Ok, a little backstory. My close friend (Y) is going through a divorce, her soon to be ex (E)WAS one of my husband's soldiers, but is now under another NCO. My husband and I have done everything possible to help her, including meeting with the other NCO, and the CPT of the unit to help enforce the things E should be doing. She only makes $400 a month, she's trying to move out of post housing, but can't afford to, E is living in the barracks, has their only car, and is not helping her financially at all yet.
So, the vent... I have been running her around to appointments and such, never asking for anything in return, and really don't WANT anything in return, because I'm doing this because I love her and her daughters, and have been in her shoes. My van got hit when I was at her house picking her up for an appointment, so I have a rental SUV gas guzzler for the next 10 days or so. Fine, whatever... I've been listing all of the household items she is selling to raise money to move on a local website, often driving 20 miles or more to deliver the items that are selling, taking phone calls for them, taking and sending pictures, etc. I've given her every cent from them, even though it's costing us money in gas, because I want to help her out and she really needs it. Well, she got her couches for free, but wanted to sell them. I like them, and am tired of my leather couches (which are less than 4 years old and are name brand, I paid over $1K for them) so I offered to sell mine, give her the profits, and take hers. We agreed on a minimum price of $250, although I would try to get more. Here's the key, she wants everything sold THIS WEEK, so she can leave ASAP. Fine, I am selling the couches for $250 today, I called her and let her know, and she b****ed at me that she wanted at least $300. I told her I tried my best, but this was the best offer I can get on short notice, and I know there is no way she'll get more than that for hers, so I thought we should take the deal. She agreed, but was really cranky about it. I've gotten MORE money than she was asking for the other items so far (I thought she was selling herself short on most of them), so really it all comes out in the wash, not to mention I took her out last weekend and paid for everything, just because I knew she needed a break and we wanted to have a girls' night (which my husband watched her kids, who screamed for 4 hours straight that night). I know this is why you should never mix friendship and money, and I'm not trying to be petty, but without my help she wouldn't have been able to sell all of this stuff for decent prices (we're having a yard sale, which I'm helping set up, this weekend, for the stuff that didn't sell) and I feel really unappreciated. I feel like if anything, *I'm* taking a loss, since I'm selling my couches for way less than they are worth, but I was ok with that until she gave me an attitude. **Sigh** It all boils down to feeling like she doesn't appreciate anything I've done, I've done it all without expecting a thank you, but I certainly don't deserve to be treated like crap for it!
If you think I'm in the wrong, it's ok, you can tell me... I just want to know if I'm the only one who would feel this way? Lately it seems that for every good/nice/caring thing I try to do, I get crapped on for it. It makes me want to not even bother, I can just as easily be a b**** if that's the way people will treat me anyway. Thanks for letting me vent.

By Tripletmom on Thursday, March 16, 2006 - 04:24 pm:

Shes just probably really short of money and was adding up aprox. what she might have.She sounds really stressed out divorce/moving and not sure what comes next.Youve done lots for her and I'm sure she does appreciate it.Usually when we're stressed we tend to •••• on the people we care about most.Never doubt yourself for doing nice things for people it makes you feel better.Thats why youre here at momsview right.Give youre friend time shes probably scared of the unknown

By Kay on Thursday, March 16, 2006 - 04:27 pm:

Vent away, Crystal, because I would.

It's plain and simple - she's taking advantage of you, and no matter what life has thrown at her lately, you don't deserve to be used like that.

You sound like a very generous and caring person, and users will sniff that out like crazy.

By Bemerry84 on Thursday, March 16, 2006 - 04:28 pm:

Crystal all I can say is I wish you were my friend!!! You have gone way beyond the call of friendship and I hope she realizes one day soon just what you mean to her. Maybe it's just the emotional stress of what she's dealing with and wanting to be gone that she can't see past that. Hang in there

By Crystal915 on Thursday, March 16, 2006 - 05:06 pm:

Thanks everyone. She just called me, because I texted her to tell her I sold another item for more than we were asking for, and I told her straight up that she hurt my feelings. She apologized, admitted she's having a bad day and was just stressed, so all is well. I enjoy doing things for others, it's actually kind of selfish of me because I feel like if I give whenever possisble I am earning good karma for myself, but every once in a while it is nice to be appreciated. She did thank me, and everything, and I know she's under stress, so it's water under the bridge. We're trading babysitting tonight and tomorrow (N wants to take me out for St. Patty's day to celebrate my Irish blood with some drinks, LOL!) so we'll chat more about it then, but I got what I needed (some acknowledgement for everything I'm trying to do for her) so I feel better. Thanks again everyone!!

By Conni on Thursday, March 16, 2006 - 05:21 pm:

Glad you are feeling better!!!

By Mommmie on Thursday, March 16, 2006 - 06:02 pm:

You are a good friend!

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, March 16, 2006 - 06:55 pm:

I'm glad you two got a chance to talk. She must be really stressed out!

By Crystal915 on Thursday, March 16, 2006 - 08:28 pm:

Thanks again, all... I know she's stressed, and honestly I have been too because of our own things going on, so I'm just glad we're close enough to talk it out.

By Annie2 on Thursday, March 16, 2006 - 11:39 pm:

Glad you worked everything out. Honesty is always the best way to go.

Enjoy your St. Patrick's Day night out.

By Alberobello on Friday, March 17, 2006 - 06:21 am:

Crystal, you said it yourself, you are close enough to talk about it. I think that is the most important thing between friends otherwise things begin to deteriorate because we can't speak up. I am glad you did it. Your friend is lucky to have a friend like you who is willing to give her heart out and be honest at the same time.

By Luvn29 on Friday, March 17, 2006 - 08:12 am:

Geez Crystal, you're just a little b@*#$, aren't you. Expect your friend to just come running with gratitude just because you have been bending over backwards and forwards to help her in everyway possible including financially! Hehehe! Hope you note my sarcasm there!

I don't blame you for being peeved. I'm just glad you were able to come straight out and talk to her so it didn't have time to stew and stew and stew and make you feel worse and worse. Glad things worked out for you!

You're being so much more patient than many of us ever could!

By Crystal915 on Friday, March 17, 2006 - 01:53 pm:

LOL, actually patience isn't my strong point, but sympathy for her situation comes from my own divorce, and my love for her kids. I watched her kids last night, and was on the phone with a friend who is a SSG in the unit when her youngest started freaking out asking for her daddy. I called him back after calming her down, and he was like "Just don't get so emotionally invested in it, it's not your problem" when I told him I wanted to kick E in the groin for what he's doing to those girls. It's not that easy, because I love them, and they are innocent little girls who deserve better. That is the biggest part of the aggrivation, I wouldn't be doing all of this stuff if this "man" would take care of his kids. GRRRRRRRRRRRR