I've been thinking of this for a long time, but this story about the New Jersey teenager who disappeared for three days and text messaged her mom for help has got me wondering. The authorities are looking at a young man whom she supposedly arranged to meet, after meeting him online. If you knew your child's password and all, would you "sneak a peek" at their e-mails and such, to see who they were communicating with?

By Latonya on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 02:24 pm:

Yes I sometimes read DD emails. She has 3 different accounts and I have passwords to all of them. She just turned 14 on Mar. 3 and I will keep and eye on who she is talking to until I feel it isnt nessecary or until sje is old enough to make those decisions on her own. There are too many crazy people in the world.

By Imamommyx4 on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 02:33 pm:

Yep! I did with the boys and I will with dd. Not to be nosey, but for their protection. And as dd exhibits intelligence and good judgment in her choices, the less I'll stick my nose into her business. Even though she's only 5, those problems are not as far away as I wish.

By Janet on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 02:43 pm:

Do they know you do?

By Conni on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 02:44 pm:

In a word YES. I hate to say it but as long as they are under my roof I will have to make sure I know whats coming in and out of my home. Does that make sense?

We recently moved a computer downstairs into the living room. They are no longer online. They can play computer games and type up word documents for school as needed. When we let them go back online it will all be very strictly monitored from now on. You can tell your kids whats wrong and whats right until you are blue in the face. But they get to a point where they think that mom is just being over protective and worrying about nothing. (atleast mine did) So will I read all of their email when they are older? No! But I will check a random one from time to time. I may just look to see if I recognize the sender or see what the subject lines read... They wont have passwords anymore and they dont have the password to our accts...

I think that many Moms will disagree with this and thats OK. I have to do what I think is best for *my* children. I was pretty naive as to how much my kids and their friends new about the internet. I wont make that mistake twice.

By Ilovetom on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 02:52 pm:

No. I guess I am the odd one out. My girls are sixteen and they can come to me with any question, problem and so on. It took 16 years to build up the relationship we have. I am their mother and their friend.

I lecture all the time about the facebook thing, but they are not online that much and they pretty much hang out in the real world more.

By Reds9298 on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 03:02 pm:

I don't have teenagers yet, but I think if I feel their might be a reason to read their email, I WILL for sure. I think the internet can be sooo bad for teens. I don't care if someone thinks that's wrong, too bad. I'm pretty sure that will be right for *my* family, too! (Ditto Conni!)

Likewise though, there's nothing in my email that my teen won't be able to see, so it goes both ways.

By Heaventree on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 03:11 pm:

I have a friend who's husband reviews their children's email. It's an open thing in their house the kids know. They feel that it is a previledge and that it can be taken away at any time if miss used.

It's a good thing that he did read the emails, they found out that one of this child's classmates had created a web page that had all the girls photos on it and it listed what school they attended.

It was taken down quite quickly but just imagine if none of the parents were paying attention.

By Bellajoe on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 04:06 pm:

My kids are only 5 and 6 so they don't have email yet. They do play games online but they only click on the sites that i have bookmarked for them. They wouldn't know how to get online otherwise.

When they are older, YES, i will look at their emails. I will not read all of them. I will probably just look to see if i recognize who they are from, or maybe read the subject line. This way if anything fishy is going on,dh and I will know about it. They will not have computers in their bedrooms, and if they do they will not be hooked up to the internet.

There are way to many crazies out there. You can't be too careful when it comes to your children.

By Kaye on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 04:57 pm:

My 12 year old just got email a few months ago. I do log into her account on occasion. She knows this. I don't typically read the emails, but on occasion do. I think the key is she knows I do it, it isn't me being secret. She knows that the net is a priviledge and when she shows she is responsible then I won't check as much. There were just some net rules I feel like she needs to know, like don't forward crap, cut and paste if you must and don't sent out to all your friends without a blind addy.

By Debbie on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 05:36 pm:

My dks are still little, so they are not online yet. But, I do believe that the internet needs to be closely supervised when kids are involved. I will not allow my dks to have a computer in their room and I will monitor them when they are on it. I am sure I will randomly check their email and they will know ahead of time.

By Anonymous on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 06:06 pm:

Absolutely! I don't read them all word for word, but recently she had a friend claim to have been raped and is pregnant, so I was watching for information from this girl, sure enough she sent a very long detailed e-mail regarding her extremeley abusive childhood, the rape, the planned abortion and her current suicide attempts and drug use, I was able to not only "shield" my dd age 12 from reading things that she is to young to "process", but print a copy for the school psych as well!
I check my dd's acct through webmail and let the ones I see appropriate go through, even some of the innocent questionairres I stop because of the information shared/asked on them.

I'm going anon because of the story of the other little girl.

Also like Kaye, my dd and her friends know I check it.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 06:13 pm:

Here's a column in the Washington Post by a mother going through just this same issue, but with instant messages:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/06/AR2006030601238.html

Absolutely, a parent has not only the right but the responsibility to check what their kids are doing on the internet, including emails. I strongly approve of the recommendation that the computer (especially a computer with internet access) should be in the family room or kitchen or living room where a parent can look over the kid's shoulder at the screen any time. And there is also the issue of computer security, so kids should be barred from downloading anything from the internet without parental permission - they have no way of judging whether what they want to download might have a virus or worm or spyware attached to it, nor are they likely to be able to judge which emails are valid and which are phishing.

By Truestori on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 08:08 pm:

Well,
I am online but my daughter is not allowed. She has a home phone and a cell phone, her friends can contact her through these ways. We have a very open realationship, I trust her tremedously, so I wouldn't snoop and read it but if she was allowed online I would let her know that under any circumstances I could/would read her mail. I'm the parent, thats why ~

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 10:16 pm:

Well, I've met the person my 16yo dd IMs with the most. She is an 18yo girl from Pennsylvania. We met her and her mom, when we went to Niagara Falls last year. Her mom and I talked a few times, on the phone, before we made the trip. We all hung out together for one day of our trip.

I check her blog and her myspace. I haven't checked her emails much. It's cute puppy links from my dogboard and other things from me. I have never seen anything to worry about. She said the last few days, she's been too busy to check her emails!

I also scout her message boards, from time to time, to see what she and her MB friends talk about. I have met some of them, too! Especially the Jump5 fans, because they all end up at the concerts together. Jump5 is a Christian group. (We've all met them, too! LOL!)

By Mommmie on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 10:56 pm:

Of course. Plus what he types to other players when he plays online games like runescape.

By Tink on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 11:38 pm:

My dks don't have email addies yet but I will let them know that I will randomly check their emails anytime I like and that I will shut it down if I suspect anything wrong going on. I really like the idea of being able to approve or disapprove of any message before they even see it. We also only allow them to go to a few child-friendly sites and they won't ever have online access in their rooms. I'd rather be a mean mommy than a grieving mommy.

By Imamommyx4 on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 11:53 pm:

With dd it hasn't been an issue yet. She's such a sweetie.

With the boys, they knew that daddy knew alot more about the computer than they did and could find anything they had been on. And daddy could. The oldest ds was on some sites that were not very nice and he'd gotten on them thru some back doors thru other legitimate sites. Oldest ds lost his computer privileges for the longest time. Then he was under great scrutiny every time he was on the computer. The other 2 boys learned a lesson from his actions.

Dh just did a cursory check of things unless he thought something was going on.

But it was the same thing with their rooms. I didn't go looking for problems but I didn't hide my eyes either. They always knew not to bring anything in the house. It's my (meaning dh and me) house and we govern what is here. But like I said before, it wasn't to be nosey. It was for their protection and guidance.

By Annie2 on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 12:19 am:

Yes, for sure. I know passwords, etc. The kids know that I check every few days. Not for their comments, so much, but I scan for any personnel info that may leave them vulnerable.

The internet/computer is a great thing but sometimes I wish we lived in my days when book reports were handwritten and info was from actual books and encyclopedias. LOL

By Reeciecup on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 11:41 am:

I won't be sneaking. First, my dd is only allowed on the internet when dh or I are there with her. Second, she will not have a computer in her room. We have one computer with internet in our main living space so there is no shielding what you are doing on the computer. Third, when she reaches the age where this IMing becomes an issue she will know that dh and I will check and read the messages. She will also know that it won't be because we don't trust her or want to be nosey but because we don't trust the world out there that she might be interacting with and that we want to be there to help her deal with anything that might happen.

By Missbookworm on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 12:02 pm:

my ds doesn't have his own email account yet. He only emails with his dad and his friends from school are on his friends list on runescape and I monitor that list to make sure that he doesn't add people he doesn't actually know.

He's rather naive and trusting so I keep a close watch on him. My pc is the only one with internet access and it's all password protected so he only uses it when I'm here to supervise.

By Cybermommyx4 on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 12:42 pm:

You bet! DD (15) knows this. It's not a secret. She has a "myspace.com" page, and I not only check hers, but all her friends, and THEIR friends, too (yes, it takes some time, but someone has to monitor this) She knows she will lose her privileges if used inappropriately. There was a Dr. Phil episode that discussed myspace, etc. and he agreed with my position that it is more important to monitor and be aware than to try to "prevent" them from having access (DD has many friends who are not "allowed" to have a myspace page....so they do it from a friend's house, etc. without their parents' knowledge---MUCH more dangerous!) Oldest DS (18) I don't monitor as much now. He is very mature, and has never EVER given us a reason to doubt any of his activities. In a few months, he will be off on his own and in college (computer engineering) so he knows his way around a computer anyway ;)My little ones don't have any use for myspace OR e-mails yet, but when the time comes, we are ready !