I know i've complained about my old neighbor/friend and her living arrangements on here before. She lives in base housing and keeps her house in horrible condition. I've always felt like doing something but I figured as long as it was just her and her DH that it was none of my business. Well now I watch their 3 month old daughter and to be quite honest DH and I feel that we're more of caregivers to her than her own parents. She brings her over in filthy clothes and she smells like she hasn't been bathed in a week so I bathe her one day a week that I have her. I got through and wash all the clothes in her diaper bag because most of the time they are dirty. I wash her bottles because she brings her over with dirty, smelly bottles. Basically anything to do with cleanliness and hygiene, I do.

Here's the kicker. DH and I went to her house the other day to stop by and say hi while we were out walking the dogs. I always expect a dirty house and have gotten kind of used to it so I just never sit down and never stay long. I NEVER, EVER thought it could get worse. We're talking about a month worth of dishes piled in the sink, dirty moldy bottles, old food left out on the counters and smelling up the house. You couldn't even see the kitchen counter. You couldn't walk into the laundry room because there was a good 10-15 loads of laundry piled on the floor. There was virtually NO floor in the living room because it was covered in dirty clothes, old pizza boxes and condiments, spit bottles from his chew and god knows what else. Used condoms both on the floors of the living room and bedroom. Mold growing in the babys bath. There was virtually no where to walk in this house. DH and I were both beyond disgusted. There is NO excuse in the world for what we saw. NONE! (And no, i'm not even giving examples if everything we saw. That's just a few things!)

For the past year we've offered to help clean, to watch their daughter while they cleaned. DH has talked to the guy about the condition of the house and how disgusting it was/is. We're done everything aside from telling them bluntly that their house is in complete unsanitary condition. With what I saw the other day, I had no other choice than to report them. I don't see anything changing and their DD will be crawling soon. I will feel horrible if she got into something and hurt herself all while i've been keeping quiet and playing nice with her parents. So basically from what I know the husbands unit will evaluate the house and basically force them to keep it in livable condition with once monthly checks to see how it looks. It's sad that it has to get this way but that little girl deserves so much better than that. I just hope I did the right thing and it won't bite me in the butt later. But this is a situation that I feel if the wrong person was in their house and CPS was reported I think they would take that girl from their home immediately. That's how bad it is.

Okay, just had to get that out. I feel bad for all of them. I feel even worse for that little girl. I think of her as my own and it really upsets me that they don't care enough to do anything.

By Tonya on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 11:54 am:

Sounds to me you were looking out for the most important person in the house the little girl and I commend you for that. Be proud of what you did. I have been in your shoes but one step worse it was family. I am proud of you and good luck with this in the future.

By Trina~moderator on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 12:05 pm:

You did the right thing! {{{HUGS}}} This family will be in my prayers. Please keep us posted.

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 12:14 pm:

You definitely did the right thing! You have the best interest of the child at heart! Be proud of yourself!

By Imamommyx4 on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 01:20 pm:

It is hard to do the right thing a lot of times. But I think you did it.

By Vicki on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 01:36 pm:

I also think you did the right thing. No one should live like that. I understand messy, but not dirty!!

By Tklinreston on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 02:18 pm:

I agree with the others. I was cringing the whole time I read your post and close to tears thinking about that poor little girl. The condoms on the floor? How disgusting!!!!! The condition they keep their house is absolutely unforgiveable. Fine - if it's just the two of them... keep it the way you want BUT when you have a child, you HAVE to think of your child's well-being. PERIOD. I agree with Debbie, it is hard to do the right thing sometimes, especially if it involves a friend/neighbor. But it seems you and your dh are the only advocates this little girl has, and so you should be very proud of yourself for speaking up. Maybe now FINALLY her parents will change. I'm curious, though, were they not embarass to have people see their house that way? Are you completely clueless?

By Kay on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 02:26 pm:

You're absolutely doing the right thing - what they're guilty of is absolute neglect of that child. That baby deserves a safe and healthy home! That child is so lucky to have you in her corner!

By Nicki on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 02:47 pm:

It sounds like this little girl needs someone to help her, and you have done great. How heartbreaking to think of a child in such a situation. I would have a hard time sending her home.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 03:46 pm:

Under *other* circumstances, I would have said to stay out of it, but I think you did the right thing. It's one thing if 2 adults want to live like pigs, but another thing completely when an innocent child is involved. If it's as bad (or worse) as you say it is, it's obviously an unhealthy, unsafe environment for that baby, and it IS child neglect and endangerment, IMO. I suppose the *good* news (if there is any here) is that they are obviously trying to prevent another pregnancy.

There are some people you will NEVER understand, and these are obviously 2 of them.

By Tklinreston on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 04:46 pm:

Melissa, in my post I meant to say, "Are (they) completely clueless? Not you, of course. You're far from that! Sorry for the typo. I am still curious on their take on things...if they are aware of the mess or if they are in denial.

By Juli4 on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 05:17 pm:

Well it is better to report it to the military first. At least that gives them a chance to take care of it. If I were them I would want to throw everything away and start over. Even the couch if it is that bad. My house has been dirty and messy beofore, but never close to the point of that.

By Unschoolmom on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 05:29 pm:

I think you did the only thing you could. It's good to know the little girl has someone looking out for her.

By Conni on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 06:30 pm:

OK, I couldnt get passed the used condoms on floor. Oh myyyyyyyyyyy goodness. I am going to be freaking out over that the rest of the night. eww eww ewww ewwwww...

Pat yourself on the back! You did the RIGHT thing Melissa!!!

By Cybermommyx4 on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 11:38 pm:

{{HUGS}} You ABSOLUTELY did the RIGHT thing - someone needed to help that little girl, and that someone was YOU. Bless you for that.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 11:50 pm:

That's horrible! I can't imagine living like that! My house may not always be as picked up as it should be, but that is way beyond anything at my house!

I hate seeing kids in dirty clothes! Sometimes, at school, I wish I could take home all the dirty jackets and wash them! Dirty smelly bottles? Eww eww eww! I can't imagine her taking a used condom off the floor and putting it in her mouth! Ew ew ew!

Okay, I'm beyond grossed out! I think you did the right thing! Man, babies smelll sooooo nice, after a bath. Wouldn't you want to smell that?

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, March 8, 2006 - 05:19 am:

Melissa, I think you did the only thing any caring person could do. This is certainly a good step to take, and, with luck, can avoid DHS involvement. It took a lot of courage, and I applaud you.

By Insaneusmcwife on Wednesday, March 8, 2006 - 07:37 am:

Melissa, if it is what you say it is, then I would have reported as well. That little girl deserves to be clean and healthy and live in a clean safe healthy environment. I hope the command does get involved. I know of a couple from dh's command in Okinawa that I should have reported. Believe it or not the house you describe is very close to the one they kept. The only reason I didn't report it is because her husband would spend all weekend cleaning, so he at least tried to fix the situation. Were you able to report as annon?

By Dandjmom on Wednesday, March 8, 2006 - 09:32 am:

HOORAY!!!!!!!
I truly believe that you did the right thing, you should feel proud that you looked out for that little girl as you did. Oh my gosh some of the things that you described that you and your husband saw, your right she would be crawling soon and she deserves much better then that. I hate to hear of a children any sititution that isn't safe or could be harmful to them. So I would like to say thank you for carrying enough to see that this child gets and has better living conditions in the future. give yourself a pat on the back for caring enough to get involved. And after the talks that you and your husband have had with them and they still didn't make any effort to clean up, you honestly didnt have any choice.

By Jewlz on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 11:21 am:

Melissa you did the right thing. Someone has to speak up for the kid. I realize you are nervous about the whole situation, just take a deep breath and remember you did it for the lil girl. keep us updated and maybe she might learn to deal with her home life a lil better in the long run. Most people that keep house like that is depressed so it may also be a step in the direction of getting some help.

By Sandysmom on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 12:23 pm:

Unfortunately, I have fostered children who lived under those circumstances. This is more than just a cleaning problem. I've known kids who had to eat out of the garbage cans in their own home. Hopefully, by reporting them, they will clean the house, but I would still be concerned with malnutrition and other forms of neglect. The base people may only be concerned with the condition of the house, and not look into the care given to the child. Please don't be upset with me, but I probably would have just turned them in to s. services. They are going to know who turned them into the unit supervisors and that may be the end of your being able to keep tabs on this precious little girl. I hope not. Because of all the talks your hubby had with them and all the offers of help, it sounds like these people need counseling & Life Skills classes. Please keep us updated.

By Tripletmom on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 01:15 pm:

My sister I'm sad to say is one of those disgusting slobs.When ever we use to visit we'd bring our own drinks and never use the bathroom.Somebody called CAS on her before and I can understand why.Unfortunatley she couldnt. In her old house I would bring DD as long as it was nice and we could hang outside. My triplet boys have never been to her new place and never will its too small.You did the right thing I spent countless hours cleaning her house and felt proud and hoping she'd feel good about it too but it never lasted.The sad thing is now her kids are slobs they never had anybody to set a good example for them.You should feel good you are trying to give this little girl a good start in life.

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 01:27 pm:

I have 2 things to say about this:
1. Thank God you reported them.

2. Thank God they use condoms.

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 01:28 pm:

How weird is the advertisement above?

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 02:17 pm:

ROFL Heidi! I just read it. Go figure......that's a google smart ad........