There have been a few threads lately about family size. So out of curiosity, why did you choose the family size you did? Was this what you had always planned on? This is meant to be a survey, not a debate.

By Kaye on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 09:43 am:

I have three kids. It is not what I planned. I always planned on having 6-8, my hubby wanted 2, we compromised on 4. Circumstances just let to only have three. I feel like we will still adopt later in life, but we will have to wait and see. I wanted a large family because I came from a family of two. Except my brother was absent most of the time and to this day we never talk. So I always felt like I had to deal with all of the burdens solo, like when my mom got sick, or died, or my dad and his grief. I was friends with people with large families and they were always a team. I wanted a team for my kids

By Brandy on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 09:56 am:

I don't really recall what i wanted earlier in my life but we chose 2 because of how hard my labor and deliveries were..i would love to have another one but my husband is fixed so maybe someday we will adopt but right now i'm happy with the 2 i have and boy can they drive me crazy at times too lol = )

By Vicki on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 10:09 am:

We have one, would have liked two or three. Infertility issues basically determined our family size. After 4 years of trying (and a specialist), we feel blessed to just have her!!

By Trina~moderator on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 10:32 am:

DH and I had always planned on 2, maybe 3. After #2 we decided to call it quits for several reasons.
- Our family felt "complete".
- Child #2 is our challenge and we worried #3 would be more so. LOL!
- I had no desire to go through another c-section.
- I was 34 when I had our youngest and was starting to feel too old to have more.

All that said, DH and I have agreed that if God's plans differ from ours we would lovingly accept another.

By Tonya on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 10:34 am:

We have 2 he growing up badly never wanted any. Timmy happened by chance and when we got back together I told him I wanted 1 more chance to try for that girl he agreed. We got lucky and had our girl. So 1 of each later my tubes are tied and we are done. I don't think I could handle 3 to raise but the pregnancy and deliveries I would do over in a heartbeat. I miss being pregnant if that makes sense to you ladies.

By Juli4 on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 10:45 am:

I am pregnant with #4. I love the dynamics of a large family, but realize that financially 4 is enough. We didn't really choose 4 though. It chose us.

By Tink on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 10:50 am:

I didn't want any kids! #1 was a surprise and all of a sudden, I realized I loved being a mom and thought we should try it one more time. ALong came #2 and #3 was another surprise. (Yes, we know what causes it and we were being careful!) We'd planned on having one more, just wanted to wait a few more years. DH had wanted three or four and three felt *right* for us. I don't enjoy being pregnant and my pregnancies were all semi-difficult. Once our dks are junior high or high school aged, I think we'll foster and/or adopt.

By Sunny on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 10:56 am:

Dh and I knew we wanted more than 2, but never agreed on a set number. After our 4th child was born, I was done. I had wanted to have all my kids before I turned 30, and our 4th one was born a month before I turned 31. But...I got pregnant again with #5 a couple of years later (and can't imagine life without him). That's enough for me!

By Jackie on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 11:32 am:

I didnt know how many kids I wanted. Our first came sooner then we expected LOL...After I brought my 2nd home, I knew I wanted a 3rd. 4 miscarriages later we had our 3rd living baby "Faith"...I always thought I would be content after my 3rd was born. My husband was satisified with 2, went along with 3 because of me, and what I wanted. 2 months after Faith was born he got himself fixed LOL..I know 3 is enough for my husband. In some aspects when I see our family together, I think we are complete. But, there are days I yearn for another baby. I miss being pregnant, and if God had other plans for us, I would welcome another baby with open arms. I never put an age on when I Would be done having kids. Faith was born 11 days before my 40th birthday. In all honesty, I didnt feel any different at 40, then I did at 30 having my first.

By Reds9298 on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 11:45 am:

We have one child and do not plan to have more. *I* have never wanted more than one, although my DH (prior to DD) thought maybe 2 was a good idea. Now that we have her, we both feel that 1 is for us. Just for us personally, we want to be able to give her more of our time, energy, experiences, and the $ to do those things and we feel we can do it better with only one child. She is the light of our lives.
That is just our primary reason, although there are many others for us, too. I would like to go back to work when she starts Kindergarten so that we can reach our financial goals sooner; I had a wonderful, ideal pregnancy, but a terrible, emotional delivery followed by 8mths of pure hell in PPD which doesn't make me anxious to ever be pregnant again. There are lots of little reasons for us, but those are the most prominent ones I guess.

The other thing I guess is that 1 (she) is "enough" for us. Not in the sense of oh it's so much work and we can't handle anymore. Not at all. Just that she's "enough" emotionally...she's perfect in every way. I'm not sure if I'm a weirdo, but I never really felt a desire to have a child. I knew if we never had one it would be fine and life would be just as wonderful as it was before. Of course she has made everything double-wonderful, but I just had that feeling going in. I'm probably a weirdo because I feel NO desire to birth more children. I'm not sure what that makes me, but that's the way I feel!!

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 11:55 am:

2 seemed like the right number and after getting gestational diabetes with the second one, I wasn't too excited about getting pregnant again. DH thought 2 kids was expensive enough, so that is where we stopped.

I always wanted more than one, so I accomplished that goal. Then we bought a house with only 3 bedrooms and I didn't want to have to figure out where to put a baby! LOL!

Having 2 kids 2-1/2 years apart has worked for me!

By Melanie on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 11:57 am:

We had always said we would have two kids. But after the second was born, it felt like someone was still missing. When #3 was born, we both knew our family was complete.

By Karen~moderator on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 11:58 am:

Deanna, it doesn't make you a weirdo - on the contrary, I think it's a great thing that you are completely happy with your single child and you know and understand your reasons for not wanting more and are happy with that decision. And if anyone else has a problem with that, well, then it's *their* problem, not yours. Having kids - ANY kids - for someone else's reasons is always a mistake, IMO. It isn't right or wrong to want one or ten kids. It's each person's/couple's right to decide what is right for THEM.

With that out of the way, I always wanted to have three, no clue why, I just did. I inherited my 2 oldest kids with my X, and we had Jeff. I knew *I* wanted more, he didn't, and Jen was a surprise. He didn't waste any time having a vasectomy after we found out I was pregnant with Jen either.

So, starting out wanting three, I ended up with four, and I'm happy with that.

By Nicki on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 12:08 pm:

Deanna, I could have written your post! (Except for going back to teaching...sigh, I never finished college, but I wanted to teach.) I feel just as you do. Had a very bad first year due to PPD. In fact, I have yet to fill out my dd's baby book for that time. I think it's because in my mind I would be reliving it. That said, I can't imagine my life without our sweet daughter! I am so grateful to have her, but do not feel the urge to have another. And although my dh had wanted two children, he has decided one child is just right for us.

Your statement that your dd is "enough" for you is so much how we feel. So, you are not a "weirdo"! I am actually relieved to learn another mom feels as I do. I think large families are wonderful, I just don't have the desire to be a mother of more than one child.

By Boxzgrl on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 12:22 pm:

We think 2 is the magic number for us, we'll see. We're giving ourselves 5 years after Nathan is born to permanently decide. Our decision is more financial than anything. We like living financially open and being able to do things even if it's occasionally on the costy side of things. The more kids we have the more we stretch our income. We also want to still be young when the kids are grown so we can enjoy things such as nice vacations and cruises around the world after retirement. With 2 I also feel that I can give a little more of myself to each one of them. This has always been our plan though I won't say we occasionally wonder what 3 would be like. As of now we don't care to have more but like I said, the future will determine that.

By Reds9298 on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 02:00 pm:

Nicki and Karen...you're sweethearts!!! I'm tellin' you, you wouldn't believe how "weird" we are around here. It's almost like a defense constantly about having more children, and no one can understand or at least respect the decision. I know that many people don't feel the way we do, but at least respecting it would be appreciated. (I'm not talking about anyone on this board, just real life people we know. Didn't want that to be taken the wrong way!)

One-child Mommy Power, Nicki!!!

(Of course, I'll note that EVERYTHING baby goes to the attic because I'm waaayyyyy too practical to think that an accident can't happen!)Do you do that, too? DH would like to wait a few more years before getting the big "V". That's his decision and I respect that, so until then the kid stuff goes in the attic.

By Babysitbarb on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 02:13 pm:

I always wanted lots and my Dh always said 2 was enough because he came from a family of 6. We have settled with 2 but, I will always wish we had more.My youngest was a very fussy baby and I think this really helped make the decision of stopping at 2.I think this is the big reason I went into child care and still Im still doing it almost 15 years later.
I would love to adopt but, not sure DH would ever agree. He's happy raising our teens and being done after that.
I guess we will just wait for the grand kids.

By Breann on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 02:27 pm:

I would like to have 4 total.

By Truestori on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 02:39 pm:

We ended up with 2! I have never had the "I'm done" feeling like my girlfriends express, but I am content knowing that both of mine are healthy, happy kids!

By Kay on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 02:40 pm:

I'm an only child, and married a man who is the eldest of 6. We had discussed having 4, but when baby#3 was about 9 months old, I had to have a hysterectomy.

We feel 'complete' with our son and 2 daughters.

By Yjja123 on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 02:49 pm:

2 was always the plan. We were thrilled to get 1 boy and 1 girl. If we hadn't...hmmm who knows we might have had more.
I think 2 is perfect because it was easier to keep track of them when they were younger (we each had 1 kid with us when we went somewhere).
I remember the stress my sister had when they had their 3 boys with us at Disney. We lost 1 kid (for about 3 minutes) because they each thought the other had him.
We also think 2 is the perfect number (for Us) financially. Our kids can take whatever classes they want and we can afford it along with family vacations. More than 2 it would be a bigger stretch for us.

By Insaneusmcwife on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 02:52 pm:

When we first met dh wanted a "Baker's dozen". I had to inform him that if he was going to have them with me that he could only have 1, maybe 2. We settled on 3 but after the 2nd one he decided that was enough, lol.

By Cat on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 02:58 pm:

I'm the youngest of three and dh is the youngest of four. Before we got married I'd said I wanted two and dh said he wanted four. I told him I'd have the first two and after that he could give birth to them! lol Anyway, we ended up with two healthy boys after four pregnancies. When Randy was two months old dh brought home a pamphlet on vasectamies. He was done and to this day still does not want more. I finally let him have his V when Randy was five. Like Barb, I don't think I'll ever feel like I'm done. And like her, that's probably a big part of why I do what I do. I am to the point now that I don't know that I'd want a baby in the house 24/7. I would like to adopt some day, but don't think dh would go for it. We do like our freedom now that the boys are a little older. I just have a hard time imagining an empty house in just 7 1/2 short years.

By Janet on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 03:03 pm:

We have two, and although we tried and tried for a third, it just didn't happen. We are happy with our girls, but I always will wonder what it would be like to have a boy. Of course, we might've ended up with three girls, but that would be OK! Two is good, though.

By Shann on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 03:21 pm:

we have 4 . We always talked about 3 kiddos but after having a molar pregnancy after number 2 we thought 2 would of been our limit. So when we found out we were prego's with number 3 we were excited and then we found out twins so we were blessed double. We were just hoping for a boy after 2 girls a boy would of been nice so we got one of both. 3 girls 1 boy and on myside of the family there are 3 girls and 1 boy and on dh's side there are 3 girls and 1 boy so we kept the family tradition going

By Marcia on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 04:58 pm:

I have been blessed to mother 7 children - 5 who are with me now, and 2 in Heaven. I have always wanted a large family, and hubby felt the same way. He came from a family with 7 kids, and I have 4 siblings. Our family has been formed by adoption, birth, adoption and specialized care fostering. I have no idea when we'll stop adding to our family.

By Vicki on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 05:17 pm:

Deanna, I also feel the way you feel about one being "enough". I didn't go into great detail in my first post. We always wanted 2 or 3 kids and I believe if we didn't face the infertility issues we did, we MAY have had them. But we tried for over 3.5 years and then went to the specialist. In going to him, I was able to get pregnant and I had a great pregnancy, terrible delivery and great experience after that. No ppd for me at all, my body healed great and life was good. Dr said that my body was made for carrying children. LOL Yes, can't get them in there and can't get them out, but other than that I am in good shape. LOL Anyway, those 4 years before I finally got pregnant were a nightmare. It was more emotions that I ever care to go through again in this lifetime. When we started going to the specialist it was nothing for me to go up to 3 times in a week for different blood tests, or internal ultrasounds etc. After having dd, I knew that it would be next to impossible to do that again with a child. Dh couldn't miss that much work and I certainly didn't want to drag her along to all of that. I also didn't want to go through the whole emotional thing again. After she turned about 3...we talked seriously about if we were going to do it, we wanted to do it then. After talking long and hard about it, we decided not to have more. She was perfect and my "need and longing" for a child was satisfied. I felt I could live my life very happy with just her. And I have. This is going to sound terrible, but had she have been a boy, I think I would have wanted to do it again. Nothing against boys at all and if we would have had another, I would have liked a boy, but my entire life I wanted a little girl. That might also be part of the reason I felt satisfied??? Anyway, it isn't like we couldn't have more, we could have tried. So I guess I am part of the one child mommy power club by choice too!! We are not weird at all. LOL

By Amecmom on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 06:38 pm:

We have two and that's perfect for us. I know families who keep on having children and that works for them.

And I don't think anyone is weird when it comes to children. My sister has none, by choice and she is very happy with her decision.

Ame

By Mommyof5 on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 09:36 pm:

We have 5 kids. I have been so blessed to be able to experience motherhood through both adoption and birth. We always talked about having a big family but I think that we are done now (take note that I do not think that 5 kids is a big family). I would adopt 1 more by dh is pretty sure we are done.

I do NOT think it is "weird" to only have/want one. We have friends who have no children with no plans of ever having any. She just doesn't think she would like being a mother and she doesn't want to give up her carefree lifestyle. I respect that she recognizes that and chooses not be a mother inspite of pressures from other people to "at least have just one...".

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, March 24, 2006 - 12:39 am:

I agree with Tammie. It is better, to say.. I just wanted one or I want none. Then to have many children that you really didn't want, MANY women do this and it isn't good for either person. Children are neglected and mom's are, I would say over whelmed but I think that covers all mom's on any given day. Basically you should have what you feel is right for you, you are the one that has to deal with it but be happy for accidents too (just in case).

I have four and I would gladly do more.. I miss having babies, so I borrow them whenever and as often as I can. Oldest DD was unplanned, DS was planned and the girls were also unplanned. But they are all loved and I know they were meant to be mine. Now I am waiting to be a grandma..

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, March 24, 2006 - 12:41 am:

Oh and by the way... I wanted NONE.. so if it wasn't for divine intervention getting me pregnant with my oldest, I probably wouldn't have had children... to think I would have missed out on all of this..

By Unschoolmom on Friday, March 24, 2006 - 07:05 am:

Choose?

My first was the result of badly practiced birth control. Second was baby pangs and was planned.

I know two is it because I'm committed to extended nursing and there's NO WAY I want to nurse a child for another 3 years ( though I would if one came along unexpectedly).

By Kateg on Friday, March 24, 2006 - 07:46 am:

I had always thought I'd have at least a couple of children. I had DD with my first DH (and it doesn't mean darling) and then we divorced. Being a single mom for a while was hard, but I met my now DH (it means darling) and he had a little boy.

You know, our kids are 11 months apart and it's perfect for us. We have my DD 24/7 and we have DS in the afternoons after school & every other weekend. If it has to be this way for us - it couldn't be better.

We made the decision to not have any more kids. We have our two and it's perfect for us. For us it's about dividing our time and giving them what we've got.

Plus, in 10 years, we have the final one graduating high school. I'll be 45.

I think no one is weird by having only 1 and no one is weird by having several kids running around. I think it takes a special person to make each decision. I, personally, couldn't take 16 kids in a house, but that's me.

By Beth on Friday, March 24, 2006 - 08:18 am:

I always wanted two. I came from a family of two and that is what I was used to. I was happy it was one of each. I might have been tempted if it was 2 boys or 2 girls. I just always felt like with 2 you can still drive a regular car, you can possibly still afford vacations and such. I also felt like I wanted my dk's to be involved in things and I can afford that with two. I sacrificed a lot so my kids wouldn't have to go to daycare. I worked oppisite shifts, weekends ect... I missed out on a lot with my dh. I am glad that is over and if I had more I would probably still be doing that. I loved my dk's at all stages but I have no desire to go back to bottles, diapers and sleepless nights. We have a lot of fun times now at this age.

By Momofmax on Friday, March 24, 2006 - 08:49 am:

I have one, a boy. It took us a while to have him and then I waited a few years to try for another. I was having so much fun at home with him and wasn't ready for another. Well, seems like maybe I waited to long or something because I've had two miscarriages (I'm 37 - I know that's not too old but chances go up as you get older). They were very hard to go through and we've decided that's enough. I'm slowly giving clothes and toys away from the attic. It's not an easy decision - I always have this sad feeling for my ds even though he doesn't seem lonely at all. Dh is very comfortable with it though.

By Dandjmom on Friday, March 24, 2006 - 09:37 am:

I don't recall if I ever wanted a certain number of kids growing up.

I had my first when I was 21 , her father was murdered 14 days after her birth so that left me without a partner and the idea of and getting the hang of being a single mom.

Then my mother passed 5 years after my duaghter was born, ( oh I'm sorry I forget to mention that I'm a only child) and as someone said , going through it alone was well just that , felling alone to me. And also knowing oter kids from large families they seemed to always be there tih one another , have eaceh other's back.

I wnated my daughter to have thsi also so decided 8 years after she was born to have another child for her ( so that she would have a sibling to go through life with once I'm gone). Me and my current boyfriend at the time had been together for 6 years but I ended things with him when he had an affair/cheated with an older womn who began stalking me.

Two years later , i'm with someoen that I was with 8 years ago, we are engaged and he want s a child ( doens't have any of his own) I was hestitant at first , but have coem to want it more then him. I too love being pregnant.

By Bellajoe on Friday, March 24, 2006 - 10:19 am:

We planned on 4. We have two. I want one more. Dh won't budge. He is happy with two.

Yes, it's a sensitive subject.

By Enchens on Friday, March 24, 2006 - 02:52 pm:

We have two boys so far. I want 4 children, dh wants only 2 but will go for 3. I'm still going to try to convince him for 4, but he says if we have 4 we'll have to get a van. I don't like vans. (Too scary for me to drive.) We'll see.

By Kiki on Sunday, March 26, 2006 - 12:40 am:

We are good at three but you never know! lol