 2008 - 07:00 pm:

That's the thing. She may have had a stroke & heart attack at any time but the fact that nobody noticed this is just wrong. My friend noticed that her mom just wasn't right and that is when she decided to take her to the hospital.
I agree, a lot of nursing homes here are not good. The nurses don't seem to care much for the patient's well being. THey are just there for a paycheck. I've heard of elderly patients being hurt and physically abused by the nursing home staff. It's sad.

My friend seems to be the the spokes person. I think her siblings are mostly out of town and she is the only one in town. She's the one who is taking care of the mom.

By Karen~admin on Friday, April 25, 2008 - 08:22 am:

Well, if that is the case, your friend is going to have to start being aggressive. It will tick some people off initially, but once they know she is checking up on her mom, making sure things are being done for her, and is aware of what's going on and what NEEDS to be done, and INSISTS on her mom getting proper care, things should be better. Actually, if she is going into an in-patient hospice, things should be better than a nursing home, in general. However, if she's staying in the same nursing home with hospice visits, that doesn't sound like a good plan.

By Bellajoe on Friday, April 25, 2008 - 08:32 am:

OH NO. My friend told me that the mom is NOT going back to that place. There is no way.

She's going into a Hospice center.

By Karen~admin on Monday, April 28, 2008 - 07:48 pm:

Did she go??

By Bellajoe on Tuesday, April 29, 2008 - 07:55 am:

I have not heard anything yet. I hate to keep bugging her and asking questions, I know she must be busy with mom and trying to spend time with her family too.

I call her later this week.

thanks for asking

By Bellajoe on Monday, May 5, 2008 - 08:21 pm:

She emailed me today. Her mom passed early this morning.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, May 6, 2008 - 10:38 am:

Oh Bellajoe.. The family is in my thoughts..