I have been married for 20 years, never strayed, been happy, had kids, all is well. So why am I thinking about this "other guy" I am uninterested in having an affair, but I dont know if the opportunity presented itself if I would resist. So I make sure that I am never alone with this other guy and make sure that I never put myself in a position to stray. So why am I thinking about this guy? I swear when I am in the same room with him my hormones go nuts. I barely speak to him. Why at 40 and married do I have a crush? Has anybody had this happen? And what is even more strange is that I get vibes off this guy that he might be "interested". I wear my wedding band like a shield. I feel so crazy and I would love not to have my imagination run wild when I see this guy. And I cant avoid him. Any suggestions on drano for the brain so I can go on with life?

By Conni on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 06:29 pm:

Steer clear of this guy. If you must be around him- dont be alone with him.

By Jewlz on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 06:50 pm:

my first thoughts are find a way to reenergize ur marriage. People married sometimes get into a rut and maybe u see something exciting about him. Just try to refocus some how on ur hubby and see if ur hormones can go crazy for him again. A word of warning... dont cross that line not even for a second. The ramifications can be devastating.

By Anonymous on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 07:27 pm:

This happened to me with a guy I worked with. I think it's just chemistry and it happens. Nothing ever happened between us but it was so obvious to everyone that there was an attraction. I eventually left the company, not because of him it was just time to move on.

I used it in my marriage to re-ignite some passion.

You're not alone, it happens just try to avoid eye contact. LOL!

By Pamt on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 07:54 pm:

I think it's pretty to normal to occasionally feel a little like that. I have a great marriage, but he's caught me and I've caught him. The chase is part of the fun and that's over now, you know. I remember in our premarital counseling the minister who married us told us, "It's not IF you'll be tempted to have an affair...it's WHEN." His point was that those attractions will pop up and we should be prepared for them. I would try to avoid him at all possible is I were you. If you absolutely can't, then talk about your DH a lot in front of him...and always in a positive way. Also remind yourself that this guy also drops laundry on the floor, works long hours, and hogs the remote. Don't give an inch because most people who have had affairs didn't plan on it. Tread very carefully here b/c it is dangerous territory.

By Janet on Friday, March 3, 2006 - 10:26 am:

Pam has a very good point...just when you think you're immune to such things, they present themselves. You are very smart to avoid being alone with him, etc. Don't even give the temptation a chance to grow even the slightest bit! As for the "whys," I don't know what they are. I personally think things like this are inevitable. The important thing is how you're handling your feelings, and it sounds like you are doing exactly what you should be. Do you have a trusted friend to whom you could be accountable?One that shares your values and your determination to keep your marriage intact. Stay strong! (And yes, this guy probably burps loudly and has awful breath in the morning!)

By Karen~moderator on Friday, March 3, 2006 - 10:55 am:

Ditto Pamt and Janet! It's human nature to find yourself physically attracted to other human beings, but placing yourself in a situation where you might be tempted to act on that attraction is just begging for trouble.

Everyone is the same - when you first meet someone, you are seeing the best side of them, first impression, etc. When you get down to it, everyone has faults and imperfections and undesirable personality and personal traits, so the grass is not necessarily greener, if you KWIM.

Be careful, please. I'm sure it's not worth the risk of destroying your marriage and family for a few minutes of physical attraction and boost to your ego or self esteem - and that's basically what it is. We ALL enjoy that feeling, and when you've been with the same person for a number of years, your life tends to settle into such a routine that certain things get overlooked, and it's very flattering to feel appreciated by and attractive to another person.

By Juli4 on Friday, March 3, 2006 - 11:12 am:

The grass is only greener when over a cesspool. Someone told my dh that once and then he told me. I also think it is natural and will happen, but avoid it at all costs. Nothing good will come of it.

By Angellew on Friday, March 3, 2006 - 12:59 pm:

OMG!!!! Totally normal! You're married, not dead! The same way certain people "turned you on" before you were married, is going to happen now! Just slipping a ring on your finger doesn't make chemistry go away! You can't help it... but you can avoid it getting out of hand!