As mothers, we all tend to need breaks from the kids, from the daily routine. But, how much time do you really need? Is it an hr a day to exercise by yourself, or is it some time to soak in a hot bath all by yourself while the husband takes care of the kids? Or is, it time to go out with a friend and see a movie or have coffee etc..? Do you have a certain amount of time each day you need, or is it just as needed. Do you and your spouse have a specfic day or time, where you get do something alone and get a break?
I think as mothers we VERY MUCH need a break, to keep us semi-sane. So how much do you need?
For myself, I can not set a limit. I mean honestly when the kids are behaving I dont mind being with them at all LOL...
Sometimes just the couple of hrs Faith is napping in the morning, while the older kids are at school is just enough break time for me. Other days, sometimes I just need to go out by myself for an hour or so to walk around the mall, or just go shopping by myself while Husband is at home with the kids.
We do not have specfic days for our breaks. On Sundays though(3 Sundays a month)I get a break for 3 hrs where I take my foster dog to Petsmart for the adoption show. That is so much fun for me, to be out of the house by myself(Ok with a dog LOL)and get to sit and chat with other dog lovers for 3 hrs, you cant beat it.
So how about you all, what our your breaks like, and how often?

By Kiki on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 06:41 pm:

It depends on how the kids have behaved that day or for the week. lol. If it's been a bad week than I like to get out of the house altogether and just do something (shopping, having coffee with a girlfriend, etc.). Other times if it has been a rough day, then I like to retreat to my bedroom to relax with a book or watch a tv show not geared toward toddlers. lol. I do try to go out with my girlfriends one night a month for a girls night out. I need that time to unwind and forget about being a mommy or a wife and try to reconnect with me. If that makes sense.

By Tink on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 06:45 pm:

I really enjoy the mornings when all three kids are in school but that's also my errand-running time, my deep-cleaning time, my doing-stuff-for-the-family time. Since my dh works in the evenings, my "me time" is really after the kids are in bed and the house is cleaned up and I can just relax. I usually read, crochet, blog-surf, or watch tv. If I haven't gotten that (Dh's work times change throughout the week), then I love to take off to the library and just sit there for an hour or so by myself. Really, my breaks are just "as needed" and they change depending on what I find myself craving, emotionally. Sometimes, I grab a couple of coffees and head over to my best friend's house, sometimes I chat online with my best computer friend, sometimes I crawl into bed with the covers over my head.

By Nicki on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 06:51 pm:

You sound a lot like me, Jackie. I don't need a lot of time to myself, but at the same time if I go without for too long, I get grouchy. I get about anywhere from an hour to three hours to myself each day. The exception of course is when my husband must work long hours or is not feeling well. He struggles with chronic back pain, so the poor guy isn't always up to playing with our dd. Sometimes he will take Lara over to his mom's house which is just minutes away, usually on a Sunday. I often stay home and get about three sometimes four hours ALONE! Sometimes I use the time for much needed catch up cleaning, or I just watch a really good movie and enjoy.
I do notice that I miss Lara so much if I am away from her more than a few hours. I call them withdrawals! I have even called her when she's at Grandma's to hear her voice. I think it's because I am with her all time and we seldom leave her with anyone. I don't know what I'll do when she starts school. I have images of myself sitting in my car in the parking lot, all day, watching the time and waiting for her to get out of school!
Jackie, your outing to Petsmart sounds so fun! I would like that too!

By Missbookworm on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 07:00 pm:

Well I get a lot of breaks. At nite when my little ones are sleeping (from 8ish til I go to bed) and then sundays and every second weekend and in the summer every Thursday until Sunday nite or Monday and 1/2 of all holidays (spring break, Christmas etc.) I really don't think I need THAT much time but since I'm seperated that's how much time I get. It really isn't all that fun but sometimes it's great. I go camping with my boyfriend a lot in the summer and I have time to just do me things without feeling guilty leaving my little ones with a sitter etc.

but still

By Debbie on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 07:48 pm:

Well, since dh is gone during the week now, the only break I get is in the mornings until 11:30am when my youngest is in K. I usually get up early before the boys and exercise. Then, while youngest is in school, I run errands, clean house, etc. I do take one day a week and do nothing while he is in school. I just read, catch up on the shows I have recorded with our DVR, etc. Dh does take the boys out for a few hours on most Sat. now, which gives me a little break. My boys are pretty well behaved. I just usually have half the neighborhood at my house too. It is getting really old with dh being gone and only home late Friday night until Sun. evening. But, that will end in June/July, so not too much longer. Oh, and now that we have a reliable sitter that the boys love, dh and I have commited to going out once a month. Dh and I went out to eat alone last Friday and it was great!

By Heaventree on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 08:21 pm:

I have been known to run out the door as soon as DH arrives. It's hard these days, because I'm terribly sleep deprived so when I have a bad day, I have a really bad day. Today was a bad day.

My day is Saturday, I can sleep as long as I want, although I usually here Cameron complaining "Feed Me, Feed Me!!!!" around 10 am. When I get up DH will make me breakfast and I can either chill or go out. I usually go out or I end up losing my day just because I'm there.

It's really important to me right now. I love breastfeeding but by the end of the week I just want to crawl out of my skin.

I think in time when my children are a bit more independant I won't need "my day" so much.

DH does try to scam me out of my day once in awhile which really irks me. I find with him traveling through the week if I don't catch up on a little bit of sleep the following week is a nightmare.

Tonight when DH got home, I took off upstairs and ran a hot bath with sea salt, and lavender/rosewater oil.

I can't wait for Saturday.

By Truestori on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 08:35 pm:

Its funny you mentioned this Jackie...

When my children were small, I asked for breaks quite often, but now that they are older I want them to come with me. My husband just laughed at me the other day saying that they/him and the kids can't get rid of me! I have a "break" every Sat, when I go to work. I work with teens that have drug and alcohol problems, so I go from one stress to another! UGGHH but that is my break from the family. LOL At this point I feel like me and DH need more time together....I think I'm kinda needy lately! LOL

By Andi on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 08:45 pm:

I haven't read all of the above but here it goes:

I go to the gym 3-4 times a week so I get an hour to myself there. Then 3 times a week I have our sitter come over from 4:15 -6:15 and play with the kids. I either get shopping done at that time or clean.

As for the weekends, Dh will get up with Taylor on Saturday or Sunday depends on if he is working out that morning. If either of us want to do something we just tell the other one and we are free to do it. Like this Saturday I am going to Ikea with a friend. I will watch the kids in the morning while he goes for a bike ride then I will go shopping when he gets home.

As for couple time DH and I try to go out to dinner a few times a month without the kids and I find that really helps our relationship.

By Boxzgrl on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 09:14 pm:

I don't have regularly scheduled away time from DD, just as needed. But honestly, I really don't care to have a lot of time away from her. I like being with her. If i've had a rough day DH will watch her while I run errands or if I want adult time with the girls i'll just let DH know a few days in advance not to make plans. As far as couple time, we get it a few times a month. That's enough for us.

By Melanie on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 09:48 pm:

I hit the gym 2-3 times each week when dd is in preschool and I love it. It gives me time to just listen to music and process whatever is going on in life. I really miss it when I can't go.

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 09:57 pm:

It's hard for me to say what I "need"...I feel like I get quite a bit of free time actually. I get free time every single day, and more than I ever had when I worked. When Natalie naps in the afternoon, I'm generally mostly caught up so I have about an hour to myself then. I clean and do errands with her so that I have some free time in the afternoons. She's a great helper, and unless it's an errand that's really a pain for her to be with me, I take her. When she goes to bed at night, that's about 3 hrs. of free time or with DH. Then it varies. I scrapbook or read during both of those times and that's my favorite way to relax. If I'm really into a scrap page or a good book, I'll spend the evening pretty much on my own with that. Most of the time though it's divided up with my time and time with DH at night.

I don't really want to go out alone (like shopping) anymore like I used to. I've found that being a SAHM I want as much adult interaction as possible when I have the chance! The thing I miss the most is that I've found it hard to get together with my 'old' friends who still work on a regular basis and that's where I'm lacking I think. I have plenty of 'me' time but not enough 'friend' time, just by circumstance.

DH and I go out about once a month together, but spend lots of one-on-one time at home. (We were homebodies before Natalie.) I work out 2-3x/week, almost always during Natalie's nap, but sometimes on the weekend if it's been a busy week, then she's with DH during that time. Likewise, I stay with her while he runs. If I'm just doing a quickie lower body Pilates (25min.), Natalie plays in the same room with me and often lays down,kicks, and counts alongside! (It's very cute.) If I have something I'd like to do out of the house, then I just make sure DH is available and vice versa.

Sorry that got long-winded....I really love being with my daughter, too, Jackie. I really don't think I'd mind taking her if I went out with the girls! It's not that I necessarily want to be away from her, I just want to be "out" more than anything. And not chore related!!

By Crystal915 on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 01:31 am:

We just started putting the kids in hourly daycare, a few hours a week, so I could get some me time. Honestly, I stay up WAY too late, because I need some time to myself, and I try to leave DH at home with the kids to do errands, because going places alone with the two of them can be a nightmare. So, a couple hours a week they get to play with other kids and do activities, and I can do things I need to do, or just relax without any "Mommy I want, Mommy I need, Mommy she did this, he did that, Mommy, Mommmy Mooooommmmmmmmyyyyy!!!!"

By Crystal915 on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 01:34 am:

Oh, and the gym, if I ever get cleared to start working out again, (back problems) is thankfully open until 10pm, so if the hubs is home I can either work out after the kids go to bed, or during the evening. That's always a nice break, even if I am sweating...

By Vicki on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 06:17 am:

I have been thinking about this question and I really can't put a time on it. I am a SAHM, so I do pretty much have all day on school days that are to myself. Now, most of that time is not spent on Me, but at least it is alone time. LOL I guess it all depends on how she is...if she is in a good mood, I am fine with not any more time than that. If she is being hormonal, I want to leave as soon as she gets home. LOL

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 07:21 am:

When my kids were younger, it was even a trip to the grocery store, by myself, while my neighbor had the kids. For the first three years that I lived in Sheboygan, I lived next door to the greatest friend! We would watch each other's kids at a moment's notice, so that Michelle could watch Lamp Chop with my kids, instead of going in the car to pick up her brothers, with her mom, or I could send my kids to her house, to make that trip to the grocery store alone! It was a good thing!

For a few years, Gary would take the kids to Sunday School, while I got to lounge in bed reading the Sunday paper. That was a nice thing, too! Then, when Emily was in 1st grade, I started playing the piano for the little kids' choir, so I have to go there every week anyway! It was nice while it lasted, though.

By Momofmax on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 08:33 am:

I homeschool so I get very little "me" time. I try to grab some after dinner either in my bedroom or walking in the neighborhood. Ds plays with kids in the neighborhood every afternoon so, if they are at someone else's house, I get some time then. I definitely need "me" time and time with dh. Dh and I get evenings about once or twice a month alone when ds is at my parent's (Maw Maw's)house. He'll be back in school in August so I'll have more time than I need then. I'm sure I'll volunteer at his school some and workout regularly in the fall.

By Conni on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 08:58 am:

I really think this depends on your family dynamics and your personality. So its ok if some people choose to never have free time and some people need more than others. No one is the same.

For *me* I have a blended family. A dh that leaves very early in the morning for work and doesnt return until late in the evening (last night he came home at 8:15 for example). He got called by work at 3am and then was on a conference call again at 6am out the door by 6:45am this morning. He has to go in many times on the weekends or he works from home. He also travels many weeks out of the yr. So when my kids were little I didnt have the luxury of handing my kid off when dh walked in and going to do my own thing. He just cant be relied upon for that due to work. Plus I had a ds that is special needs and for yrs he was very stressful to be around. So it made sense to help myself remain sane and take my youngest ds to a mothers day out program 2 mornings a week until he began preschool. I used that time for many different things (cleaning, grocery shopping, workout, reading, running errands, dental or doctor appts, and for 2 semesters I took classes at a local college during that time- which I LOVED)

Now that my kids are older and all of them are in school everyday of the week (blake goes in the mornings 5 days a week) I am getting to do many other things and I dont really feel a *need* to be away from them in the evenings or on the weekends. I am passed the phase of my life where I had an infant keeping me up or a toddler destrying the house behind me as I clean. ha I am actually looking into diff ways of working from home or working out of the home part time and making some money again after 14 yrs of being home with kids.

I like this new phase of life. It's nice! They are all old enough to really enjoy on vacations, etc...

By Amecmom on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 08:59 am:

I need lots of little breaks during the day. My personality is quite and introverted. My children - needless to say - are not! With them it is constant motion, constant converstaion (or noise) - I can tolerate only so much. They are great and really well behaved but our temperments are just different.

When they are eating, I will usually sit with a book and hide until they finish. This way I get some quiet time. I still have an ear on them, but I am not so fully "engaged". So that's three little breaks.

My son goes to preschool every morning and Helen naps, so I have about an hour and a half to work out. Most days, I'm just too tired to do it.

My husband works long hours and on weekends, so I really have no totally "me" time that I can just go and loose myself in a store or a spa for a few hours.

I have much less time for me than I did before I was a mom and working as a teacher. I went from having lots of free time, to practicaly none.

And of course - then the phone always rings ...

Ame

By Debbie on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 10:28 am:

I totally agree, Conni and Ame. I think a lot has to do with your personality. I am just one of those people that has to have my own quiet time. I have always been like this. I used to feel guilty about enjoying my little time away from my dks. But, now I understand that it is better to have a little time away for me. I am a much better mom when I have that. I enjoy going out to dinner with dh alone, I love my girls weekends that I have each year, and I like to have a little quiet time each day. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy my dks and love them any less then the next mom. Some Moms don't need time to themselves, that is great for them. But, I have stopped feeling guilty about needing this. I am much happier and a better person all around when I have it.

By Debbie on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 10:31 am:

Oh.. I wanted to add, that I also have a new respect for single moms. With dh being gone most of the time, parenting now falls just on my shoulders. I really miss sharing this with dh. It has helped me realize how much he helps out. I miss sharing bath duties, night time routines and everything else with him.

By Yjja123 on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 11:59 am:

I walk one hour each day (on treadmill). I do this in the morning and in our family room. The kids know they need to leave me alone during that time---unless it is important. They are in the living-room working on their school work so I can see them.
In the afternoon, I try to carve out some time to work in my workshop. The kids are generally playing in the house or back yard where I can see/hear them.
My husband works 70+ hours a week, so I rarely leave him in charge of the kids. When he is home we generally do "family stuff".
I guess I never get 100% alone time. I do get to do things just for myself and the children respect my time.

By Nicki on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 12:11 pm:

I'm quite an introvert as well. I needed a lot of alone time even before Lara came along! So I agree, our personalities dictate how much break time we might need as mom's. I know when I do get my alone time, I feel I am able to do a better job with Lara. I'm calmer and happier. (Although I must admit I needed to overcome the guilt factor of needing some time away or alone. Threads like this are great. Another good discussion, Jackie!)

I too have SO much respect for mom's who are trying to manage without the help. I have much more empathy now that I'm a mom myself.

By Christylee on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 01:43 pm:

Since I'm now a single mom I get breaks every other weekend from Friday 6pm til Sunday around 4ish... THere are weeks that I'm counting down the week until Friday other times I am sad to see him go to his dad's house. More times than not I'm ready for just some "me" time. I do get some time everyday while he's at pre-k but that is used for housework etc... not really "me" time.

By Cocoabutter on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 01:33 am:

I get out as much as I can without ds, mostly just to the store. On weekends I can go alone and leave ds at home with dh. That is a big help. It's just so hard to go shopping with ds because he wants so much all the time and I spend so much more money if I take him. I am always telling him "no, we are not buying that," or "no, not this time." Then he gets all pouty. Yes, at 9.

Dh and I like to get out alone, and I love our time together. We get MIL to stay with ds. Ds doesn't like things like car shows and home and garden expos, so we try not to take him.

Other than that, when ds is alseep, I spend a lot of time by myself waiting for dh to get home from work.

Except tonight. DS is sick.