I'm nervous that there will be some sort of "hangup" with the transition, but her physical went ok and her chest xray should be ok. We should know tomorrow morning and then I take her in at 3:30pm!

I just know it's going to be difficult on both of us. I think I'll buy her a "transition bear" so she can sleep with it as a reminder of us. She's only 15 minutes from us and it's on the way to the gym, so I'm hoping I get to visit her at least 2-3 times a week.

Pray everything goes well!!! It's been a LONG road!

By Trina~moderator on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 08:54 pm:

(((HUGS))) Storming Heaven for you, Heidi!

By Annie2 on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 09:19 pm:

It will be difficult at first but once she is settled in, you'll be able to share quality time together without the stresses that come along with taking care of baby and your mom.

Hugs!

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 09:28 pm:

Heidi, the more often you visit, the better care your mother will get. That's a fact of nursing home life. Residents who have family visiting frequently are the residents who have people to advocate for them, to ask questions, to speak to a nurse or manager if something seems not quite right. Even the best of nursing homes can have problems sometimes, and that's when family visits, keeping an eye on things, is really, really important. I urge you to stop in, at least for 15 minutes or so, as many times a week as you can manage, at least for the first month. Once your mom has gotten used to the routine, and you have a good idea of what is "right" and what is not, you can probably cut back safely.

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 09:30 pm:

Oh, and get name tags and put them in all her clothes. Sometimes laundry gets mixed up, or an aide will "borrow" an item of clothing from one resident for another resident's use, so it's good to have name tags, and a list of what your mom takes with her, to keep track of things.

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 09:32 pm:

Oh, and pictures of family, in plastic frames (no glass, for safety reasons), that can be on her dresser or maybe hung on the wall, and bring new pictures frequently. They will help her feel less alone, and will give her something to talk about as other people ask her who the people are in the pictures.

By Crystal915 on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 10:11 pm:

(((((Heidi)))))

By Cat on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 10:32 pm:

{{{{{Heidi}}}}} One thing I got my grandmother when she went to assisted living was a perfume that reminded her of flowers she had in front of her house (can't think of the name of it right now). Every time I smelled it, it reminded me of her and when my mom would visit her (they were in Michigan, I was here in Colorado) she'd spritz it in the room. Sending many hugs and much love to all of you.

By Sandysmom on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 10:32 pm:

Heidi, I'm sure it has been a long road. I've been in a situation somewhat like yours with my grandmother and I slept so much better at night knowing that she was in the hands of professionals. ((Heidi))

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 07:36 am:

(((HUGS)))

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 07:39 am:

Ditto ditto ditto Ginny!

Heidi, you are doing the right thing.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 07:57 am:

Heidi, I realize I didn't say it above. Yes, you are doing the right thing. Yes, it is painful. Yes, you are going to feel guilty. But I don't think you had any alternative if your mom is going to get the daily care she needs - you just can't be two people and be in two places at once, and something was bound to happen eventually that would be bad for your mom or for Connor. I know how hard it was for me and my mother to take care of my dad, and it was the two of us, with 16 or 17 hours of nursing aides every week, and still things happened. I'm really pleased (and surprised) that the arrangements fell into place so quickly. The social worker must have seen things you hadn't noticed to make it happen so fast, because she felt it was necessary for your mom's health.

Lots of hugs, Heidi. You are really doing the right thing.

By Colette on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 08:15 am:

Ditto everything Ginny said. You are doing the right thing for all of you. {{{{hugs}}}}

By Happynerdmom on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 08:54 am:

(((((Hugs))))) Yes, it HAS been a long road for you this year! I'll be praying everything goes smoothly for all of you. You ARE doing the right thing.

By Kernkate on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 09:15 am:

{{{Heidi}}} You are doing the right thing. For the both of you. I went thru it with my Mom and it wasn't easy but after she was at the nursing home for a while she got the best care for her and she did adjust. The thing she enjoyed most was getting her hair done once a week.
Ditto Ginny she has gave you some great advice.
Let us know how everything goes.

By Alberobello on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 09:54 am:

Ditto Annie and the rest of the ladies.. Hugs to you darling, as said above you are doing the right thing. Ginny has given you great advice.

God bless.

By Tayjar on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:08 am:

One thing we did for my mom that she really liked was getting her a cork bulletin board. The kids mailed her cards and pictures weekly and we would hang them on her board for her to look at.

I ditto the others. Stop in as much as you can. And, if possible, do it at different times of the day. Stay for meal time and see how that goes. And, put her name on everything. We even put mom's name on our TV since we supplied on of our own for her room.

A friend of mine stated that they took extra care with one lady because her family treated the staff so well. They would bring a cake or something in just to say thanks. And, don't forget the different shifts. Treat them all well and your mom will get treated well.

Big hugs to you. You are going the right thing.

By Kym on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:10 am:

Blessings Heidi, I'm sure today is a bitter sweet day for you! I hope the transitions went nicely.

By Missbookworm on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:10 am:

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Heidi }}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm really hoping this cuts down on some of your stress! It's so great that you found one close enough you can visit a lot! Hug that little man of yours for me. I agree on the bear that is such a GREAT idea!

Storming heaven for you Honey! Love ya

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:30 am:

Dora/Tayjar, the bulletin board is a great idea. As is the treats for staff.

By Debbie on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:39 am:

{{{Heidi}}} I hope things go smoothly with your mom today.

Ditto everyone about the frequent visits and treating the staff well. My grandfather had Alzheimers and was in a nursing home for several years. My grandmother visited almost daily, and treated the staff very well. They took wonderful care of my grandfather.

By Annie2 on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 11:33 am:

Thinking of you today, Heidi

By Missymelissy on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 02:26 pm:

((HUGS))

By Kateg on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 05:04 pm:

{{{{HUGS}}}}

By Luvn29 on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 05:09 pm:

Hope everything went as well as possible today, Heidi. Thinking of you.

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 05:30 pm:

(((HUGS))) I know it was a hard decision. I hope you had a good day and it was an easy transition for her!

By Tink on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 05:31 pm:

I've been thinking of you today, Heidi. I hope all is going well. {{{Heidi}}}

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:19 pm:

Thanks so much, everyone. It was SO hard. I had left her in the room for 10 minutes while I signed papers and came back, only to hear the words "I missed you". Ugh. Pulling on my heart strings, for sure.
Connor even went into our computer room where she slept and put up his palms in the air while saying "Mama?" (He calls her mama.) It was heartbreaking to have to tell him that she went "bye bye". He looked so sad. I told him we would visit her tomorrow.
I called my brother too and he cried on the phone. It's just hard...she's such a sweet lady.
I promised we would visit tomorrow though, so I'm looking forward to it! It was nice not to have to change her diapers tonight, brush her dentures, and bathe her. I have the UTMOST respect for the workers there.

And, yes, Ginny...I did everything to get her in there as soon as possible. And, yes, I even labeled all of her clothes. I also typed out what she can/cannot eat and all of her medications and doses. The workers there, and even the admissions lady, told me I was very efficient and organized. Ha ha ha...they haven't seen my house lately.

I hope she doesn't miss us too much tonight. I got her a purple bear that said "The best mom" and put pictures of Connor on her windowsill.

By Tink on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:32 pm:

It sounds like you've gone above and beyond what so many people are willing to do. I think your mom understands why she has to be in this home and that it's the best solution to a very difficult problem.

By Annie2 on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:38 pm:

(((HUGS))) Heidi

By Cat on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:40 pm:

{{{{{{{{{{Heidi}}}}}}}}}}

By Nicki on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 11:32 pm:

Hugs to you and Connor, Heidi. Hope you'll have a great visit tomorrow.
Love, Nicki

By Andi on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 11:44 pm:

Ditto what Tink posted, you are an amazing daughter! I'm sure she will do just fine in her new home.

By Beth on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 07:24 am:

I am glad that it went as smoothly as possible. ((Hugs))

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 07:40 am:

Heidi, you have done the best thing for your mom and for you and Connor. You should have NO guilt. Yes, it's hard, but, unfortunately a fact of life.

I am thinking the upside of this will be that since you won't be her primary caregiver now, you will enjoy the visits with her much more.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

By Sunny on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 09:39 am:

(((hugs)))

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 11:06 am:

Heidi, that had to be an emotionally wrenching day yesterday! Now, when you visit her, you can just visit with her and not have to worry about the activities of daily living so much! Poor Connor, he doesn't quite understand.

By Mrsheidi on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 12:31 pm:

Thanks everyone!
We had a great visit this morning and the nurses appreciated the doughnuts I brought in!
She seemed in good spirits and Connor gave her 2 kisses. He was so excited to see her.

By Insaneusmcwife on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 12:39 pm:

{{{{hugs}}}}