The neighbors a couple houses down had a death in the family. They woke up to find the father had passed away in his sleep, he was only 52. My kids have played with their kids. Many times I have sat and talked with the mother outside. The man died on Saturday. I bought a Sympathy card last night at Walmart. This may sound stupid, do I bring something over with me when we go to the house, food?? Honestly the only time I have paid respects for a death has been with family members, mine and my husbands. I have never had to do this with other people. I guess I feel dumb not knowing what I am suppose to do. A couple of other neighbors have been there already,and said they have a lot of food already brought over. I was thinking of bringing a plate of cookies? good idea, bad idea? I have no clue. Any help would be great. I am just not good at things like that, but feel I want to do something.

By Kaye on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 09:24 am:

Food is always really nice. Personally the best used food for us when someone died was muffins, or breakfast items. Don't put it in anything that needs returned, too much going on for that. Things that are small and a quick bite are nice. We didn't really feel like sitting down and having a meal, but you had to eat.

By Kernkate on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 09:30 am:

I agree with Kaye, I always send things like coffee, tea bags,1/2 and 1/2, sugar. Things that you use when people are around. I know with all the deaths in my family we had way to much food sent in. So I usually go with the coffee and tea.
Cookies are also a good idea.

By Cat on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 09:33 am:

Ditto Kaye. A nice basket with muffins, maybe some fruit and other little things would be great. Also, anything that can be frozen and used later is great. I'm so sorry for your neighbor's loss.

By Conni on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 09:57 am:

My neighbors Dad died (their kids Grandpa) about 2 weeks ago. I gave them a card and some home made Texas Millionaires. I have no idea why I gave them candy. lol I'm a dork. Anyway, she took the candy too her mil's house (it was her fil that died) and she said that her, and her mil, and her sil all sat around talking and gobbling up the chocolate's. She didnt even share with her kids.

Anything that you send I am sure will be appreciated. That is really sad for this family.

By Vicki on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 10:08 am:

When my mom passed away, we received several gift certificates from local pizza and fast food places. I will admit at the time, I thought it was a little strange. But in hind sight, they were very useful. When she first passed away, we had so much food at the house it was pitiful. So much went to waste. Then about a week after, the food and the visitors were gone, but none of us felt like cooking etc. The certificates were used then and really appreciated. Or, you could wait a week or so and take a meal over then.

By Marcia on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 11:41 am:

Oh man, I have lots of experience with death in my immediate family. The best thing is food that can be frozen. It takes a long time to feel like getting back into a normal routine again, so having some good food to just throw in the oven is great.
The best thing you can do is go see her next week, when everything is over. She will need some pretty big shoulders for a long time. Walk over with a couple of cups of coffee and just sit with her. Offer to take her kids for play dates. Send her "thinking of you" cards every once in a while. After the formalities are over, most people tend to back away. That's when the real support is needed.

By Marg on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 12:02 pm:

Yes, I agree food is nice.

Also having a lot of experiences both ways, we have always a chicken meal for 8-10 people from this place that makes the best chicken. Everyone loves it, just has a different taste.

Food for any time of the day is wonderful especially when there is children involved.

Also volunteer babysitting services if they have young children.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, March 7, 2006 - 03:49 pm:

Ditto Marcia - and you might offer to help with cleaning or laundry right now.