Men and Laundry
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion Archive: Archive February 2006:
Men and Laundry
Why can't my DH put his clothes into the laundry bin? I just don't understand it. In the 10 years that we have been married, he drops his clothes less than 1 foot from the laundry bin! It's so annoying. When I separate the clothes into piles (warm, cold, whites, darks, etc) he puts them back into one pile again. The one time he did laundry for me (he had good intentions) he washed my undergarments with clothes that had velcro. lol 
I'm reminded of two things. The first was an article in the first issue of MS, called "Click". One of the vignettes in this article was of a couple, both working, no children, who divided housework equally, each taking responsibility for specific chores for a week. One day husband complained to wife, I don't have any clean shirts. She responded, It's your week to take the clothes to the laundry and drycleaners. Yes, he responded, but you didnt' remind me.
The second was not too long after I informed my dear sons that clothes not in the laundry bin would not get washed. My middle son came downstairs complaining that he didn't have any clean underpants. I asked where the dirty ones were - on my floor, he responded in a guilty tone. I told him he had two choices, either wear yesterday's underpants or go to school with no underpants under his jeans. I don't know to this day what his choice was, but from that day forward his dirty clothes were in the hamper.
I don't recommend this tactic for your dh, but can you convince him he is setting a poor example for your daughters, who are going to grow up convinced men are either not smart enough to get their dirty clothes in the hamper, or just plain thoughtless and that's what they can expect from the men in their adult lives.
I can only offer my sympathy to you here. Since I became sick, my ddddddh (yes that is dear!) has done our laundry ever since. Actually he started doing it at our old house because our washer and dryer were in our basement and the steps scared him, and he wouldn't let me go up and down them, so he started doing laundry. He still does laundry to this day. Most of the time, he even folds it and puts most of it away for me.
I have had to gotten over a lot of quirks about the way he does it, and I have had to "very gently" teach him how to do some things. But I can give up a lot if he is going to be so generous to do all of the laundry so that I will have that energy to expend on other things. For example, a lot of my sweaters, and my daughters shirts need to be delicately dried, so instead of my husband having to try to remember which are which, I suggested he just hang any shirts he has any doubts about over the shower to air dry.
You definitely have my sympathies though. I don't understand why it is so difficult for some men to pick up their clothes and put them in a hamper. I guess you have to pick your battles, though, don't you. I hope someone here has some good advice for you!
hmmm, I am thinking you should try moving the laundry basket out 1 foot!! Tell him you are just trying to make it a little easier for him. ;)
Same issue here. Havent' found a solution.
He does occasionally make it to the hamper. The only thing I would recommend is positive reinforcement on the occasions that you do see him make the effort. (Thank-you honey for putting those clothes in the dirty clothes basket! kiss-kiss)
I thank God DH has OCD, because we generally don't have this problem. However, I agree positive reinforcement can help, and Ginny is right, it sets a bad example for your kids. Let him know that, it may put it in perspective for him, I know that any bad habits we have can be nipped in the bud easier if we think "Is this how we want our children to act??"
I was given great advice from many, many women right before I got married (about 4.5 years ago). One of the things I was told was not to do something for my husband unless I was sure I wanted to do it for the rest of our marriage. I will make chocolate chip cookies from scratch, I will make him salsa with lots of cilantro the way he likes it, I will even put chocolate chips in his pancakes. I will NOT pick up his clothes from the floor. I leave a laundry basket in the closet and he can place his clothes there when he's ready to do so. The main reason for this is that I never know what is clean and what is dirty. He throws everything together in one area. I got tired of asking him, "Honey, is this clean or dirty??"
Ditto Enchens, LOL!!! I also like Conni's suggestion about moving the clothes basket out a foot...cracking me up.
Only sympathy here, too, Kiki. My dh is very tidy. If anything, he has to pick up after me!
The habit that drives me nuts is that he takes off his shirts so that the sleeves end up inside out. He has done it his whole life, so I don't see it changing. I have been turning sleeves around, for 18 years. I have tried to just not do it. I'm too OCD for that! I can't do it! Talking to him doesn't help, either. It's just the way it is.
I love Conni's suggestion. Roflmao.
DH is very tidy compared to other men I know. He doesn't leave his clothes on the floor anywhere except 1 foot from the laundry bin in the laundry room. I guess I will have to make a big deal when by some miracle they make it to the laundry bin. lol
Ginny- I love the stories. My oldest already knows that if her dirty clothes aren't in the laundry room they won't be cleaned.
Adena- I do pick my battles wisely. He is very helpful around the house. He actually cleans the tub for me which kills my back if I do it. He's a good guy that was spoiled by his mommy.
When my DH was actually working in his stores, he'd help with laundry on his *late* days at work, or his days off. However, I don't recall him doing any laundry in over a year now. 
I had to to tell him that *more is not best* - as in, filling the tub of the washer to the top was not the best way to wash clothes. LOL And I think I confused him with *don't put my bras or shirts in the dryer, and these particular jeans only get dried for 15 minutes and then you hang them up*. And - this was a HUGE issue with me - when he hung the shirts up, he'd hang them on the hangers crooked so the hanger would make these pokey spots in the sleeves of the shirts, and I had to show him how to *properly* hang them on a hanger so that didn't happen. So basically, he did very well with towels and regular loads of jeans. And if it sounds like I'm being picky, maybe I am, I separate my laundry by colors and sometimes by fabrics and I AM picky about how I do it. But towels and regular loads of jeans are what I consider to be *safe* loads for him to do. But, it's a moot point since he hasn't done any laundry lately.
He WILL help fold/hang laundry occasionally - if he's standing next to me when I pull it out of the dryer. A number of times, just as I was finishing up the hanging/folding part of it, I'd hear this *can I do anything to help you Dear?*. Yea, right, I'm DONE now! LOL And I kept repeating that, so to be fair, he's a bit more aware of when the stuff comes out of the dryer and offers to help now.
I don' *really* mind that much, sicko that I am, laundry is my *therapy* (long story, dysfunctional childhood where laundry was a BIG issue!), but sometimes a girl can use some help!
But he pretty much puts his dirty clothes in the hamper, with one exception - he's always cold, so even in the summer, he wears sweat pants in the house after work. I would keep finding last night's sweats on the bed and automatically throw them in with the dirty laundry, until he told me he was planning on wearing them that night after work. So all in all, we have a system that works.
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