This might be a strange question, but I've never been good about acknowledging a death in the family and I want to do the right thing.

My sister is converting to Catholocism (sp?) and has a ceremony next month that I will be attending. Our family is not Catholic, but her husband's family is, she's close with them, and they are "sponsoring her" through this. They live about 5 hours from me.

Anyway, her husband's sister, at age 25, was tragically killed in a car accident by a drunk driver about 6mths. ago. Beautiful girl, engaged to be married, becoming a doctor...just a terrible loss for everyone. I did not personally know her very well, but of course we sent flowers, cards, and made a memorial contribution at the time of her death. Her murderer goes on trial soon and it's a difficult time for everyone in their family as you might imagine.

My question is: Do I mention Lara's death? I know we will be spending a lot of time with the family during our visit. Do I tell them again how sorry I am for their loss? Or do I just wait for her name/ the situation to come up and then acknowledge it just through conversation?

I want to do the right thing. I'm afraid that as soon as I see them I will just be thinking of how sad I feel for them. I can't imagine losing my own daughter, let alone in such an unnecessary, preventable situation. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

By Annie2 on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 10:47 pm:

I would focus my positive energies on your sister's day. Focus on that.
I'm sure throughout the day conversation will turn toward your dh's sister. Add to the conversation then and there.
If she is not brought up in conversation by her family then I wouldn't bring her up on this day.

By Marcia on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 11:42 pm:

I would not bring up their loss again at this point. You acknowledged it at the time, and I can tell you they dread the thought of people bringing it up over and over.
That does not mean you should not talk about Lara. The biggest fear is that people will forget her, and hearing her name and stories about her will always be welcomed. You could comment on a nice picture they have hanging up, a special memory you have, or simply join in on an ongoing conversation.

By Bemerry84 on Wednesday, March 8, 2006 - 08:57 am:

I agree with Marcia. My friend was in an accident in November and her only two children were killed along with another boy. I was nervous to talk to her at first but it gets easier each time. I let her lead the conversation where they are concerned and I follow. We do talk about all the special memories and such. You will feel very sad when you first see them and that is OK, beleive it or not they will know how you feel. My heart goes out to you and your sisters familu.

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, March 8, 2006 - 09:13 am:

Thanks a lot everyone. I'll just play it by ear. Thanks for the suggestions.