I am just so frustrated. I just went out and ran the neighbor boy back inside! He's in fourth grade, same as my dd, and I just sent him back in from the bus stop because schools are on a 90 minute delay here and he didn't know it. Again.

This makes several times this year alone I have had to do this.

His mother doesn't work. She has a baby. Obviously, they sleep in, and he gets himself ready in the mornings and out the door. He told me he gets himself ready. I found this out the first time I told him school was delayed 90 minutes and he showed up 30 minutes later waiting on the bus again because he wasn't sure how to figure out when the bus would be there and he didn't want to miss it. So I told him what time to come back out. He still had another 40 minutes to wait!

The kids missed school Monday for snow, and by 1:30 Monday, school was on snow schedule (delayed) Tuesday. This little boy said that he got up on Tuesday early to get ready and his dad told him it was on snow schedule so he could go back to sleep. I can't believe his mom didn't check the night before and let him know. So I knew that today, he would have no idea to check because it was for a little bit of sleet early this morning, it is now raining and not slick anymore. So when it was time for the kids to be at the bus stop, I checked out the window, and sure enough, there he was. So I hollered and told him they were delayed, and what time to be back down there.

The only reason I know all of this personally is because on cold days I pull the heated car down to our bottom driveway which is where the bus stops, and let him come over and wait in the car with my kids. He's such a sweet little boy. But he's just pretty much on his own in the mornings because no one wants to get up to help him. I just think he shouldn't have to be doing that in the fourth grade, and the least they should be doing is making sure he knows the correct scheduele that school is on. That is the job of a parent.

By Kaye on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 08:18 am:

Interesting. I think my 4th grader would be okay taking care of that by himself. As someone who battles with very bad PDD, I feel for the mom (and the kids). There is more than likely much more to the story than you know.

By Tunnia on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 08:21 am:

That is so sad! My dd is in 4th grade and even though the bus picks up at the end of my driveway I still watch every morning to make sure she gets on safely. It's sad that the mom can't be bothered to get up and make sure her child makes it on the bus or even check to see what time school starts that day since your schedules change. She can always go back to bed after he is safely on his way for goodness sakes!

By Anonymous on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 08:25 am:

Contact the school so they can keep an eye on this situation. We have a little boy in school, kindergarten, dear, sweet, little thing, he doesn't get breakfast or lunch before school because Mom is sleeping and dad is at work.

By Luvn29 on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 08:30 am:

This went on last year with him as a third grader before the baby was born, too. So there were no PPD issues then.

I'm very sympathetic to PPD, but she has a 9 year old little boy. If he isn't able to remember to check to see if school is on snow schedule or not, I don't think it would be too much of an issue for her AS HIS MOTHER to flip on the television (she can do this while she lies in bed if she wants) long enough to see the schedule and tell him.

I had horrible health issues. So bad that I could no longer drive or grocery shop or make out bills or cook a simple dinner. I couldn't walk from the car to the house without having to rest. But as a parent to my children, I never made my children get themselves off for school without my assistance because I feel it is my responsibility. There may have been times that I didn't feel like geting out of bed to get my daughter ready for school, but I did it anyway.

We have a local channel that scrolls the information constantly. Yes, with him in fourth grade, one could argue that he should be responsible enough to be taught to check this channel regularly. But I would have to argue that at this point, the responsiblity lies with the mother. It's just as easy for her to check it, and heck, let the poor kid sleep in a day. That's what I do. I check it before the alarms go off, and turn the alarms off and let the kids have a pleasant surprise when they wake up.

By Momofmax on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 08:48 am:

My sil has no health problems. She has had her kids get up, dress themselves and eat cereal, and THEN wake her up to bring them to school. Now that they can catch the bus she doesn't get up at all. They are in fifth and first grades. Last year the older one was responsible for dressing the younger one and got punished if the younger one got in trouble for not complying with the uniform code. I feel sorry for them. I think it's important to give them a hug and kiss goodbye or at least a pat on the back and a "have a nice day". I'm a SAHM who homeschools and I still get up with my husband when he gets up! I don't have to but I think it starts the day out nicely to say goodbye to him.

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 09:48 am:

Ditto Adena & Jean!!! Whether or not they are capable or responsible enough in fourth grade/age 9 to turn on a TV, make their own breakfast/get themselves ready for school, there still appears to be little actual *parenting* going on there. Even if Mom just gets up to oversee, and give him a kiss goodbye and say *have a great day today*, that, to me, is very important.

There was a child in a similar situation when my kids were very young. The one year I didn't work, I'd go to the bus stop with them. This child was responsible for getting herself and her younger sister ready for school, including breakfasts, lunches, etc. THEN, later on, if *Mom* didn't approve of the way the older child had fixed their hair (she actually cut that child's long curly hair because she used a rubber band on it to make a ponytail!), or if the older child had not cleaned up the bathroom or made the bed BEFORE school, there was heck to pay. And I know it was fact, because I was there.

A parent has certain responsibilities and obligations, and being up when your young child is readying himself for school falls into those. I can sympathize if she suffers from PPD, and I can REALLY sympathize if she was up with a baby all night. But she can go back to bed once the child is at school. It's her responsibility to make sure he gets there, at that age.

By Tayjar on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 09:55 am:

Uh oh. This is a hot button for me. I despise mothers that are this lazy. I work full time and have never had the priviledge of staying home with my kids. However, I get up at 5:00 a.m., get myself ready for work, and cook my children a nice hot breakfast every morning. I don't leave my house until the bus pulls away with them safely on it.

I also think the dad needs to put his foot down and tell the mom to get her butt out of bed. A stay at home mom's job is to take care of her family. She obviously isn't doing that very well.

By Melanie on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 11:17 am:

Instead of telling the boy just what time to go back to the bus stop, tell him what radio station or television channel he can check out on questionable mornings. He sounds like a very responsible child and could easily handle this. I remember as a child that my parents always left for work very early and it was up to my sister and I to know if school was cancelled or delayed and to get ourselves there on time. I had my clock radio always set to the station that gave out local information so even before looking out the window I would know if I got to sleep in. I was no older than your neighbor at the time.

A nine year old is certainly capable of getting up and getting himself ready. Although I am up with my kids, they get themselves up, dressed, fed, chores done, lunches made and ready to go when I say it's time. I like knowing they can handle that level of responsibility.

That said, I would certainly keep an eye out to make sure my kids got on the bus. And if the weather was questionable, I would check myself for cancellations and delays. Since the mom doesn't do it, give the boy the tool he needs to take care of it.

By Conni on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 11:40 am:

Ditto Melanie.

By Tink on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 12:26 pm:

While I agree with Melanie and Conni, I can completely sympathize with this poor little boy. Since his mother isn't fulfilling her responsibilities, give him the tools to take care of it himself so that he isn't suffering by waiting outside in the cold.

We have a similar situation with a little girl in our neighborhood and she shows up on our doorstep 30-40 minutes before the bus should arrive because she can't tell time so she just shows up when she's gotten herself ready for school. I let her wait in our house and give her some toast or a breakfast bar if she hasn't eaten before she left home. It makes me so angry that her mother can't get up for the 30-45 minutes it would take to get her daughter off to school in a safe and loving way.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 05:55 pm:

I think I would talk to a counselor at the school. I would be concerned that this little boy is not getting breakfast, and maybe not a lunch, as the Anon above describes.

By Kiki on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 06:55 pm:

How sad. There maybe other issues going on that some others have suggested. Personally, for me I would have invited the little boy in instead of sending him back home. I would have talked to him and see whats going on to get a better picture. I would talk to the dad of the little boy and see if everything is okay. Maybe there is something going on and he doesn't know how to deal with it. PPD can last longer than you think.

By Alberobello on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 07:08 pm:

Ditto Kiki, you could also try and talk to the mum, maybe like asking her if she needs any help making sure that her boy gets on the bus when the weather is bad. She would probably appreciate it.

By Luvn29 on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 07:14 pm:

Actually, I have talked with him several times about what channel to watch it on. We had the discussion yesterday in the car when he was waiting with me. He said he watches a specific channel, and I told him about the local channel to watch. I told him it scrolls constantly, and it only tells about our county.

But on days like today, he wouldn't consider school being delayed. I wouldn't have if my husband hadn't told me at 5:30 it was sleeting and to check the school announcements.

As far as asking him to come up here and wait, I just can't do that at this time due to health reasons. I don't do well in the mornings and at that time, I am still struggling to get my kids ready. I can't take on the added responsibility of another child then, for certain specific reasons. I'm not even having my own cousins' children over right now. Now, if I thought there was an endangerment to him, I'd have him here in a heartbeat.

I have spoken to him casually, about eating breakfast at school for free, and he now does that when he doesn't decide he just wants a couple of poptarts instead. So I know he knows he can do that. I made sure of that first thing when I started letting him wait with us in our car.

By Anonymous on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 07:24 pm:

You really should notify the school. You can do it anonymously.

By Vicki on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 07:44 pm:

I would be careful about notifying the school. I think by law they are required to notify people of things that are reported. And really, what laws has she broken? Just because she doesn't get up with her child in the morning isn't really breaking any laws. It is nice of you to watch over him on delayed days to make sure he doesn't stand out there forever, but, unless you think he is being abused, what are you going to report?? He is getting fed and I assume he has proper clothes and coats etc. I would talk to the parents about it like others have suggested. Maybe if you feel so inclined, you could give him a quick call in the mornings if your on a delay or just keep an eye out for him to be outside. I just don't know what basis there is for reporting the parents at this time.

By Luvn29 on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 08:45 pm:

Nah, I know his dad, and the kid is happy. Things aren't as they should in some circumstances such as these, but would they be better if he were jerked around in foster homes?

He's clothed well. He plays football and loves it. He's fed. He has a bike and a place to ride it. His dad has a four wheeler that he rides him on (properly helmeted). I've had a lot of dealings with this boy, and he is a good kid, and seems happy. The church bus comes and picks him up every Wednesday. His parents don't take him, but at least he goes that way. So his life isn't perfect, but whose is?

I won't be turning him in because I don't feel like he is in any kind of danger. I will however continue keeping an eye out on him in the mornings as I always do, even when my kids aren't riding the bus, like this morning, to make sure he gets on safely. I'm just not as trusting as some people are. Pedophiles are everywhere, and I think we have a responsibility to watch over our children at all times to make sure they are always safe. I guess I was just venting more than anything this morning. I can't imagine any parent not seeing their child off safely to school. If nothing else, just simply to say have a nice day and I love you.

By Melanie on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 09:46 pm:

I think you are a very nice neighbor. It's really great that you are willing to look out for him.

By Luvn29 on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 10:10 pm:

Thanks Melanie. I needed to hear that. I was kind of starting to question things a little. You know, whether I was doing the right thing or not...

By Tink on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 11:36 pm:

I also think it's very neighborly of you to look out for the little guy. People are less and less likely to do something as simple as what you've done and it makes a big difference in his mornings. {{{hugs}}}

By Kaye on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 12:14 am:

It is nice of you to do that for him. I have been on both sides. I had a couple of years in my life that I didn't see my child to school, a neighbor always did it. I felt guilty, but it is how my life was. Now I do it for a neighbor. My neighbor kid is a 6th grader, he gets himself out of bed (he is home alone) dressed breakfast made, lunch together, takes the trash out and does music practice. Sits out at the bus stop for 30 minutes prior to the bus getting there, so he won't miss it. On rainy days, I snag him in my van for awhile, I also have dropped a coat off for him, because I thought he was underdressed. And days like today he came over as soon as school was out, 4:30 and his sister came by to tell him they were home at 8:15. I feel like I have an extra child, good thing he is a good kid. But as I said, I have needed help too. My neighbor works, so it is an easy to see issue. I did not, it wasn't that I was lazy, but battling some serious depression. There is a fine line.

By Crystal915 on Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 01:26 am:

Honestly, I'm a night owl, and there are times my kids will wake up and be playing in their room while I'm still in bed. (Go ahead, I know that's going to get some of you upset!!) However, they are not school age, and if this mother is consistantly doing this, it deserves some attention. Can you talk to her? I know that seems uncomfortable, but I'd be more inclined to talk to her first before calling CPS or the school for involvement. Maybe there is something going on you are not aware of. Not excusing it, but just saying you might want to talk to her. If it continues, then maybe call someone about it. I know there were times I was unaware of school delays and waited out for a while before walking to my Aunt's (cutting through the woods, we lived in the country!!) house, thinking I missed the bus, because my mom left for work before I went to school, and my dad worked shift work. Of course, with the mom not working that isn't the case, but who really knows.