From Heidi
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive March 2006:
From Heidi
Hey ladies,
Scott was able to visit from Ft. Bragg this past weekend and it was *wonderful*! Connor couldn't believe his eyes...it was like he couldn't stop staring at his daddy on Friday night! :-) He just kept smiling and hugging him, saying "Dada Dada" and then looking at me like, "I can't believe he's here Mommy!"
We went to the Baltimore Aquarium on Monday and Connor loved it. Absolulutely loved the dolphin show and made a very high pitched scream of excitement when he saw the Tamarin Monkey.
And, on a side note, I've decided to look very heavily into finding a place for my mother to live. It's been very exhausting with her here and I just don't feel like anyone is getting the care that they deserve. I've called the Office of Aging here and they have given me the steps to take to put her in a home.
I talked with her about it, (after she had a major diaper blowout while I was trying to feed Connor) and just said "How comfortable do you feel with a place that Connor and I can visit you?" And, I think she realized this morning just how hard it's been and she replied "I'll go" in a peaceful way.
I bawled and bawled...I never thought I would have to make this decision, especially when I'm 30 years old.
On a side note, here is our video/photo session for today... one of them, Connor decided that he didn't want his pants put back on...ha ha ha...
Feb 28th 2006
So glad to hear you and Connor had a wonderful visit. 
I haven't kept up on all of your post about your mom, but I just wanted to say be very careful where you put her. My mom works with patients at nursing homes and the care isn't ever what they promise in your sign up "meeting". Make sure you go in unannounced alot, so they know your on top of it. I have so much more to say but I know you are stressed beyond your limit and I don't want to stress you out even more. Take care of yourself,
Many ehugs
I bet you're so happy to have had that visit!
Along the lines of Stori regarding your mom....ditto being careful about placement. Also, it is very, very expensive and may end up being more cost-efficient to hire a live-in. Best of luck in making your decision and remember that you're trying to do what's best for your mom.
Heidi, big hugs to you. I'm glad Scott had a great time with Connor.
Don't beat yourself up on having your mom live elsewhere. You aren't superhuman. I am speaking from experience. I had to put my mom in a nursing home when she was dying from cancer. I broke my promise to her but I had no other choice.
And, maybe it isn't forever. Scott will be home one day. Connor will get older. Maybe she can come to live with you again one day. Just take it a day at a time.
When mom was in the nursing home, I did notice that the patients who had the least amount of family involvement, received the least amount of care. Since I was there on a daily basis, we didn't have a problem. Sounds like you will be there enough that you will catch anything before it gets out of hand.
I am glad you had a good visit with your dh!!
I hope that you can find some peace about the situation with your Mom. Hopefully the right person will be placed in your path and they will have the perfect solution to your very stressful situation.
The video's were GREAT! Thanks for sharing.
Glad to hear you had a good visit. It was MUCH needed!
And ditto Tayjar. Do NOT feel guilty about your mom. IMO, you are doing the best thing for all of you at this time. I was going to have to put my mom into a facility too, unfortunately she died much quicker than we thought she was going to.
Hang in there. Once you get your mom settled into a facility, she will be cared for, you will be able to focus on Connor, and your time when you visit her will be much less stressful.
{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}
Heidi, I am so glad you had a good visit. And as bad as it makes you feel (and I do understand all of the guilt that goes into that), I am glad your mother agreed that some form of supported living would be better for her.
I do suggest, however, that you are going to need a lot of help finding an appropriate place for your mom. Please call on all the social agencies you can to help you with this.
Enjoyed the videos. That's tough about your mom, but Connor needs you, too! I can't imagine caring for a toddler and a parent all by myself.
I'm 46 and it will be a while before I have to make those kinds of decisions with my parents. They are almost 69 and 67, and still in very good health.
((((Heidi)))) I'm glad Connor had fun, and am sorry to hear abotu your mom. My parents are in their 40s, and after my Grammy's recent illness and death, they are making sure all things are planned for. You've had a tough couple of months, big hugs, hon!!
I'm glad you had a wonderful visit! I'm sorry you are having to make such difficult decisions, but I think you are making the right choice to find some help. ((((Hugs))))
That's wonderful Heidi!
As far as your mom goes, there should be lots of services and advocates to help you get her placed, use whatever resources are available, it will be the best all around!
Good luck with that, I know you are having to make tough decisons in many aspects of life! This will be a year for the record books huh?
Heidi, I'm so glad all of you had a good weekend! The way you describe Connor's reaction to seeing his daddy Friday night touched my heart.
Heidi, I know it's easy for me to say, but please don't be hard on yourself about your decision. You strike me as someone who is very determined, strong, caring and loving. You did your best and tried to care for your mom in your home. Goodness it was so much for you to handle without having Scott home or family close by. I worried about you.
Hugs to you, Heidi. I loved the little video. Connor is such a sweet little boy. Hope we get to see a lot more of him.
I just wanted to thank you guys...not much time to write, but I wanted to let you know that I read your responses and feel loved.
We're still in the process with my mom, so I'll keep you posted.
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